32 Productions Presents…

32 Productions Presents…

A Teen Titan Fan FictionThe Teen Titans in…

"Meeting the Parents"

Chapter One

Azarath

Azarath had been destroyed, this is true…yet somehow it was still possible to visit it. Perhaps Azarath is now simply a state of mind. Perhaps, much like Earth itself, the other dimension had repaired itself after Trigon's defeat. Who was to say? Raven had tried asking and nobody would tell her. Stupid monks and their mysterious ways… Raven was snapped out of her thoughts by the clearing of a throat. She glanced up at the bemused woman before her. It was her mother, naturally. She had little reason to return to Azarath besides that. She had no friends in Azarath, she wasn't allowed to have them. Her mother wasn't even allowed to talk to her for the longest time. It was…an awkward relationship to be sure. In fact, it was that very reason that she was so late with what she was planning to do.

Raven: Um…happy belated Mother's Day.

Raven's voice was filled with the usual discomfort she felt when she spoke to her mother. It was hard…accepting that there was someone who loved her unconditionally…who had loved her since before Raven had any real thoughts in her mind. Not before her birth, mind you. No, Raven was certain her mother despised her at that point…but afterwards, yes. For her part, Arella took Raven's behavior in stride, seeming almost amused by her efforts. Strange…Raven felt that she would act the same way. Obviously she had inherited more then just the physical aspects from Arella. In any case, Raven handed her a small box, covered in wrapping paper. The paper was plain; a simple blue coloring, no patterns at all. Arella took the box, smiling. It was never a big smile either. Not like Starfire's beaming grins. Just a tiny smile that spoke volumes somehow.

Arella: Thank you, Raven. I'm touched you bothered this year.

Raven: Things are noticeably different, A…Mother.

Raven was use to addressing Arella by name. It was to serve as another means of preventing emotional attachment on either of their parts. Now it no longer mattered. Arella nodded in response to her curt comment and removed the wrapping paper, then opening the box. Inside was a comb. It was, however, not just some plastic comb. Rather it seemed to be made of…

Arella: Is this silver?

Raven: (muttering) No. It's platinum. I thought that…you know, you have long hair and…well… (normal) I…I know it's an odd gift. I can take it back if you want.

Arella: No, no. I love it. It's very beautiful. Though I don't think it was meant to actually be used.

Raven sighed, shaking her head.

Raven: I told Shade that, but he insisted that no one would make a comb you didn't comb with.

Arella: Who?

Crap.

Raven: Uh…well, he's…uh…one of my teammates. Yeah. Named Shade.

Another smile tugged at Arella's lips.

Arella: You're blushing, Raven.

She pulled her hood up. Double crap.

Raven: I am not.

Arella: Raven, believe it or not, I was once a teenager. I know that stammer. He's your boyfriend, isn't he?

Triple frickin' crap. Raven rubbed her arm nervously.

Raven: (mumbling) Yes, Mother.

Arella: A nice boy, I hope.

Raven: (mumbling still) Depends on who you are.

Arella: How long have you been with him?

Raven: (mumbling) Almost a year…I think.

Time flies, you know. Arella's expression darkened slightly.

Arella: He hasn't tried to…

Raven: No! He wouldn't DO that!

Her outburst caught Arella by surprise. Raven was offended that she would even suggest that. As one might expect, Arella was a bit…wary of men. When your partner suddenly morphs into an image of pure evil given flesh, it tends to leave a mark on the psyche.

Arella: You feel rather strongly for him, I see.

Raven: …yes.

Arella clasped her hands together.

Arella: Alright then. I want to meet him.

Quadruple fing crap!

:CUE THEME:

Azarath Still

Raven's jaw hung open in surprise. Arella shrugged.

Arella: Together for a year? I think I'm entitled to meet him, don't you think?

Raven: B…but he…um…well, you see…

Think, Raven…THINK! Raven closed her eyes.

