AN: I'm still writing on chapter three, and I think this story will probably have a fourth and a fifth before finding its conclusion... we'll have to wait and see what my muse demands from me. Thank you, Mediatorsk, for betaing!
AN2: I live for reviews, so whether you loved it or hated it, I want to know!
Violet feels surprisingly rested as she wakes up snuggled up to her husband. Peering over Pete's sleeping form she vaguely makes out the alarmclock to read 7am. Normally Lucas' cries would have had her up long before that. Reaching over to get her glasses she mumbles, "Why isn't Lucas crying yet?"
"Because he understands that I worked a long shift in the ER last night," comes Pete's tired answer, "and that there's another kid in the house. He's thoughtful, just like his daddy."
Violet gives his shoulder a brief kiss before stumbling out of bed and making the way into Lucas' room across the hall.
"Morning, Booboo," she cooes, picking up one of Lucas' teddybear that has fallen off its shelf sometime during the night. "Rise and shine."
She puts the bear away and walks over to her son's crib. "Morning."
Upon seeing it empty, she feels her heart jump in her body. "Pete!" she cries out, immediately checking everywhere in the room, including the top shelf of the half-open closet. She runs down the corridor, before momentarily stopping and calling out towards the bedroom, "Pete, Lucas is not in his crib!"
She checks every single room on the floor. The upstairs bathroom, her storage closet, her and Pete's home office, before running down the stairs, where Pete is already waiting for her. He motions for her to be quiet before pointing to the livingroom. Betsy is sitting on the couch with her arm around Lucas, who is eagerly pointing at something on the television.
"Bah!" the boy comments, smiling.
Betsy turns around to see them watching her and explains, "My daddy and I used to watch cartoons together. Thought maybe Lucas would like them."
Feeling the relief and the adorableness of the moment getting to her, Violet grins at Pete, who smiles in return and wraps his arm around her. Her heart is still beating a mile a minute from the panic, but slowly both her breathing and heartbeat returns to normal. Pete kisses the top of her head. "Want me to start on breakfast?"
Violet nods against his chest. "Could you take Lucas, too? I have to talk to Betsy."
Pete releases her from the embrace and drops to his knees next to the couch. "Hey, big man. Time for breakfast." He picks Lucas up and carries him with him to the kitchen. Betsy turns and looks at Violet, it's obvious the child has picked up on something being wrong.
Violet takes a seat next to Betsy on the couch, resting her left arm over the backrest as she turns to the girl. "Listen, I think it's great that you wanted to share something so special with Lucas. I'm sure he appreciated it..." The girl looks at Violet with big eyes and Violet bites her lip, trying to find the appropriate words to explain. "But, see, when Lucas isn't in his crib when I wake up, I get so very scared. Because he's just a little baby, he can't look after himself the way the rest of us can. And I get scared that he might hurt himself, because I don't know who's watching him. Do you understand?"
Betsy nods, slowly.
"I understand that you're a big girl, Betsy. That he'll be safe when he's with you. But the next time you want to look after him, like this, do you think you could come and wake me first? So that I'll know that you are taking care of him? Do you think you can do that?" The girl nods, and Violet gently pulls her into a hug. "Are you hungry?" Betsy nods. "Then let's see what Pete has made for us."
Sheldon's words still makes her want to clench her fist when Violet makes her first stop of the day by Amelia's office, where Betsy's set up with paper and crayons. Part of her feels angered about the indication that she could be either damaging or inadequate to help Betsy through whatever issues she will have coming up. Another part has taken a dislike to Sheldon's suggestion that the poor child could develop behavioural problems so severe she could end up hurting Lucas. Right now Violet has trouble understanding how she was ever attracted to the man.
Betsy is completely engrossed in her drawing, which looks to be one of her and Lucas walking in Violet's livingroom. How Sheldon can speak so warmly about a system which is more known for the kids it screws up than the ones it helps, it's baffling to her. It's not that Violet expects sunshine and daisies, taking Betsy in. She knows that Betsy is careful and polite at the moment, that it will take a while before she feels safe enough to express all the pent up anger and frustration she has with losing both her parents and her aunt walking out on her before her very own eyes.
Violet hopes that once Betsy feels secure and settled, that she will feel comfortable confiding in her. It will probably take some time, as Violet suspects it was Betsy's first real tantrum that made her aunt Monica decide to bail instead of toughen it out and understand that the child was simply expressing the pain she has inside.
