Flight of an exile

Chapter Two

It had been a week since Shayera had arrived in the mountains and although seven days did not seem like a grand length of time, to Shayera it had felt like months had dragged by. Having spent the entire time sleeping during the day and waking in the night to forage and stretch her limbs, Shayera had become nocturnal in nature. The lack of sunlight and daytime in her life could be partially to blame for her ever falling mood, even as it was she was almost reluctant to leave her cave once the night fell, half of her wanting to remain there and never leave. On a few occasions when her mind wandered with nothing to keep its focus, she had debated her life and its direction. She was Thanagarian and aged much slower than the average human, she had many years in front of her and a corner of her heart couldn't bear the idea of growing old for the many years to come and spending the remainder of them alone and exiled. That same corner gave thought and breath to the thoughts she slowly began to harbour, thoughts of ending it all, it wasn't as if she felt that anyone would really notice if she just disappeared and didn't come back, it wasn't as if anyone was looking for her.

Today like most days she had woken earlier than she had intended, early enough that she shielded her eyes with her hand as the ebbing sunlight streamed into her cave and burned the backs of her eyes and bleached her vision. After a few minutes she managed to adjust her eyes to the light and had also managed to gauge the approximate time of day based on the level of the sun in the sky, it was close to setting. She had to her estimation another hour or so until she could leave the sanctuary of her dim cave so she spent the time tidying her pitiful supplies. To one corner was a large pile of dry firewood which she added to every night in order to ensure that she would always have enough to keep her warm once she returned after her nightly quest. To another side of the cave was a pile of edibles, various plants and fruits that from the research she had conducted upon arriving on Earth were determined to be safe for eating. There was a vast quantity there simply for the reason that she gathered some every night but only ate perhaps a handful or so, enough to quell the demands of her stomach but not enough she knew to sustain her. It was the reason why she had gone about hunting wild game, fashioning a primitive sling from various resources around her and thanks to her skills in most any weapon be them ranged or otherwise, Shayera had managed to catch herself a rabbit. Of course she hadn't been able to eat it all even after she cooked it for a considerable length of time on the fire, but she had eaten enough that the constant fatigue and muzzy headedness had somewhat dissipated. Whatever remains she had left she had cast out of her cave, leaving the rest of her meal to that of the wolves that she often heard outside.

As Shayera turned about her cave her eyes fell upon the largest wall that dominated one side, there her eyes focused in on the array of lines that she had etched there into the surface. Picking up one of the flint stones that she used to light her fire, Shayera moved towards the wall before etching another line. In this way she had managed to keep track of the days because it was surprisingly easy to lose track of how many days had drifted by, tonight was her eighth night. This wall however didn't simply house her tally like calendar, it also adorned many other carvings and markings that Shayera had busied herself with on the rare occasions that she had any energy to spare. Upon the wall she had carved her name in both English and Thanagarian and she had roughly drawn her mace, missing the weapon by her side. Oddly enough she had also written out the entire process for mining and refining transuranic iron ore, essentially what would become Nth metal. It was this practice of writing and carving into the wall that had kept her mind focused, had given her something to concentrate on other than her betrayal and loneliness. Despite this her heartache had still shone through, even now as she glanced over the lines she had scratched forming the design of the Green Lantern symbol or of the lines she had etched to show the sky-reaching spires of Thanagar, her heart became heavy and she chanced a look outside in the hopes that the night had finally fallen.

Indeed the night had finally cast its blanket over the landscape and she moved to the mouth of the cave to take a better look as well as to investigate tonight's flying conditions. Thanks to her meagre diet she couldn't fly for very long without becoming exhausted and she had been reduced to gliding as much as she could. Tonight's weather seemed suitable enough but the breeze was picking up considerably and she could see burly storm clouds fast approaching her location. In the face of those clouds she debated upon remaining within the cave for this night but decided that she needed to get out and get some fresh air, being confined to this stony shelter was slowly driving her crazy. Leaning out of the mountain her wings unfurled to their fullest extent before she leapt from the stony fortress and rode the wind down to the forest floor. Shayera had allowed herself to be carried a considerable distance but only so that she would be closer to the shimmering lake that she had seen on her first arrival here. Yesterday she had bathed in the lake to wash the grime from her hair and body, not only that but the lake also provided her with some water even if it wasn't ideal for many reasons. Once she arrived at the shimmering surface of the lake, Shayera stooped down to her knees and prepared to splash her face with the cool liquid, but in the moment that she leant across the water she had seen her reflection staring up at her. For a few passing moments she merely stared at it as if she had never seen her reflection before, it was clear that since her arrival here she had lost weight and the dark shadows beneath her eyes were a clear indication of poor sleep and a troubled mind. The shimmering woman in the water's reflection was a disgrace and Shayera eventually slapped her hand into the water, dissipating the image even as her anger surged and boiled up within. Just as soon as her anger reached its climax however, it was let go, Shayera didn't have the energy or the spirit to maintain it anymore and without her passion to feed it, it faded away leaving her feeling tired and burnt out.

