How can I say this in a…. normal way?? Well to be quite honest theres nothing normal with what im feeling. My feelings are juts that i don't want to live in this world anymore. I walk around telling myself that everything is fine, when I know they are not… im a screw up, I don't do anything right ever… since I started junior high everything in my life just went strait to hell.. then I started high school and I finally got real friends, that I knew I could count on whenever I needed it..
That only took me 2 years to lose. And again I found new friends and I really though this time everything would turn out right.. I had my best friend that I had since elementary school and 2 new best friends that I have known for many years. But again I lost them all… even tho I know I haven't really lost my two new best friends I still feel like it.. they never contact me anymore and I feel left out all the time, its like they are just waiting for me to take the hint, they don't want to be my friends anymore.. the only good thing I have going now lives 5 hour drive away from me, and that not easy..
I feel like my life is just a big pile of empty… nothing more.. I never feel like I can really trust someone and when I finally think I can something just comes right ahead and screw things over for me over and over again…
I know its wired for me saying this next part because I have always said that suicide is egotistic, but I sort of get them. I don't have it in me to really go out there and do it. But I really wish I had sometimes. Like now or other many other days.. I really don't like living anymore and I just want it to stop!
