It had occurred to Jake, after Grimmjow had left the vicinity of his room, that these people were…"speshul" in terms of the internets. Yes, he was accustomed to such knowledge and terms used by the youth of today's ever growing society. He wondered if these people were but lost children…drifting out in the wild cast outs of their own houses and homes. It seemed to him that they had odd senses of values…and well, were completely fucked up in the head at least Grimmjow was anyway. So, then, why did he let his guard down when the next patient entered the room? He would never know.
Day One: The Second Victim
He was an average sized man. He wore thick-rimmed glasses and the same outfit as all the others except his has a skirt like thing on it. Jake immediately knew who this man was and refrained from snorting, Grimmjow's last comments going through his mind, he instead coughed pretending that some tea went down the wrong tube. He motioned for the man to take a seat, which he obligingly took and ran a hand through his brilliant pink hair.
The pink haired Espada huffed, eyeing the room with somewhat of a disgusted look draped across his face. He didn't really hide his disapproving glances, eyes adverting from Jake all the while; he soaked up the room's unpleasant unaesthetic appeal.
"What an ugly room…" Jake coughed loudly at this and the man turned to him.
"So…your name is?" The pink haired man smiled and bowed a little. At least this bas-I mean guy has manners… Jake said to himself although he'd probably be proven wrong in a few measly minutes, BUT IT WAS WORTH A SHOT!
"I am the gooooooorgeously known Eightieth Espada. Szayel Aporro Grantz, Szayel for short if your primitive human brain cannot take in my full name." Jake blinked at the man, gulping and nodding as he wrote down Szayel's name on the clean sheet of paper.
"So you're the person Grimmjow was talking…" he was cut off and the man's demeanor changed quite rapidly. Jake noted this and charged it as acute bi-polar syndrome, also because…well, these people were truly fucking whacked out of their minds.
"WHAT?! What did that bastard TELL YOU ABOUT ME?!" Szayel sneered, his left eye visibly twitching, both hands were interlocked although they were now balled into constant clenching and unclenching fists. His jaw was tight and his face in somewhat of a pouting expression. Jake merely laughed a little and smiled putting up both hands in a defensive way, as if to ward off any ill-thoughts, although that seemed rather too late for that.
"N-Nothing, really. He just mentioned you…and your oddly colored hair." Szayel grumbled hands crossing over his chest now, he eyed the doctor with somewhat of a contemptuous stare, and then one hand laid lazily on his pants, a single pointer finger tapping continuously is rhythmic motions.
"You're not telling me everything, Mr. Psychiatrist. Are you?" Szayel asked, quirking an eyebrow his reddish brown eyes narrowing.
"Ah. W-Well. He…also mentioned that you were a um…"
"A what?!"
"Somewhat…girlish in errr appearance, no wait…CANNIBAL! That's it. Now Szayel I know it'll be rough but we can help you get over your addiction of eating human flesh."
"FUCKING GRIMMJOW! I SWEAR TO GOD THAT BASTARD BETTER NOT SLEEP TONIGHT! Bite off his goddamn arms; he'll wake up in agony as he lies there with nothing but a damned bloody stump! Who's laughing at who now, YOU BITCH!" Jake's mouth was agape as he looked at the man whose teeth were bared and he was letting off a low, oddly pitched growl.
"Fucking Mc. Fraccion super size your ass…" Jake eyed him, his mouth parting to ask a question.
"What was that?" Szayel looked over at Jake and ran a white-gloved hand through his pink hair. He straightened his glasses and smiled a warm cordial smile.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Jake heard the man mutter a few obscenities and the mention of salting limbs and putting ketchup on them, also something about a Mc.Fraccion. What the hell is that? Must be a new fast food place or something…
"So are there any questions, Mr. Psychiatrist?" Szayel asked, hands once again intertwined and resting neatly on his right leg, which was now crossed over his left one. Jake stared at him.
"Sorry. But I'll be one asking the questions, Mr. Grantz." The pink haired man merely snorted and shrugged. "If it makes you feel smart, go ahead." And Szayel waved Jake off to start again with his questioning.
"So tell me…do you have an other close relationships in Hueco Mundo?" He heard Szayel sniffle, and odd thing for any grown man to do. Damn it…why does what Grimmjow keep saying reverberate through my head?! Jake ruffled his hair and continued on with listening to what the pink haired espada had to say.
