"What's up? You look like you've lost your best friend."
Gabrielle knew she shouldn't be surprised that Jack had picked up on her melancholy. He was an incredibly insightful man - at least he was when he wanted to be. The last few weeks he had surprised her by knowing when her feelings turned sad and he was unfailingly considerate in trying to cheer her up, for which she was eternally grateful. He had come through on his promise to be her friend, and a friend like that was something she desperately needed.
"In a way, I did," she said. "Steve moved out yesterday."
"Gabrielle, I'm sorry." And he was, he was surprised to learn. He didn't like Steve but he was fond of Gabrielle - just how fond also surprised him, given he'd only been back a few weeks.
"I knew it would happen eventually. It just feels - so permanent. I guess part of me was hoping it was something we could deal with on our own."
He reached out and squeezed her hand discreetly. So many times he had wanted to give her a big hug - she was far more unhappy than what she was letting on, even to him - but he knew anything but the most basic form of affection would get tongues wagging. "You know he needs professional help," he said sympathetically but knowingly.
"I know."
She looked ready to cry. "Look, I finish an hour after you. If you don't mind waiting, there's a great Thai place I know of not far from my place. I don't feel like cooking and you shouldn't be alone."
"Jack, that's sweet, but you do too much for me already."
"Hey, you'd be doing me a favour. I don't get out of the house much, my social life mainly consists of Zach." This made Gabrielle smile. His devotion to the little boy was clear. He'd brought him in one day a week ago because he'd had to sign off on some paperwork - Frank had taken shameless advantage of Jack's unofficial position as HoD covering the graveyard shift and shoved as much paperwork onto him that he could - bringing Zach with him for everyone to coo over. It was kind of endearing. "It's been ages since I saw you outside of work." Since the night he'd come over and Steve had interrupted their almost-kiss, to be exact. She'd been meaning to take him up on his offer of after work drinks since then, but Steve took up so much of her time.
Well, Steve was moving on and so she should. "If it's no inconvenience," she said.
"You are never an inconvenience," he said grandly. "Just wait at Cougars and I'll be by when I can."
"What was that about?" Rachel asked the second Jack was out of earshot.
"Problems with Steve. He just wanted to know I was OK. It's unnerving how insightful he is, sometimes." Gabrielle didn't care to elaborate, telling herself that it was because everyone knew that despite everything, Rachel still had feelings for him, and she didn't want to throw their burgeoning close friendship in the younger nurse's face. In reality whenever she tried to explain that burgeoning closeness, it always sounded like there was something more to it. Which absolutely there was not.
"You guys seem pretty pally." There was a touch of envy in Rachel's voice. She had noticed the way he looked at Gabrielle - it was hard to put her finger on it, but there was clearly affection there. Was there anything more to it than friendship? For some reason, the idea of them together was more unbearable than the idea of him with anyone else. Maybe it was because she looked up to Gabrielle, considered her a friend, and because Gabrielle knew how she'd felt about Jack.
How she'd felt about him then, how she felt about him now. She couldn't help it. The things that had first attracted her to him were still there, only magnified. He was nicer, more considerate - sweet, as Charlotte and Gabrielle had said. Rachel wanted him to show that sweetness to her.
"He's a good friend to have," Gabrielle said cautiously, and for some reason, she felt guilty. She told herself she had nothing to feel guilty about. She hadn't done anything wrong, there was nothing between her and Jack, and even if there was - which emphatically there was not - it was none of Rachel's business. "Look, is there something I should know? He only takes extra day shifts because he thinks you're fine with it. If you're not -"
"Of course I'm fine with it," Rachel cut her off, wondering if her feelings were that obvious. "I'm not that petty. I was just... curious."
"Well, don't be, there's nothing there and even if there was, I wouldn't get involved with him. I've had my fair share of men who use women and booze as emotional crutches."
Later over dinner she said to him, "I think you need to sort Rachel out. She still has feelings for you."
Jack nearly choked on his rice. "You're kidding me. How on earth - after the way I treated her, I was surprised she was OK with me working days."
"The heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose," Gabrielle said ruefully. "Look at me and Steve."
"You and Steve had been together for a long time, it's hard to switch those kind of feelings off. Rachel's only known me a few months."
"Nonetheless, you should try and set her straight. Just talk to her. Maybe if she knows nothing's going to happen she'll get over it." She sipped her wine carefully. "Nothing is going to happen, right?"
Jack tried not to be hurt over the directness of the question. "Of course not. I shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. She's a decent kid but that's just it, she's just a kid to me. I've never dated someone that much younger than me but it's more than that. I mean, she's only a few years younger than you but you seem a lot more mature than her."
