Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Selma Quickly learned from her disastrous courtship with Cedric Brown the man would do anything for his seven spoiled little brats, including marry so that Lady Stitch would continue to support them and humiliate her in front of dozens of guests simply because they didn't like her. She would have enjoyed sending the lot off to boarding school once she was mistress of the house. Now he was married to that milksop Evangeline and she'd been tossed out her behind, forced to petty thievery once Mr. Quickly's money ran out. It hadn't taken long since Selma was a woman with expensive tastes. Now the children that had ruined her life would be her ticket back to high society. After discussing their plan, the crew drove to the Brown house ready to put it into action.
Evangeline awoke and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. She felt strong arms seize her from behind and clap a hand over her mouth. "Don't make a sound or you'll be popping your brat through a hole in your belly!"
Terrified for herself and her unborn child she complied. Her captor dragged her back down the hall to the bedroom where two other men were restraining Cedric with duct tape.
"Now you're gonna do a little job for us or you'll never see your little scullery maid or brats again. Understand?" one of them demanded of Cedric. He nodded.
In the childrens' room Selma stood by the doorway with a gun in her hands. "All of you…march yourselves outside…now…and no tricks or I WILL shoot you!"
Simon, the trickster of the family was angry but didn't dare risk anything, not at gunpoint. He picked up Aggie and carried her downstairs, his siblings close at his heels, all of them frightened. They were forced into the back of a van with their stepmother.
"What're they gonna do with us?" Christiana asked fearfully.
"I don't know sweetie, I don't know…" Evangeline murmured, wrapping her arms around the child protectively.
Cedric listened with a heavy heart while Selma's colleagues explained what they wanted him to do, warning him that if he went to the police or slipped up in any way, he would never see his precious wife and children alive again. It was a dangerous plan. Mr. Gold was the most powerful man in Storybrooke and not one to be trifled with but he was a desperate man and if anyone knew what lengths a desperate man would go to protect the ones he loved, it was Mr. Gold. Perhaps if he told the sorcerer what was going on, he would be able to help him….
Though they all made a vow that their Disney adventures would be their last as toddlers, Rumple, Belle and Regina all confessed a desire to become children again at least one more time but they wanted to wait until Miri was a bit older and could understand. While Belle and Regina entertained Miri out front, Rumple was in the backroom preparing one more bottle of the youth potion that he would store in his wall safe along with some of his other magical items he wanted to keep from falling into the wrong hands, particularly those of Sapphira.
He made sure the safe's locks were reprogrammed with different codes each month, and the safe itself was not able to be opened by just anyone, especially not someone who merely had some of his blood on something. They had to get permission from him to open the safe-and only permission from him along with his touch on the lock would cause the safe to open. Said permission had to be given freely, without coercion of any kind-so no torture, no holding any of his family hostage. If someone did manage to make him open the safe, the contents within would be different from the actual ones-no truly dangerous magical items but a lot of money and some jewels which looked real . . .but their value would fade a few days later, and the thief be left with nothing of true value. As well as being a magnet for police to arrest. Because no one stole from Mr. Gold and got away with it.
"Rumple, I think we found another apple fan!" Regina called out from the front.
Miri sat on her lap munching on apple pieces the former queen fed her from the apples she'd just picked from her tree in the garden.
"Remind me Auntie Regina has to make you some applesauce next time I come to see you. Would you like that?"
Miri nodded. "Mmm!" she said happily.
"I think I'd love some of that myself Regina, with cinnamon," Belle said.
Regina laughed. "You Golds and your cinnamon! I'll have plenty in it."
"Cinnamon is very good for you," Rumple said, coming out with the potion in his hand. "It tastes good also."
"Did you make an antidote too, Rumple?"
"Of course. I wouldn't be without one . . . especially after what happened last time." He set the bottle on the counter.
Miri held out her arms.
"Do you want to come to Papa, dearie?" he asked his daughter, his eyes twinkling.
"Mmmm hmmm!"
"Put her down, Gina. Let her crawl to me," he urged and then he moved out from behind the counter. "Miri, come to Papa!"
"Okay sweetie. You heard Papa. Go on," Belle urged once Regina set the baby down on the floor.
The baby began crawling across the floor determinedly.
Then a shaft of sunlight illuminated the glass case, and also the crystal bottle atop the counter. Mesmerized by all the colorful prisms of light, Miri stopped and then tried to follow the rainbows up the side of the glass.
She babbled and kneeled putting her hands all over the case and squealing and banging excitedly.
"Miri, no be careful!" Belle cried out.
"Dearie, not the glass!" Rumple groaned and moved to pick up the baby.
