Past is Present
Part Two
During breakfast they got a call from Pam's father—a notebook was found by Chris's parents in his room. It outlined, in diary form, his romance with Pam and how she'd tried to break it off with him, finally leaving the state to find work and adventure. It talked about her getting the job up at Hopeful Farm and her talking about how she was 'seeing' Alec Ramsay and how she'd written Chris that he should move on as well. The first entries went back to their dating in high school:
I think I'm going to ask her today at lunch and maybe she'll finally agree to go to the dance with me. I know she broke up with Snelling so maybe. Jesus, I hope she doesn't laugh at me…
I can't believe it! She's going with me. Me! The prettiest, smartest, nicest girl in the school and she's going to the dance with me.
The dance was amazing. She was the most beautiful girl there—but I knew she would be. We even slow danced…
I watched her ride that horse of hers at the beach. I took pictures and she didn't mind, she even asked me if I'd like to ride with her, sitting right behind her. I could feel her against me and, God, it was incredible…
He skipped a couple of months—
I asked Pam to marry me this afternoon and she looked kind of surprised but said she'd think about it…
She turned me down. Christ! I mean she turned me down and you want to know why? Because she thinks she needs to 'grow up' and wants to 'see things'. Yeah, right…but first she wants to travel around, see the world and all that garbage. Dammit—what's wrong with me? I'm not enough for her? I've been writing her a couple of times a week but she won't answer. Her parents say she's on the road but c'mon…
Pam finally wrote and said she got a job at some fancy horse farm up north. She said she likes it and that the people are all nice. I bet she's found some guy there—some guy who rides or owns lots of fancy horses. I bet she has…
I saw her sister in the store and she was saying that Pam is 'seeing' some famous rich jockey—can you believe it? A damn jockey? What is this guy, a dwarf? A midget? A troll? Aren't they all like four feet tall and weigh like thirty pounds? I wrote to her and said this was stupid and she should come home, enough is enough, right? I mean, I've been pretty patient but c'mon. I'm getting fed up with this. I sent her pictures of flowers I thought she'd like for her bouquet and the table arrangements for the reception and some sample invitations. She didn't say anything so I guess she didn't like them but I'm putting the announcement in the paper so that should help move things along…
She still hasn't answered my last letters…
She married this guy, this Ramsay dwarf. I can't believe she'd do something like this to me, after she promised that we'd be getting married ourselves and even said how much she liked the wedding dress I bought for her and had sent up to that stupid farm. It had to be fitted, right? I know about these things but she sent it back to my parents and asked them to give it to me. And she goes off and elopes with the dwarf? It won't last…take that to the bank. It won't last…
I looked the dwarf up, googled him and I get why she married him—she's going to take him for some huge divorce settlement. He'd got lots of money and all these fancy race horses and is in all kinds of magazines and books and all of that stuff—but Pammy never cared about that stuff so I don't get it. Maybe she just wants to have a fling or something before we tie the knot but, damn—she married this guy…
I keep thinking of ways I can help her get away from him, so he can't ever make her stay with him or make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I keep thinking about them married and how they live together and sleep together and I know that's not what she really wants because she wants me. She told me so…
Chris' journal was frightening and had pages and pages of drawings with imagined tortures detailed involving his revenge against Alec—drawings of burning barns with him tied inside, drawings of horses with broken legs. There were pictures of Alec torn from magazines, cut and mutilated with unspeakable things written across them. The police had been alerted in Chris' hometown and there was now a warrant out for his questioning. And no, he couldn't be arrested until, or if he made a direct threat. The notebook didn't count. The letters Alec had received might if they could be definitely tied to Chris somehow but with no signature, well. Yes, a few had fingerprints but they'd been handled so much that most were obliterated.
Alec was warned to be careful and report anything suspicious immediately.
By lunch the next day Alec was on his way down to JFK Airport to pick up Pam. Having been apart for almost three weeks and still being newlyweds, they raised a few eyebrows and a number of smiles with their greeting at the terminal. She'd seen him before he'd spotted her and flung herself at him at a dead run, her arms and legs all going around him and their mouths glued together for a bit longer than public displays of affection usually allow. Finally parting amid a few snickers from strangers, holding hands, they headed out to the parking lot; she'd come in with just carry on luggage and so the two of them were headed back home quickly. They talked about themselves and what they'd been doing for the first hour of the trip, caught up and finally Pam admitted that Chris had also been sending her notes and letters all along, in addition to the ones he'd been sending to Alec. He'd also been sending her presents like the wedding dress, matching shoes, jewelry, books, CD's and all kinds of things he thought that she might like.
