DeterminedX2 here. Never thought I'd write this pairing, but here we are. Expect more craziness in the future, folks.

Mouth-to-Mouth

SpongeBob sat in the sand at Goo Lagoon. Beside him were little sand sculptures, or in his eyes, the model of his brilliant plan. One of the sand creations was a tall mound with a rock on top. Nearby was a carved dip that the waves had filled with water. Between the two were various miniature sand sculptures and rocks.

He picked up the rock atop the tall mound. "Hello, Bikini Bottom!" SpongeBob said in a deep voice. "I am Larry! Sitting on my lifeguard tower! I'm so big and strong!"

With his other hand, he tossed a small, square pebble into the shallow pool of water. "Oh, no!" he said in his own voice. "I'm drowning! I hope somebody big and strong comes and saves me!"

"I am so I shall save you!" he made the bigger rock say. SpongeBob reached into the water and pulled out the square pebble with the same hand. "Goodness! He's unconscious!" SpongeBob paused to wink. "I must perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"

The sound of a throat clearing caused SpongeBob to freeze. He glanced behind to see two fish staring with confused faces.

"Bahahahaha!" he laughed nervously. "I-I left my Mermaid Man toys at home," he quickly lied.

The fish shook their heads and kept walking.

Rather than risk his oh-so-clever plan —as he thought — he decided to quit procrastinating and carry it out.

He walked into the lagoon. With each step, the water became higher. Eventually he couldn't reach the ground anymore, which was when he launched into a scream.

"Help! Help!" SpongeBob called, trying to put on his best performance. "I'm drowning!"

Back at the beach, Larry heard his cries. "Finally! Someone to save!" he said. He jumped off the lifeguard tower and swam to where SpongeBob was thrashing about. Just as he approached the supposed victim, SpongeBob sank under the water. Larry dived and grabbed him.

The lobster drug him back ashore and tossed him on the ground. SpongeBob wasn't moving. "Stand back, everyone!" said Larry. "I'm gonna have to do CPR!"

'This is it!' thought SpongeBob. He could barely keep up his unconscious charade with so much excitement.

The blow came down hard on SpongeBob's chest. Then just as forcefully as the first, Larry geared up and slammed his claws on SpongeBob a second time. "BREATHE!" he shouted. He raised his arms again, preparing for another painful compression.

"Whoa, I'm alive!" SpongeBob exclaimed, suddenly popping up. He couldn't stand the pain; this was definitely not what he was expecting.

The small crowd that had gathered around cheered for brief moment, then quickly dispersed.


SpongeBob sat, sulking in the sand. He was somewhat watching the volleyball game nearby, but mostly he was brooding about his failed plan.

"Why didn't Larry perform mouth-to-mouth?" he asked out loud.

Scooter just happened to be passing by and heard the sponge's question. "Dude, they did away with that!"

"They did?"

"Yeah, dude! Now it's just, like, those chest hitting things."

SpongeBob watched Scooter walk away, then turned back to the volleyball game. It was Larry's turn to serve. The lobster raised his arm back, but as soon as his claw touched the ball, it popped.

"Whoops."

Both volleyball teams simultaneously turned on him. They became very angry, shouting insults. "That was our only ball, ya jerk!"

SpongeBob watched the scene and got an idea. He formed himself into a ball and called to the crowd, "Hey, guys! You can use me!"

They shrugged off the weirdness of it and accepted his offer. Soon the game was back on. SpongeBob was bounced back and forth over the net. With each volley he said, "Ouch, ouch, ouch …"

During one play, Larry reached up to spike the ball. His claw popped him on impact. SpongeBob deflated like a balloon, and started whizzing around as the air escaped. The crowd's eyes followed his darting motions all around the volley court.

Eventually he landed near the stands. Larry broke away from his team and rushed over. When he arrived, SpongeBob was lying on the ground, shaped like a crumpled piece of trash.

"Sorry about that, dude!" said Larry. SpongeBob didn't respond. " … dude?" Still no response. "Guess I have to blow you back up or something." Larry took a deep breath and then put his lips over SpongeBob's. He breathed deep into the sponge; SpongeBob expanded slightly. Larry repeated the process until SpongeBob was round again. Just as he was nearly his former shape, Larry felt something odd. A tongue.

Larry startled. That wasn't something unconscious people normally do. So he decided to reciprocate with something lifeguards don't normally do either: kiss back.

They were practically making out when the sound of a throat clearing made them pause. Larry turned to see two fish giving them weird stares.

"Uh … I left my normal volleyball at home?"

The fish shook their heads and kept walking.

SpongeBob giggled and whispered to Larry if he would like to do this again sometime. Except, perhaps, a different kind of blowing.