Miri's little tremors caused the glass bottle with the potion to teeter on the edge of the counter.
Rumple had just picked up his little imp when the bottle slipped off the edge of the case and shattered on the floor, splattering himself, Regina, and Belle with the youth potion.
"Awww no...we weren't sposta turn inta kids now!" little Regina whined.
Miri stared at the toddler Rumple, her eyes wide and then her face crinkled into an O of surprise. She poked his cheek with her hand.
"Hey, watch the finger!" small Rumple said, then sat down on the floor. "Gotta sit down!" he panted. "You're heavy, dearie!"
"We gotta find an adult an' fast!" Belle cried.
"Call Bae!" Rumple said. "My phone's on my desk in my back room."
Miri was now pulling at his hair. "Oww! No, Miri! Don't pull Papa's hair!" he scolded.
His daughter smirked at him, not recognizing the small boy as her father.
Just then the bell tinkled over the front door of the shop. "Rumple, are you...oh my God! Why are you children again?" Archie stared at the four toddlers, his eyes wide with shock.
"Archie, we had an accident," the former pawnbroker groaned. "Miri, don't! That's my eye!" He wondered if this was what a small dog felt like getting mauled to death by an over inquisitive toddler.
"I'll say." He picked up Miri. "Okay...everybody out to the car and I'll go find Bae and Emma."
They headed out to Archie's car, only to realize they needed help opening the door.
"And we need Miri's car seat and diaper bag!" Belle called.
"Okay, okay...hold on..."
Hopper, this is practice for when your baby arrives. Better get used to it. Archie ran back into the shop with the kids at his heels. "Belle, can you grab the diaper bag?" He balanced Miri in one arm and struggled to hold the car seat in the other. "Damn...how did you two manage this? These car seats are heavy!"
Belle grabbed the diaper bag and dragged it out to the car. "We put the car seat in before we got the baby," she told him.
"Now she tells me!"
Regina looked at Rumple. "So . . . where's the antidote, Mr. Wizard?"
Rumple squirmed. "Umm . . . it's still being made," he admitted. "I was gonna finish it later," he coughed sheepishly.
"Oh real neat Dumbo!"
The attorney scowled. "Who knew my kid was gonna knock the potion all over us? So sue me!"
"Ah kiss my hairy butt!"
"Do you two want a time out? No fighting!" Archie said sternly.
"She started it," Rumple grumbled. Archie opened the back seat of the car and he crawled inside, helping to buckle the car seat securely.
Miri reached out from her car seat and tugged on his hair.
"Oww! That hurts! Stop it!" he yelled, and shook his finger in her face.
"Aww good job! You made her cry!" Belle snapped.
"Meanie!" Regina stuck her tongue out at him.
"She pulled out half my hair!" Rumple sniffled, rubbing his head.
Miri's howls nearly deafened them. Desperate, he rummaged in the diaper bag and found a small container of Goldfish. "Miri, Look! Fishies!" They were small cinnamon graham cracker ones and the baby loved them.
"I want some too!" Regina shrilled.
Archie groaned, feeling a headache coming on.
"What're we gonna do when she wants Mama an' Papa?" Belle asked worriedly.
"Get hearin' aids cause she's gonna scream us all deaf," Regina answered.
Rumple gave Goldfish to everyone. "I dunno, dearie. I guess we'll have to wait till Emma finishes the potion so we can be turned back."
"Why can't you just use your magic and change us back?" asked Belle.
"Umm . . . because a potion turned us little, we need the antidote to turn us back," sighed the small sorcerer. "It's one of the Laws of Magic. Like into like."
"The magic laws suck sometimes. We there yet?" Belle demanded of Archie.
"No, no we're not there yet."
Rumple began playing with Miri. "Fishy fishy in the sea!" he singsonged while moving the Goldfish in the air like a fish swimming. "Fishy fisy swim to me! Open up!" he made the Goldfish "swim" towards Miri's mouth.
The baby knew this game and eagerly opened her mouth and he popped the graham cracker in it. "Mmm!"
"My turn!" he said and repeated the rhyme and then fed himself.
Regina reached into the bag and took out a large handful of Goldfish.
"Hey! You gonna share some of that?"
"Get your own, bookworm!"
"Sharing is caring," Rumple recited, then gave the bag to Belle. "Here, Belle."
Miri saw and began to whimper holding her hands out for more.
"Wait a minute, Miri." her toddler papa instructed. "You gotta wait your turn."
Not understanding, Miri began to cry.
"Aww are we there yet! Takin for-ever!" Regina complained.
"Regina Hood, if I have to pull this car over you are getting a time out!" Archie warned.
