Self insert Madness chapter 2 A fanboy's dream

Despite my previous assertions that it was because I was bored I have decided from this point on that it was Jade's fault. Not sure why yet but it seems likely. ''Hey don't blame me for your mistakes''
''oh come on that wasn't my fault I was in shock''
''says the boy who can have a panic attack and not notice.''
Ok so maybe there's some debate on who's at fault but really what the fuck?

I had been dreading this day. Clearly I had completly lost my shit if I was seeing Naruto Uzumaki trying to work out who we were.
Maybe this temporary insanity is what caused this little outburst.
It was Sakura's fault, she came over screeching at Naruto to get away from the poor girl.
Now I admit I've been mistaken for a girl a lot, I have hair longer than most girls so it's expected. On most days I would have let it go, on most days I wasn't sucked into a black hole and half deafened by Sakura fucking Haruno. Forgive me if maybe I got a little moody.
''oh my god someone's shaved a monkey and taught it English'' three guesses who that was.
Considering her reaction most people would say it wasn't worth it, I am not most people. She punched me.
In the face.
Hard enough that I was sent flying into a tree.

But that's not important. What is important is the reaction of my friends. Andrew as expected was pissing himself laughing, Jade however was not. You see we come from a land where punching someone in the face is not considered an acceptable means of self-expression. Jade normally limits it to kicking me in the nuts or punching me in the stomach.
''hey I'm not that bad.''
''sorry but you are though congratulations you haven't attacked me in a week. Really I'm proud of you''
Anyway back to the story.

I'm not sure what I was expecting from her. Maybe laughter or the obligatory
''you deserved it'' but no jade actually surprised me.
She slapped Sakura. Hard. I was watching one of my dreams come true. Sakura was finally getting slapped for attacking people that don't deserve it. Someone had actually defended me, which never fucking happens in the real world.
''You can't hit Samuel like that.'' I've not actually seen Jade this pissed before.
''Well what do you know, she does care, yay.'' Apparently my reaction to concussion is the same as my reaction to everything else, sarcasm.
Despite this I really was touched that Jade was protecting me from the scary banshee demon. Too bad she had to ruin it with what she said next.
''Only I can hit Samuel like that.'' I know the look on my face at the time must have been funny because it had Andrew collapsing to the floor laughing. But trust me it gets a LOT better.
How? How can it get better than Sakura Haruno getting bitchslapped?
Three words, Ninja Cat fight.
''Andrew take my phone out of my pocket I'm getting this on video''

A/n Sorry I'm sure you're all looking forward to the fight but I'll have to talk to Jade about that one first. The results should be interesting if I survive. Review with what you think. See ya next time on Self insert Madness