"Dealing with a cheating alcoholic boyfriend does that to you," she said dryly. But she knew what Jack meant. Rachel was nice, she was professional, but there was a lack of something - maturity was the wrong word, hardness a better one - that came from a sheltered life and lack of exposure to the crueler elements of life. Her relationship with Steve had forced her to draw on reserves of resolve and hardness, and she knew there was something in Jack's past that had forced him to draw on those same reserves. "You know, my parents were really strict and very religious - I used to go to boarding school because the local public school wasn't good enough for them. I wonder sometimes if I started dating Steve 'cos I wanted to escape from that."
She was surprised that she had shared such an intimate detail of her life with Jack. She decided to ease up on the wine. It was just such a treat to not be driving - Steve always insisted on her driving so he could drink. Yet another way their relationship had been incredibly convoluted.
Jack was surprised that she shared it, too. "What made you think of that?" he asked.
"Oh, what you were saying about a lack of maturity. I don't think it's so much that as having been very sheltered. Bart's the same. When you have to deal with crap, it makes you a bit hard, I think. You have to find the strength to keep moving but it alienates you from a lot of people who have no personal comprehension of dealing with it. You get it but she wouldn't. She said - oh, never mind."
"Now you've piqued my curiosity, share," he ordered.
"It's quite personal."
"If it's about me then I probably already know."
"OK, but you can't get angry 'cos I know." He looked at her quizzically then agreed, curiosity even more aroused. "I know you've been abused. Rachel said you couldn't miss it." She saw Jack flush with embarrassment at having such a personal detail known but she had warned him. "And she still didn't get that kind of thing changes a person. She didn't get that kind of thing makes you hard because she's never been exposed to it - and I remember thinking you made so much more sense, it can't be easy for you to be close to people, but she didn't get how that would affect a person's ability to be close to people."
"But you get it."
"Probably not as much as someone who's been through it themselves, but yeah, I get it a little. I think my attitude towards sex has always been skewered because of what I grew up with, so the same must be true of you and your ability to be close to people."
At first, he had been embarrassed that she had known about his abuse, but now he found it a little freeing. She was right, she got it. And Rachel hadn't. Someone as sheltered as she was never would. "My stepmother didn't like me very much," he said, and it felt good to talk to someone about it - someone other than his counselor. "I'm the result of my dad's infidelity - my mum was a barmaid, she abandoned me when I was eighteen months old. To Stella, I always represented dad's sleeping around - she didn't have the courage to leave him so she took it out on me instead."
Gabrielle reached out to squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," she said, understanding better how deeply wounded his soul was. "Did your dad ever do anything about it?"
Jack shook his head. "I only spoke to him about it once, a few years ago, he knew it was wrong but - well, they're both pretty weak people and the trade off for him was that Stella had carte blanche raising me. That was loads of fun. I have two older brothers and I grew up trying to understand how she could be such a devoted mother to them and such a cunt to me." Gabrielle gasped to hear Jack use the words. He must really hate her, after all these years. "I think I would have been happier in foster care."
"And DOCS never got involved?"
"She was pretty clever about it, in public she could be a devoted mother and it wasn't public knowledge that she was my step-mother, not my mother so my teachers and neighbours never realized something was amiss. We moved when I was three and my oldest brother was about to start school 'cos Stella didn't want him tainted with the public knowledge that his little brother was a bastard. It took me ages to find my birth certificate 'cos it's got my mother's name on it and Stella couldn't stand the shame of explaining so she destroyed it."
"Oh, Jack." Her heart went out to him.
He smiled brightly through threatening tears. "Please, don't. I don't want to think about it. I got through it, and I send my tax statement home each year so I can stick it to them how much money I make. She was sure I would amount to nothing so it must really stick to her. Can we change the subject, please?"
"Of course. Look, I was meaning to ask you - do you know what's going on between Bart and Annie?"
"Why, has Von said something?"
"No, Frank did. He seems to think you're responsible for his poor judgment. The logic is that you exposed him to your somewhat irresponsible attitude towards sex and relationships. I laughed at that. if Frank hadn't been so busy coddling him and giving him such a sense of entitlement, maybe he'd be thinking with a bit more common sense now."
"I know they're sleeping together," Jack said. "I've tried pointing out how much trouble he could get in with the board but he doesn't care. You know what you were just saying about Bart being one of those people who just doesn't get it? He just can't comprehend the world of trouble he can get into. He thinks himself in love and that's all that matters."
"Have you tried talking to Annie?" Gabrielle asked. "Of the two of them, she seems to be more practical. If you spell out how much trouble he can get into, she may be willing to call it off, at least for a few months."
"It certainly can't make the situation worse," Jack conceded. He made plans with Frank and Von to take over Von's at-home care for a day and make sure Bart was working on that day so he wasn't around to undermine Jack's efforts.
Needless to say, Annie was surprised to see him. "Where's Von?" she asked.
"I wanted to talk to you in private so I arranged to cover for her."
Annie frowned. "Is this about me and Bart? Because he said you didn't approve." She said this like he was at fault, not them.
"Of course I don't approve. Bart could be struck off for this."
