My Sam, my Sam was gone…it had been over three weeks, it had been a constant torture, I could have been locked up, chained away and beaten for hours on end, but nothing…nothing in the world could ever possibly make me feel as low as I felt now.
"Lee?" my mom popped her head through my bedroom door, looking up I sniffled, wiping away at my cheeks, eyes and nose with the sleeve of my jumper; I could barely see her clearly, it was evident I had been crying for days, I'd stop and then it would start again, unable to control myself, stop myself from bawling my eyes out,
"Leah come on sweetheart, this isn't healthy," my mom cooed into my ear, I hadn't even noticed she'd made her way in, my eyesight was blurry, the tears managed to blur my vision of everything, unless Samuel was back here I didn't see reason to stop, "Leah honey…" my mom continued once she pulled me to her chest, as I sobbed uncontrollably, my chest felt so constricted, I couldn't help but stop every few seconds, drawing deep breaths, as I sobbed, trying my hardest to breathe,
"Lee…" my mom whispered once I broke free of her hold, I shook my head once she spoke,
"No mom, don't please" I managed to choke out, before bringing my knees up to my chest, my chin placed lightly on top of my knees, "mom, I want to be alone…" Leah managed to speak; my mom simply nodded, but reluctantly stood up, and sighed…a deep heartbreaking sigh before kissing Leah's forehead,
"I'm downstairs; call me if you need anything at all, okay?" I could only nod, it took too much, too much energy for me to talk, I sat there lost in my own little world, the world where it was me and Sam, I called it my happy place. It was the only reason I was this composed, that I hadn't already lost it, I needed Sam, I needed him more than anything, he was my air, and without him, I couldn't…it was difficult to breathe, each lungful seemed harder than the previous intake of air.
Sam…please come back, please don't walk away from what we have I whispered to myself in my head, as I peered down, my almond eyes now fixed on the ring which had perfectly fit onto my left hand, it was his mothers ring, Vivian had happily almost a year ago, handed the ring over to Sam, once he was certain he was going to propose, and now it was Leah's, a timeless, antique ring, a princess cut diamond in the center, and on either side two smaller diamonds – both a light, soft rose color, the color of Leah's cheeks when she blushed which Sam had once commented on after they had spent their first night together.
"Pumpkin?" my head shot up instinctively, and I stood, dashing towards my dad as I buried my face into his chest, whilst he held me securely as I cried even harder, staining his shirt with tears, "shh...baby girl he'll be fine you'll see," he whispered to me, he sounded hopeful, and I knew my dad was right, there was a logical explanation, Sam would have never left, my dad was right, nodding slowly I took deep breaths, which I needed so badly at this point, my body shook in his grasp as he hummed me my lullaby, a Quileute lullaby he sung to me when I was smaller…and still to this day, it instantly brightened up my mood, but today was different, it had very little effect on me, "come on, stop with the crying baby Lee, I want you to at least come downstairs with me, Vivian's here, she really would like to see you" my dad spoke calmly, and I only nodded, unable to break my fathers heart, or disobey him I wiped at my now red, puffy eyes with my balled up fists,
"oh-oh..okay" I managed to choke out, my voice was still barely higher than a whisper, as my dad kissed my forehead and left me to myself before I headed down, I changed out of my jumper, into a shirt, one of Sam's shirts, hugging it to my body tightly whilst I inhaled the fabric, it still smelt like him, a musky, manly scent, even better than axe, but somewhat near to it…just more intoxicating. I ran my fingers through my hair tying it up into a loose messy bun before I found myself smiling, just briefly, a small smile, but only because I now stood opposite to Vivian,
"Oh Leah" she spoke her own lips curving up into a genuine, loving smile, which I couldn't help but appreciate. Closing the distance between us both, I hugged her and my eyes closed as I desperately tried to fight the tears, and of course she noticed,
"Awwh Lee, you know everything will be fine, have faith and hope my dear" she spoke, taking my hand in hers whilst she led me outside, onto the porch, where we both sat on the swing, my hands intertwined in each other, my right thumb grazing softly over the ring which she noticed, "my daughter – I love you like my own daughter, I'm so happy Sam was clever enough to never let you go" Vivian whispered nudging me, which involuntarily made me chuckle, nodding I looked up at her, before frowning, my mood altered almost continuously, I felt bi-polar, but depression did this to a person,
"Sam will come back right? I mean he has to, I need him" I breathed out almost incoherently, and Vivian nodded taking my hand into her own as she squeezed it ever so lightly,
"I have no doubt Leah, he'll come back, I promise you…he loves you more than anything, believe me" she spoke, she sounded honest but I looked up at her, my eyes questioning silently what she had just said, I obviously didn't need words to convey what I was thinking, "I know because…" she took a deep breath before continuing, "before you Leah, Sam was this empty vessel, you gave him life, meaning, you gave him hope, a reason, a purpose, a future, but most of all you gave him your heart, and in return he did the same, he'd kill for you Leah, my son loves you with every fiber of his being…you can see it when he looks at you, when he talks about you, thinks about you, his face lightens up, he's become whole – and he won't let you down" she spoke fluently, not stopping to think about her words, but what I realized most of this little pep talk was that it was from the heart. I took a deep breath nodding, wiping away at the tears which had just fallen from my eyes and I sat there unable to stop crying…tears were just words the heart couldn't say, when too much strain and pressure was put onto the heart, and words weren't the option to help relieve the pain, the tears were there,
"I just…I feel so empty" I couldn't help but reply, and with that she took a deep breath, to talk but stood up and as my eyes traveled up to her, her face changed within a second; grief struck to an honest genuine smile which was so big, so full of light it reached her entire face, all her features suddenly back alive.
"Oh SAM!" Vivian exclaimed, and with that my head shot up almost instinctively and there stood Sam...my Sam, "Sam?" I choked out, standing as I broke down and within seconds I felt his arms around me, hushing me and holding me as I shook in his arms, "Sam" I breathed out again, looking up into his eyes, as I smiled, for the first time in almost a month, I smiled a genuine smile which Sam returned before he kissed the tip of my nose, and my forehead…Sam was back, with me, my life finally felt complete again…
please review and let me know what you think so far ^-^! I'm sorry if I may have switched to 3rd person, its difficult after years of using 3rd to automatically switch to 1st lol.
I'm thinking about adding a twist to the story, giving it depth, and much more drama, so also let me know your thoughts on that ^-^!