"Shhh!" Rumple said, and offered Miri a Goldfish.
But the baby pushed his hand away, now not wanting it and wanting a bottle instead. "Baa-baa!" she bawled.
"Rumple, she's thirsty," Belle said helpfully.
"Umm . . . do we have any milk?" he asked, and looked in the diaper bag. "Aww hells bells!" he groaned. "We left the bottles in the fridgerator!"
"Yeah and ya can't be giving her booby milk neither. Jeez Louise! Is that a baby or foghorn!" Regina groaned, holding her ears. "Gonna conjure up some earmuffs!"
Then she did so, ones with fuzzy zebra stripes. She put them on and sighed in relief.
Miri still continued howling.
"Rumple, do something!" Belle snapped.
"Whaddya want me to do? Become a cow?" he groused.
Archie changed direction and pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. "I hope they sell bottles in here. What kind of milk do I need to get?"
"She drinks goat's milk." Belle said.
"What? Where am I supposed to get that?"
"It's in the dairy section," answered the librarian. "I can show ya."
"Okay, okay, everybody out..."
They all scrambled out of the car. "I'll get a cart!" Rumple yelled, forgetting he was little and starting to go across the parking lot to where the carts were stacked.
"Rumple, slow down!"
"C'mon, slowpokes!" he called.
Archie caught up with the toddler attorney and gave him a Disapproving Look. "What are you supposed to do when you're a child?"
"Oh!" Rumple hung his head. "Hold a grown-up's hand." He slipped his hand into Archie's. "And look both ways for I cross the road."
"That's right."
"Why don't we get one a those car carts so's we all can ride?" Belle suggested.
"Yeah let's!" Regina agreed.
"Ple-ease!" Rumple begged, giving the therapist puppydog eyes from behind his floofy bangs.
"Oh all right. Pick one."
"I want the one with the blue flowers," Belle pointed to one.
"I want the one with the fire!" Regina said.
"I don't care what one we get," Rumple said.
An older boy was walking past with his mom, pushing a cart and he cried, "Whoa, Mom! Lookit that dude! He's got triplets n' a baby!"
"Doctor Hopper? Are you and Selena fostering?" she asked him.
"Hurry up, pick one, we ain't got all day!" Rumple told them. "B'fore Miri screams herself blue."
"I'm gettin the fire one!" Regina announced.
"Fine but next time we get the blue flower one," Belle said. "Put the quarter in, Archie!"
"Do ya got a quarter?" Rumple asked. "If not, I do."
Archie took a quarter out of his pocket and inserted it.
The kids all piled into the cart, and Archie put Miri in the infant seat provided.
"Okay Belle, let's go to the dairy section first so you can show me where the goat's milk is. Why does she drink that when most kids in this land drink regular milk or formula?"
"Cause she's lactose intolerant and the soy milk makes her throw up," Belle replied.
"That's what I drank when I was a baby," Rumple put in. "S'what my papa had for milk."
"Should I give my baby goat's milk?"
"Only if he or she can't drink the formula," Belle answered. "You'll know if you need to."
He picked up a bottle and put it in the cart.
Miri grabbed a rattle from a shelf.
"No, Miri! You don't steal," Rumple reprimanded, trying to get the rattle from her.
Miri promptly whacked him in the head with it and giggled.
Rumple winced. "What is this? Punching Bag Papa Day?" He rubbed his forehead.
Regina swiped a pack of Oreos and tossed it into the car.
Belle saw some fruit snacks and put them next to it.
Rumple saw some peanut butter and chocolate Pop Tarts and put them next to the fruit snacks.
While Archie was getting a bottle of goat's milk in the dairy isle, Regina jumped out of the cart and ran down to the ice cream freezer and grabbed several half gallons.
"Didja get Cherry Garcia?" asked Rumple anxiously.
"Yep! An Rocky Road," she said gleefully.
Rumple clapped his hands.
"Belle you go get us some Klondikes while he's 'stracted," Regina instructed.
"Okay," Belle ran over to the Klondike section and got two kinds, Chocolate Fudge and Snickers.
"Oooh cool!"
There was only a small line when Archie got to the checkout counter and set the bottle and goat's milk down on the counter.
"Ahh...sir...those too." the cashier said, pointing to the children's cache in the cart.
"What is all this?" Archie demanded, frowning at the Nevengers.
"Snacks. Cause we're hungry," Rumple replied. "If you need more money, I can give you my AmEx." He went to reach into his suit pocket for his wallet.
"No, no I've got it...and could you please add a few of your reusable bags too please," he informed the cashier. "I'll use them instead of the plastic and paper bags."