Groggily she washed her face with the cold water feeling it travel down her spine as her wings shivered in response. Overhead she caught sight of the storm clouds that were still travelling rather quickly across the landscape and the slight rise in temperature of the surrounding atmosphere indicated that it would soon rain. With this in mind Shayera got to her feet and made her way through the woodland on foot as she always did, gathering wood on her way even as she snatched at any edible plants she passed, it was imperative that she keep her stores as full as possible. As she trundled along the forest floor she felt something cold hit her arm and as she instinctively glanced at what it was she determined that it was a rain drop, a notion that was quickly proven as the storm clouds literally opened up and the rain came almost as if a solid sheet of water had covered the landscape. Beneath the canopy of the trees she was moderately sheltered but with the force of the rain as it was, much of the water still managed to get through. Shayera debated on whether or not to fly now rather than wait until she reached the base of the mountain, but that was a fair distance away from where she currently was and she didn't want to risk not being able to fly properly when she got there from being too wet. Likewise though she knew that as soon as she took off she would take on water so it was a matter of deducing which course of action would be best, did she wait with the possibility of not being able to fly effectively or did she fly now with the possibility of being able to get back safely before the rain rendered her wings next to useless.

Decision made Shayera dropped tonight's supplies and took off, bending her knees and launching herself up into the air as was common practice for her. She knew her flying abilities well and was confident that she could make it back with little trouble, but it was the moment that she cleared the canopy that she realised she had made a mistake. The rain was coming down much harder than she had realised, she could barely see more than a few metres in front of her and even as she pumped her wings with the energy she didn't have, they took on a considerable amount of water and her feathers were soon soaked right through. It didn't necessarily mean that she couldn't keep flying but the additional weight of her wings altered her sense of balance and she was forced to work harder to maintain her altitude. If she were well fed and rested she undoubtedly would have experienced little trouble but as it were balancing on the edges of starvation and barely being able to catch a full day's sleep, it wasn't long before Shayera was forced to land. When she landed she hit the ground harder than she had expected and she stumbled forward slightly as her weighted wings rocked her centre of gravity, dubiously she continued the distance on foot with the knowledge that if she didn't get back soon and light a fire, get herself warm, she could be in a world of trouble. She was soaked to the skin and already trembling once she reached the base of the mountain, she tried and failed twice to take off and gain enough height to get back to her cave but all she had managed to do was land on a small jutting outcrop almost half the way up, her cave was around thirty feet away from where she stood, back and wings pressed against the cold slick rock face as forked lightning struck the forest and the roar of thunder rumbled loyally behind it.

Tentatively Shayera leaned away from the mountain only to discover that as well as being thirty feet from her cave, she was also perhaps more than that above ground. It was to her reluctance that she admitted that she probably would have been better off staying on the ground. Again, regardless of the rain that was getting into her eyes and plastering her hair to her face, Shayera attempted to gauge the distance and assess her situation. She could try flying again but her breath was still heavy from her earlier exertion, she didn't have the energy to maintain flight against these weather conditions, she'd only put herself in even more danger. It was then that she carefully turned on her stony perch and reached out to the nearest jutting handhold she could see, there was no choice she would have to climb. The lightning continued to flash behind her and as it filled her vision with a bright afterimage, Shayera slipped and almost fell, a small cry escaping her from the shock even as she snatched at another stony knot in front of her. She couldn't fall, couldn't risk falling, she would fall more than forty feet and with her wings sodden and heavy they wouldn't provide her with much stability. She could break them on her landing or even her legs and there was no one out here who could find her and if there were they might even be more inclined to kill her or leave her to the agony of her injuries. With the images of her broken body in her mind, Shayera clung desperately to the rock face, never before had she felt so truly hopeless and unsafe, never before had she felt as though her life could be so easily snuffed out.

