Disclaimer: No rights to RENT again… well, maybe next year, or when?
Notes: This chapter parodies the Tango: Maureen with the TV: Show Glee. It's more Idina-centric than Glee-centric, so you don't need to know much about Glee to understand it. (I'm assuming people know Idina was on Glee.) I'm super inspired since I just finished watching RENT: Filmed Live on Broadway (which was absolutely in amazing, especially compared to the movie). Of course, it made me realize anymore that my work paled in comparison, but even Jonathan Larson started somewhere, right?
Scene Two: TV: Show Glee
(The mileage on Mark's bicycle is really bad, so by the time he arrives at the cast party, he finds that it's long over. A DJ stand is being set up for the next event by a black woman who looks strikingly familiar…)
Joanne: MARK?
Mark: AIIIEEE! *coughs* I said, hi?
Joanne: What are you doing here?
Mark: Um… cast reunion?
Joanne (dubiously): Yeah, right.
(Mark's cell phone rings.)
Mark's Answering Machine: SPEAK!
Roger's Voice: Um… it's me… some strip dancer broke into our apartment…
Mark (muttered): Why am I always gone when these things happen?
Roger's Voice: And, uh, so, there's this cast reunion revival thingy we're all supposed to perform in, so… GAH! SHE'S WRITING SOMETHING ON OUR WINDOW! HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF TEXTING, WOMAN? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU- Beep.
Joanne (skeptically): Cast reunion?
Mark: *folds arms* Told ya. What are you doing here?
Joanne: Stage managing or something.
Mark: *stares*
Joanne: Well, I didn't go to Harvard for nothing, did I?
Mark: That's Maureen!
Joanne: Yeah, I thought so too at first, but turns out, I'm actually quite good at it…
Mark: No, on TV- that's MAUREEN!
(Mark points to a conveniently placed television, where Maureen is in the process of passionately kissing some choir teacher- a Broadway veteran by the name of Will Schuster.)
Mark and Joanne: *stares*
Joanne: This is weird…
Mark: It's weird…
Joanne: Very weird…
Mark: Eff my life!
(He accidentally trips on the DJ stand and hits the play button. A strangely familiar tune starts playing…)
Joanne:
I'm fine with shows like Fame,
Just on cable!
Mark:
It ruins Broadway!
To compete
With TV's?
Joanne (glum):
Rest, RENT, in peace!
Mark (desperate):
While Maureen gets cash.
(They brood.)
Joanne:
That's Maureen!
Mark:
On Glee.
Joanne:
How could she?
Mark:
*Censored jeers!*
Joanne (on a rant):
I'm so mad!
I'm alone while she's with Schue!
Playing with auto-tune,
Singing "Over the Moon,"
And in Hollywood, snogging some dude!
Mark:
Well, you shouldn't complain!
I'm a guy; she chose Taye!
And lip-syncing
While Gleeking
On TV!
Joanne:
Well, I'm flattered, but Rapp-
Mark:
Freddi, this show is whack!
It's called
The TV show Glee.
The TV show Glee!
Lame show arcs, Rachel Berry renowned.
Those Gleek freaks, they sang things!
Joanne (irritated):
Pop songs.
Mark:
Top charts, they are breaking!
Joanne:
Folks hate RENT, but Glee…
Mark:
And they toss all young jerks
In this show while us nerds
Have to earn while the turnout goes down.
Joanne:
I think this show needs to cease!
Both:
The TV show Glee!
Mark:
'Cause they never write their own hits,
They steal their… music.
Joanne:
Clever!
Mark:
And they never stop at kiss or two…
Joanne:
Oh, shit- Maureen!
Maureen moons, so the audience adores…
Mark:
They all pine!
She's the "hot chick!"
Joanne:
While I'm tuned out by all the boys…
Mark:
And she whines!
Joanne:
And yet she got rich!
(Their eyes meet…)
Joanne: No. Way. Just because I'm left with her scraps doesn't mean I need to pick them up.