"All right."
The cashier nodded and added them on to the total, wondering what the heck kind of kid had a credit card at four years old?
When Archie saw the total he wished he had used Rumple's AmEx card. He hadn't realized how expensive everything had gotten.
Once they got back to the car he filled the bottle with goat's milk and handed it to Rumple.
"Miri, dearie, here's your milk!" he said, and he gave the baby the bottle while Archie put the bags in his trunk.
When they arrived at Bae and Emma's house, Emma and Aria were outside watching Snow and David building a snowman for their granddaughter.
"Hey, Archie!" Snow waved at him. "You wanna help us finish this?"
"In a minute." He opened the back door for his small passengers.
"Hey, Gina, you wanna build a snowman?" asked Belle.
"Yeah! C'mon Rumple, move your butt!"
"Archie, come n' get the baby!" the pint-sized attorney called, then he followed the other two.
"Archie, what the heck happened? Why are they kids again?" Emma cried.
"Miri accidently spilled a youth potion on them...although I don't know why there was one around."
Rumple threw a snowball at Regina. "Ten points! Butt shot!" Then he ran around the snowman and hid behind David.
"Oh no ya don't. Gonna getcha!" Regina giggled, chasing him with a snowball in her hand.
"Missed me! Missed me!" taunted the little imp, then he ran off.
"You wait, imp." She tossed the snowball at him. "Ten points for me, ice butt!"
He brushed off his pants. Then he stuck out his tongue.
"Please tell me he has the antidote somewhere," Emma groaned.
Turning to Emma, he asked, "Where's Bae, Henry, and Killian?"
"Bae's picking Killian and Henry up at school," she replied.
"Hiya, Aria!" he greeted his granddaughter. "We brought Miri to play with you!"
Aria wriggled in her mother's arms, excited to see her new playmate.
"Watch this!" Rumple picked up some snow and with a bit of concentration, turned it into an icy snowflake.
"'Lake...'Lake!" Aria cried and pointed.
Then he attached it to a stick and cried, "I am the Winter Warlock!" and waved it around, laughing.
"Down...down!"
"You wanna play too?" asked her toddler grandpa.
"Uh huh!"
"You wanna wand?" he asked, then made her a smaller one, out of softer snow, that was pink and silver colored. "There! Now you're an Ice Princess!"
"Bae is gonna flip out when he sees this," Emma muttered.
"But it was an accident," Rumple said, concerned. "I don't want him to be mad." The chocolate brown eyes looked woeful.
"I know, hon. . . he'll grouch a bit then he'll be fine."
Rumple sighed. "I have the antidote almost finished . . . it needs a few more things. I froze the cauldron. You could finish it for me, since I'm too little now. And I'm forgetting . . .the way I used to be."
"Don't worry kiddo. I got it." Emma ruffled his hair. "Kinda missed spoiling you rotten."
Killian was going to be over the moon seeing the old Nevengers again.
"You did?" Rumple sounded happy. "But you've got your own kids now." Suddenly he looked alarmed. "Emma, who's gonna take care of Miri? I . . . I'm not big enough anymore . . ."
And soon he would forget entirely that he had ever been anything but a child, for that was how a regression potion worked.
"We will. Don't you worry. If I can handle your granddaughter, I can handle my sister in law," Emma said confidently.
Rumple knew that Emma had watched Miri before and so would know about her dietary restrictions. But he added, "She's eating some new foods. She loves applesauce. Regina was gonna make her some with cinnamon."
"I think Mom and I can whip some up for her."
"YAY! They're back!"
Killian raced toward his grandfather the moment his father took him out of the car while Bae stood in the driveway stunned by what he was seeing...his parents and Regina young again!
"Papa? What happened?"
"An accident." Rumple said, looking ashamed. "Miri knocked my youth potion down and it splashed us."
"Luckily I was coming to see Rumple and I found them," Archie added.
Killian hugged his old friend. "Now ALL my team is back an' we can have 'ventures."
"Hey we gonna get hugs or are we chopped liver?" Regina demanded.
Rumple hugged his grandson, then said, "Better go hug Gina n' Belle so's they don't feel left out. You know how girls get."
"Yeah." Killian hugged Regina next then Belle. "Meet me at the clubhouse. Gotta tell ya a secret."
"Okay. Bae, we're gonna play now," Rumple informed his son. "Umm . . . can you watch Miri?"
"Yeah. Come on, baby girl. You can play with Aria."
"Thanks!" Rumple waved. "C'mon, Killian! Race ya!"