Raven: Help me, you dolts! THINK!

Pink: I wish we had a pony.

Raven wished she had a taser to shock that thought out of her brain.

Raven: Not helping!

Gray: Just give up…she's your mom. You can't say no to your mom.

Green: The hell she can't! Stand up to her, dammit! It's your life!

Red: Tear off her legs and cram them down her throat!

Raven winced.

Raven: How would THAT help?!

Red: Help? …uh…well, she…I just don't like her, damn it all! I don't like anyone! Pink, get my cloak out of your mrfing mouth!

Raven: Yellow, PLEASE!

Yellow: He IS injured.

And he was. He still hadn't healed from the beating Beast Boy gave him under the influence of that alien.

Raven: I would, Mother, but he wouldn't exactly be talkative. His jaw is wired shut. It got broken not long ago and he's still healing up.
Arella: I see. Must be hard to talk with him.

Raven: Oh, not really. We have a mental link that…damnation, you tricked me!

Raven realized that as soon as that smile returned to her mother's face. Raven sighed.

Raven: Alright, alright. …I'll bring him in maybe…three days.

Arella: Excellent. I'll make apple sauce for him.

Raven grumbled. Now her mother was trying to be funny.

Raven: …add cinnamon. He's sick of the plain stuff.

Arella: Now, I want to hear all about him.

Of course she did. Raven was up to sextuple crap by now.

Raven: …well…he's…um…different.

Arella: Different. Everyone's different, Raven. I'm different, your different…

Raven: I mean more like MY kind of different then compared to yours, Mother. There are degrees of different. He and I are on the further end of the spectrum.

Arella: How'd you meet?

Raven: He was hunting for his psychopathic sister.

Arella: I'm not liking how this is starting.

Raven: He's a good person, Mother! He just has…issues.

Titan Tower: Main Room

Shade forced the hotdog against his teeth again, trying to get it to somehow pass between his teeth like a strainer. Sonovabitch! He wanted MEAT, damn it! Hmm…maybe if he… About five minutes later, Cyborg entered and found the walls covered in…something. Shade was also covered…in fact, he had more then the walls on him.

Cyborg: …oookay. What happened?

Sighing, Shade held up the hotdog pack and pointed to the blender. Cyborg smacked himself in the forehead.

Cyborg: Okay…I'm not going to ask why you put hotdogs in the blender…but you got to put the lid on it, man.

Shade: Reres a rid?!

It's hard to talk when your jaw is wired shut. I guess that goes without saying, doesn't it? Cyborg rolled his eye (the other one doesn't roll, it being a red lens and all).

Cyborg: You're cleaning this up, you know.

Shade hung his head. Yes, the instant it started to spray in every direction, Shade knew he'd be cleaning for a while.

Cyborg: Sponge is under the sink.

Cyborg decided he'd rather not be in the room while he was cleaning, so he left. Shade groaned. He hated cleaning. …so he created shadows to do it for him. See? He's not a COMPLETE idiot!

Raven's Room

Raven reappeared in her room. Since Azarath's return, the process of going there had become a lot less metaphysical and a lot more normal…physical. Since she was born in Azarath (though technically NOT an Azarathian since her mother was from Gotham) her body was in tuned to it. She could easily travel from one dimension to another through sheer will. In theory, she should be able to transport others as well. I mean, if she couldn't, how would she have gotten the present over? Or her clothes? Sighing, Raven unfolded her legs and stepped outside her room. She would check the main room first, then Shade's room. …obviously she was looking for him. Starfire floated up next to her.

Starfire: Raven, you have returned from your home dimension! How was your visit with your mother?

Raven: Awkward. I let it slip that I'm dating. Now she wants to meet Shade.

Starfire shrugged, landing and keeping step with Raven as she walked.

Starfire: What is so bad about that?

Raven: Starfire, trust me. You wouldn't want to meet Robin's dad. Shade isn't going to…

Starfire: Raven!