"Struck off?. He never said-"
"Of course he wasn't going to say. But how do you think it will look to the medical board? You were his patient only a few weeks ago and you're still an outpatient for the hospital. Getting romantically involved with a patient is one of the worst things he can do and honestly, I'm not sure about your state of mind. You're undergoing chemo, you had a late-term miscarriage not long ago and your relationship ended because of that. None of that will look good to the board."
"Yeah, and how will the board find out?" Annie asked.
"They will find out when I report him," Jack said resolutely. "I have to, it's in everyone's best interest."
"Not ours," Annie said. "You have no right to interfere. How dare you question my state of mind? Bart told me all about you. He said you were so messed up about your girlfriend miscarrying years ago that you've transferred your feelings onto her new baby."
Jack flinched. It wasn't true and it wasn't fair and it wasn't any of her business. "I do still feel bad about it," he said cautiously. "And when it happened I'd only accepted it for a few weeks. She wasn't my girlfriend, she was a one-night stand that ruined any chances I had of reconciling with my ex. For most of the pregnancy I was trying to think of a way to wriggle out of it and if it's something that still hurts to think about, then I can't imagine how you must feel."
"I'm fine. I'm over it."
"Look me in the eye and say that."
She met his eye and got to "I'm-" before her composure completely broke. She started to cry and Jack held her awkwardly. He'd never been one to do anything more than hold his patient's hand if they needed the comforting touch and the fact Annie was seeing a colleague of his made things even more awkward. "You need professional counseling, not a boyfriend who's jeopardizing his career to be with you," he said her decisively - but compassionately. "I'll make you a deal. You break it off yourself and I won't report him. And I'll see about getting you proper counseling. Give it three months into remission, OK? That's not too much to ask, is it? Not when you can go to the board and say nothing happened when it shouldn't have." She didn't reply but nodded her head against his chest. "And for God's sake, don't tell Bart about this. He'd likely make a scene and that will lead to more trouble."
Later on in the week Jack was telling Gabrielle about it. "I felt awful," he said. "I don't believe they love each other but they believe it so the effect is going to be just as bad."
"You did the right thing," Gabrielle told him. "I think you were right on the money about her not having dealt with her miscarriage and her boyfriend leaving her. For that reason alone she shouldn't be getting involved with someone new."
"I know it was the only thing I could do but I still feel bad and I can't believe Bart told her about Charlotte and me. I can't believe he thinks I have transference issues. It's none of his goddamn business and I can't even confront him over it 'cos he'll know what I did and probably do something stupid, make a scene or even quit so he can be with her."
"Welcome to the life of having subordinates to deal with," she teased.
Jack made a face. "If this is what being in charge is like, then I want to go back to the old days. I'd rather Zoe have to make the tough calls than me."
"Don't be like that. You love it and you know it."
"Yeah, I do, but don't go telling anyone that," he admitted.
"You did well to get her this far, Jack," Gabrielle reminded him gently. Jack was angry because Mike had forced him to stop treating a patient he'd laboured to save. A fight had broken out at the ice hockey game they'd been to as a group and naturally, those of them who had been there had pitched in to help. It had been a pity, because they rarely got to socialize - both her and Jack and the team in general - and she'd been looking forward to it.
She found she enjoyed ice hockey, even though she had gone in not having any idea. If she'd overheard Steve's comment about 'Gabby and blood sports' she would have heartily agreed. There was something about men beating the crap out of each other that she enjoyed, even though she couldn't explain it. Maybe it was just growing up on a farm and seeing aggressive alpha-male behaviour all the time.
But her enjoyment had been short-lived when two alpha males in the stands had decided to have a match of their own, and all hell had broken loose. People had died, people had been seriously injured and it looked like something was brewing between Heath and one of the victims, Melissa.
But that was a thought for another day. Jack was in front of her, Jack was bummed about not being able to see a patient through to the end. Gabrielle was struck by the difference in his attitude now and when he'd come back to work and hadn't bothered to introduce himself to a patient and treated her curtly. He really was doing all he could to change. "You couldn't have done anything else," she said sympathetically.
"I know," Jack said tiredly. "I just wish I could have."
She reached up to ruffle his hair slightly. He didn't object, even though he didn't tend to like it when people got into his space like that - unless you were talking about sex. But Gabrielle, for some reason, was different. He didn't mind her in his personal space. In fact, he welcomed it. It had been ages since he'd had a platonic female friend - which reminded him, he needed to make an effort to touch base with Cate - and he hadn't realized how much he missed just being mates with a woman.
From across the ED, Steve watched them. He understood that Gabrielle wasn't interested in reconciling with him - or at least, he tried to understand - but he and Jack had gotten off on the wrong foot from day one and time hadn't done anything to rectify that. He didn't like the man. He thought he was an arrogant city boy, not Gabrielle's type at all. But it was clear that she was immensely fond of him and it made Steve's heart twist to see her being affectionate towards him.
"What's the deal with you guys?" he asked, trying to keep the sullen tone out of his voice.
"What do you mean?"
"You and Quade seem pretty pally."