He began to run as quickly as he could with his cane, "skating" on top of the snow using his magic. "Whee!" he cried as he glided quickly across the snow, his hair flying out behind him.
"Hey, I wanna do that," David exclaimed. "That looks really cool!"
Snow laughed. "You know, it does." She grinned. "Maybe we could ask Rumple to enchant our shoes or something."
She had to admit that as much as she liked Rumple as an adult, she enjoyed seeing him as a child even more. There was an innocence and a carefree joy about the small sorcerer now that only emerged when he was a child, and only when he felt safe and happy in his surroundings and with people he trusted.
Bae smiled as he watched his papa, thinking that while he loved being able to ask his father's advice and speak to him man to man, he also loved seeing Rumple the child again, and being full of joy the way he had never been allowed to be the first time around.
Then he took Miri from Archie and said, "Let's go inside and have some cocoa."
As Archie followed Bae, Miri, Emma, and Aria into the house, Belle, Killian, Regina, and Henry ran after Rumple, though none of them could overtake the sorcerer before he reached the clubhouse.
Rumple pushed open the door and waited for the others. "Okay, now whatcha wanna tell me?" he asked Killian.
The former pirate grinned. "We gave the Buttmuncher a present!"
"Huh? Why'd ya do that? She's mean!" Regina made a face.
"Cause it's a big box of nothing!" Killian giggled.
"Nothing?" Rumple giggled hysterically. "Oh that's soo awesome!" He gave Killian a high five.
"An we made it all fancy an stuff so she thinks there's something in there."
"That's really clever," Belle approved. She thought maybe she shouldn't think it was funny, but the fact was that despite all Melanie's attempts, as well as her own and Rumple's, to reform the brat, Sapphira had rejected all their efforts.
Belle had been pushing Miri in her stroller getting the mail one day before the snow storm and Sapphira had hidden behind a tree close by and thrown eggs at her and the baby. One had hit the stroller and scared Miri and the other had landed on Belle's shoulder, ruining her new azure wool knit dress.
She hadn't been able to catch the wretched child, because she couldn't leave Miri to go after her, but Rumple had been livid when he had come home and heard about it.
Together they had gone to confront their neighbor, but to their dismay Sapphira had shrugged off their anger and protested that she had been having some fun.
Melanie had admitted she was at a loss on how to deal with the rebellious girl to them in private, after they had made Sapphira apologize and Melanie had spanked her and grounded her for a week.
Rumple had admitted that perhaps Sapphira might benefit from some sort of reform school if she was older. But for now she was a headache.
"I wanna see the look on her face when she gets it!" Regina grinned. "She 'serves it."
"Yeah...she threw eggs at me an Miri an scared Miri so we went over an told Melanie but she's havin' a hard time tryin' to figger out what to do with her."
"Oughta put her in a boot camp. That'd straighten her out good. Holy heck! You guys are kids again!" Annie Carlyle exclaimed when she and her brother Bobby walked into the clubhouse with the rest of the new Nevengers.
"Uh oh! Mommy Gina, does Daddy know yet?" Roland asked his now toddler stepmother.
"Umm...no. Gonna havta tell him and he's not gonna like it. Was an accident and the longer we're kids, the more we're gonna forget we were adults. Emma's gotta make the antidote to the potion."
"So you can't change back like that?" asked the Professor.
"Nope. Miri spilled youth potion on us by accident and I was makin' the antidote but didn't finish it. Emma has to," Rumple explained.
"How long's that gonna take?" Bobby demanded.
Rumple shrugged his shoulders. "She's gettin good at makin potions jus' not that good yet an ya can't hurry up with those 'cause if ya mess up ya can do somethin stupid."
Belle frowned at him. "Oh you mean like turning me into a toad and making my feather duster chase me all over the castle?"
"I told you not to come in while I was workin and you didn't listen, dearie! Not my fault you hit my potion with your feather duster."
"So why'd I turn into a toad?"
"Ummm...I was kinda mad at you for coming in and the potion reacted to my thoughts..."
"Yeah well I find it and I'm gonna make the vaccum chase you!" She smirked. "The Dirt Devil Revenge!"
"Hate that thing. We need a new one."
"Then buy me one."
"You think I'm made of money?"
"Yup."
"Gonna have to get a second job the way you spend."
Belle blew a raspberry.
"You should talk Mister I Havta Wear Ferragamo an Armani."
"I look for sales, dearie."
KIllian giggled. "Yeah we know...tell ya someone's havin a sale when you're sleepin and you wake right up."
"Yeah I know."
"Wish we had a venture to go on but business is kinda slow."
They heard a knock on the door and Killian opened it to find Robin on the other side.
