LATER THAT NIGHT

Logan tiptoed down the quiet, darkened hallways, grateful that she hadn't run into anyone else who might be up and about. She didn't want to attract any attention to herself, so she simply opened the door without knocking. Sheppard was laying on his side, apparently asleep.

"It's about time," he muttered.

"Excuse me?" she smiled.

"I was gonna give you another five minutes before I got up and came to your quarters," he informed her.

Sheppard pulled back the covers and looked up at her.

"You gonna stand there by the door all night, or are you coming to bed?" he asked.

"Bed," she squeaked as she crossed the room and squeezed in beside him.

"God woman, you're freezing!" he exclaimed as she settled herself into the curve of his body.

"That's because I've been up wandering the halls, while you've been snug under a warm blanket!" she elbowed him gently in the ribs.

"So?" he prodded.

"So I can see why Carson said this place was (donning her best Scottish brogue) 'bloody creepy at night.'" she giggled.

"It takes some getting used to," he admitted.

"It isn't just that..." she trailed off.

"I know," he said softly. "I was afraid I'd wake up tomorrow to find you gone again too," he choked up somewhat at the thought.

She reached back and stroked the rough stubble along his jaw. She'd missed this. Missed just being with him. They were so comfortable together it was almost ridiculous.

"John... Before I left Earth..."

"You saw my father," he finished for her. It drove everyone crazy how they were able to do that.

"You never told him what you were doing."

"I wrote him a letter."

"He showed me. You didn't say much."

He paused a moment before answering. "He didn't have clearance."

She burrowed in closer against him. "He heard about your promotion."

"I'm sure he didn't..."

"Of course he believed it!" she corrected him. "He's the one who went looking for answers about where you were. when he got your letter, he realized what a first class jerk he'd been and he wanted to find you."

Sheppard blinked in surprise. "That's surprising, coming from him. He was REALLY disappointed in me, for what happened in Afghanistan."

"I know. But what he didn't tell you, at the time, was that he was also very proud of you. He always has been."

"He asked you to tell me this?" he arched an eyebrow at her.

She squeezed his arm where he had it wrapped around her waist. "Yes he did."

"How much did you tell him about the mission?"

She shrugged. "Not a lot. I confirmed your promotion and told him that you had done a great deal to protect the world, not just the nation. He wondered if he could pull some strings, call in a few favors, so he could visit you. I told him it was highly unlikely, given the highly classified nature of your work, but I left the door open. He may just do it."

"I doubt it." he snorted.

"He loves you John." Her voice was getting scratchier with fatigue.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Johnny?" she yawned.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not going to let anyone take me from you again." she promised.

He smiled in the darkness. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Sparky."

"G'night Flyboy."

"Goodnight sweetie."

A moment later both drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. Probably the first peaceful night's sleep either of them had enjoyed since that terrible day when they'd been separated by her supposed death.

THE FOLLOWING DAY

"Whoa!" Logan's eyes were round as saucers.

"This...is so cool!" she exclaimed as Sheppard executed several maneuvers and then went into stealth mode.

Sheppard was grinning from ear to ear. "Ya think?"

"Now see? Didn't I tell you that you'd have all kinds of new toys to play with if you came on with the SGC?" she chuckled.

"Yes you did, and you were right," he admitted.

"This is news to you?" she teased.

"You ready to try?" he asked, as if he didn't already know the answer.

"Duh!" she quipped.

He set the controls for auto-pilot and stood up to let her slide into the pilot seat. He smiled to himself at the feeling of deja-vu as he thought about the times he taught her to fly a helicopter. One of the things he'd always admired about Logan was her sense of adventure. She was practically fearless.

She was a fast learner, too. Already she was flying better and straighter than anyone else he'd taught previously, especially McKay.

"Hey, it's not me. This thing practically flies itself!" she said in awe. "It's like it reads your mind or something," she looked over at him for confirmation.

He shrugged. "Or something. You and I seem to have an easier time making the technology work than a lot of the others," he remarked.

"Like the control chair back in Antarctica?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yep."

She'd never actually sat in that chair, but she'd learned that she possessed the gene when she walked a little too close and the chair began to hum and illuminate. She confirmed it by reaching out and touching the thing, feeling the technology come to life at her touch. She'd never said anything to...

"Dr. Jackson..."

"What?" she shook herself out of her reverie.

"When are you gonna tell me what happened with Daniel? You know, when he found out you were alive?" he grabbed for the controls as she lost focus and the jumper began fly erratically.