Betsy looks up to see Violet observing her. "Could we play in the yard today?"
"Sure," Violet nods. "Lucas likes the yard."
"Do you have a swing set?" Betsy asks, and Violet realizes she forgot to show Betsy the yard when she did the imprompto tour of the house.
"It's too small for that, sweetie," Violet says apologetically. "But maybe this weekend we could go to the park or something. Does that sound good?"
Betsy nods. "I like the swings."
Violet heads by Amelia's office after her second patient to see if Betsy would like a snack. When Betsy is nowhere to be found, Violet first thinks the girl has just run to the bathroom, however when she reaches kitchen she spots her standing next to the table, holding big bottle of juice. There's a big spillage around the glass, which given the size of the girl and the sheer weight of the juice container is not so surprising. Betsy turns and looks at Violet. The guilt and fear she reads in the poor girl's eyes is enough to break her heart. To see Betsy so terrified of making a single wrong move... it's enough to make Violet rethink the reason aunt Monica turned on her heel.
She can't bear Betsy thinking that one little thing is enough for someone to walk out of her life. She needs to show the child that accidents are just accidents, that it's okay. She quickly steps around the child and heads for the fridge. She takes out a bottle of soda and proceeds to empty its whole content onto the floor. Betsy jumps back in surprise and looks at the pool of soda with raised brows. When she looks up, Violet is smiling at her, and she visibly lowers her shoulders and smiles back.
It's not enough for Violet, so she reaches into the fridge once more, this time retrieving a much bigger bottle. Betsy's jaw drops and there's a spark of excitement in her face in anticipation that Violet will also pour this bottle's content onto the ground. Violet literally shakes things up by shaking the bottle instead. Betsy quietly giggles as she watches her new caretaker putting all her strength into it. She squeals in delight when Violet unscrews the cork, the soda spray soaking her blouse.
Betsy's joyous laughter is infectious and Violet laughs as she asks, "Do you wanna try?" The girl nods eagerly and Violet retrieves yet another bottle from the fridge. A smaller one this time, given Betsy's limited size and strength. The child vigorously shakes the bottle and Violet eagerly helps. There's another roar of laughter as half the bottle's content is sprayed onto their clothes, and Betsy eagerly empties the other half onto the floor.
Violet makes a finishing statement by sitting down in the pool of soda the two of them have just created and pats the wet patch next to her. Betsy follows her cue and sits down next to her, the whole time peering at Violet with admiration in her eyes. Throwing her arms around the adult, the child exclaims, "Can I stay with you forever?"
A myriad of emotions go through Violet as she looks up to see both Pete and Cooper gazing at them. She spots the uncertainty in Pete's eyes, but prays it's something she can put to rest. It's only the second day and she already feels attached to this girl. She realizes part of it is probably because she can so easily can see parallels between Betsy's aunt abandoning her, and what she herself did to her own child just a year ago. But it has to be more than that. Betsy needs someone who can take care of her, someone who can keep her from ending up another child lost in the system.
Violet is trying to get some work done, but all her mind can seem to focus on are the things Pete said, or more importantly, what Pete didn't say to her. In a way she can understand where his concern comes from. He saw her run away from her own child, so she can't exactly blame him for worrying. But it hurts that he's holding things back as if he thinks she can't handle it.
The moment she sees Cooper in her doorway, she can just tell. Pete chose to confide in her best friend rather than being upfront with her.
"Gonna adopt Betsy?" he asks and gives her that look she knows so well, the look that tells her she's being irrational.
She turns away and shakes her head.
"Look, I'm trying to separate out my feelings for Betsy from my professional judgement." Cooper plops down next to her on the couch, and she puts her pad down, realizing that attempting to work with her head so full of thoughts is futile. "And I know, I know the reason I'm having such a hard time letting this go is 'cause it's my do-over. Last year I was Aunt Monica."
"Oh, you're not Aunt Monica. You can handle this."
At least her best friend still seems to believe in her.
"Which is why I should, don't you think?" she asks, to which Cooper sighs. "Oh, go on, say it. Lord knows Pete isn't..."
He calmly looks at her. "I think you can do this... but I don't know if Pete can. He just got you back. Just got married. Cut him some slack."