"Ummm...where's Regina?"
"Right here. Sorry, honey. It was an accident...Miri spilled youth potion on us."
He sighed. "Any idea how long you'll be a kid this time?"
"Nope...an I dunno if I should stay here or at the house."
"If you stay at the house I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch or in the garage. Don't want people spreading rumors. To avoid all that you should stay here."
"Yeah. But you better come and visit or I'll kick your butt when I'm big again!"
"Okay..." He hugged her. "Behave."
Regina rolled her eyes. "Whadda ya think, we're gonna wreck the town?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
"Ummm...no cause I know the answer's yes."
Rumple heaved a sigh. "Ya know, dearie, half the time WE don't start anything . . .other idiots do and WE get to clean up after them. Like when Sapphira stole Marco's parents outta my shop and buried them."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye guys!" Roland waved.
"That girl!" Annie snorted. "She's lucky Melanie hasn't shipped her butt off to a bad girl's school!"
"Yeah," Bobby agreed. "Where they make you eat mush and jerky, wear ugly uniforms and pick up dog doo after school and beat you with sticks."
"Ewwww!" Belle screeched.
Rumple scowled. "Sounds like that daycare she was runnin' at the convent when we were over there the first time this happened. She tried to make me, Belle, and Gina eat mush and old carrots and she woulda made us wear rags if she could've."
"She shut my nose in a book!" Belle recalled.
"Yeah and she beat my butt with a ruler," Rumple added.
"Hey guys...I think I got a venture for us!" Yasmina ran into the clubhouse out of breath.
"Really, dearie? Tell us!"
"All the Brown kids weren't at school today an' they never miss now!"
Killian frowned. "All of'em? Were they sick with somethin'? Like chicken pox or measles?"
"I dunno but it's weird. Me an' Beth tried to go by the house but Mom wouldn't drive there."
"Chrissy said Mister and Missus Brown have been doing a lot of private talk stuff and she's scared they're gonna get a divorce."
Rumple grinned. "Dearies, I think we need to do some 'vestigation. Time to get out the Justice Mobiles."
"Yeah but Mom and Dad will ground us if we sneak out."
"Knew something was wrong when Mister Brown sold that stuff!" Belle exclaimed.
"Hmm . . . yes, but I didn't wanna pry," Rumple agreed. Then he added, "Don't worry, Killian. I think I can talk your dad outta punishing us . . . after all it's not like he didn't do worse n' this when HE was a kid!"
Killian smirked and hi-fived him. "Okay Nevengers...let's get cracking!"
They went to get the Justice Mobiles . . . but the three they had weren't enough for everyone, so Rumple enlarged a gold Cadillac Matchbox car Killian had and hopped in it. "Now I'M drivin' this sweetheart!"
He turned on the stereo and it began playing. " . . .ridin' around in my automobile . . ."
"Hey scoot over! I'm riding with you!" Belle demanded.
Rumple moved over. "Okay, but no bein' a backseat driver!" He looked at the other Nevengers. "This car can hold three more people, so let's get movin'!"
"Gangster car!" Bobby joked.
"Hey it's cold out where's the heat!" Regina complained.
"Gimme a minute, dearie," Rumple said, and pressed a button. Hot air blasted out. "Better?"
"Yeah. Now you got Van Halen in this thing?" Killian asked.
"Better would be goin' to the Bahamas," said the former queen. "But I'll take what I can get."
"Maybe you n' Robin can go on vacation when you get bigger," suggested Annie, as she crawled in beside her brother. "'Kay, Rumple! We're all in here!"
Rumple hit the gas, and the car peeled off out of the yard and down the sidewalk.
"Turn there, Rumple," Annie instructed.
He obeyed, and the others followed.
Bobby giggled. It was sort of like a police procession.
Cedric Brown was attempting to keep himself busy shoveling snow, glancing around the corner nervously. He would be watched they said and he didn't doubt it.
Rumple slowed as they drove down the sidewalk. The sidewalk had been shoveled and salted-luckily the maintenance crew in Storybrooke knew better than to not do their jobs, or else he'd come and hunt them down and tear them a new one for endangering the elderly, infirm, and children.
Cedric recognized the Justice Mobiles immediately, having heard his children talk about them and their wish to join the Nevengers.
Rumple parked the car alongside the mailbox, and the others followed suit. "Cedric doesn't look too happy," he remarked to Belle.
"No. Come on, guys, let's vestigate!"
They all got out and Rumple gestured to Killian to begin the investigation.
"Hiya Mister Brown! We just wanted to see if everybody's okay...weren't at school."
