Pretenses and Prospects

I still hear Sha're's words earlier, blotting out my attempts to theorize how the Tollans technology works. I know that's what they'll ask me back on Earth, while the Colonel is focus on making sure the Goa'uld don't pull a fast one over the Tollan's eyes and most of all saving Skaara.

I'm sure the Goa'uld are up to something. Teal'c and I followed them to the cannons and I cannot believe they were there only as any kind of tourist.

Still I have no proof and now the Colonel has given orders expressly forbidding us to keep following them. Which leaves me time on my hands, which has me thinking about what Sha're said instead of how even the lights work in this room they gave us.

Sha're's words, the Colonel's orders, both competing for attention, with her words keep winning out.

"Saman'tha...you cannot let Jolinar's memories rule your life. You cannot keep waiting until some other day when everything will be in order. You have no guarantees of tomorrow, you do not know if today will be the only day to find and follow love." I don't know is Sha're knew how close I came from just finding an excuse and pushing her away, maybe not even waiting for an excuse, but her tone soften and I knew I had to hear her out.

"If I let Amonet rule me after her passing, there would be no Dan'yel. I could not let myself see past Klorel to Skaara. If you were to advise me, Saman'tha, would it be to wait until I 'sort it out' before I am with Dan'yel again?"

I didn't answer then, even though I knew what the first words out of my lips would be, 'No, you shouldn't.' Words that I don't want to face, which I would rather run away from then deal with their obvious conclusion. Sort of like the Tollan not wanting to believe the Goa'uld were up to something.

So now I stand, unable to do anything about what Teal'c and I saw, unable to help at Triad, not wanting to face the truth of Sha're's words, leaving me to just think about what has been called my love life in recent years.

Jonas and I didn't part on the greatest of terms, and seeing how far he went two years ago on P3X-513. God, did we ever name that planet that ended up being his grave? He was domineering and a bit wild, I just wished...well I was right to give him the ring back.

John Crichton and I are more like brothers no matter what our two families have thought of us growing up. Dad and 'Uncle' Jack were close friends and now that I think about it, he was probably dad's inside source that he used to give me a shot at the space shuttle. After all Colonel John Robert "Jack" Crichton, Sr., one of the few men to have walked on the moon could pull that off.

Beyond liking Sara, there really couldn't have been anything between Jack and me. He's my commanding officer and despite how reality seems to proclaim our union in two alternate realities, he won't be mine in this one. Besides, in the two others, I hadn't even joined the Air Force. I can't imagine a life outside the service.

I know Dad would have picked out Daniel, before learning he was married. Smart, brave, even though he is a civilian, dad thought someone who could keep up with me in 'smarts' would be his choice. Pretty flattering to Daniel since I realize how much my dad must have a lot of respect for him to consider someone outside the Air Force.

I can feel the smile forming as I think about Teal'c before any of us knew he had a family. There was chemistry there, a sense of depth I was drawn too. Of course there are those thick arms and muscular body, I didn't dream much of the jocks growing up with my head either in books or looking up at the stars, but Teal'c made it easy to think of him, especially with that solicitous attitude of his. Always wanting to know if I'm alright.

He probably left me open to think about someone not born on Earth, like Narim.

Narim gave me that device of his that made it very tempting to have a fantasy relationship with someone who left Earth and wasn't coming back. With Jack and Sara, Teal'c and Drey'auc, Daniel and Sha're, there are times I do feel like the intruder among them. Like I stick out and don't belong. Though I'm not desperate enough to go on one of Jack O'Neill's attempts to play match maker. I know he's just trying to look out for one of his own, but I don't want Sara to get the wrong idea and quick frankly I'm not sure I trust his taste.

That device of Narim made it easy to forget that I don't have time for love, or that maybe there really isn't anyone on Earth for me. Yet reminding me that I can be loved and that I am lovable.

I could just turn it on and feel what he felt every time he was with me. It was...quite nice, letting his feeling wrap around me like a warm blanket.

Then Jolinar came and I didn't have a hold of what is mine and what was her's. Just this mix of our memories and emotions.

I like Martouf, at least I think I do. There is so much Jolinar in there I'm not sure where her feelings end and mine begin. Especially after Ne'tu.

