Disclaimer:

Again, I own nothing. I just like to play with Mrs. Meyer's creations.

Author's Note:

For at least the time being, this story will remain in Jasper's POV. Bella will be brought in before long, but I feel I have to take the time to set this up right.

The flashback scene is crucial to the entire story. It is basically Bella's party in New Moon told from Jasper's POV. It mimics the party scene exactly, just told from a different perspective.

As always, please, please send reviews!

Chapter 1

I settled into the plush leather of the airplane seat reviewing the night's goals: get in, get out, no losses for us, total loss for them. Simple. I liked simplicity. It was necessary in this never-ending war that raged within the secrets of our world. And I was a master in that world. I never ruled anything and I never wanted to; but, I was a master at games. Games, I liked. Games, I won. Tonight was just another game.

I focused on the folder in my hand once more flipping through its contents. My contact and I would never officially meet but he had clearly taken care of our every anticipated need. We would have to remember his name. If his promised gifts come to fruition he would definitely be someone I would use again.

Closing my eyes I focused again on our targets for the night. I didn't know what their crimes were; in fact, I refused to know claiming that it didn't matter to me because I was doing this to protect our world. The hellish truth was it didn't matter to me because it just didn't. I wasn't working this job out of nobility, honor, and loyalty; I was doing this because I was damn good at it.

I felt a sinister smile begin to form on my lips, knowing I was beginning to feel the one emotion that would get me through tonight. I no longer remembered details because they had no relevance to me: war, strategy, battle, those were the only details I needed. Except on a night like tonight. As I slipped into battle mode I let my mind wander to the one moment in time that I remembered every detail of as well as every emotion felt.

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Flashback:

As they entered the house, I felt my breath catch in my throat. Alice threw a stiff glance in my direction and I felt more than saw Emmett tense slightly. I knew they were afraid for me; hell, I was afraid for myself. But our fears were not the same. I knew that Alice loved me, just as much as I knew she didn't trust me. She was clever, I had to give her that much; she was good enough to conceal her fears from me when we were near Bella. I wasn't sure how she did it because she was usually such an open book of emotions. But, our time in Arizona enlightened me to my Alice. And Emmett, he was just Emmett. I knew he was anxiously awaiting the day when Bella would be brought into our family; although he would deny it, he was already head over heals in love with his newest sister. I knew he was looking forward to getting to know Bella. He was always aware of the relationship between Edward and Alice and wanted that sort of brother-sister connection himself. Just the way he watched me now told me he would go to the ends of the earth to protect Bella. I had to admit I liked that.

"You okay, Jas?" I heard Emmett ask as they crossed the porch, moments before entering the house. He watched me and I could feel the doubt and concern pour off him as Rosalie sulked behind Carlisle and Esme.

"Your wife is getting a little hot under the collar over there," I replied, ignoring his statement for the moment.

He glanced in her direction, their eyes meeting and he smirked at her as he answered me. "Rose is always hot under the collar, and everywhere else too for that matter." He wiggled his eyebrows and planted a huge smile on his face as he threw out a massive wave of lust.

"Seriously, Emmett. I do not need that image in my head to go along with the feelings you two constantly throw out!" I closed my eyes pretending to block that very image from my mind. But it wasn't that image racing through my mind. Faster than humans could even imagine visions of Bella flashed. I saw her in Phoenix, frustrated with her captivity in the hotel room, exhausted with worry and anxiety, and pained as we found her on the floor in the studio. I remembered her wide range of emotions as she described the burn in her hand and the relief that flooded her body as Edward cleaned her system of James' venom.

Feelings of awe still overcame me as I thought of that day. The control Carlisle had was impressive, but it was all we ever knew of him. Edward was different; he had tasted human blood, had hungered for it, had killed for it. This very fact was the only reason I awed my brother. He stopped before he drained her, not willing to risk her precious life. Although I wasn't willing to risk it either, I knew my family didn't trust me. If they didn't how could I? I never once thought of killing her; in fact I couldn't imagine my life, our family's life, without her. I knew they couldn't either and I felt that every time we were all together. That was why they worried about me so much. They didn't trust me not to hurt her and I couldn't convince them that I was safe. I didn't want to upset them, so I avoided Bella as much as possible.

That thought of not having her in my life was what drove me above everything else. I wanted to protect Bella; actually, want doesn't begin to describe it. I needed to protect her. But I wasn't the only one with that need.

"Surprise!" I yelled, my voice joining with the others as Bella and Edward walked into the house.