"Oh...well...ahhh...they've caught colds...in this house when one gets it we all get it..."
"You oughta give 'em elderberry syrup," Rumple put in. "That'll knock the cold right outta them. You can get some at the health food store."
"Mr...Mr. Gold! What...how are you a child again?"
Rumple shrugged. "My baby had an accident with a youth potion, spilled it all over me, Belle, and Regina. It happens."
Two people concealed in the bushes smirked with satisfaction.
"But...but who is caring for Miri...and your shop..?"
"My son and daughter-in-law have everything under control. I'll be back to my old self very soon," he reassured Cedric.
"Oh...that's good. But you should get back home before they worry..."
Killian eyed him suspiciously. "You sure everything's okay cause we can help if it's not."
"Well . . . if you're sure you don't need anything . . .?" Rumple said, acting innocent, but sensing something wasn't right. Cedric looked spooked, his eyes kept darting around him.
"It's fine. Thank you."
Belle said quietly, "We'll bring over some soup n' bread for the children and Mrs. Brown later." It would give them an excuse to come back and look around.
"You don't have to do that...we'll be fine..."
"No trouble, dearie. We like to cook," Rumple assured him, then they trooped back to their cars, and as they were walking, Regina whispered to Rumple, "Hey, why's there only one car in the driveway?"
Rumple looked and only saw Cedric's station wagon. "Maybe the other one's in the garage?"
"Nope, Misses Brown said it works fine last time I saw her," Belle answered.
Regina shook her head. "Nuh uh. I saw the garage open when he was shovelin'. There was no other car there."
"Something ain't right here, mate," Killian remarked.
"Maybe we oughta do a stakeout?" Bobby suggested.
"And Mister Brown looks like he's being watched ...maybe that ole Miss Stitch hired some goons to take the kids so he'd have to live off her money again!" Yasmina mused.
"How we gonna do a stakeout without getting in trouble?" Beth asked.
"Could be, dearie. We need to discuss it more back at the clubhouse," Rumple said, and got into his gold Caddy.
"We'll figure something out," Killian replied.
The two men watching Mr. Brown stepped out from behind the bushes. "So Gold's a kid again. Now how the hell we gonna get in that shop?"
"Maybe we can kidnap him?"
"No way...those kids can still kick your ass...remember the mall thing with Santa?"
The other shuddered. "Umm . . . yeah, forgot about that . . .crap!"
"But his boy may decide he needs help running the place since he has all those kids to watch..."
"Yeah and maybe we can offer to help him out." His partner smirked diabolically.
"The boy's smart...may see through us but Brown...now they'd trust him."
"So we use Brown as a plant . . . and then go from there."
"But first...time to do some shopping around town!"
"Right!"
At the hideout, the Brown children were making their own plans to escape.
"When we all don't show up at school someone has to know something's up!" whispered Simon.
"The Nevengers can help us!" Sebastian said confidently.
They all tensed when they heard Mrs. Quickly screaming at Evangeline, the widow taking perverse pleasure in making the expectant mother a slave.
"We gotta do this ourselves," Simon mumbled.
Bae was standing outside waiting when the kids drove up in their cars.
"Uh oh," Killian sighed.
"Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere!"
He knew THAT Look his dad was wearing-it mirrored the one Rumple used to give Bae as a kid. He was just glad the other Nevengers had been dropped off before they'd come back home, since Rumple had realized it was too late for a meeting-it was getting on to supper.
"We were riding down the block, Dad," his son replied. If he were lucky, Bae wouldn't ask which block.
"Then we had to drop off the other kids," Rumple added. "That's why we're a little late."
"Papa you're not an adult now so you need to remember not to take off like that without telling us!"
"And my car got stuck in a pothole!" Regina said. "Somebody really has to fix the sidewalk over by Yasmina's house. Gonna hafta tell my road work committee."
Rumple looked guilty. "Umm . . . I forgot. I didn't mean to make you worry."
"How many times did I get that lecture?"
"Umm . . . probably about five hundred times," the small sorcerer admitted, hanging his head.
"It was my fault too," Belle said loyally. "I wanted to drive and then I got lost."
"We need to put GPS in the Justice Mobiles," Regina added. "And a Bluetooth."
"You need to remember to not leave the yard without permission, Regina Mills and Belle Gold," scolded Emma.
She came out on the porch with a dishtowel in her hand.
"You too, Killian Gold. I know you know better." She gave him her Disappointed Sheriff Interrogating a Suspect Look.
He bowed his head. "Yeah I know, Mom."
"Come on, let's go inside," Bae said. "We can discuss your behavior and consequences after dinner."