I shouldn't let Jolinar rule my life and Sha're's right, you don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. She could have died back on P8X-873. If Teal'c had been alone, if Drey'auc had not slipped around her husband with a Zat...that would have been it. No Sha're, and I couldn't imagine the mess Daniel would have been after that. Teal'c would have fired. He was too much a friend of Daniel's, of all of us and we love Daniel.

Time to deal with what I have and not the could-have-beens, the what ifs.

Like Narim, quiet, strong and smart Narim. After I realized there wasn't a 'love the primitive' thing going on, I found him sort of cute and much easier to think of than the Colonel. Where as many guys could just talk the talk, he showed he walked the walk with that emotion-recorder that he gave me.

He cares, it's not just a line. It's something I can be certain of unlike the conflicting feelings about Martouf. Part of me thinks he likes me, Sam Carter, and part of me isn't sure he's not just seeing Jolinar in my body. A century of love isn't going to go away overnight, so I'm just not sure, but what I see in his eyes makes a very compelling argument.

However he's not here and Narim is, and Narim asked if we might go on a date. Oh, not in so many words, maybe it's the way they are here and maybe I should just find out. The Colonel can just assume I'm trying to find out more about Tollan technology.

Yeah, right. He'll believe that one. I'm sure Teal'c would too...Not! I can already see his eyebrow climbing up in his adorable way of speaking without saying a word. I swear that man can say so many different things just with his eyebrow.

Alien aside, I am after all contemplating two others, it had been easy to fantasize about those strong arms around me. Whoa Sam girl, remember Wife, kid, and Rya'c is a good one, think back to pulling his family out from behind enemy lines and not so much how it left one Samantha Carter the bachelorette of SG-1.

"Sam," I can see his eyes light up just seeing me, points in his favor right there, "I understand you wanted to see me?" This is better than the first time we exchanged those words and I had to tell him about the Goa'uld. Which we are not going to think about now girl, Narim now, threat to his world hopefully later.

"You mention perhaps doing something while we wait on the Triad?" which after the words leave my mouth I certainly wanted to pull a Re'tu disappearing trick right then and there. Suddenly being 180 degrees out of phase has its appeal.

Fortunately he doesn't see this as clumsy, more points.

Both Narim and Martouf have a quiet manner that I like, a soft voice, and eyes that never try to fake understanding me like so many on back on Earth have done. I'm still mixed up about Martouf but I suppose that's no reason to not at least be open to Narim.

I'll give it a shot, and while the thought isn't flattering, it beats just waiting around able to do nothing at all. Why not do as Sha're asked, and give love a try? She's right, her's could have ended so abruptly. We can only guess what would have happened if Drey'auc hadn't shown up at that moment with Zat.

I'm not sure what a Vistaleer is but it made it appear as if our first date was on a holodeck. Points lost and gained balance out as I have no idea if this is a cheap date or not. Of course there really isn't anything like a holodeck back on Earth, it just could seem like a cheap date because I know the concept.

I know he doesn't call it a holodeck, but once we walked onto the terrace and he made different parts of Tollana appear on voice command, that's the first thought that pops in my mind. Especially after that Star Trek convention Cassie dragged me to. Okay, maybe not drag, it was nice going out with her and her friends, much less Janet, Sara and I will never forget Drey'auc dressed up as a Klingon.

Just not a good thing to think about now. His voice draws me back as he takes me on a tour of the planet. It's not a bad voice either. Quiet, strong, hard to imagine it ever raising, except maybe in alarm. It matches the strength I see in his eyes, a conviction to do the right thing. Good clean smell, even his breath. I have to wonder did he do something specific or is just another benefit of Tollan technology that allows for great smelling breath and body all the time?

All in all it was a great first date, cheap or not. We laughed at times, he let me enjoy the sight of a rainbow through twin waterfalls that seem to go miles, kilometers the scientifically correct portion of my brain insist on adjusting for me.

Finally there were the hanging gardens, which at first I thought was going to be 'only' a flower show, Holy Hanna was I wrong about them.

"Did you enjoy that Samantha?" Narim asked as walked back to the central square where Sam knew one Colonel Jack O'Neill would be waiting.