Slowly she made progress, gripping the slick walls of the mountain rock she slowly drew closer to her destination, she could make it. She would make it and she would be safe. Finally after slipping once or twice more Shayera fell into her cave a tumbled mess of flesh and wings, soaked through to her bones and shivering from head to foot. Her hands sore and aching from her dangerous climbing clumsily grabbed at the flint stones as she crawled towards where she made her fire. Shaky she made poor work of making her fire, fingers slipping and dropping the stones once or twice before she finally managed to generate a spark and a hopeful flame. Outside the thunder roared again as if furious at her for defying it, but the only response she had for it was to sidle closer to her small fire and try to prevent her teeth from chattering. Exhausted she eventually curled up beside her fire, hugging her body with both arms and wings as she attempted to conserve what little heat she had at the same time as trying to stop her shivering. Lightning continued to strike outside in great forked streaks, likewise the thunder still loyally following in its wake. Her mind not quite her own Shayera focused on the battle between the forked light and roaring sound, to her the conflict was like that of the one she had experienced. It was a physical manifestation of the battle between her duty and her emotions, of Thanagar and Earth, of Lieutenant Hol and Hawkgirl and every time the lightning was Thanagar, blinding and dangerous, and the thunder was the Earth, protesting against its opposition but unable to compete in raw physical strength.

It was a little while later as her mind started to regain some semblance of belonging to her that she remembered that lightning and thunder were actually one and the same, it was only the speed of which they occurred that gave them the appearance of being separate entities. She realized that it suited her identity even more than she had at first anticipated. Lightning and thunder were the same even as how Lieutenant Hol and Hawkgirl had in reality been the same. Hawkgirl could not exist without Lieutenant Hol the same way the thunder could not be without the lightning. Finally with her shivers abated Shayera stared out across the landscape as it was drenched in the still persistently falling rain, she had forgotten about the rain while her foggy attention had been on the storm. She thought of herself as the rain then, that Shayera Hol whoever she was, was the water that fell and was forgotten while the storm of her competing identities rode on ahead. Now a little warmer but still soaked, Shayera reached out and grasped some of the firewood she had stored, tossing it into the flames to feed it as the wind began to howl outside, it would be many hours before the sun would rise and she hoped that the storm would have eased by then, she considered chancing a day's foraging since she had lost the night.

Sitting up she continued to watch the storm, continued to watch as Thanagar and Earth raged, as duty crossed swords with emotion, and she watched in particular as the rain fell and nourished the Earth. She changed her mind then, she decided that John Stewart was like the rain and she like the ground, that John Stewart had been the welcome rainfall that she had craved throughout her life. The Earth needed the rain the same way the thunder needed the lightning and Shayera realized at that moment that like the Earth at that very second, she needed the rain, she needed John, but unlike the Earth there would be no storm to bring her the life force that she needed.


To her dismay Shayera was still damp the following morning, her clothes still slightly sticky in places where they were yet to dry out completely. Despite this though, she was pleased to discover that the storm had ended sometime during the night after she had fallen asleep and that even though she was still damp her feathers were moderately dry. Rising unsteadily to her feet with a soreness throughout her body thanks to the previous night's exertions, Shayera stretched and clicked various bones before making her way to the opening of her cave. Below, the forest was green and nourished, vibrant and she could smell the fresh earthy scent that now suffused the air. For one brief flickering instant Shayera had felt peaceful and rejuvenated, but it was short lived as it was soon snuffed out by the prospects of venturing out in the day time, that and she could feel the grogginess of a cold lingering in the back of her throat which she hoped wouldn't turn out to be something her immune system couldn't handle.

There was no doubt in her mind that she had to go out in the day, she needed more food for some had turned and would no longer be edible lest she make herself ill, even as she looked to them now she decided that they were unfit for anyone but the merciless metabolism of the Flash. Her thoughts halted in their tracks at the memories of her friend who at times had felt like a younger brother to her and she thought back to the moment that he had embraced her. Shayera realized that his gesture had been one of the hardest to deal with and that since that moment she had wondered how he could offer her such unquestionable support after everything she had done. It would have been easier if he had scorned her or cursed her, but instead he had held her with the promise that he would be there for her if she ever had need of him.

Saddened, Shayera jumped from the cave mouth and floated effortlessly down to the ground, not wasting time once she landed to grab a fist full of the nearest edible plant and chug it down. The exhaustive efforts of the previous night had rendered her energy reserves empty and appetite or not she was famished and needed to eat. If she didn't she would soon be unable to fly at all. Continuing on her path being careful of her footing in places where the ground was sodden and wet, Shayera examined the terrain and the temperature. In her mind she tried to assess her rough location in a planetary sense and after an hour of traipsing, collecting food and even capturing herself another rabbit, Shayera had deduced that the weather conditions would not improve. Winter was on its way here and if she wanted to survive she would have to move on, because she knew that regardless of her skills and of her ability to adapt, the snow took no prisoners and she would be no exception. She planned to remain as long as possible and to stock as much as she could and then she would leave, venturing inland towards the edges of cities where she hoped to find shelter and stability even in the face of the hatred she expected to find there.

To be Continued