Mistletoe Memories

2 – Santa Suit

"No. Absolutely not."

It was a phrase, Jun realised, that had somehow become commonplace in his daily vocabulary ever since the Rozen Maiden had moved into his house.

"But Jun!" Nori protested, right on cue. "It's Christmas!" She held up the red and white and waved it in his face, eyes wide and pleading.

"Come on, Junjun, you'll look so adorable – I mean, convincing in that!" Micchan had grabbed his arm and was jumping up and down like a small child.

"Do it for Hina's sake, Jun," said Tomoe, patting him solemnly on the shoulder.

"I refuse. It's a damn Santa suit, for God's sake! Why can't one of you do it?"

"Well, Jun, in case you haven't noticed, Santa Claus is a man. And we...well...kind of aren't," pointed out Tomoe.

"Look, it even came with the beard and hair and hat and everything! All you have to do is just stuff a pillow up your stomach and – "

"No."

"Alright then," Nori said, drawing back with a determined glint in her eye. "Micchan, call for our back-up."

"B-back-up?"

At that moment, Suiseiseki burst into the room, heralded by the sound of poppers and crackers going off and confetti raining down all over the floor.

"You'd better clean that up, you damn..." Jun trailed off and stared at the doll. In light of the jolly season, she seemed to have discarded her usual clothes for a red and green Christmas dress, complete with a Santa hat. As well as this, judging by the bulges in her pockets, she also seemed to be carrying around numerous Christmas crackers, poppers and sparklers.

"You chibi-hearted chibi! Get in the suit, or feel the wrath of Suiseiseki!" she roared, thrusting her hand in her pockets and drawing out a handful of sparklers in one hand, whilst pulling out a lighter with the other.

"WHY ARE YOU CARRYING A LIGHTER IN YOUR POCKET?"

"Put on the suit and no one gets hurt," Suiseiseki growled, pointing the sizzling sparklers at him.

"LIKE HELL I WILL! GET THOSE OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE YOU BURN IT DOWN!" He leapt at the doll, whereupon a spectacular wrestling match ensued, resulting in several burns in his carpet, fingers and shirt. Tomoe sighed.

"Nori, Micchan, I think this calls for drastic measures. Summon it – our secret weapon..."

"What on earth is all this dreadful racket?" Jun stared up from the ground where Suiseiseki had him pinned down to the floor to see Shinku standing in the doorway, coldly unimpressed gaze surveying the scene. Her lip curled with distaste.

"Jun, please stop abusing Suiseiseki."

"I-I'm not – she's – it's not – "

"Jun, I hear you have been refusing not just one, but three ladies' pleas of assistance. As a gentleman, which you are obviously struggling to be, and as my servant, you are obliged to help them in any way possible. Have I not told you before that you must be gracious and willing to serve at all time? Do you understand?"

The medium groaned, banging his head on the floor.

"Fine, I'll wear the goddamn suit!"