"I…I had a brother once." Szayel whispered his head bent towards the floor. Jake leaned forward; at least they were making progress, right?
"I see…did you and your brother, get along?" Szayel blinked and looked up at Jake with rather cold calculating eyes. Jake saw the bottom of his left eye twitch and he wondered if the man had an incurable muscle disorder or maybe a slight tic in his face?
"Contrary to popular belief HUMAN! I WAS NOT INCESTUOUS WITH MY OLDER BROTHER! Just because I have fucking pink hair! DOESN'T MEAN I'M A FLAMING ASS CATCHER!" Jake stared rather perturbed by this sudden outburst. Denial is the first step towards these kinds of situations.
"Now…Szayel, I know it's hard to accept it but…acceptance is the first and one of the only ways to become closer to yourself and to accepting your problems even if it hard at first." Jake said reassuringly; he went to pat Szayel's knee but the espada slapped his hand away in a girly fashion.
"Don't fucking touch me like you know anything, asswipe! This is all…THEIR FAULT!"
"Your parents?"
"NO! NOT MY PARENTS! They were bastards and I ate them when I was but an adjucha!" Jake blinked at the odd term, and then the whole cannibal issue sprang up again. Jake was meaning to ask just how you ate a full grown human being…err full grown…what the fuck were these people anyway?! He didn't bother thinking about it; he was trying to keep what little sanity he had left…
"Szayel…cannibalism, I'm sure you know, isn't very widely accepted amongst many states and countries for that matter in the world. It's obvious that you were just sad, alone, misunderstood. Think of it this way! Incest is somewhat accepted in modern day culture and society! Even if the people performing it are secluded fucking whack jobs! Hey that fits you all pretty well! You did say your were family, right?" Jake asked bowing his head and biting on the tip of his pen, Szayel merely stared.
"I should bite your goddamn hand off for making that statement…BUT THEN AIZEN SAMA WOULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" The pink haired espada wailed, "Look at these! I found them on the internetz! I NEVER DID ANY OF THAT!" Szayel yelled tossing onto the small table between the both of them a collection of neatly paper clipped papers. Jake arched an eyebrow taking the papers into his hands. "Property of authors on fanfiction dot net…uhm Mr. Szayel these are…"
"DISGUSTING! LIES I TELL YOU LIES! I bet Grimmjow put them up to this…I swear to god I'm going to experiment on him and then chop him into teeny weenie bite size pieces and make FUCKING FAILURE GRIMMJOW CADIES FOR ALL THE FAILURE HOLLOWS! Yesss experimentation is good…KEKEKE!" Jake ignored the maniacal laughter coming from the pink haired man, as his eyes skimmed the pages.
"What the hell is this? It's like…soft core porn…HOW OLD ARE THESE CHILDREN?! Is that…is that a piece of bread?!"
"I told you! Someone is out to get me! I know! Ruin my reputation as the honorable and highly intelligent Szayel Aporro Grantz! That's why I sent a virus into their main frame!" Szayel laughed at this, Jake merely looked at the man in a concerned way. Obviously there was something he was trying to cover up. Indeed these were fangirls they were discussing, but such drastic behavior…something wasn't right. Jake cleared his throat.
"Where exactly did you send this virus, Mr. Grantz?" The pink haired espada leaned back, glaring at the therapist as if he was a moron.
"The CIA of course!" At this moment in time Jake did one of two things, okay never mind he did both things. One: He expelled his tea from his mouth, dousing the gloriously beautifulicious skirt of Szayel, of whom cursed and stood up flailing his hands into the air like a goddamn weirdo. And Two: Jake feared that…well, his patient was doomed, this however was a not so bad conclusion, considering the pink haired man could probably get away with claiming insanity as well as his other fellow brethren awaiting in the waiting room beyond the solid dark oak door.
Jake shuddered. This was only the second one?
"Oh god…"
"OH GOD IS RIGHT YOU FUCK! You know how long it took me to make this gooooorgeous beautifully designed skirt?!" Szayel yelled eye twitching. Jake bowed his head. "I'm terribly sorry, would you like some tea to make it up?" Jake held out a cup and saucer towards the enraged man. He felt it snatched from his grip and heard the glass plate and cup shatter at it was thrown to the table. He looked up, a disgusted face smeared across the Espada's face.