She lowered her voice, looking upset.

Starfire: Robin's parents have passed on, you are aware of this.

Raven: Yes. I am. In fact, I knew before you did. Tha…

Starfire: WHAT?! How is it that…?

Raven: Starfire, calm down. I was in his head, remember? I saw things. Anyway, I'm not talking about his biological father. I'm talking about Batman.

Starfire stepped in front of Raven, hands on her hips.

Starfire: And why, pray tell, would I not wish to meet him?

Raven: He's the Batman. That's why. Dressed like a bat, for absolutely no reason at all…that's just a sign of a lack of sanity, Starfire. Think about it. If you dress like an animal, you're either in possession of power similar TO that animal…or you're nuts.

Starfire wasn't happy about hearing this. Granted, she never met the Batman, but she was sure he was a fine man! After all, Robin turned out so well, didn't he? Not a single problem (cough cough, obsessive, cough). Starfire huffed.

Starfire: Very well. I shall prove you are mistaken, Raven.

Raven: …er…about what, exactly?

Starfire: That I would not want to meet the Batman.

Raven: I think the act of saying you DO already does prove me wrong.

Starfire: …oh. Yes, it does…

Starfire thought a moment.

Starfire: Very well, I wish to prove that I am simply not saying that I would like to meet him.

Raven: Ah. Well, that makes more sense. Well, alright…but don't say I didn't warn you. I've never met the man myself…and I really don't think I want to. He seems a bit too…intense for me.

Raven continued on her way as Starfire went to hunt down Robin. If television and romance novels have taught Starfire anything, it's that meeting the parents is both a humorous and very important part of a relationship.

Main Room

Raven entered the room and paused. All around the room there were shadow tentacles scrubbing the walls, floor, and various furniture. Shade was stretched out on the couch, sipping something…brown. And not chocolate brown either, it was more of a…nasty brown color. Raven's eye twitched. She leaned over the couch and poked his head.

Raven: What in the nine hell's is that your slurping? …you puréed pancakes?! How…how the…WHY the…?!

Taking a deep breath, Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. Take it easy…take it easy. She chuckled softly.

Raven: How do I let myself get so worked up about you? …yeah, you WISH that's what I meant.

Raven scratched behind his ear. It helped to break difficult news to him, you see.

Raven: My mother wants to meet you.

GLURSH! Liquid pancakes flowed out of his mouth. It would shoot out, but it was hard to do that with his jaw wired shut.

Shade: Wha?!

Raven: Don't try and talk, dummy. Yes, she wants to meet you…and she is. In three days.

Raven walked around and sat next to Shade on the couch.

Raven: You better be on your BEST behavior, you understand? I want Mother to see that you're not some pig. She has…issues with males, as you might expect. …I should punch you for asking me that. …okay, I can't stand it. Give me a sip of that.

Shrugging, Shade let Raven sip from his cup of liquid pancake. Raven smacked her lips, a thoughtful expression on her face.

Raven: …hmm. That's…actually pretty good. Butter and maple syrup too? …well, yes I suppose that is what pancakes are. It does? I didn't know that. …well, alright…but once it's off, be careful. Stick to soft foods, okay?

Shade had just told her his jaw wiring was coming off in two days. She was concerned about him, as a good girlfriend would be of her boyfriend, hence the advice…but there was a part of her that wasn't pleased about it coming off. For if it came off, then Shade would be able to speak. And when Shade speaks…he has a tendency to shove his foot deep into his mouth. …hell, into his stomach lining. Oh well. At least Raven was used to it by now. Hmm. Raven decided to inform her mother that Shade would be sans wire when he showed up. He'd be so pissed if he had to eat more apple sauce.

Bathroom

Robin sighed as he washed his hair. Training, as usual, was rough…but it had to be. When you don't have powers, you have to work your ass off. You couldn't let anything slip or else. You have to train until just getting yourself off the floor is a strain. It's not easy, nor would it ever…

Starfire: ROBIN!