Gabrielle looked at him quizzically. "You don't think there's anything between us, do you?" she asked. The idea was ludicrous. Jack might be smart and good-looking and fun to hang around but they were just mates. He had never hinted, either in words or actions, anything to the contrary.
"Well, he has been with half the staff in this hospital."
"Last I checked, Charlotte and Rachel do not constitute half the staff," she said crossly. "Does the name Ashley Jones cross your mind at all?"
Steve at least had the decency to look ashamed. "I'm just saying... you should be careful around him. He looked like he had an agenda that time he was at your place."
"If he had an agenda, it was to protect my cheating alcoholic of an ex boyfriend from hurting me again," she said sharply, and Steve's heart twisted harder. Why was she defending this guy? What was it about him that made women so fond of him? He couldn't be sorting out a lot of Zoe's problems with admin - caused largely by Frank, but Jack had a knack for getting along with admin - and babysitting for Charlotte and taking Gabrielle out to movies and for drinks just because he was a great guy who liked to make women's lives easier. "We're just friends. Besides, I think Frank would kill him if he got involved with anyone here again."
"Just saying is all," Steve grumbled before walking off.
Annie had been readmitted when her sickness and pain seemed to be more than just a reaction to the chemo. Things were awkward between her and Bart, but she'd come through for Jack and not only broken it off with him but not told him of Jack's involvement. Frank had worked it out though, and had a quiet word of gratitude. It had been all Jack could do to refrain from pointing out if Frank hadn't coddled Bart so much in the past eighteen months, Bart might not have the sense of entitlement to get involved with a patient.
So here he was, in pathology, trying to sweet-talk one of the pathologists into working with the poor sample they had of Annie's bone marrow. He'd tried to get into the ED to get a fresh sample but all the doors were jammed shut, power failure Frank had said.
"Why's it so important?" Caroline asked. "If you can't get a fresh sample just go hang out in the cafeteria for a while. Most ED doctors would kill to have nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs. Is she your girlfriend or something?"
"No, she's a mate's girlfriend - well, it's complicated. I haven't had a date in ages." He didn't know why he'd tacked that on, except Caroline was kind of cute - actually, she was really cute, and he was trying to make her smile. She had a gorgeous smile.
"Really? I hear otherwise."
Jack frowned. "You shouldn't believe everything you hear. Look, can you please do me this huge favour? It would mean a lot to me."
Caroline smiled. "You're much nicer than Frank Campion," she conceded.
"Yeah, well I learned a long time ago that if you want things to go smoothly, you need to get on well with admin, the nursing staff and pathology."
"Clever boy. What do I get if I do this huge favour for you?" she asked. There it was, that gorgeous smile.
"How 'bout I take you out for dinner next week?" Jack offered, smiling back.
Caroline considered it. "How about you buy me a working girl's lunch right now?" she countered. She reached for the staff coffee and pastry list and handed it over. Jack groaned inwardly. He was so hitting Frank up to reimburse him the cost. But he took the list without verbalizing his displeasure and went off to get the whole pathology staff coffee and Danishes.
"I can't believe you actually did this," Caroline admitted half an hour later. "Hope you're planning to hit Frank up for the money?"
"I'll try, but I don't like my chances," Jack replied. "I really appreciate this and... if you're still interested, I'd still like to take you out for dinner."
"Next week?" Caroline asked. Jack nodded. "I'm free Thursday."
Jack wasn't, but he figured he could switch with someone. "I'll be back for the results in a couple of hours, OK?" he asked, smiling as he walked off. It had been ages since he'd bothered to flirt and date - for too long now it had been get them straight into bed - and it felt good to be back in the game.
The last thing he remembered was Caroline smiling, Danish in one hand, coffee in the other, when there was a thunderous sound and the room shook and everything went black.
"Oh, God, where did that come from?" Charlotte asked in a frightened whisper. "The daycare centre?"
"They wouldn't hit the daycare centre," Frank assured her. Targeting children was a line that even gun-wielding and bomb-setting drug thieves tended not to cross.
Just then, the phone went off, startling everyone. The phone had been largely silent for the last hour or so when Frank had switched their capacity to red, meaning they couldn't take any more patients. It was probably internal. Frank went to get it and Melissa pointed the gun in his face. "I have to get it," he explained as patiently as he could. He much preferred dealing with James, but James was off plundering the pharmacy's drug supplies. "It's probably admin calling all the wards. If I don't answer, they'll send security straight down."
Melissa glowered. She was fast losing control of the situation. She hadn't liked that James had gone off with that pretty brunette with the guy's name and now one thing went wrong after another. Then she smiled an evil, Annie Wilkes-esque smile. She swung the gun around in Rachel's direction. She had worked out soon enough that Frank was immensely protective of his staff and was much more pliable when she was pointing the gun in one of their faces than his. And besides, Rachel was a brunette nurse like the harlot James had dragged off and it made Melissa feel better to frighten her. "You answer it," she directed Rachel. She glared at Frank. "Any mistake and she gets it."