Mark: Actually, you drop me. Oh, wait, I forgot, you were too old to be in the movie…
Joanne: *steps forward to reveal her high heels* Bring it, baby!
(They start to awkwardly tango in a way that makes it seem more like they're having a catfight.)
Mark: Where'd you learn how to dance?
Joanne: I majored while in Harvard Law, obviously. And you?
Mark: Um… Scene Twenty-Three, on a dinner table at the Life Café. *runs into wall* Gah! It's hard to do this backwards!
Joanne: Suck it up.
Joanne:
She gleeked it!
Mark:
With freak kids!
Joanne:
Maureen gleeked it!
Mark:
Sucky pop hits!
Joanne:
Time to beat it!
Who could live up? Bye, ciao!
Mark:
God, she took every limelight
Without any fight.
Joanne:
I'd snog or I'd kill her right now!
Both:
With your pants, underpants,
You call that romance?
She'll get an advance, and you'll bawl!
Mark:
And you'll sink into hell.
Joanne:
While her dang show does well!
Both:
'Cause Glee roles have fame overhauls.
The TV show Glee!
Drop your pants to get teens all to view!
In the end, Justin Bieber
Is such an over-achiever!
'Cause the trends for the young
Will spew wads of income
'Cause they'd hung over drugs, sex, and nudes!
Mark:
Why'd she corrupt our TV?
Joanne:
And cheat our virginity?
Mark (cried):
You too?
Joanne:
*stares*
Mark (totally lying):
Pysch!
Joanne:
Like on Glee…
(The echoes sound like "he, he, he…" which can either be interpreted as laughter or every single guy Maureen's ever slept with. Gulping, Mark and Joanne check out Mr. Schue.)
Mark (accidentally-out-loud): Am I supposed to be straight in this?
Joanne (not listening): Am I…? *realizes what Mark said* Wait a sec…
(They breathe deeply in time for one last lament…)
Both:
The TV show Glee!
(Suddenly, they realize they hate each other.)
Joanne: Ew! Why am I dancing with you? I'm not even straight!
Mark: Me neither! I mean, the ew part… what am I saying?
Joanne (shouting at the TV): STUPID AUTO-TUNE! I'll bet even Mark's documentary gets more views than this junk! The one about his inability to hold an…
Mark (interrupting): Um, yeah, well, only 'cause I used Roger as a model.
Joanne: What's your screen name on YouTube again?
Mark: I thought you were lesbian!
Joanne: And I thought you weren't!
Mark: That doesn't even make sense!
Joanne: Yeah, well, you blaming Idina dumping you for me for Taye for Schue because of Glee doesn't make sense either! It wasn't even invented yet!
Mark: Yeah, well… neither were you!
Joanne: Hey, what did you think of the whole Jesse thing?
Mark: Super hot! He's more of a man than Finn ever will be and more of a woman than… wait a sec…
Joanne: *blinks*
Mark: You watch Glee?
Joanne: You watch it?
Both: BUT IT'S RUINING BROADWAY!
Mark:… and what is with Kurt hitting on his stepbrother?
Joanne: I mean, PUH-LEASE! That's like SO fictionpress WIP!
(They both pout.)
Mark: Humph. I'll bet Idina's jealous of us.
Joanne: Yeah! Even Justin Bieber got himself a crappy guest role on some popular TV show, and do you think he could play a lesbian onstage?
Mark: Well…
Joanne: And why does he always seem to come up when talking about music?
Mark (dreamily): You know, I'll bet Maureen will be at the cast reunion.
Joanne (dreamily): Yeah…
(They both stare longingly at Mark's bike before…)
Both (shouted): SHOTTY!
(They spend the next hour arguing how anyone can sit shotgun on a bike. Mark ends up pushing Joanne on the handle bars while she calls her father back to explain why those poor unwed mothers in Harlem probably wouldn't like her solution of lesbianism anyway.)
So… I love reviews almost as much as I love (fill in a RENT character- even Benny if he's played by Taye Diggs). Any guesses on who's singing what in the next chapter? (Alexa was right last time, wanna go two for two?)
