Here's another chapter from Katrina's POV. I did my best to try to capture Katrina, but we know so little of her family apart from Ichabod that I kind of had to make it up. Anyway, hope you all enjoy it :)
And a little note. In the first chapter, I changed the line where Katrina tells Ichabod that her mother is 'Madam van Tassel', to her step-mother is 'Madam van Tassel'. You'll see why.
Sleepy Hollow 1773
Secrets. Everyone has them. We keep them from the ones we love. We hide parts of ourselves away, and do our best to only show others what we want them to see.
Katrina van Tassel is no different. Secrets consume her life. She goes through the motions, keeping secrets from those around her. Life is hard enough for a regular person, but for Katrina van Tassel life was nearly unbearable at times. Being a witch is a part of her life that she both loves and despises.
Watching her mother as a girl, Katrina found the secret of being a witch exciting. It was something just for the two of them. Just she and her mother practicing their gift. How she cherished those times. She remembers so clearly her mother tucking her in at night, pulling the covers right under her chin. Whispering secrets. Her mother's hands turning this way and that. Katrina can remember the mesmerizing colors of the magic as it passed through the air above her while her mother told her stories. Those moments are what sustained her through the years where uncertainty and fear began to take root. The years where her mother was gone. Taken from her by a demon. Not the sort of demon that hides under the bed at night, or the sort of demon told around campfires by the other children. No, those demons were imaginary. Only talked of as entertainment. The demon that took her mother was very real. Real and scary and still out there.
Father was gone most of her youth. He knew nothing of her secrets. Being a man that was neither noble nor peasant, he constantly worked. Often when he ventured a visit to his own home, he would remain locked in his study. Ignoring the daughter that so longed for love. For any comfort. The daughter that so feared her own gift, feared discovery, feared that she would forever be alone. That fear still resides deep in her heart today. Only she is much better at hiding it now. Katrina had discovered that she could keep secrets like no other. If no one knew her secrets, then they could not harm her. If she allowed no one into her heart, then they could not destroy it.
Her mother's coven became her own. They praised her power as the strongest in their time. This might have brought her some comfort, if any of the coven had thought of her for anything other than her power. When she came of age, it was not long before her coven elected her their leader. She showed wisdom beyond her years, no doubt from the many hours she spent reading whilst locked in her room, or in the garden outside her home. She would sit on the little bench for hours, simply watching the comings and goings of others. Others that she envied so. Their simple lives of living and loving. Katrina knew this was something she would never have. Love.
Instead, she threw herself into her studies. She had a passion for helping others. The same others that sparked her envy. She did not wish her existence upon anyone. If she could not experience love and happiness, at least they could. She would fight for them. Keep them alive and safe, whether that be protecting them from demons of hell or demons of men.
Katrina was sure of her existence. She knew the direction her life was heading. She determined to herself that if she was condemned to a life of loneliness, then it would be such a life as to make mention. She learned to speak her mind, and refused to be the scared little girl that hid in the shadows. This promise, Katrina kept to herself.
People came to respect her as a woman and nurse. She took pride in this. Her life was continuing in the direction that she had planned. All was right, and then that day happened. It was a day like any other. She was tending to her duties at the infirmary, when she got word that Arthur Bernard, a close friend to the cause, had been taken captive for questioning. As she walked into the room in which he was being held, she took in the scene before her. Arthur Bernard, bound to a chair, blood smearing his lip. Soldiers standing guard as if the bound man might actually try to escape. And him.
Lieutenant Ichabod Crane. She remembers the feeling that rushed over her the first time she looked into his eyes. The instant pull that she felt. It was so strong she couldn't hold his stare for long. There was something else about him as well. Something she could not quite place her finger on. Most of the English men that had invaded Sleepy Hollow were ill tempered. Out to show that they were dominant and knew better. Not him. It did not take but a few words for her to decipher that he was different. His eyes betrayed his innermost thoughts. She told him so, as well. This man had a conscience. How strange. As she exited the building, she could not help feeling she had bettered him in their sparring of words.
Later in the day, when he found her by the shore, she recognized him for who he truly was. A man with the power to bear witness. She walked away from him feeling as though everything had changed. Never had she expected to find a man like this among the enemy. A man void of coldness. A man who wanted to show mercy to his enemy.
Now, two years later, that man had become so deeply engrained into her heart she knew not what to do. And now with the latest news her father had announced, she felt less sure of herself. She had come so far. Stopped hiding herself from others. People knew who she was, and respected her. Her coven looked to her for guidance. She was in control of her life. Right until this moment. And now everything was different. Abraham van Brunt. Her father had arranged an engagement for her with this man. Her father, that so rarely took the time to even notice his only daughter, had decided her fate with this man. She had lost her control.