"Let me guess…you don't like tea either?"
Waiting Room
It had been a rather long wait in the waiting room, and Aizen could tell his Espadas were getting antsy. He really should just tell them to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up otherwise he'd deliver his " divine 'I'mmastealurvirginity!' punishment upon them" but there were young children around, Wonderwice for one, the little blonde haired bitch was dumb enough…but ah, he was useful.
"Hehehe…" Aizen's laughter was cut short and he returned to reading his Muscle Fitness book as Gin sauntered over.
"That lady by the counter says she's been single for awhile…I mean, it looks like im' Espadas are getting antsy Aizen." Gin muttered as he bent low to his superior's ear. Aizen glared and pouted folding the magazine close a little due to Gin's closeness.
"Leave them. Do you have anymore stress balls?" Aizen eyed Ulquiorra who now held a rather smashed up stress ball. He rolled his eyes, seeing Grimmjow sitting next to him muttering things, which were obviously taunts.
"Hey, hey Uliwhora…guess what?" The black haired-emo espada turned to Grimmjow his neck cracking. "What is it…Grimmjow?"
"YOUR MOM'S A BITCH!" Grimmjow yelled and then walked away. Ulquiorra, under the impression that no one noticed, turned around to fetch something from his back pocket and pulled out a black covered book. He muttered vulgar words and to go along with his muttering they all contained, vile disturbing ways to kill poor innocent puppies, and how no one understood him AT ALL, he in all the while was furiously scribbling things down in the notebook.
Gin turned to Aizen, cocking his head off towards Ulquiorra. Aizen merely turned back to his magazine and began whistling the distinct opening song known as Alones by Aqua Timez, the band name inputted for fear of copyright infringement. The ex-third captain let out a sigh and bowed his head, folding both arms into his sleeves, and walked away from the brown haired man.
Counseling Room
"I'm very concerned for you Szayel…" Jake mumbled rubbing his temples. The pink haired espada had just finished going on, for about ten minutes mind you, about where he got the design and time and sheer imagination to make his lovely skirt. Also the fact that he didn't appreciate that said skirt being used a god damn catching device for spilt teas and/or other drinks which clumsy, doofus, oaf like therapists spilt on him FOR NO REASON! Jake had apologized but obviously this man held grudges and for stupid shit as well.
"Oh well thank gaaaaawd you're concerned about something! NOT MY OUTFIT THOUGH! Stupid bastard…" Jake pretended he didn't hear that and merely watched the espada sit back down on the couch, arms crossed over his chest, a haughty huff coming out of his mouth.
"Listen it's only a little sta-"
"LITTLE?! YOU CALL THIS LITTLE! It's like…it's like a fucking dead Menos Grande in a goddamn kiddy pool! IT'S HUGE! And! It's ugly! AND! It probably tastes like fucking shit! Dirty ass coffee on my brilliantly white, new, skirt! And dirty ass Menos in a dirty ass pool with dirty ass little children! This is outrageous!" Jake sighed bowing his head. He rubbed the palm of his hands on his pant legs and then turned to look back at Szayel.
"So…on the topic of food…"
"I'M NOT A FUCKING CANNIBAL!"
"R-Right…but hypothetically speaking, Mr. Grantz…if you did eat your own kind why are you so, skinny?" There was a brief period of silence…okay…there was a long, long, looooong, period of silence between the two. The only sound to break this silence was a sigh from Jake and his pen scratching across the surface of his notepad, which by the way, had stick-figure like doodles of Szayel being sent to an insane asylum.
"Szayel," this was the first time he addressed the man by his first name thus enunciating its importance, "if…if you are anorexic there are clinics for that you know?" Szayel's eye twitched and his jaw tightened.
"Goddamn it I just have a fast metabolism!" He yelled back hissing a little and running a hand through his pink hair. Jake shook his head. "No. You have a problem. I'm sure many men…er…things your age," he winced at the hiss that was directed towards him, "Go through this stage. It's SOCIETY! Society is corrupting what children and young teens and adults see as good! All those movie stars and actors!"
"But I don't watch T.V. and actors are fucking lame!" Jake didn't stop in his little rant though, giving no heed to Szayel's response.