"Pam…?"
"Oh God, I'm sorry, Alec. I thought he was harmless, I really did. I never thought—none of us ever thought he was capable of doing anything really dangerous or this nuts. He was always so, I don't know, gentle. He never hurt anyone. I know he was upset when I broke up with him and when he found out about us but I still didn't think he'd ever actually do…"
"Something like try to set a barn on fire?" Alec gave her a sidelong glance as he drove.
"I didn't think he would."
"What were the letters he wrote you? What did he say in them?"
She was looking out her window at the passing countryside. "About what you'd expect, that he still loved me, that he'd wait for me and that when I realized we were supposed to be together that he'd be there. They were pretty romantic."
Okay, that was too much. "Pam, c'mon. He's romantic?" She just shrugged. "Are you serious?"
"Well it was kind of flattering at first." She saw the look on his face. "At first, anyway. Then it was weird and then it got scary but at first it was kind of…"
"Flattering? Incredible."
"Alec, come on—I didn't think he was dangerous. If I had, you know I would have said something."
Finally, they were at the farm, headed down the driveway. "…I know. None of us saw this coming." He parked the jeep in it's usual spot and leaned over to kiss her before they both got out while Henry was approaching. Alec pulled Pam's bag out of the back seat. "Everything all right here?"
"Everything's quiet but we got another one of those letters and it's got me kind of spooked. You're at the track, the letters go there, you come home and they arrive here. I think you're being watched."
Alec had wondered about the same thing but hadn't said anything, hoping he was wrong. "What did it say?"
"More of the same garbage. I took it over to the police and they're going to increase their patrols in this area but I want everyone to stay on their toes." Henry turned and walked back to the broodmare barn, barely glancing at Pam.
"He blames all this on me. Doesn't he? God, I'm so sorry—I really thought Chris was harmless. Maybe he is; that thing at Belmont may have just been nothing…"
Alec shook his head and carried her bag up to their apartment. "Henry thinks you should have said something when this started but we'll deal with it—we are dealing with it. Does he really think that you're going to leave me so you two can live happily ever after?"
She was getting annoyed—"Yes, I know I should have said something about Chris but I had no reason to think he'd flip out like this. The letters he sent me were just love letters, and he kept saying how much he wanted us to be together and that, well, that he doesn't think you're good enough for me. That was why I'd kept them to myself; I didn't want you to start getting jealous—and you know you would. I love you, that's why I married you. I want to spend my life with you and have our children and I thought you felt the same way."
"You know I do. You know I love you and you know I want us to have kids and all the rest. C'mon, Pam—don't turn this around."
They didn't argue all that often but that night it took them a good two hours to sort themselves out and go to bed without turning their backs to one another.
The feeling around the farm was like waiting for an execution or a battle, not knowing where the attack would come from or what form it would take but knowing it was just a matter of time before something happened. They all tried to behave as normally as possible, extra caution and a sense of dread notwithstanding. Alec and Pam worked the racehorses they had in training like they would normally. Alec dealt with the business end of the farm, arranging matings and answering mail and phone calls like he usually did. Henry watched the young horses, deciding on the best course of training for each one and Alec's parents maintained their normal day to day routine.
A week went by and then a second one passed with no word from Chris. Pam called back to Florida so they knew he hadn't turned up there and his brother in Vermont claimed to not having seen him since last Thanksgiving. Slowly they started to relax, hoping that maybe they were empty threats and that nothing would happen. Everyone was staying close to home and they slept with all the alarms and outdoor lights on, but nothing happened. With any luck Chris had given up.
Okay, Alec didn't really think this was the case, but maybe…
Another week passed and Henry was starting to believe they could resume their racing schedule and started renewing contacts with the tracks they'd been expecting to compete at. He took a fresh look at the upcoming races over the next few months and made some tentative decisions about which horse might enter which race.
It was early on a Thursday morning when Alec found out that Chris had been there.
Going into Satan's stall to turn him out for the day, Alec found seven razor blades mixed in with his feed and in his water trough. Every stall on the place was searched and more razor blades were found embedded in several saddle blankets. The police were called, fingerprints were taken and, a day later, matched with Chris'.
