"Gerard," Mikey said, leading Gerard suspiciously into the living room. "This is Frank Iero. He's your...donor."
"Donor?" Gerard asked dubiously, eyeing the new individual cautiously.
Frank looked at Gerard innocently, despite his otherwise gangly appearance. Of course, his appearance was slightly offset by his lack of height.
"Yes," Mikey replied, hiding a smirk. "Last night's stunt made me realize that you need a controlled source."
"But who would-"
"You know what to do," Mikey interrupted, stalking off.
Gerard watched his brother leave, feeling a little anxious over the fact that Mikey had left him alone with a stranger.
"You can just call me Frankie," Frank said with a cheesy grin.
"Um...okay," Gerard murmured.
"Do you just wanna...dig in?" Frankie asked, touching his collar in anticipation.
Gerard flinched at Frankie's blunt expression, and felt sick at the eager look on his face. He thought Mikey must have been right around the corner, watching, ready to pull Gerard away at a second's notice. But...why didn't Mikey just stay with them? Wouldn't it be so much simpler? Or did Mikey just think they needed privacy?
Sitting down, Frankie happily pulled his collar down, a beckoning sign in itself to Gerard. Gerard wandered over to Frankie, now feeling more than slightly nervous over the prospect of this donor. He wondered if Frankie knew the danger of offering himself to a vampire. Actually, it wasn't so much a danger as a suicide wish.
Gerard pulled up a chair next to Frankie, not disconnecting his gaze from Frankie's neck, which already had many scars from previous feeding sessions. The fact that he had survived that many sessions comforted Gerard, but only somewhat. There was something neither Frankie nor Mikey would tell Gerard, and Gerard knew it.
Looking into Frankie's eyes, Gerard could see none of the fear that normally consumed his victims, but only excitement...maybe even...mischief. Anxiety faded to hunger, and the desire to taste human blood. Quickly, Gerard caressed Frankie's neck, then leaned toward him and bit down into the flesh.
"Ack!" Gerard exclaimed, jerking back and spitting Frankie's blood vehemently.
Frankie burst out laughing, just as Mikey poked his head in the room.
"What the hell is that?" Gerard yelled, wiping the remaining blood away from his tongue.
"Not what you were expecting?" Frankie giggled.
"I definitely wasn't expecting...fucking acid!"
"Not acid," Frankie argued, trying for a hurt look. "Do I really taste that bad?"
"What the hell?" Gerard yelled again.
"I'll give you a clue," Frankie whispered, leaning in toward Gerard. "I'm a vampire."
"You said half vampires didn't exist!" Gerard yelled at Mikey.
"I said they weren't allowed," Mikey said calmly.
"You also say peanut butter and honey mustard samiches aren't allowed," Gerard pouted childishly.
"That sounds awesome," Frankie chimed in.
"It's disgusting," Mikey told him. "Trust me."
"You also say that butter samiches are disgusting," Frankie pointed out. "And that my cooking is disgusting..."
"Seriously," Gerard said, remembering the orignal argument. "What do you mean 'not allowed?'"
"I mean they're illegal," Mikey explained.
"You're really-"
"Hey now!" Frankie snapped. "Whatchu talking 'bout? That's very offensive right there."
"It's true!" Mikey said.
"He offends," Frankie hissed.
"Creative," Mikey shot back.
"Anyway!" Gerard interjected.
"Right," Mikey said. "So...as you know, you can't really feed off a vampire."
"'Cause it's cannibalism,'" Frankie added. "'And it's frowned upon in many societies.'"
Mikey shot Frankie a quick, you're-funny-but-shut-up look, and continued.
"Half vampires, though-"
"I reject that term," Frankie immediately interrupted.
"What about Ligers? You don't call them 'half lions.' Or 'half tigers.' They've still got souls."
"I reject your logic," Mikey said. "Now shut up. Anyway. Half vampires you can feed off of. They don't sustain you as long as humans do, but they'll still sustain you. And, as you've experienced, they're not exactly addicting, like humans."
"Okay," Gerard nodded slowly. "Now what about the illegal thing?"
Frankie huffed and stalked out of the room, thoroughly offended.
"All right," Mikey began. "As stupid as it may sound, vampires...kinda have a government. I dunno-"
"Are you serious right now?" Gerard asked.
"Yes," Mikey said, crossing his arms unhappily. "And they outlawed half vampires, mainly on accounts of fear. Of course they won't admit to that part."
"Fear?" Gerard asked.
"Well...vampires are weaker than half vampires in some ways. Half vampires can stand sunlight, they're faster, they're immune to compulsion, the list goes on. You can imagine where I'm going. So they put all of these ridiculous precautions to prevent the birth of half vampires."
"Birth? I thought vampires couldn't have sex-"
"With each other," Mikey explained. "For the same reason they can't drink each other's blood. Cum and vaginal fluids and whatnot are the same thing, more or less. Bodily fluids."
"Hmm," Gerard sighed. "So humans and vampires do it."
"More specifically, because a female vampire can't taint a vampiric fetus with her own vampiric fluids and visa versa, male vampires and female humans do it," Mikey corrected. "Which is really what they made illegal, I guess. Something to do with our secret being spilled into the human world by means of a pregnant woman."
"So some people sneak around birthing creepy Frankie babies?" Gerard asked, feeling a little confused.
Mikey chuckled. "Yeah, basically."
"Why don't they just turn them into full vampires?"
"Because that would kill us," Frankie said, entering the room again. "Infusing us with more vampire blood just taints the vampire blood we already have. I heard that other comment, by the way."
Gerard blushed, embarrassed.
"So...the human blood dilutes the vampiric blood and makes it edible, but not addictive," Gerard guessed.
Mikey nodded.
"How are they faster than full vampires?"
"No one knows," Mikey said.
"I can race ya, if you want proof," Frankie chimed in.
"What am I supposed to call you, if not a half-vampire?" Gerard asked Frankie.
"Well, in the SSLMST, which is a very long acronym for Secret Society for the Legitimizing of Mixed Species Terms-"
"Which didn't exist until two seconds ago," Mikey said.
"-we promote the term 'humpire.'"
"Which is a sucky term," Mikey said.
"But I guarantee you, any other humpire you meet will wanna be called that,"
"I'll try to remember that," Gerard said.
"You want blood now?" Frankie asked excitedly, pointing to his neck.
"Why do you enjoy it so much?"
"You have no idea how good it feels to be sucked!"
Frankie suddenly became uncomfortable once he noticed Gerard and Mikey both staring at him with half-confused, half-worried expressions.
"You might wanna reword that next time," Mikey said.