"All those dietary products and warning labels! School, peer pressure! I know how you feel; I was once a victim of it myself! Hell! That's how I got this stupid fucking job! You think I like sitting here and listening to insane bastards like you tell me their problems?! They should just go commit suicide and be done with it! No one CARES about your problems you cracked out bastards!" Szayel was filing his nails and nodding as if their roles somehow just switched, he pointed at Jake with the file.
"I DON'T GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL! I'm only skinny…BECAUSE AIZEN SAMA COMMANDS IT!" The pink haired espada said with much fervor and undying loyalty in his voice. Jake cocked an eyebrow.
"I see. Aizen sama is a very dominating man, isn't he?" Szayel rolled his eyes.
"You don't even want to know." Jake left it at that…because he sure as hell didn't.
"You know. I happen to be opening a theme park in Hueco Mundo soon. Of course with Aizen sama's approval." Szayel blurted out, it was a rather random fact, but Jake figured it was better then having to pry things out of the man. He tapped his pen on his upper lip, nodding.
"I see. Are you doing this to benefit Hueco Mundo?" Szayel fidgeted.
"Yes."
"Yes you are, or yes you aren't?"
"YES I AM YOU IMBECILE! I AM DEFINITELY NOT DOING IT FOR MY OWN BENEFIT!" Jake sighed, he wasn't going to get into how an amusement park was about to benefit him but he decidedly ventured not to ask. He then resumed to pondered eyes going off towards a stack of brilliant white postcards.
"Szayel I'd like to give you a couple of tests do you mind?"
"YOU MEAN EXPERIMENTS?! Do we kill things and tear out their organs?!" Jake cleared his throat, shuffling the index cards. "No." There was a distinct sigh of regret and aggravation coming from the espada. Jake took out one of the inkblot cards and showed it to the man.
"Tell me what you see." Szayel looked at him as if he were crazy.
"It's an ink blot. Were you trying to paint because I know retarded hollows that could do-"
"JUST TELL ME WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Jake snapped back.
"It looks like me fucking punching Grimmjow's face in! AND THEN EATING HIS ARM!" He knew it! This bastard really is a cannibal. Jake took out another card.
"This one?"
"Me kicking the shit out of Grimmjow while flowers cascade down around me, COLORED RED LIKE BLOOD!" Another card.
"This one?"
"Me having rough se..."
"Excuse me?!" Szayel laughed.
"Listen if you're not going to take this seriously Mr. Szayel…" the pink haired man merely waved his hand in a gesture for Jake to continue. "Right, right, I was being serious by the way." He muttered.
"Okay, and how about this one?"
"Me punching your goddamn face in if you show me another goddamn card."
"Well…it seems our session is coming to an end…" Jake paused, leering at the pink haired man whose hand was raised, as if he were a child in school. He decided to not further his card experiment…at least not with this one.
"Yes?"
"Mr. Halsenbach…I'd like to ask you a little question of my own!" Jake was preparing for it…for it might happen to be a sensible question although at the rate their session was going he highly truly doubted it.
"I. Being a highly intellectual individual myself feel the need to talk to someone of the same caliber about a certain subject matter that a STUPID FUCKING BRUTISH IDIOT like Grimmjow could never comprehend. So…tell me. Do you think it possible…to make a tea coffee hybrid, and if so…what would one name such a rare concoction of flavor and appeal?!" Jake's eye twitched his hand gripped his pen rather tightly as he clenched his jaw tightly, refraining from saying anything to the pink haired man.
Okay…WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING?! GOD DAMN IT THIS ONE ISN'T SANE EITHER!
"Out."
"Excuse me?! You expect to leave without an answer?! I answered all your intrusive questions!"
"I'M PAID TO DO THIS DIP SHIT! Now get the hell out!"
"You never gave me my synopsis!"
"YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY AND A CANNIBAL NOW GET OUT!"
Szayel huffed gave Jake the middle finger and flipped his hair as he did so, and stormed out of the room, leaving Jake to shaking his head…and then after a moment smacking himself with his notepad…for he obviously had gotten himself into this mess and no one but himself deserved this punishment.
Fin
Just to let you all know I thank you for your reveiws and I'm glad you're enjoying the sotry so far. x3 It's rather amusing to write. TWO DOWN EIGHT MOAR TO GO! Enjoy this chapter dear readers!
