Authors Note:
I am so sorry this took so long to get out to you guys.
Life happened and I suddenly became unable to get to a computer,
but, without anymore of my excuses,
on to the fanfic.
'Yuki-kun... is it true what they say?' 'Do... do you love me?'
'Oh no... Why did she ask that?'
Yuki thought, his mind a turmoil. The words hit Yuki like a speeding bullet, straight to the heart. He felt jolted inside like an electric spark had shocked him and made his heart beat faster than was healthy. He had of course thought about telling Tohru he loved her plenty of times, but the question was, did he have the courage to do so now? Yuki had never imagined that Tohru would bring such a question up, and until now, he was happy with keeping it under wraps. He had never been good with people, walking around life with a fake personality on, just so people would like him... but Tohru, Tohru had seen the real Yuki countless times and she still seemed to like him. But did she love him? She hadn't said she did, merely asked if Yuki loved her, and Yuki was afraid still about that Kyo comment. It seemed his entire body was trying to run in two directions, one side, into Tohru's arms, the other, as far away as possible. "Honda-san..." He began, his voice weak with confusion, as he finally got up the courage to steal a glance at her. She was pretty, even when she was crying. "Don't cry." He didn't try to sooth her, he was just trying to buy time until his two sides decided on a route to travel, but Tohru didn't stop crying, and Yuki felt worse and worse as the minutes slipped by with nothing but sad, breathless sobs to keep his ears company. "Why are you crying?" He asked finally, just grasping for words to say, words that all seemed to slip right off his tongue. Yes, yes Tohru I love you! He wanted to say and take her in his arms... even if he would turn into a rat because of it. He wanted to comfort her, And hold her close, and tell her he loved her.
At the question however, Tohru looked at him. The sheer look in her eyes enough to stop hearts and shatter words to dust before they even reached his lips. Her bangs were scattered haphazardly across her forehead, and her beautiful eyes were rimmed with red and tears. Her mouth quivered ever so slightly before it opened to speak. "No, no, I'm not crying!" She said her voice tear ridden, her hands coming up to wipe the wet from her eyes. "I guess... I just got a little carried away." She said softly, looking away, a dark blush spread across her cheeks.
Yuki wanted to touch her, to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. That they would find some way to be together. Find some way to get past the curse and his shy nature, but naturally, he was too shy to say even that. He reached out a shaking hand toward Tohru, letting it drop before it even got close to touching her. She was silent and looking away, and Yuki thought she was waiting for something. A straight answer probably. But as much as his mind cast around for words, he couldn't find any that sounded quite right. "Honda-san... I don't..." want to hurt you. But before he could finish his sentence Tohru was sobbing again.
She lurched forward a bit with an obvious sob, her hands clamped in front of her eyes almost as if she though she was hiding her tears from Yuki. But he saw them, every last one of them, creeping from between her shaking fingers. To him it was like things were going in slow motion, as if someone somewhere wanted him to stop her, to pull her to him, and tell her the truth of things, tell her what his heart felt at the mere mention of her name. Tohru stood and turned away, giving Yuki only enough time to curl his fingers around her slender wrist and meet her tear stained eyes with his own. "You should let me finish..." He said, his calm voice sounding like he was begging her with all of his being to just stay with him, to let him try a little harder to say what he needed to say. He tugged gently on Tohru's wrist, willing her to kneel in the soft dirt of the secret base they shared. But something in Yuki's mind told him that it wasn't the gentle tug on her wrist, or the pleading look in his eye that made Tohru stay. It was the hope. The hope that he loved her. Yuki didn't know for sure if she loved him in return, all he knew was that she seemed to want to be loved, to want to fit in, to have someone she can call her own again. Someone to replace the parents she no longer had. "Please, hear me out." He said, a fraction of a second before Tohru knelt beside him again. She nodded lightly, her beautiful hair shining in the sunlight. Yuki reached out lightly and smoothed her bangs over her forehead, before withdrawing his hand a little too slowly. It was then he opened his mouth. "Honda-san... I don't want to hurt you. You must understand, that I am cursed." He sighed deeply, taking one of Tohru's hands in both of his own and looking up at her. "We can't hug... I can't hold you without becoming a rat. Doesn't that bother you even a little?" Yuki spoke things that Tohru already knew, but he felt that she didn't fully understand them, especially since she had asked that question.
