A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Here is chapter 2, hopefully I didn't make you guys wait too long, but chapter 3 will be up shortly. I'm on a writer's spree for this one.
No lemon in this one, but they are coming, I promise. P
Nobody
...Because I don't have a heart.
Gritting his teeth in frustration, Axel tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep, unable to rest. Everything had piled up on him, too much. After hours, he managed to fall into a shallow, tortured slumber. His past haunted him in his dreams, but Axel was thankful for any sleep he got tonight, and accepted the nightmares as they were.
---
"Let's meet again, in the next life."
"Yeah. I'll be waiting."
"Silly."
Roxas looked at Axel questioningly.
"Just because you have a next life," Axel muttered as he vanished into darkness, leaving the Roxas alone once more to be utterly confused by everything.
---
"Axel?" Roxas shook his boyfriend roughly, his eyes showing only concern. Axel was talking in his sleep, and it was near lunch time and he was still in bed. Axel didn't usually sleep in, he was always the first one up, and it was that fact that had caused Roxas to come rushing over to the older man's house in complete worry, he knew something was wrong with Axel before even Axel himself knew sometimes.
Blinking, trying to regain focus, Axel finally woke up, thanking Roxas silently for interrupting his dream. He didn't like to think of the past. Seeing as it was the next life, his past life should mean nothing to him. At least, that was how he felt.
"Are you okay, you were talking in your sleep…"
"I'm fine." Axel cut Roxas off a little too quickly and gave him an apologetic look, before he swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood up so he could stretch. He had been talking in his sleep? Axel hid his surprise, but inside he was deeply fearful about what he had said, hopefully nothing dangerous, nothing to make Roxas feel bad or anything. He didn't want to drag his boyfriend into his problems.
"Hmm." Axel grinned at Roxas' facial expression, it was classic. The younger boy had gone several shades of red as he realised that Axel was dressed only in his boxers. Axel decided that he should try to lighten up a bit, he didn't want Roxas to worry about him, he didn't want to ruin the blonde's weekend either.
"Umm, sorry, I'll just-"Roxas started as he began to edge towards the small bedroom's door.
"Don't worry about it," Axel cut Roxas off again, but only sighed this time as he pulled on some pants and a loose-fitting shirt. He didn't miss the look on Roxas' face, the way those blue eyes stared at his muscles, and then that hint of disappointment when the beauty was covered up by the thin cloth, and smiled to himself.
"Hey, I'm sorry Roxas, but I have a lot of homework to do. And I can't…" Axel paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Well, you know, I can't really concentrate when you're here. Sorry Roxy, but can we meet up a bit later, err, lunch time?"
Roxas smiled and held up his watch to a shocked Axel.
"Oh my god!" I seriously have to get working. I can't believe I slept so much, Sorry, Roxy, I'm so sorry!" Axel began rushing around the room, trying to find his half-finished assignment he remembered he'd shoved in a draw somewhere. By the time he'd found it, Roxas had left without him realising, and Axel sighed and slumped into the chair by his desk, setting the papers down on the wooden surface. Rubbing his temples in frustration, he would much rather be hanging out with Roxas right now, but his homework was really important, and he was already getting behind, he had a lot of catching up to do. Axel found a pen and got to work, relieved that his mind was off the many things bothering him from this week.
--/ Late that night/--
Axel didn't manage to find the time to spend with his boyfriend today, and he felt terrible about it. Roxas hadn't called him, wither, and it was so late that he was certain Roxas would be in bed, asleep, by now, just like he should be. But he couldn't sleep, his mind refused to let him rest, and the longer he was awake, staring once more at the blank ceiling in the darkness, the more his mind began thinking up morphed thoughts that only increased the bad feelings.
The redhead rolled over, his pillow damp with fresh tears. He couldn't believe he was crying, he never cried, ever. But he couldn't take it anymore. Those girls, they picked on him because he wasn't good enough, and they knew it. They knew what it did to him, how it tormented him and crushed him, made him feel so insignificant, when truly they were the insignificant ones.