Rachel had been surprisingly calm. She had realized panicking was going to get them nowhere and had done her best to make the situation as good as they could. Not that there was really such thing as 'good' when they were being held at bay by gun-wielding maniacs. "All Saints Emergency Department, Rachel Simms speaking," she said. Her throat felt dry but her voice sounded normal.
"Hi, is Jack there?" a woman asked.
"No, he's not, can I take a message?"
"You think you could find him for me?"
"I'm sorry, but he's up in pathology. I can page him for you and get him to call you when he gets back - I'm sorry, what's your name?"
"It's Rebecca, and I've already tried his pager. And his mobile. Look, I know I'm being stupid but I just got this awful feeling that something bad's happened to him and I just wanted to make sure he's OK."
Rebecca. The pretty blond she'd originally thought was an ex-girlfriend on account a picture of them dressed up was the only thing on Jack's bedside table. But she was the sister he adored. And she apparently had a psychic connection with him. "Rebecca, I can't do anything if he's not answering his pager or phone but I promise the second I see him I'll tell him he called."
There wasn't much more Rebecca could do but accept Rachel's promise and she said goodbye, going back to her mounting sense of panic that something had happened to her brother. She then called admin. "You set the bomb it pathology, didn't you?" Rachel asked Melissa when she hung up the phone. Melissa just smiled that evil smile.
"Jesus Christ, I knew they were close but..." Charlotte breathed. "What do you reckon she's now calling the police?" Not the brightest thing to say when Melissa and Smokey had guns
"What? Who were close?" Bart asked.
"Jack and his sister. It's funny because they're only half-siblings and they only met a few years ago and he's a fair bit older than her but they're completely in sync. She knows something's up and if she couldn't get hold of him herself, she called here." Charlotte paled when the meaning of her own words sank in. Had the bomb been in pathology and had Jack been in pathology when it went off? She couldn't even feel relief that the bomb hadn't been in daycare. "You bitch," she snarled at Melissa, completely forgetting for a moment that Melissa had a gun on her.
Melissa waved it in her face. "Careful," she said. "You don't want to go calling the person with the gun names."
Nearby, Gabrielle felt like she was going to be sick. It was somehow that much more personal to know one of their own could right now be hurt, even dead. It was one thing that they were being held hostage by the madwoman; it was another to know someone they all cared about might be no more.
Jack came too reluctantly, his mind telling him that unconscious meant no pain. Not that there was much pain for the moment; adrenaline kicked in when he realized what had happened. He took in the scene around him. It looked like a bomb site. Jack let out a grim chuckle at that site. It couldn't have been anything but a bomb. Oh, God, someone had set off a bomb in pathology. Did it have anything to do with the fact the ED was in lockdown? His friends were down there.
OK, he couldn't worry about that right now. Coughing, he got up and was vaguely aware of the ache in his side. He surveyed the scene around him. There were a few people getting up, staggering around, looking dazed. No wonder. "Everyone get out," he said loudly but with surprisingly little panic in his voice. Panic would achieve nothing. The damage was done and the most immediate concern was getting people out before anything collapsed. "Be careful where you walk. If it feels unstable, back off." People looked at him and obeyed him, relieved to have someone to take stock of the situation. Well, he was a surgeon and an ED physician. If he couldn't remain calm in a crises, people died.
He looked around. Because he'd been almost out the door when the bomb had gone off his injuries were easily treatable. He felt something warm and wet on his forehead and he knew he'd been cut. He raised his hand to it and knew he was going to need stitches but it was nothing fatal. He would be OK.
But most of the people who'd been in pathology at the time wouldn't be. He guessed the bomb had been under the front desk - it was easy to hide and a major source of traffic. Anyone who'd been within a meter of that desk at the time probably wouldn't have survived.
Caroline. His heart lurched with fear. He barely knew her of course, but suddenly all he could think about was her smile. "CAROLINE!" he screamed. He rushed over to the front desk, ignoring his own commands to tread carefully.
She was alive. He couldn't believe it, but she was alive. There could be anything wrong with her and there was so many procedures Jack needed to follow but he didn't have the time or resources so he pulled her into his arms. There was a hole in her chest with blood soaking through and it was getting all over his shirt but he didn't notice. Nor did he notice the fact her weight was exacerbating the pain in his side. All he could think of was getting her out of there.
Thankfully, a fair portion of the ambulance service had been directed to the hospital. Cate and Heath were waiting for him - well, not him specifically but for the many survivors of such a horrific crime.
A fragment of the bomb had torn through her chest, piercing her heart. Jack's heart plummeted. Even if they could stop the bleeding, she had already lost so much. It came down to Cate using her fingers to stop her heart from pumping out blood while Jack and Heath moved the gurney with painstaking but very necessary slowness towards the ED.