A search was held; all the farm hands, the family and the police walked the entire property, all four hundred acres. They found the remains of a take out meal from the local Kentucky Fried Chicken, complete with a receipt showing the address and the time the food was bought. The kids working yesterday's late night shift were questioned and shown pictures. They made a definite identification. It was Chris, without doubt.
A search showed that some of the alarms had been disabled. The police insisted that he'd had to walk in since a car would have been heard and seen. That meant there was a good chance that he was still somewhere around on the farm property or not too far away.
Local, county and state police were called in to help search and post warrants. Hopeful Farm was one of the local attractions that brought money, taxes and business into the area. On top of that it was a high profile operation and if anything happened to either the physical plant or any of the incredibly valuable horses, there would be hell to pay in the press. They had to catch and stop this nut. Fast.
The search was extensive and lasted for hours, but—nothing. Tired, hungry and discouraged, Alec left the others to finish looking and went back to the stallion barn to see if anyone had called, since not everyone had his cell number. He checked the answering machine and scrolled through his e-mail; nothing of interest.
It was almost like Chris was playing them, making them jump and run around hoping for a sighting. He imagined that he could hear Chris laughing, just out of reach, while he lulled them into a false sense of security and them—when least expected—would strike.
He had a bad feeling about this, a really bad feeling. The razor blades were bad enough but he didn't think that was where the main attack would be simply because if Chris wanted to hurt him then harming Satan wasn't where he'd cause the most pain. To really hurt Alec the attack would have to be his family—Pam, his parents or, of course, Black. But he wouldn't harm Pam, he was pretty sure about that. He wanted Pam with him.
However, those were who he loved the most and anything happening to any of them would be the way to tear out his heart. He knew this, it was obvious, and he realized that Chris would know it too.
Black or his parents, they were the ones Alec expected to be the targets. One of them would be the attempted victim. The more he thought about it the more sure he was and then it became a certainty.
The Black was the most likely target.
But Black was under heavy guard, locked in his stall with two stable hands close by at all times.
Suddenly Alec froze, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up—he'd heard a couple of popping sounds that sounded like gunshots. He was sure of it. Everyone was still out searching the fields except for him and the men with Black but he knew what he'd heard, just like he knew he had to get there fast—right now.
He ran to the stallion barn, going cold when he saw the main door ajar.
The lights were on inside and he saw the two farm hands on the concrete floor of the main corridor, unconscious or worse with blood seeping from under them. Ducking behind a stack of feed, he crouched low and pulled out his cell phone, dialing 911 and whispered to the operator, asking her for help as soon as possible. He was assured that the police would be there in minutes.
"Ramsay? That you? I've been wanting to meet you, c'mon out and say hello."
Alec didn't move.
"C'mon, Ramsay. I said to come out. I've got your horse here, but you know that, don't you? I've got a gun on him, but you now that, too, don't you?"
Alec stayed where he was out of sight, much as he wanted to charge the guy. The police would be here any minute. A single gunshot rang out, making him jump and causing the horses to panic, scream, whinny and crash around in their stalls and Black—God, Black…
"I just wanted to get your attention, Ramsay, let you know I was telling the truth—the horse is okay for now but you're starting to really annoy me. Come out—now, or I think I'll have to kill him."
Alec believed him. Slowly he stood up and moved from behind the feed bags, knowing that he might be shot but not having much choice. He couldn't let him kill Black.
"Chris?"
He stepped made a mock bow. "At your service." He gave Alec the once over. "I was right, you are a dwarf. What are you, about 5'6", maybe 110?" Alec was slowly walking closer to where Chris was standing beside Black's stall, the horses in the barn still in a panic after the gunshot, but starting to quiet a bit.
"About that. And you've got at least six inches and about seventy or eighty pounds on me."
"But you have Pam and that trumps anything else, don't you think? But that's okay—she told me that she's just with you so she can use you to get her hands on some of these horses—and your money, of course. You turn up dead and she inherits your stuff and I figure that after all the races you've won, you should be worth some serious folding cash."
Alec feigned calm, "Not really. I'm just an employee here. I get a weekly paycheck just like the guys who clean stalls. I mean c'mon—if I took the usual percentages I'd be working against myself, wouldn't I? The more I get paid the less the farm has and the more likely it'll go under. I don't want that." He was still moving closer, Chris still holding the pistol. "I'm not rich."
