I continued to stand in the rain, watching this man... this wonderful man... walk away from me with a smile on his face. He was slightly dryer, due to the umbrella he had, the umbrella that we shared as he walked me to the bus stop. He was so ecstatic, so happy about his upcoming date today that his eyes smiled like his lips, and he took the bus he wanted to ride to head for the mall.

His name chanted in my head. Carl. Carl. Carl. An unending chant. It's not like a war-chant, but like a cry of sorrow in my head. Like someone losing dear.

But then again, he had always been lost to me. I had never claimed him, because he was already claimed by someone else. Someone prettier. Someone smarter.

Someone better than I could ever be.

He smiled to me and waved good bye. His eyes, the shade of hazel with flecks of brown, were cloaked beneath his black-framed glasses. I wanted to stare at them, I wanted to look into those eyes and be lost forever.

But I could never look into those eyes. I didn't want him to see how much I loved him.

I pasted a smiled on my face and waved goodbye in return, and the bus drove away. It took all my being to not cry out of frustration and loneliness. Like a mechanical being, I stopped another passing bus, the one I usually had to get home. I sat down, despite being wet with rain, and the lady beside me let out a huff of annoyance as my wet jeans touched her stockings.

This is how I've always lived, always yearning, always lonely. For someone of marrying age and not to have a man in their life, it is a very sad existence. I work, I eat, I head home, I care for my parents and sister... I do anything I can as a human being. But not having loved a man and being loved back in return for so long, I was in pain.

Don't get me wrong. I've had relationships in my life, but not right now. And sometimes I feel like I would never have another relationship. I've been hurt a lot, and I've yearned for so long.

And quite honestly, I think that I've yearned for far too long that it's all I ever had, and all I ever will have.

I took a shower and changed, and headed for my bed. I had no urge to eat. My pillows and sheets were a mess in my bed, and it seemed inviting. It was like it was saying, "Lie down and dreams. Dreams are all you have now."

There was a book lying beside me, the book I've been reading for a couple of days. I opened the book randomly and read the paragraph that met me, as I sat on my bed.

"I'm in love with you, Bella," Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. "Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way."

I closed the book with a snap, and hugged it to my chest. Ah, Jacob Black. The poor werewolf who was head over heels in love with Bella, but she loves Edward more. A typical tale of unrequited love. I understand him. I even envy him. At least he was able to say it right to Bella's face. I can't do the same with Carl.

I envied him, because he can run away whenever the mood strikes him. He can run away to get rid of his hurt and anger towards them. He can run away from the pain. And I couldn't because of all of my work and family responsibilities.

I wanted someone like Jacob Black in my life. I wanted someone to love me, someone to protect me, to make me laugh when I was having a hard time, to comfort me when I'm sad or angry. I wanted someone like him so much, but I know I can never have someone like him.

My hurt, my sadness, my anger, my loneliness… fell from my eyes in torrents of tears. I lay down in my bed, still clutching the book in my heart, as I cried myself to sleep.