The ED was complete bedlam. One patient had already died and Jack later found out that another, Georgina, had missed out on the heart she needed by just a few minutes. Jack felt a rush of sheer hatred towards the people responsible and took a grim sense of satisfaction out of the fact one of them had a bullet through her head.
He worked feverishly to save Caroline and in the end, thank god, she was going to pull through. He wanted to go up to ICU with her and stay there until she woke up and was able to talk, or at least listen to her tell him she was going to make a full, if slow recovery. He wanted to see this one through more than he'd ever wanted to with a patient. He felt a little guilty for the rough time he'd given Bart over Annie because he understood now that sometimes you couldn't help feeling that way about a patient. Of course, it was different because Caroline had become his patient after they'd made plans for a date, but still-
"Quade, let it go. You need to be checked out."
"I'm fine, Frank." But even as he said it he was aware of the growing pain in his side. He hadn't noticed it while he'd been high on adrenaline, but now-
That pain in his side turned out to be two fractured ribs. He supposed he should be grateful, given almost everyone who'd been in pathology at the time was now dead. "You're incredibly lucky," Frank said gruffly. "I want you to remind yourself of that everytime you think to complain to me about being on light duties for at least the next month." Jack opened his mouth to complain and shut it again when he saw the look in Frank's eyes. "That cut looks like it needs stitches."
"I don't suppose Zoe can do it?"
To Jack's surprise, Frank laughed. The shock had worn off enough for Jack's homophobia to kick back in; he absolutely hated being treated by male doctors.
The phone rang. It was the results for Annie's bone marrow. She didn't have bone cancer. Well, that was something good to come out of the day. He went to tell the young woman, by now frightened out of her wits.
She looked as though she would kiss Jack at the news. Bart looked almost as happy. Jack got Bart to run an errand for him so he could get Annie alone. "Look, all things considered... if you and Bart can be discreet enough that I don't know about it..." He had said three months but he couldn't stand for them to be miserable after they'd all been through so much. And maybe Karma would give him brownie points with Caroline.
The frightened look was completely wiped from her face and impulsively, she reached up and hugged him. "Thankyou so much," she whispered.
"It's nothing. But I'm serious, be discreet."
"I will, I promise."
They had a staff meeting later that day. Everyone was pretty shaken up. Charlotte looked like she would never let Zach out of her sights again. Jack patted her back reassuringly and she smiled in gratitude.
It was the typical driven about how counselors were available and all that. Jack was feeling surprisingly calm. He could have died, but then, he hadn't had to live through the stress of being held at gunpoint and watch people die. Hell, he had saved a life, the only one that could be saved. But still... he knew he didn't want to be alone tonight. (Speaking of which, he should call Rebecca. It must be all over the news by now.)
Gabrielle found him shortly after. "Are you doing anything tonight?" she asked hopefully.
"I was just about to ask you the same thing. I could really do with some company tonight - Dan's staying with Ricki and I don't want to be alone."
"What about Charlotte?"
"I think she wants to devote her energy to Zach. I think she's just resent any other claim on her attention. Look, why don't you come over for dinner? Say, seven? I should go see my sister first but that won't take long, just enough for her to know I'm in one piece, and I'd rather be with someone who it happened to."
Gabrielle smiled gratefully. Like Jack, she didn't want to be alone, she wanted to be with someone who had gone through the same traumatic event. Like Jack with Charlotte, the person she really wanted to be with was otherwise occupied - Steve had thought it best that he go to an AA meeting - but they still enjoyed each other's company and beggars couldn't be choosers. "I'll be there." With several bottles of wine. Or maybe forget the wine and hit the spirits. "Oh, God, that reminds me. Rebecca did call. Rachel took it. Said she'd pass the message on, I guess she forgot." It had been a pretty stressful time for all of them.
"When?"
"Couple of hours ago. It was at eleven."
It was now four. "And she hasn't tried to call back?" It had to be all over the news by now. If she hadn't been able to get hold of him, she would have started making enquiries until she did. And then she'd start to worry. They were incredibly close, had a deep connection that most people associate with twins.
"Frank got sick of the calls from reporters so he did something to the phone - we can still take internal calls but not external ones."
Rebecca had probably been frantic, dialing the ED over and over and getting a disconnected signal. She must be hysterical by now. He had been back in the ED for over two hours and Rachel hadn't said anything to him. He pulled out his phone and realized it was smashed. If he could retrieve the memory, he was sure there was a bunch of missed calls from her. "Fuck," he said with enough vehemence to frighten Gabrielle. She had never seen him so frantic - you couldn't give into that particular emotion when you did what they did for a living, but when it came to his sister...
She handed him hers. "Here. Talk as long as you like, I have one of those free minute plans 'coz my family's always calling me." She didn't know why she'd added that detail except that she wanted to reassure him that cost wasn't an issue.
Jack dialed. Rebecca answered on the first ring, which probably meant she'd been sitting by the phone. She was crying. "I heard about the bomb and I tried calling but you didn't pick up and I tried calling the ED and that stupid jealous bitch said she'd pass on the message and - oh, God, I was so worried you were dead."