'Edward,' I groaned silently as Carlisle and Esme hugged Bella. Almost immediately his head snapped up and his inquisitive eyes met mine. I shook my head. 'It's nothing,' I thought back, trying to ease his mind with calming waves. Immediately I was slammed with overwhelming concern and anxiety from him as he stepped closer to Bella.

Reading Edward was always so ridiculously easy. He spent so much time relying on his gift of reading minds that he long ago lost the ability to read people. Unknown to him that reliance actually caused some of his problems with Bella. He was so frustrated because he couldn't read her, but she was so open with her emotions and her body language that I had no problems at all. Edward would have been able to read her as well if he'd only let himself focus more on what was in front of him instead of what was blocked to him.

The arms wrapped around her waist tightened almost imperceptibly. I knew he was protecting her, almost as if he was protecting the most delectable meal in the world from all potential threats. In his mind, the biggest threat was me.

Protection. That is what everything lately boiled down to. I knew, had known, from the moment Alice and I took her to Phoenix that I would do anything to protect Bella. Hell, I had even killed one of my "own" for her and while Carlisle may have felt intense uncertainty and remorse for it, I never would. Edward's constant mode lately was protection as well. Often times, I felt protection radiating from him more than love.

Shaking my head, I glanced back towards Edward and Bella, not leaving my place against the post. My eyes met hers and I instantaneously felt guilty for avoiding her. I felt her confusion and her sympathy so I smiled at her trying to reassure her. But, it didn't seem to help.

I had to get over this fear. I wasn't fair to Bella to keep avoiding her when her self-esteem was already low in the first place. But, how did I convince my family that I wasn't a threat to her? Alice never had a vision of me hurting her; yet, she still couldn't, and wouldn't, trust me. Edward was irrational about everything concerning Bella so he didn't trust me either. Carlisle and Esme depended on trusting Alice and Edward more than on anyone else. I didn't exactly have the best track record. Emmett was the only one who seemed to have any faith at all, but Emmett was just lovable by nature. In over one hundred and sixty years, I had never felt so alone.

Bella began opening her presents, starting with her gift from us. She would hate that we spend money on her, but if she was going to be a member of this family, she would have to get used to it. She tore off that paper and stared at the box before opening it.

"Um…thanks," she said, almost in the form of a question. The look on her face was priceless and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's a stereo for your truck," I replied, answering her unspoken question. "Emmett's installing it right now so you can't return it."

I felt her genuine gratitude as she thanked each of us, even yelling a loud thanks to Emmett in the garage. Surprisingly, I also felt a small amount of unworthiness. I infuriated me to realize that in the midst of this room full of love, she still felt like that.

Alice bounced forward, her usual happy self, so happy to share this day with Bella. She truly loved Bella like a sister and she glowed with anticipation over hers and Edward's gift. I still didn't even know what they had arranged for her. Their constant one way conversations were ever more confusing to the rest of us living here. I heard Edward assure Bella that he didn't spend a dime on her as he brushed hair from her face. Despite all her protests, Bella was positively exuberant and I loved knowing we all had a part to play in that and that for once it wasn't all about Edward.

I realized that I truly harbored no harsh feelings against my brother. I just couldn't seem to ever understand what it was that made him behave the way he did with Bella. I couldn't image having the love and devotion of a girl like her and then constantly turn it down with every chance that I got. Maybe I should try to talk to him, man to man, to help him understand exactly how she was feeling. Edward tensed slightly and I automatically knew he 'heard' my plan. Damn mind reading! So, I started to block him as I forged ahead with ideas of how to get him to realize her pain.

Pain. I felt it immediately and desperately searched the room to find out where it was coming from because it sure as hell wasn't coming from me. My eyes locked on Edward and I knew. The pain was his, his alone, and it was intensely excruciating. I glanced behind him, seeing Bella as she held her finger, the pinprick of blood oozing from the tiny cut. "La Tua Cantate" I screamed in my mind registering the source of his pain. His singer was bleeding mere inches from his mouth. He wanted her, wanted to drain her, now.

It all happened very quickly then.

I reacted, stepping towards him, desperate to keep him away from her. But his pain quickly turned to fury. I realized he could no longer read my mind; the animal in him was taking over too quickly. "No!" he roared, flinging Bella behind him. What the fuck? He thought I was trying to steal her from him. Dammit Edward! I slammed into him with everything I had, trying to shove past him to grab her and rescue her from this moment, snapping my teeth centimeters from him face, my own fear for Bella catapulting back on Edward magnifying his original emotions.

