Six weeks go by, and Rafe and I get closer. He's sweetest guy; Evelyn is so lucky.
"Rafe?" I ask.
"Yeah, Mandy?"
"You know how to swing?"
"Who doesn't?"
"The French!"
"Why?"
"Why did I ask? Because I haven't been able to swing in forever, and I was hoping that you would be willing!"
"Well, lieutenant, would you like to dance with me?"
"Thank you, Lt. McCawley. I'd love to. Let me put on my record."
I put on "Sing, Sing, Sing" by Glen Miller, and we dance. We start laughing and having fun, then a slow song comes on. I start to sit down with my journal.
"Where do you think you are going? Am I that bad?" he asks, tauntingly.
"Lieutenant," I say, lightly hitting him on the arm, "you know you are good. I just thought you may be tired."
"So now I'm old?"
"I just glare at him.
"Okay, truth…I was hoping you'd still dance with me."
"That's how you ask a girl, Rafe. Yes, okay." I say.
We dance, and I lay my head on his shoulder. I look up at him, and we lean in to kiss. Suddenly I jump back and say, "We can't!"
"You're right. I'm so sorry, Mandy," Rafe says, ashamed.
"It wasn't just you…it was me, too. It takes two to kiss," I say, smiling.
Rafe still looks trouble.
"Hun?" I ask.
"It just I know I am still with Evelyn, but I feel like a completely different person than the one who left Pearl Harbor to fight in the war. I just feel an attraction to you…I can't help it. God knows I've tried to ignore it, but it is getting worse." Rafe says, looking down.
"Rafe," I say lifting his face to look in his eyes, "I really, really like you. In fact, I may be falling in love with you. I can't, though…not yet. I won't do anything until you see Evelyn again. I don't want my heart broken because we get together, and then you go back to Evelyn. I'll be your friend. When we get back, maybe we'll give it a try."
"Always sensible, Amanda," Rafe says, trying to ease the tension.
"You'd better believe it," I say smiling.
"Anyway, I think I'm going to go to sleep. Goodnight, Mandy."
"Goodnight, Rafe."
Rafe changes and then heads to the couch to sleep; he gave me the bed back once he could get up. Sometimes I make him sleep on it though because he needs it more than I do. I sit at the desk with the soft lantern light, casting a slight glow on sleeping Rafe.
September 27, 1941
I can't believe I stopped Rafe from kissing me. I told him I'm possibly falling in love with him. I lied. I am in love with him. I don't want to have him for a little while, and then loose him to Evelyn. That would heart beyond words. I think he loves me and her, actually. I wonder if she still loves him. She probably thinks he's dead. Has she moved on? I could never move on if I had him and then lost him. I'd never be able to love another person, if I could feel him loving me back. He's so amazing. I'd rather be his friend than nothing at all. He looks so completely innocent right now, like a little boy. He's seen so much. I wish I could take it away. He still looks so cute. Well, goodnight.
Always,
Mandy
I go to sleep. Meanwhile Rafe wakes up and sees me asleep on my diary. He carries me to the bed and sees my newest journal entry. He reads it, feeling slightly guilty. Afterwards, a smile comes to his face. Then he goes back to sleep after closing the journal.