"I'm fine," he said. "I have a couple of fractured ribs and a bad cut but that's all. I'm just leaving work now, why don't I swing around and you can see for yourself."
"I'd like that." She continued to cry and Jack said all the right things until she was calm enough that he felt he could end the call. His heart ached for his sister and he couldn't even take a perverse pleasure out of knowing he meant that much to her.
Jack handed back Gabrielle's phone. "Thanks," he said absently. Then his body language changed abruptly and anger was written all over his face. Rebecca had been convinced Rachel had deliberately not passed on the message out of jealousy - it was an ED joke that Jack let Rebecca walk all over him when it came to the women he was dating (or sleeping with). She always came first, as even the formidable Deanna had discovered. Rebecca liked very few of the women in Jack's life, and the ones she did - Charlotte, Cate - had known him first. And Erica didn't count because she and Jack had always known Erica and Dan would get together. But an ex-lover was something else entirely, someone who was a potential threat to their relationship, and in her hysterical state it made perfect sense for Rachel to have done something like that on purpose. And to Jack, having had to calm her out of her hysteria, Rachel was a convenient target for his heartache that his sister could be made so upset. "I'm going to wring her neck," he said in a dangerous voice, and Gabrielle knew exactly who he was talking about.
"Jack, stop. She didn't do it deliberately." She raced after him. "We've all been under stress. You can't blame her."
"Rachel!" he yelled at her with such fury she cowered. She hadn't thought it possible for Jack to speak to her in more distressing a way than when he'd dismissed her after their night together, but the tone in his voice - and the look in his eyes - chilled her to the bone. "You stupid, jealous bitch," he seethed, attracting the attention of everyone in the ED. Von shivered involuntarily. She and Frank were the only ones who remembered his anger towards the man who had run Charlotte over, causing her miscarriage, and this was the same anger.
"Excuse me?"
"What, you thought not passing on Bec's message was going to impress me? You are pathetic."
"Jack, please," Gabrielle pleaded with him. Rachel looked frightened out of her wits. She had remained calm while they were being held hostage but looked ready to completely break under the brute force of Jack's anger. Gabrielle couldn't blame her. It was frightening enough just being in the vicinity.
"I didn't mean to - I just forgot," Rachel said, trembling. This was the man who had held her lovingly, who had been so gentle and giving that he'd convinced her there was something more even without saying anything. And now he looked like he was capable of murder.
"Shut up!" he screamed. "You will never mean anything to me, and you certainly won't mean the same as her. You're not in the same class. Get that through your thick head." And he stormed off.
Rachel burst into tears. "I didn't do it deliberately," she sobbed.
Gabrielle patted her on the back. "I know. It's just that she means so much to him and she was really upset. I mean, really. I could hear her sobbing through the phone. He didn't mean it, he just wanted a target for her being upset. He'll apologize in the morning." She'd make sure he did. Rachel nodded, still sobbing. "Why don't you go home?" Gabrielle asked kindly.
A few minutes later a calmer Rachel emerged from the bathroom, jacket over her - it seemed everyone was feeling chilled to the bone - and bug over her shoulder. "Gabby, do you think he meant what he said - about me not meaning anything to him?"
"I think Charlotte or Cate is a better judge of that, they understand their relationship better. But yeah, I think the best you can hope for now is friendship."
"I should have passed on the message as soon as I saw him."
"You aren't to blame. Everyone knew she called - hell, Charlotte knows how frantic Rebecca would have gotten - and none of us said anything. It didn't even occur to me to say something until he said he needed to call her. You're not to blame," she repeated.
"Now he'll never care."
Gabrielle hugged her. No point in telling Rachel he never would have in the first place. In some ways, Jack's losing his temper at her had been a blessing. Now she could be content herself with the knowledge that it had been his possessive sister that kept them from being together, not Jack's complete lack of interest in someone he had referred to as a 'sweet kid'.
"... You were really hard on her before," she admonished him later. "You owe her an apology. I'm really grateful you convinced her to come back, but that isn't much good to me if she just quits 'cos of you again."
Jack raked his hand through his hair. "I know," he admitted. "But hearing Bec so distressed and so convinced Rachel had done it deliberately, well, she was a handy outlet to blame. I hate it when she gets upset."
"You really love her, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. Most people don't get it 'cos we don't even have the same father and I'm seven years older than her and we've only known each other for two and a half years - but the first time we had a real conversation I felt like I'd known her all my life. She's the only family I've got who ever really cared about me."
"You have a photo of her?" Gabrielle asked, partly out of curiosity and partly because it seemed to defuse the last of his bleeding-out stress.
Jack pottered to his room and came back with a photo of the two of them. "She's pretty," Gabrielle commented. "And you look happy in this photo."
Jack laughed. "It's from Nelson's wedding. It turned out to be not so happy a day - his fiancée was killed by her ex. The photographer initially refused to sell Bec this photo 'cos he didn't want to profit from such a horrific event, so Bec talked him into giving it to her for free, that way he wouldn't be profiting."
