Chapter II: Jar Jar Binks
(Note: Any spelling errors made in Jar Jar's dialogue are totally intentional. The mistakes besides his dialogue are not.)
"Oh god, this is going to be the end of me", Qui Gon thought to himself.
Just seconds ago, he had saved a gungan creature from being run over by a large federation ship, invading the planet Naboo. He was walking back over to his padawan, when he decided to talk to the retarded creature.
"You almost got us killed, are you brainless?!"
The creature replied, "I spek."
Right from there is when Qui Gon knew that saving him was a huge mistake. If he couldn't even pronounce "speak" right, it would take more Jedi instinct than he had to put up with him.
"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent, now get out of here", Qui Gon said to him, still walking.
The creature (unfortunately) responded, "No, no, mesa say... mesa called Jar Jar Binks! mesa your humble servant!"
Qui Gon cringed. "Note to self: Never save anything again. Ever", he thought.
"That won't be necessary."
"Oh, but it is! Tis commanded by de gods it is!"
(One boring and unsuspenseful droid attack that the author's too lazy to describe later)
"You saved my again!", Jar Jar said to Qui Gon.
"Oh crap, why the hell did i just do that?!"
It was then that his padawan, Obi Wan, noticed Jar Jar. "What's this?", he asked.
Qui Gon reluctantly replied, "A local. Now let's get out of here before more droids show up."
As the started to get away from Jar Jar, he continued to bitch and moan about the droids. "Mor? More did you say?!"
Qui Gon was two seconds away from cracking. And by the look on Obi Wan's face, he wasn't far from breaking down either.
"Exqueeze me, but de-"
That did it for Qui Gon. If he couldn't even pronounce "Excuse" right, clearly this wasn't worth his time. He stopped walking, and so did Jar Jar and Obi Wan.
"I-I'm sorry, both of you. But I ... I just cannot continue our journey like this. This is just WAY too much for me to handle."
Jar Jar seemed confused. "Hmm? But Meesa was gonna tew yousa dat-"
Suddenly, Obi Wan broke as well. In the middle of Jar Jar's sentence, he took out his lightsaber, turned it on, and stuck it right through Jar Jar's stomach. He screamed from the pain, but this only made Obi Wan want to continue.
"Master, now! Slice his head off!"
Qui Gon agreed. He did the same as Obi Wan did, turned his lightsaber on, and ran it across the width of the gungan's neck. In an instant, Jar Jar's screaming ceased as his severed head flew off from the body and onto the muddy ground, where it belonged.
After a brief silence and catching their breath, the two Jedi turned their lightsabers of and faced each other as the body also fell to the ground.
"Well, we did the right thing, my young padawan."
Obi Wan replied, "With your help, master."
Qui Gon smiled at him. "Because of this, Obi Wan, I can see you being a far greater Jedi than anyone on the high council right now."
As Qui Gon said this, Obi Wan began to look down at the severed head, and a sly smile grew onto his face.
"Master?", he said.
"Yes Obi Wan?"
"I can't shake the feeling that I've just done the galaxy an enormous favor. What about you?"
Qui Gon thought for a moment. "You know I feel it too. It's as if we've just save the entire galaxy by killing the gungan."
After a brief silence, Obi Wan said, "Oh well. Come on, I sense a place where we can get a transport not far from here."
"Good. The last thing we need now is for any more of this gungan crap to show up near us...