At least they aren't Nobodies. At least they truly exist, truly feel, truly belong.
Again, Axel tossed and turned, the sheets tangling in a thick knot around his bare legs. He felt a longing, a strange, sinister longing. It scared him. Without thinking, Axel detangled himself and got up from his lonely bed, staring at his figure in the full-length mirror at the other end of the room. His intense, wide green eyes stared back at him. They were somewhat intimidating, and he felt as if this wasn't him at all, like he was staring at someone he didn't know.
"Who are you?"
What? Was he going insane? Axel mentally slapped himself; he couldn't believe he was talking to himself. The last time he had felt this shit was back when Roxas had had his memory wiped, when he had left him, the organization, placed in a fake world, given a fake identity. Axel had felt so bad then, because he hadn't been able to do anything about it, he couldn't save the one he loved. And now, he figured out why. It was because he wasn't good enough.
Someone without a heart does not have the right to try and share it, when it does not exist, with another.
"I am nobody."
The figure in the mirror started to shake, uncontrollably. Axel couldn't stop it, it wasn't him. It wasn't his reflection; they weren't his eyes, not his hair, not his unique tattoos, not even his personality. An expressionless, pale, internally scarred face reflected back at him. Haunting, glazed-over eyes stared back at him. A motionless figure, like it was frozen it time, like it had no way of moving forward. Axel had to let his frustration out, he had to…
"I can't recognize myself anymore."
The figure began to move, time was working again. Both relief and fear washed over him. Yes, he was scared of himself, he couldn't control what he was doing, but in the same way he wanted this. He knew already what was coming.
The bedroom door creaked as it opened, but Axel ignored the noise, instead letting himself be once again swallowed by the eerie silence of night, by a haunting feeling of solitude, yet at the same time he felt as if he was being watched, by someone that was him, but at the same time was someone completely different, someone he failed to identify.
Axel made his way down the dark hall, wandering into the living room and picking up something that reflected the moonlight off its surface, showing off jagged-sharp ridges. Axel grasped the pocket knife in his hand, he turned, and he ran back down the hallway towards his empty room.
The door creaked again as it was closed. Axel stared at the figure that was not him in the mirror, studying the blade, even pricking his finger to make sure it was sharp. Blood fell, stained the hardwood floor. But it wasn't enough. He needed more, he didn't deserve to truly feel, he only deserved pain.
"One."
Axel gasped, his eyes widening at the sensation as the blade slit down his left wrist, cutting it cleanly. He stared as the blood started to swell at the cut, as it dripped, slowly, to the floor. The thick liquid soon stopped, however, the blood clotting up the wound so it no longer bled, no longer cried. It wasn't enough. He needed more.
"Two."
Another cut was made, deeper this time. Drip, drip, as the blood splattered across the floor. Axel cried softly into the night, some twisted part inside of him loved this. His sot sobbing turned into sharp cackles of obscene laughter, but it wasn't his voice. Some twisted part inside of him made him crave more. It wasn't enough. He needed more.
"Three."
This next cut was so deep Axel felt a pang of fear inside of him when he saw how close he had been to severing a vital vein. He didn't want to die, he just wanted to feel. This was the only way he deserved to truly feel. Blood lay in a dark pool at his feet, but Axel felt himself moaning slightly. It wasn't enough. He needed more.
"Four."
Axel couldn't hold it in any longer, a long, loud moan of twisted pleasure echoed in the too-quiet room. Axel fell to his knees, ignoring the wet feeling of blood against his legs as he panted, his knuckles white as he gripped the pocket knife like it was his life, like he would die without it. It wasn't enough. He needed more.
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A/N: Another cliffhanger, sorry, but cliffhangers are the perfect motivation for me. Plus, they (hopefully) keep you guys tuned. Reviews are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.