Abraham was a nice enough man. She knew him from the many parties around town. He was a catch by any woman's standards, and had the wealth to ensure she and her family lived in comfort for the rest of their days. She should be happy about this prospect. But the only thought that she could form at the moment was that of Ichabod. Ichabod, who had come so unexpectantly into her life. Ichabod, who was kind, and considerate. Ichabod, who she tried so desperately to dislike; an endeavor that left her even more enthralled with him than before. She did not want to love this man. Loving him meant she had lost control. Had allowed someone the power to enter her heart and destroy it. She had long ago concluded that she would never find happiness or love in anything other than her work as a nurse and witch. He had changed that. She had entertained the thought of the two of them more than once. Thoughts of them she had done her best to banish, but consumed her none the less. And now, thoughts she knew would never come to pass.
As she listened to Abraham make the announcement of their engagement, she felt as though the walls were closing in around her. The shouts of congratulations and cheering ring in her ears as she tries to catch her breath and offer a tight smile. As Abraham and her father begin to move about the room accepting well wishes, she becomes lost in the crowd. She needs air.
Once she makes it out onto the front porch, she leans against the rail, and takes in a deep breath. The thoughts swirling through her mind nearly make her miss the presence in the shadows. Her instincts as a witch and her state of emotions make her turn more quickly and defensively than she normally would have. What she finds makes her heart drop.
"Ichabod."
He's leaning against the wall of the porch, staring as if right through her. He seems to catch himself, and offers her a small, yet uncomfortable smile.
"Madam van Tassel. I'm sorry to have startled you."
She thought her heart could not have possibly dropped any further. But hearing Ichabod revert to addressing her so formally once more, caused her heart to do just that.
"You didn't. I was just getting some air."
She offered him a smile.
"There are so many people inside. I needed a moment to myself."
He stands to his full height, "Would you like me to return indoors?"
With a start, much too quickly and forcefully she answered, "No!"
An embarrassed smile upon her face, she continued, "No, stay."
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, the sort of which she never imagined she would share with Ichabod, he began to speak.
"I suppose I owe you congratulations."
The uncomfortable smile that remains on his face does not help the feeling of dread that begins to build within her.
"Thank you."
Looking down at her hands she's at a loss for what else to say. A feeling so foreign. Katrina rarely finds herself without a response. Thankfully, Ichabod saves her from having to form one.
"Abraham is a good man. He's quite taken with you. I have no doubt the two of you will find much happiness together."
Turning back to face the night, she places her hands on the rails, "He is a good man."
She felt him move closer, joining her at the railing. Glancing up at him, she absorbs the way he holds himself. The way he stands, hands clasped behind his back. Taking in everything around him all at once. What she wouldn't give to be able to look into his mind. See what he was thinking. Now more than ever.
"To be completely honest, we have not shared that many conversations. I know next to nothing about him."
A bitter laugh makes its way to the surface. One she hadn't meant to release. But with Ichabod, she found herself constantly doing and saying things she normally wouldn't with others.
"I suppose that's the flaw with arranged marriages. Not knowing who you are about to begin a life with. At least for women, who are traded like their father's favorite cattle."
She can tell she has caught him off guard. Though Ichabod and she had become close friends over the last two years, she can tell she still has the ability to surprise him with how outspoken she can be at times.
"I'm sure you're father is only doing what he feels is best for you."
"My father is doing what is best for himself. Abraham is a very wealthy man. My father will prosper greatly from this arrangement. I have very little choice in the matter."
A genuine smile replaces the shocked expression on his face.
"I cannot imagine someone making you do something that you do not want to do."
"My father has made it abundantly clear that I have no say in this matter. This arrangement is the first time he has ever found a use for me, and... I cannot help but want to make him happy."
To hear herself admitting this to someone other than herself, was strange. Ichabod simply made it too easy to unleash all the emotions she kept held back from the world. And as she looks to him now, she can almost see him working out the thoughts in his head.
"Does not your happiness matter?"
Closing her eyes, she was thankful for the night to cover the unshed tears building behind her lids.
"My happiness is irrelevant."
She felt him move closer, as if to touch her, "Katrina..."
"Katrina? Are you out here?"
The sound of Abraham's voice was something akin to having a bucket of water thrown over her. As she turns to face Abraham, she feels Ichabod take a step away from her.
"Abraham."
"Ah, Ichabod. You're here as well. Good. Come inside. We're about to make a toast."
Clearing his throat, Ichabod steps forward, "Of course."
As Abraham offers his hand to guide her back indoors, Katrina can't help but wonder what Ichabod would have said given the chance. She knows what she would liked to have heard. What would have made her happy, despite her earlier statement that her happiness was irrelevant.
Another secret she supposed. Another secret to bury deep within herself. And hopefully another secret that's pain would lessen with time. Though she knew not how.
Thanks for reading. More to come!