Robin: GAH!

Robin yelped and grabbed the shower curtain, staying behind it. Starfire looked puzzled by the behavior.

Robin: S…Star, we've talked about this!

Yes, she recalled the "shower's are for one person only" and the "when someone is showering, the whole bathroom is to be considered a 'do not enter' zone" lectures. Still, she shrugged.

Starfire: I recall, but I had assumed that because we are the boyfriend and girlfriend, that such things were no longer a concern.

Robin: Er…that takes a little time, Star.

She pouted, hands on her hips and still floating in the middle of the bathroom.

Starfire: Honestly, you earthlings and your nudity issues. It confounds me.

Starfire leaned on the wall, turning away.

Starfire: I shall not look, but I refuse to leave.

Robin: But…

Starfire: Robin! We are not children. There is nothing to fear from me seeing you in the rough.

Robin: …in the buff.

Starfire: It sounded similar, at least. Nevertheless, my beloved, I am not afraid to see you without clothing, nor am I afraid that you may see me without clothing. Have we not self control? Does my laying eyes upon your body instantly insure that intercourse is to ensue?

Starfire paused in her speech. Robin blinked, realizing he was supposed to answer those questions. He rubbed the back of his head.

Robin: Well…no.

Starfire: Exactly. Then I see no reason for us to be so timid. Can you find fault in my logic?

Well, he had to admit, he couldn't. Sighing, Robin let the curtain go and resumed his shower. Well…if Terra and Beast Boy could fool around three to four times a week (Abandonment issues, plus being turned into a numb statue, equals slight case of nymphomania. As for Beast Boy…well, animals hump a lot), they could look at each other, he guessed.

Robin: No, I guess not. …um…can I ask you something, Starfire?

Starfire: We are being open, are we not?

Robin: Well, it's just…since about two days ago, you've been really…er…

How to put this lightly?

Robin: …agitated.

Yeah, that was good. Starfire raised an eyebrow.

Starfire: Agitated? I? No, you must be imagining things, Richard.

It certainly had NOTHING to do with her discovering that Robin was voted the hottest teen in Jump City by Jumped Magazine. It most certainly had nothing to do with the numerous fan mail caches Starfire discovered in his room while tending to his injuries about four days ago. AND IT MOST CERTAINLY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE GIRLS THEY RESCUED TRIED TO GIVE HIM HER UNDERPANTS IN THANKS! Nope. There was no reason at all for her to be agitated. As for Robin, he was pretty sure he WASN'T imagining it. Oh well. She'll talk when she's ready.

Robin: If you say so. …well, what's up? Why'd you come barging in?

Starfire: Oh, yes. I wish to meet your surrogate father.

There was a huge racket from the shower before the curtain was pulled back, Robin's green eyes wide.

Robin: WHAT?!

Starfire: I introduced you to mine, I believe it only fair. …Galfore is the only thing I have that is close to a father now. Ergo, I feel that I should meet your closest person to a father.

Robin: I don't think that's a good idea…

I mean, he only just recently started talking to Bruce again. After taking the Joker down, Batman gave him a ring to congratulate. Obviously he was just looking for an excuse. Emotions were never the Batman's forte, after all. Starfire crossed her arms.

Starfire: And why not?

Robin: W…well, uh…it's complicated.

Starfire: So is trigonometry, yet I understand that. Please, enlighten me.

…wow, she's been hanging around Raven way too long.

Robin: …alright. But he's probably too busy.

Starfire brightened right away.

Starfire: That is just fine, Robin. So long as I know you tried, I am happy.

And with that she departed. Robin sighed. How did Shade deal with Raven? That was how Raven USUALLY was. At least Starfire was usually a sweet girl. Oh well. Honestly, what were the odds the husk that is Batman would say yes to something like that?

END PART ONE