"Sure you are. You've been riding for other stables, too—you get money from them, don't you?"
"I lose more races than I win. You only get any real money if you make the top three." Alec could hear cars coming down the driveway, probably the police. Unfortunately, Chris heard them, too but, surprisingly, he didn't seem to care.
"So you really got Pam to marry you? I mean you're not just living with her or engaged or something? That's so weird—she said she was going to marry me and she even asked me to pick out a dress for her. I mailed it up to her a few months ago so she could have it fitted but I guess she was kind of busy or something." He seemed to be drifting off the subject of killing either the Black or Alec himself. "Did you know that we started dating back in high school? She was so pretty—I'd sit in class and just look at her."
"Yes, Pam's very pretty." Alec heard footsteps outside, and voices. He could hear the crackle of police radios. He didn't turn around but he saw Chris look at the still opened main door out to the yard and he looked sad at the realization.
"So I guess this is it, huh?" He pointed with the gun, "You, me or both of us? Pam wouldn't have to choose then."
"Or you could put the gun down and walk out of here. That would be the end of it."
He gave Alec an angry look. "That's the problem with people like you—you all think I'm stupid and I'm not—I'm smart. I'm smarter than any of you, way smarter than everybody!" He swung the gun again, suddenly aiming straight up, firing into the ceiling and causing the horses to start screaming and whinnying shrilly again as he turned and aimed the pistol straight at Alec from less than ten feet away.
Alec could feel his heart pounding, hear his blood in his ears and suddenly knew that he could be killed standing in this barn and there was nothing he could do about. He was too far away to get the gun before Chris shot and he was too close to try to make a run for it. He saw Chris tighten his finger on the trigger. Alec saw the muscles in his arm tense as he started to pull…
The shots were deafening, over and over again for what seemed long minutes but later proved to be less than ten seconds. Alec threw himself to the side and flat onto the floor as the police opened fire, hoping against hope that none of the horses were in the line of fire as Chris first looked surprised and then smiled as he slumped against Black's stall, three bullets in his chest.
The shooting stopped and amid the chaos of screaming horses, police running in and shouting, their radios making a static roar and striking hooves against wooden stall walls, Alec crawled the few feet between them, finding Chris still alive. He watched Alec and even managed a half smile, barely whispering "You won…she's yours."
"The police are here, they'll call an ambulance. Just stay quiet, okay? They're getting help." By now half a dozen police, guns drawn, surrounded them but knowing that Chris wasn't a threat anymore.
"Alec, you okay?"
He nodded to the Captain, not turning away from Chris, leaning close to hear what he was trying to say.
"Is Pam here?" Chris' breath was coming in small gasps, he was losing consciousness.
Alec didn't want her to see this; there was so much blood. "I think she's still out searching the fields. Chris almost nodded; he probably knew why Alec wasn't going to let her see him like this."Just…she's too good for you…for me, too…take care of her…okay?…Make her happy…Promise me that."
Blood was starting to drip from his mouth, there was an ominous rattle in his breathing and Alec could hear what was probably an ambulance pulling up outside. "I will. I promise you that." As he spoke those words, Alec realized that Chris was dead.
The stable door slid further open, the paramedics rolling in the gurney and some of the searchers tentatively wandering in to see what was going on, stable hands going into the stalls to check and try to calm the horses. Alec stood as they lifted Chris' body, checked his vital signs, covered him with a sheet and rolled him out as he watched them go.
He slipped into Black's stall, making sure the horse wasn't harmed, finding that he was fine, if agitated. He'd personally check the other horses as well, of course, but Alec didn't think anything would be wrong with any of them. Chris hadn't come to hurt the animals, not really. He'd come to try to win back Pam and, deluded, thought that he was rescuing her from some imagined unhappiness or forced marriage.
She was all Alec wanted, all that mattered; everything else was secondary.
He saw Pam in the Black's doorway and opened his arms to her, holding her when she came to him. Despite what Chris had tried to do, this had made them stronger; the bond between them was stronger. He kissed her forehead and tightened his hold on her, feeling her arms pull him closer in response.
"You're all right?" She looked up at him.
"I will be. 'You?"
She nodded. They both knew that this wasn't over, that this would reverberate for a long time and the memory would be there for the rest of their lives. All Chris really wanted was to be happy with Pam and it wasn't his fault that she simply didn't love him enough to make a life with him.
Grateful, Alec knew how lucky he was.
7/20/07
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