"You're making that up."
"I am not. She's actually quite proud of herself. It's vaguely flattering. I've never had someone willing to talk her way to one particular photo. I mean, if I'd known she cared that much I would have just smiled for a photo, but the fact she wanted it that much..."
For some reason, Gabrielle found herself laughing. She knew exactly what Jack was talking about. God, Steve hadn't loved her enough to be faithful, let alone negotiate for a photo he liked. Jack watched her curiously as her laughter became somewhat hysterical. That was the shock wearing off and hysteria setting in. "C'mere," he said and gently pulled her into his arms. "Just don't put any weight on my left side."
"I'm fine, Jack."
"No, you're not. You've just been held at gunpoint. I know you need to appear in control of things in front of your subordinates but you don't have to keep it up in front of me. Isn't that why you asked to come over? So you could be with someone who had been through it?"
"I don't want to be a nuisance."
His heart went out to her and he wondered how much of Steve's treatment of her over the years had led to this belief that she always had to be the strong one, that she couldn't expect or rely on anyone to be strong for her. "You're not a nuisance," he said. "You're one of the most awesome women I know. It takes courage to leave someone you love and it takes courage to leave them again when you know they're beyond your help. You don't need to feel you have to always be strong around me. I have a pretty thick skin myself."
She started to cry and he cupped the back of her neck, pushing her face into his chest. If anyone needed to cry in the arms of someone she cared about, it was Gabrielle. He held her as gently and protectively as he could, moving her as discreetly as he could manage when she drifted over to his left side - she wanted a bear hug, and he couldn't manage that right now - and let her cry into his arms. "It's going to be alright, eventually," he said soothingly. "I'm here for you and so are - so are a lot of people you'd be surprised care about you."
She would never understand, because it any NUMs position they were stuck between two crap places; the doctors that demanded the world or them but never credited them for delivering, and the nurses that were never happy with their shifts and conditions and took it out on her rather then admin and the government where it belonged. And all Gabrielle's predecessors as Jack had known them had experienced that; Terri, Nelson, Deanna, Dan. But Gabrielle had done something that was a minor miracle. She had both protected her staff from Frank-the-Ogre and earned the respect of the doctors on the ward. She wasn't to know Dan, having witnessed four NUMs before her, had an admiration for her he couldn't express (and Cate wasn't far behind). She wasn't to know that Vincent had thought she was the best thing to happen to the ED. She wasn't to know Mike had apologized in public to her precisely because that was the one time he and Vincent had ever agreed. She wasn't to know Charlotte adored her like a little sister and respected her professionalism at the same time. She wasn't to know Zoe respected her professionalism and liked the idea of a friendship - an alliance, of sorts - she just felt like she wasn't good enough.
"People care about me?" she sniffled. He nodded. "Who?"
He would never betray a confidence. "You're going to have to grow a backbone and work it out for yourself."
She settled into his arms. "Thankyou," she said.
"For what?" All he had done was listen to her and tell her what she needed to her. And make a mental note that Steve Taylor and whoever else had ground Gabrielle's self-esteem to the ground deserved having their heads ripped off.
"For being there for me." And it struck Jack as incredibly sad that she was, what, twenty-five and she had no-one else to turn to but a colleague she had only known well for a few weeks. But then - apart from Charlotte he really only had her, so who was he to judge?
"You're welcome," he said, and he felt her fall asleep on his chest. For a second, he cursed. He thought about waking her up, then discarded the idea. She was sound asleep, and he couldn't bear to deprive her of that, not when she had to work and he didn't. He thought about taking her to his room, and discarded that even quicker. She might forgive herself for falling asleep with Jack Quade, that womanizer of the ED, but never for falling asleep in his bed. So unless he wanted to wake her up he was stuck with her.
Not that he wanted to sleep anyway. He always got Wednesdays off because of his counseling sessions - and he was sure he could get this one off anyway - so sleep wasn't important. He flicked on the remote - thank god, the DVD of The Tudors he'd just started watching was in there, he had a few hours entertainment ahead of him - and started watching TV.
Gabrielle shivered in her sleep. "Steve, I'm cold," she said, and Jack knew he had to overlook that. She was half-drunk, she was weak with terror and exhaustion - but still, it hurt to be called another man's name, the same way Terri had automatically called for Mitch... Jack grabbed the blanket that decorated Dan's couch and threw it over Gabrielle, drawing her as close to him as she could. "It's OK, I'm here," he said. She didn't call him by name again - either Steve or Jack - but she settled into a deep sleep.
Impulsively, he kissed the top of her head and wrapped the blanket tighter around her. She wasn't Terri, he knew that. She was... someone more than Terri. There was more substance, more strength. Strange how he had never before thought of someone as having more strength and substance than Terri... but here she was.
He wondered how long it would take before any of them felt warm again.