"Nothing...really..." she stammered.

"Nothing? Uh-huh..." he stopped to reset the auto-pilot so he could focus on her instead of the jumper.

"You expect me to believe for one minute that Jackson had no reaction whatsoever to the news that you were alive?" he cocked an eyebrow at her.

"No, I didn't say that...He just..." she trailed off and looked away.

"Sparky... You DID talk to him before you left, right?"

"Yes...We talked..." she trailed off again.

It wasn't that she felt she couldn't talk to Sheppard, it was just that it was really hard for her to talk about Daniel.

"Aaaannd...?" he prodded.

"He says hello," she smirked in spite of her discomfort.

"Funny! Come on, Sparky, out with it!" he ordered.

"Okay, okay! He...wanted me to stay..." she murmured.

"Of course he did. What'd you expect him to say?"

"I expected him to wish me the best, just like he did initially." she snapped.

"That was before you *died* Sparks...He was almost as torn up as I was."

"That's what he said... I don't know, John, I was gone for a long time, and we were having problems long before that. I was sure that any feelings he had for me would have been long gone by now," she said wistfully.

"You're kidding, right? When have you EVER had a boyfriend who could get over you without a fight?" he teased.

"Oh stop!" she smacked him playfully on the arm.

"So, where exactly did you leave it with him?"

"He wanted me to stay, I wanted to go... Umm...come here, that is. Here I am."

She had a smile on her face, but it wasn't a real smile. He knew all about the *problems* she and Jackson had in the past. He also knew that they could never seem to let go. As difficult as it was, with both of them working at the SGC, they'd made it work, to some extent at least. Since Jackson wasn't military, their relationship hadn't been forbidden by regs. They were circumspect about it though, and kept things private. His team knew, but not because they advertised it. General O'Neill, for some reason, even approved of their relationship. One of their main problems stemmed from Jackson's first-hand knowledge about exactly what it was that Logan faced on duty. Having lost his wife to the Goa'uld, he wasn't thrilled at the prospect that Logan could be lost to them as well. They went round and round about it all the time.

"Do you still love him?"

She looked pained for a moment. "Not like I did. I miss him. I missed him a lot when I was in Afghanistan, but it got better over time. Let's face it, John, we never really had a chance."

"Are you gonna deck me if I say you're right?"

"Maybe. Do you feel lucky?" she challenged.

"Only since you came back, Sparky. Seriously though, you do know that out of all the guys you ever dated, I thought he was the most *okay* for you, right?"

"Uh-huh... Not that you've ever approved of ANYONE I ever went out with... You were, at least, less critical of Daniel."

"What can I say, I have high standards!" he snarked.

"Yeah? This from the guy who had a different bimbo on his arm every week?" she swatted him playfully.

"Hey! I'm flying here!" he said in mock seriousness.

"You're on auto-pilot, dork..." she trailed off as she caught sight of the mainland.

"Whoa!" she breathed.

"I told you," he smiled. "You still haven't told me how you managed to get the boards onto the Daedalus," he reminded her.

"General O'Neill was feeling incredibly generous," she winked.

"Right. Well, I know you weren't playing the sympathy card, so I'll have to take your word for it."

A shadow fell across her eyes and he instantly reached out and took her face in his hands. "Hey," he whispered.

"I would have, John... If they hadn't let me come, I would have played that sympathy card for all it was worth...and more." he could see the shame she felt at the thought of doing something she felt was wrong.

"Don't think I wouldn't have, either, Sparks. If it meant getting to you..." he trailed off and kissed her forehead. "Fortunately, General O'Neill is a savvy enough to know that you belonged here. And..." glancing behind them, "To send surfboards with you!" he flashed a boy-like grin at her.

"I knew it'd be driving you crazy. Sweet breakers like that," pointing at the shoreline, "And no way to ride 'em?"

He took the controls again and maneuvered the jumper towards the beach. "You're the best," he grinned.

"You'd have done the same for me," she reminded him.

"You bet!" he agreed.

Logan popped up the moment the jumper set down. "Let's ride, Moondoggie!" she laughed.

Sheppard was right behind her.

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

Logan paced back and forth across Dr. Heightmeyers' office. She positively loathed having to do this. But, she reminded herself, if she didn't meet with the good doctor, Caldwell would never clear her for active duty.

"How were the waves?"

"Sweet!" Logan grinned.

"I'm glad you had a chance to have some fun, for a change." she studied Devane's face. The woman didn't speak a whole lot, but she gave away volumes with her facial expressions and body language.