"Of course not!" Tohru said frantically as she blushed a bit, wiggling her fingers in Yuki's grasp almost as if she couldn't believe he was touching her like that. "I thought you knew that already." She added, her gaze never leaving Yuki's face now and for once Yuki found himself able to look right back without so much as a blush.
Yuki gazed at Tohru long and hard as if he were contemplating something. His eyes seemed to say that he had never come upon a decision like this before. Yuki felt as if he should be happy but there was a deep seeded dread in him that was pulling his spirits down. All of those things Akito has said to him came bounding back, ringing in his mind, along with the one thing that Hatori had tried to burn into everyone's minds. They were cursed and there was nothing, no amount of power that could change that. "Honda-san," He couldn't stop saying her name, even if it was just her last name, and not the first name that Haru kept urging him to call her by. "You're not sickened by me?" It was the second time he had asked that question, his mind was already drifting to the first time. Remembering exactly what school hallway they were in, a small smile ghosting over his lips as he remembered Tohru misunderstanding him.
"Yuki-kun..." She whispered gently, removing her hand from his and taking a gentle hold of both his arms, her gaze serious, probably the most serious anyone would ever see coming out of Tohru, and for some reason it made Yuki's heart speed up. Tohru had never looked at him that way, her eyes piercing into his with a sudden ferocity. He had no idea what emotion was reflecting back at him through those beautiful blue pools, or whether Tohru loved him or simply thought of him as a friend, but in that moment he felt lost and very cared for. His face lost all traces of a smile then, as he hung on her words and waited for what she would say after his name. "How could I be sickened by you?" For a split second, Yuki truly believed that she didn't understand what had been asked of her, but then she went on, her voice wavering from tears that wouldn't stop. "Every day that I spend with you, I see more and more what type of person you are. And what I see doesn't sicken me. You are kind, and considerate, and always do your best to make me happy... Yuki-kun, I just don't see how that is supposed to sicken me." She let her voice trail off as she continued to gaze at him.
"I won't sicken you, not even if I could never be there for you like a normal person would?" He edged forward, his voice only a tiny whisper as he felt his heart speed up. Was that love in her eyes? Could it be possible that she loved him in return? Yuki hoped for it, but was prepared to get his hopes dashed, he just couldn't see how anyone could love anything like him.
"Never." Tohru agreed with a slight nod. "I'll never be sickened by you." She had leaned forward too and for an instant Yuki imagined a magnet that was pulling them together, telling them that they were meant to be together. Still, even as the look in Tohru's eyes softened even more and looked at him with more affection than he ever thought possible, Yuki had a hard time letting himself be sure that she loved him.
There was of course one sure fire way to find out. "Well..." He began lightly, bringing his hands up to wipe the tears from Tohru's face with his thumbs. They were still falling like tiny twin waterfalls from those glistening blue lakes that were Tohru's eyes. "Well, I have a question for you before I answer your question." He said softly, letting his touch linger on Tohru's face a little too long, and not bothering to remove it. "All these things your saying, all the things your doing, and even the look in your eyes..." Yuki broke off from that sentence as if he was unsure of how to proceed. "They... they all seem to lead up to one thing..." What? What do they lead up to? Love? "Honda-san... do you... love me?" Yuki immediately pulled his hands away from Tohru's face to place them over his lips like he was going to be sick. He couldn't believe that the words had actually came from his lips at last. That single question that had been welling up in him more and more with every sweet thing that Tohru did. Yuki never thought that he would have the courage to ever utter them out loud, and now that he did, he wasn't sure if he wanted to take them back. To Yuki, it seemed like the air had become solid like he was suffocating from lack of the oxygen that he so needed. And his words just hung there between them, doing nothing but stop Tohru's affection from saving him. He felt himself gasp inwardly as Tohru failed to answer sure that it was a flat out now so, so sure...
