I own: A tennis racket, a shoelace and a roll of duct tape.
I do not own: Fullmetal Alchemist, a waffle company, Pulp Fiction
Please don't sue me. v.v
And the déjà vu line? Actually happened to me while I was writing this. Weird, huh?
Eggo sighed, holding the pink hamster cage with one hand. "Of course we can't keep him Al. He's a zombie hamster!"
"POURQUOI!" Alfalfa cried, attracting stares from Watertown passer-byes. "But Brother, I want it!"
"We can't take care of a demonic hamster, Al!"
Snugglebuns frantically ran around in his wheel. "YOU ALL SHALL DIE!"
"Yeah, yeah, we heard it the first time!" Eggo shouted at the furball, sticking his hook in between the bars of the cage. The hamster leaped towards him, gnawing on his hook.
"Ow!" It squealed as it chomped on the iron hook.
Eggo pointed and laughed, crying, "Hey! That tickles!"
"Never underestimate the power of a hamster!" Snugglebuns bellowed furiously.
"Brother…you don't think…that's really Fluffy, do you?" Al asked pitifully.
"Are you kidding? Fluffy was fat and smelly!"
"Snugglebuns is fat and smelly," the aluminum can pointed out, his voice shaking. "POR QUÉ!"
"Al, will you just speak English like everyone else!"
Alfalfa ignored his brother completely, breaking out into loud noisy sobs. Eggo sighed and rolled his eyes. He silently vowed to never miss another AA meeting until Al wasn't going nuts every five minutes. "Al, in another minute I'm going to chuck you in the lake!"
The can silenced himself, only hiccuping twice. Snugglebuns cast him an evil glare, then continued with his adorable screeching. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you! Ezekiel 25:17."
Eggo's lip twitched. "Sounds like someone's been watching a little too much Pulp Fiction."
"But I wanted to be the one to use the random movie quote in this chapter," Alfalfa pouted.
"There's no such thing as too much Pulp Fiction," Snugglebuns snapped.
Eggo sighed. He was getting bored. "Al, can we just feed him to a snake already?" He whined.
"No!"
Suddenly, there was an explosion! Eggo screamed in a pitch normally used for calling dogs. In doing so, he threw his hand and hook up, tossing the hamster cage in the lake. "I'll be back!" Snugglebuns screamed. He shot pink rays of cuteness out of his demonic eyes.
"Tee hee, that tickles!" Alfalfa said as the rays hit him.
Snugglebuns muttered something about "god damn fic writer mocking me" before sinking completely. Alfalfa sadly watched him go. "He was my friend," He sniffled.
Eggo balanced the can on his shoulder, happy the hamster would be out of the fic for a few chapters. "There's no time for that! We have to catch Sardine!"
They ran towards the site of the explosion, Al only falling off twice. "We've finally caught you, you smelly—" Eggo stopped mid-sentence and blinked. "The hell?"
Instead of the phantom thief Sardine, the brothers found only a nun. Eggo, who has had a fear of nuns since second grade, tried in vain to hide behind Alfalfa. "Please don't hit me!"
She whacked him on top of the head with a ruler, just for good measure. "Aren't you the little boy who threw a rock at me last night?"
"YOU'RE SO SHORT YOU CAN SEE YOUR FEET IN YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO!" Eggo screamed like a two-year-old.
The song "They're Coming to Take Me Away" randomly played. "Oh, sorry, it's me," The phantom nun Sardine said, digging around in her habit to produce a small cell phone. "Yello?" She listened for a moment, then extended the phone out to Eggo. "It's for you."
Eggo took the phone and answered with his traditional greeting of "You're special!"
"Eggo, something's happened to the Colonel," a female voice rang out from across the line.
"Lieutenant Hamburger? How did you even get this number?" Eggo asked. The blond Lieutenant had been working under Mustard for years and years and was also secretly in love with him. She was considered by many to be an excellent sharp shooter, but as a general rule she only hit her targets two times out of nine.
"It wasn't that hard to guess," She replied casually, telling him the number. It was 555-5555.
"So, whatever happened to everyone's favorite pyro?" He said, tongue in cheek.
"We don't know, he's just disappeared."
"What a tragedy." Eggo rolled his eyes.
"We need you to come back to Big City Town and help us with the investigation."
"But—" Eggo immediately objected. "We still need to capture Sardine and find the Shiny Red Rock!"
Sardine tapped her foot impatiently. "Oh, that thing. I pawned it. Could you hurry up? I'm paying for this call, you know!"
"YOU PAWNED IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU PAWNED IT!"
"PERCHÉ!" Alfalfa joined his brother in screaming.
"Eggo? Eggo? Are you still there?" Hamburger's voice wafted from the phone.
Eggo sighed. "Yeah…we'll come up. But what about Sardine?"
"Give me my phone back," She demanded, holding her hand out to him.
"Oh my God, I just had déjà vu," Alfalfa said.
He hung up the phone and handed it back to the thief-slash-stripper-slash-nun. "I guess we'll just have to take a rain check on…"
"Me owning you?" She suggested.
Eggo sighed. "Do you really have to use those words?"
She nodded cheerfully.
"Well Al," he said, put the bean can in his pocket. "Guess it's time to go back."
Little did the brothers know that what they would encounter on their quest for Colonel Mustard would warp their walnut sized brains forever….
Not a very funny chapter, I know. The next update should be pretty durn funny. I hope.