"Hey, there's all kinds of fun to be had, you've just gotta know where to find it." she shrugged.

Heightmeyer did her best to subdue a double-take. "It's funny how much you remind me of Colonel Sheppard." she observed.

"Really? You have both our files, so you must have put together the fact that we grew up together." Logan sat down and looked her right in the eye.

"Yes, it does show that you come from the same town..."

"And the same schools, and the Academy, and coming up through the ranks, even the same duty stations until I was assigned to the SGC and he got sent to Afghanistan." she finished for Heightmeyer.

"What it probably doesn't tell you is that our parents were close friends. Colonel Sheppard and I are both 'only-children' but, he was the son my parents never had and I was the daughter his never had. Does that explain the remarkable similarities?" she asked, only slightly insolently.

"It does, thank you. I hope that didn't hurt too much?" Heightmeyer smiled.

"Just a little," Logan admitted.

"You don't give much of yourself away, do you?"

"Nope, not much. Given the classified nature of my job, that's probably a good thing, don't you think?" she asked defensively.

"Undoubtedly. At least as far as your work is concerned, but what about your personal life? Your feelings?" Heightmeyer was zooming right in on her most sensitively guarded area.

"Look, Doc, I have a life outside of work...Well... I DID anyway," she corrected.

"You mean before you were abducted and presumed dead?" she asked.

"Yes." Logan replied.

"Were you in a relationship back then?"

"Yes."

"Does he know you're alive? What happened to you?"

"Yes."

"How's that? Is he affiliated with the SGC or the Defense Department?"

"Yes."

This was not going well. Heightmeyer decided to change tacks.

"Tell me something, Logan, have you suffered any nightmares or anything since your return from Afghanistan?"

That question threw her off a bit. She'd been expecting more questions about her ex.

"Nightmares?"

Heightmeyer nodded. "About your time in captivity?"

"Um...Some." she admitted grudgingly.

"How bad?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Are they terrifying or merely annoying?" she clarified.

"Depends on the interpretation. It's nothing I can't handle." she stated confidently.

"I'm sure there's a great deal you can handle, Logan, given everything you've been through. But the psyche is a complex thing. Something that normally might seem innocuous to you, can suddenly trigger an episode of post-traumatic stress."

Logan eyed her suspiciously. "Well, after fighting the Goa'uld for a few years... Let's just say Abdul Ramiin wasn't nearly as scary." she coughed.

"No? But then again, he did something the Goa'uld never managed to do. Capture and keep you. He stole your life..." she trailed off as anger flashed in Logan's eyes. Aha, she thought, at last.

"No doctor, he stole my freedom, not my life." she seethed.

"I stand corrected. But I think we've finally arrived at what it is that might have Colonel Caldwell concerned." she leaned back and waited.

"Which is?"

"Your fear that it could happen again." She answered evenly.

Logan did chuckle at that. "I'm a little out of his reach now, Doctor."

"Not him, specifically. But there is fear, however slight, that someone, or something could steal your freedom again. And that frightens you more than the possibility of getting killed in action."

Heightmeyer was right, up to a point.

"What was the worst part about being held captive? I know you weren't raped, or sexually assaulted. They didn't beat you. What did they do?"

"They stole my freedom. I... There was so much more going on in the galaxy than Ramiin could have imagined. He had no idea, no concept about anything but his own so-called 'cause,' but I knew what was happening. I knew the Atlantis expedition had left without me, I knew I was missing out on fighting the Goa'uld and the replicators..."

"That must have been very difficult for you, but its more than that, isn't it?" she prodded.

"More?"

"Your parents were gone already, but what about this relationship you had? Didn't it hurt to be taken from a man you...loved?"

"Sure it did," she shifted uncomfortably. It had hurt a lot.

"And Colonel Sheppard?"

The pain flashed across her features so fast, it was impossible for her to hide it. Then came the anger.

"Yes, Doctor, it hurt. It hurt like hell. I knew what it would do to him, and it killed me to not be able to reach out and tell him I was still alive. Daniel was surrounded by people he cared about, and who cared about him. He had a support system. John Sheppard was alone. He was alone and he had no one to help him work through the pain of losing a lifelong friend. The ONLY friend he trusted enough to open up to and share that kind of pain with. I *WAS* his support system, and I was gone!" she snapped.

Her eyes were flashing angrily, and she blinked several times to hold back the tears.

"Now we're getting somewhere," Heightmeyer announced.