"Yes." Her voice cut through his suffering and the seemingly solidified air like a knife, saving his insides from suffocation. He took a deep breath, letting the sensation of being loved wash over him completely. "Yes, very much. I love you very much." Her voice was only a whisper, but they were so close that Yuki could hear everything, even, he thought, the sound of her heart beat. Was he dreaming this? He couldn't be dreaming this... oh how he didn't want to be dreaming this. Yuki wanted every single moment of this to be real. He felt his heartbeat speed up, almost as if it were trying to keep pace with Tohru's. "I just wanted to know if you... loved me before I told you... I don't want to cause you any trouble... so I'm sorry if it does, I promise I'll try to forget if it does. And-"
But by that time, Yuki was silencing her by pressing their foreheads together and closing his eyes lightly. "Shhh." He whispered as his hands came up again to frame Tohru's face. He wanted that moment to last forever. He wanted to be able to relish in the contact between them after yearning to hold her for so long. Yuki knew that this was probably the closest he would ever get to holding the person he loved, but he was happy with this. It felt so perfect, so right, as if that moment had been destined to happen from the start. He felt complete all at once, and the joy inside him from Tohru's simple words were enough to fuel him for the rest of his life, he was sure of it. And as if his actions were not answer enough, Yuki let his lips part, let the words he had wanted to say for so long pour out. "I love you too... Tohru." It was the first time he had ever called her by her first name and it felt like a welcomed release from all of his past pain and torturing. He was finally ready to let it all go, as long as he could have Tohru by his side.
Tohru burst into tears again, pressing closer to Yuki. And Yuki had never been more confused. Tohru was crying again? He thought that being loved in return would be a good thing. He continued to wipe away her tears even as he thought these things, wondering frantically whether or not he should have kept his mouth shut. "Why are you crying?" He asked softly, their foreheads still pressed together, and he still enjoyed the closeness between them. He wondered if he was truly that heartless, Knowing that Tohru seemed unhappy, but still relishing in the feeling of sheer happiness he got when he was around her. "Isn't it a good thing that I love you?" His tone was more confused than it had ever been.
"Yes!" Tohru sobbed out suddenly. "Of course... it's good..." She was having a hard time getting the words out through her tears, even Yuki could tell that, but it meant all the more to him that she was saying them anyway. "I'm just... so..." Her body shook with another sob. "So... so... h-happy." Her tear stained eyes looked up at Yuki as if he was the best person in the world, filling Yuki's heart with a sudden and complete happiness.
His thoughts were not keeping up with his actions. His body was acting on it's own now as he tilted his head forward to press a small kiss to Tohru's lips. He heard her sobs stop completely, whether in shock, or she was finally cried out, Yuki did not know. The only thing that mattered to him was that Tohru was his, and no one would take her from him now, no matter what. The only thing that he could feel a the moment was Tohru's lips on his, that feeling so full of love and longing. But as all good things, it had to come to an end, and this one did with one, unexpected, out of character thought from Yuki. He broke the kiss slowly, still tasting Tohru on his lips as he licked them, trying to fit his thought with words. "But... what about Kyo?" He said, though tactless, it was his exact thought, and he was worried about it. It was no secret that Kyo, too had feelings for Tohru. And though Yuki would never have thought he'd care about Kyo's feelings, he found that he was now. Would it only make Kyo retreat further into the shell that he had made for himself? Would it make Kyo hate him more? Yuki had to admit that recently he was trying to get along with Kyo more... for Tohru's sake at least.
Tohru bit her bottom lip, and it looked like she was trying to choose, a very important choice. Yuki felt his heart skip a beat and almost cursed himself again for bringing it up. He didn't want to lose Tohru already just because she felt bat for that... that... baka neko. But there he went again, calling Kyo names, when he had promised himself he wouldn't. But he couldn't help it, the fact that Tohru said that she loved him and then had to think about what she was going to do made him wish he could make that stupid cat leave them alone forever.
After a while, after what seemed like forever to Yuki, Tohru's expression hardened into a look of determination and she nodded. "I love you, Yuki. You." She said softly. "I hate to say it, but... who cares about Kyo-kun?" Once the words were out Yuki felt like he was freed of all the dread his body had ever held. He felt weightless, as if he could fly. He was so happy that he nearly hugged Tohru before he caught himself. Tohru was looking at him as if she expected him to say something in reply, but there were no words that were able to express his feelings, except:
"I... I love you too." It felt so good to see it freely, as if all of his suffering was worth it, every last insult and secluded period was all worth it for this one moment. He was with Tohru and Tohru was with him. And even better yet, they loved each other. The thoughts were making his body useless, a single mass of happiness. He was almost unaware of his surroundings, it was, once again, just him and Tohru and before he knew it, they were kissing again, being careful, all the while, not to hug.
-End.
Authors Note:
I have nothing against Kyo X Tohru, I actually think it is really cute,
So please, don't flame me if you don't like the Kyo references in this story.
Kyo is probably my favorite character alive.
I just think that sometimes Fanfics need to wander away from the cannon.
Anyways, there it is, my first fanfic on here.
I hoped you liked it.
-Kim