"Singing flowers seemed right out of a Disney movie," she laughed, "It was almost creepy."

"Disney?' Narim asked with a smile she found both boyish and adorable.

"An Earth thing, don't worry about it Narim. Now you told me they weren't robots but were grown that way?"

"Yes, a kind of hybrid between silicon and carbon life, where as wind passes through them it in effect..."

"...is like a wind instrument, a pipe or flute," Samantha finished for him, "but what about all the melodies?"

He was about to answer when Jack stepped up, "Finished campers? I did say have her back by eleven."

Sam was not the only one rolling her eyes, Sha're was clearly happy that Sam went out with Narim, and less than pleased that Jack was making light of it. Which of course took her mind off her brother in Triad.

"Yes, Colonel O'Neill. I take it Triad is in recess?"

"No Narim my boy, we're about to go in. Just wanted to make sure you brought home Carter before curfew." This time Sam and Sha're just smiled, glad that Jack approved from the kind of humor he was ladling out.

Sitting with Narim I found rather nice, just talking around all the subjects I wanted to ask about was actually pleasant. He wasn't condescending, in fact he appreciated me asking. He likes that I'm inquisitive, and bright not feeling threatened by it like so many other guys I've tried to date in my life. Certainly not like Jonas who was also smart, but couldn't handle someone as smart as he was.

Nor was he like that McKay guy I ran into concerning the data compression project. Cute, smart just way to full of himself to let those things balance it out for me.

I don't think it would have gone so far as that kiss with Narim if I hadn't been using the emoter he left. We did have a great time, it was nice sitting with him now, but I think I set myself up for that kiss because I knew all the feelings he had for me were real. He wasn't putting on a show to get into my pants, this wasn't a primitive fetish thing where I was the fulfillment of some fantasy of his.

If anything I might be the fulfillment of the fantasy of finding the right woman, an angel like he thought of me when we first met.

"Narim," a voice interrupted them after lips melted into one another, both parted reluctantly as he blinked to look around at the newcomer. Sam could see a slight hardness around the eyes that was the only indication of irritation he had for this interruption.

It turned out to be a very important interruption.

Sam had time to linger on that kiss as they interrupted Triad with their news of a Ha'tak approaching the planet. There was a tingling in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with the news of the approaching Goa'uld.

Then there was the news of Skaara winning Triad, fire, explosions and that brief instant when her hand might have gone into Narim's as they ran for cover under the bridge. Eyes met for a moment as he knew he had to go see to what defenses they may mount without the cannons and Sam saw he didn't want to leave her. Yet duty was important to him as it was to her.

Another thing they had in common.

Returning to the city from where Lya had hid a cannon Sam certainly didn't expect to run into Martouf. Nor did she know he came because the Tollan had mentioned SG-1 were there. Arranging to come with Tas'eem and Ma'chello wasn't as tricky as he thought.

He'd gone to represent the Tok'ra to the Tau'ri, so acting as that same function for the Tollan was within the same capacity he'd done so with others. Lantash assured him that few suspected, but one look from Garshaw had showed the both of them she wasn't one fooled for the reason of their going.

"Samantha," Martouf greeted warmly, and she suddenly felt her heart jolted and her pulse pounded, not sure if this was Jolinar's reaction or her own. She did think she was attracted to Martouf after all, it was just these memories of Jolinar that kept letting her know if she really liked him or not.

It was easier to put down those feelings in the memory of Narim's kiss today, something that Lantash noticed before Martouf that something about Sam had changed. Over a century of knowing someone in love, much less what the Vorlon claimed was a lingering Ina'kalesh, a soul bound, let the both of them notice something between Sam and Narim.

"She can love again," came the hopeful thought from Martouf, "She might be in love with another." Lantash pointed out to spare his host, more than himself, future pain. "She is open to love, and not yet committed," Lantash had to concede that point to his host, even to his perception what was between Sam and Narim was merely a spark not yet fanned to the fires of love.

"She must be free to decide on her own," Lantash insisted. "Agreed," Martouf would have it no other way.

Perhaps it was time for the Tok'ra to have closer dealing with the Tau'ri and if so Martouf intended to lead the way, hoping to find time to spend with Samantha.