Before I could move anywhere else though my back was crushed against Emmett's chest. He was restraining me and all I do was struggle, my mind wild with fear for her, as I watched her arm gush the warm liquid. Edward's desire was mounting and I saw him crouch over her as Emmett and Rosalie pulled me from the room under Carlisle's orders. Bella registered shock and pain and a momentary sense of confusion as Edward crouched over her before she flooded into relief. She actually believed he was protecting her from me. Damn! This was a mess.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Emmett roared as we reached the garage. His fury radiated off of him like solid daggers. "Are you trying to kill your brother's girlfriend?"

"It isn't like that, Em." I was trying to wrap my mind around the entire situation, confusing myself and everyone else in the process.

"Well then, what is it like then, brother?" His hand never left my chest even though I had stopped struggling against him the moment we reached the garage.

My mind swirled as I tried to catalogue the details, the emotions. I'd never lost control of my emotions like this before and it was honestly starting to scare even me. I started stuttering. "Her blood…her call…her blood calling…pain…so much pain…I have to get to her."

Why couldn't they see what I felt? Why was Edward the saint and I the sinner? I didn't realize the impact my words were having on the people in the room around me until Alice joined us, rage boiling from every pore of her undead body.

"You have to get to her?" She roared. "What? There's so much pain in you right now because of her blood calling to you?" For the first time in our life together, I didn't feel any sympathy, only her anger, her distrust, her disgust, and her hatred. I stumbled backwards trying to steal myself away from her emotions, trying to shut myself down.

"No, Alice," I whispered, silently begging her to understand.

"Do not beg me Jasper Cullen Hale! I will not listen to you snivel any longer about how difficult your past is. We have all been to hell Jasper! We're all going there again. Get your head out of your ass and stop acting like you're the only one." She stepped closer towards me, her eyes burning black. "You think you are feeling pain and desire for Bella's blood?" She refused to see me trying to shake my head no. "You have no idea what pain is!"

Before any of us could react, Alice was gone, running and leaping faster than I have ever seen her go. I slumped to the floor of the garage, disgusted with myself for not being able to protect Bella better than this. "I'm sorry," I whispered to Emmett.

"Sometime in the future, you will have to explain this day to me, Jas," he answered.

I nodded. "Just give me some time."

I watched Edward guide Bella out to the car, sensing his own anger, disgust, and grief, wishing with everything I had that it was directed at himself, but knowing that Edward would forever blame this day on me.

So, I sat.

And sat.

And sat.

I heard movement around me; crystal clanking, furniture being moved, voices speaking. They were cleaning up the remnants, the proof, of today; they were doing what Cullen's do best, making things disappear.

Night fell. Alice hadn't returned yet. I knew I should go to her, but I didn't know if she was calm enough yet. There was no way I'd be able to explain this to her if her emotions were still swirling.

Edward returned, his resolved the first thing I felt. "Of fuck," I whispered to myself, knowing immediately what that resolve meant. He was going to leave her. He was going to fucking leave her and he was going to blame the whole thing on me. I had given him his out. He'd never admit to the fact that this whole thing started because of the call Bella's blood had on him. It wasn't as if he had done anything wrong; everyone in this family would understand. But, they wouldn't understand how I could terrorize Bella. That would not be forgiven.

The pain swirled around me, paralyzing me to this moment. I was going to lose it all…my life, my family, Bella. I was going to lose everything because of Edward's weakness.

I was so frozen with pain that I didn't even hear her, sense her, or even smell her as she approached me. I knew at that moment I was alone. Her emotions hadn't calmed, if anything they were worse and as she knelt before me I knew why.

Her red eyes bore into my golden ones. "Is this what you wanted?" She asked, venom dripping from her mouth. "Did you want to taste her, to kill her as I just killed?"

"Alice, no!" She couldn't have. But, she did, the proof was in her eyes.

"But I did, dear husband," she sneered, growling before continuing. "I did because of you. You did this to me Jasper. You filled me with such desperation and such pain that I couldn't go on without justifying it. I KILLED a girl tonight, Jasper."

The blood pulsed through her veins, filling her with strength, yet I could still feel her pain. Above everything else I could feel her pain and it was doubled and doubled again as the family joined us.

"Oh, Alice. No." Esme whispered, gathering her daughter into her arms.

Her red eyes haunted me, but not more than the paralyzing pain I felt in the garage.

"You need to go, Jasper," Alice whispered, her back to me. "You're no longer welcome here anymore."

I glanced around the room, unable to feel anything other than the pain. I didn't know if this was what the others wanted, but I knew they would chose Edward and Alice over me any day of the week.

So, I fled. I drowned myself in pain, and I fled.

End flashback

The sinister smile on face completed as the vision ended. Pain coursed through me, no longer paralyzing me, but strengthening me. If pain is my gift, I am going to give it willingly tonight.