She realizes that Cooper has a point. Taking Betsy in would mean adding a lot of complications to a relationship which is finally getting back on track. But her mind just can't stop thinking about what will become of the girl if they don't keep her. "Well, if we don't take Betsy, where is she gonna go?"
"We will find her somewhere..." Cooper promises.
"We need to find her someone," Violet corrects.
"We will."
Cooper seems so certain, while Violet just can't seem to let go. "I don't know, Cooper, I don't know... What if..." She leans back into Cooper's open arms. "What if I'm supposed to help Betsy, to make up for what I did to Lucas?"
"Your do-over is not with Betsy, it's with Lucas..."
The words from both Pete and Cooper haunt her that afternoon as she watches Betsy playing with Lucas. Betsy seems to have invented a game of tag that Lucas can play as well, which involves both kids crawling through the grass, getting plenty of grass stains on their clothes in the process. The boy giggles loudly as he attempts to chase the girl. He doesn't quite get the concept on when he's supposed to chase her and when he's supposed to crawl away, but both kids seem to have fun nonetheless.
Violet thinks about the times she saw Betsy with Dell. She always seemed like such a bright and happy kid, despite her mother's unfortunate circumstances. Violet believes that with some serious help and support, Betsy could be that kid again, for real. And although she desperately wants to be the one to do that for Betsy, she doesn't have to be.
What matters the most to her is that someone will be there, someone will save her from the uncertainty and potential harm she would be facing, placed in the foster care system. Violet knows all too well what becomes of children, especially older children, who are placed there. There are, of course, a few happy fates, kids who end up in the right home right away. But a lot more of them will find themselves being bounced between foster and group homes; some unlucky ones will even be abused.
Her gaze drift to her own son. If it had been Lucas, Violet would like to think someone would step up, but what if that is what Dell believed? What if Dell spent every last second with Betsy in his arms, believing she would be okay? That she would be cared for? Dell was like her, a victim, and his daughter was his entire life. His one and only desire was keeping her safe.
Both Lucas and Betsy are in bed by the time Pete gets home. Violet's spent the better part of the past hour crying over Dell, and the hopeless situation with Betsy. She hears Pete dropping the keys on the table and turns her head to visually acknowledge his presence.
"Cooper already talked to me," she informs him, turning away.
Pete takes a seat on the footstool next to the couch. "I just asked his opinion, I didn't ask him to..."
"No, you didn't," she interrupts. "But you kinda did. He made the point, Pete."
"I wanted to talk to you. I did. But things have been so good between us. I just didn't want to risk..."
"Cooper is not my husband," she points out, turning her head towards him, again. "This tip-toeing around me is not gonna work, you know? We're in this, we're not going anywhere. We need to be able to get mad and fight, and know that we'll get through whatever we need to get through..."
Pete nods. He gets it. The lack of proper communication was partly what did them in last time. Of course, it didn't help that she was dealing with a severe trauma at the time that left her completely unable to care for their son. But had she let him in, let him know all those horrible things that were gnawing at her, then maybe things wouldn't have escalated to the points they did. Maybe she wouldn't have had to miss the entire first year of her child's life.
She can't take that back, the time she missed out on with her child, and she realizes that whatever time and energy she spends on Betsy is not going to make up for it. But it's not absolvation that fuels her desire to help Betsy.
"You need to know that I'm fine... I really am."
Pete nods, and smiles. "You are," he agrees.
"I know that we need time... But you need to know, that I don't need to be Betsy's savior. I just need her to be saved, to be cared for by someone who knows her, knows her story, knew her father. I know you don't want to adopt her, and if someone else steps up, I don't need to, either. I believe we could be good for her. I belive we have the resources to be the sort of parents she needs. I believe she could be a part of our family. If someone else steps up, then I can let go, but I'm not so sure I can if no one does. What if it was Lucas, Pete? What if he all of a sudden became alone in the world, and no one stepped up?"
Pete moves over to the couch and wraps his arms around her, an embrace she welcomes, an embrace she leans into.
"I miss Dell," Violet sobs. "I watched him that night, with Betsy. The only thing he cared about was her, that she would be okay, that she would be cared for. She won't be if she ends up in the system..."
Pete sighs. "If she truly has no one else... then we'll take her."
"We'll ask everyone," Violet promises. "We'll plead."