My God, I sound like Papa, he thought wryly. And I'm sure right now I feel like he did and he feels like me!
Rumple followed Bae into the house, feeling guilty and slightly alarmed. He hated when anyone was upset with him, it gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, reminiscent of his days with Malcolm. Even though he knew Bae would never beat him, that didn't help the visceral reaction within him.
Belle squeezed his hand comfortingly. "Rumple, it'll be okay," she whispered, knowing how he felt. She used to be the same, hating when her papa yelled at her and made her cry.
Regina tried to put on a brave face, but even she was nervous. "We weren't THAT bad, were we?" she asked Killian. "Think they're gonna send us to bed without supper n' dessert?"
He shrugged. "I dunno...maybe not."
"I hope not, cause whatever Emma cooked sure smells good!" She rubbed her growling tummy.
Aria looked up from playing with her toys on her playmat, babbling. "Hi! Hi! Hi!"
Miri was sleeping in her infant seat, looking angelic.
Rumple went to tickle his granddaughter, making her squeal.
Belle asked Emma if she needed help setting the table.
"You can put out the napkins, but Henry usually sets the table," Emma answered. "Henry!" she called her eldest. "Come set the table!"
"Okay!" he called back from his room.
"What's for dinner?" asked Regina hopefully. "We are 'llowed to eat right?"
"Of course," Emma said, shocked. "This isn't prison, where we starve you."
"Cora woulda done that."
"Well, we're not Cora or Pan," Bae interjected. "Nobody goes hungry in this house, no matter what you've done." He sniffed the air. "Boy that meatloaf and mashed potatoes and gravy smells good, Em! And so do the peas with onions."
"And the rolls," Henry added. "I love crescent rolls!"
He began setting the table, eager to eat, and even more so to keep his parents distracted from asking about his report card. Perhaps they'd forget about it with all the other things they had to deal with tonight.
Rumple kept Aria entertained by making silly faces and playing peek-a-boo until it was time for dinner. At first he thought he'd be too nervous to eat, but Emma's meatloaf tasted even better than it smelled.
"Mmm! Is this the recipe I gave you?" he asked.
"Yes. I wanted to try it out."
"I thought I recognized it," he said, then ate some more. It was as juicy and tasty as his own.
"Mmm! I even like the peas and I usually hate them." Regina said.
"Cause you're Miss Picky," Killian teased.
Regina glared at him. "No, I just don't like most green things."
"I love veggies!" Belle sang.
"I like anything," Rumple said. When you spent half your growing years hungry, you basically learned to eat whenever food was offered. "Except bugs and liver."
"Bugs?! Eww!" Regina looked grossed out.
"You ate BUGS?" Henry gasped. "Why?"
"Some people had to," Belle replied.
"Cause there was nothing else and I was hungry," Rumple admitted, not really wanting to discuss this. "But that was a long time ago." He ate another helping of meatloaf and potatoes and peas. "S'why you oughta thank God you got real food to eat n' a warm bed to sleep in and a family who loves you."
Bae nodded. "Rumple's right. Because there are kids that have none of that."
"Were you one, Bae?" asked Regina.
"No. Papa always made sure I had blankets and was warm and we were a family. Sometimes we didn't have too much to eat but we never starved."
He had starved later though, on his own, as a thief on the streets, and he had to admit that Rumple had always provided for him well. He just hadn't appreciated it until he no longer had it.
Emma could have told the kids plenty about being cold and hungry when she left the orphanage, but she didn't want to dwell on those memories. That time was done and she had what she had always wanted now-a job, a family, and a place where she belonged.
"Wonder if the Browns need money," Killian said.
Henry was still praying his parents would forget it was report card day when Emma brought out the blueberry crisp and ice cream. Normally he loved this dessert, with a helping of vanilla ice cream in the middle, but today he found he couldn't eat a bite.
What would his dad say when he saw his math grade?
"Henry, isn't today report card day?" his father asked.
"If they do, maybe we could give 'em an xtension on their rent," mused Rumple. He yawned, feeling sleepy now that he had eaten and he only ate half his blueberry crisp. His mind was growing fuzzy with sleep and his adult memories were fading gradually.
Henry froze with the fork halfway to his mouth. "Umm . . ." was all he could think of to say. In his mind he was thinking Aww crap! Why can't he forget?
"Let's see it," Emma said with a smile.
"Now? But . . . what about them?" he waved at the other kids, who were all staring at him curiously.
"We wanna see too!" Belle shrilled excitedly.
"Yeah, how'd you do?" Regina wanted to know.
Terrible in pre-algebra, Henry thought with a groan. And not too good in history either.
He felt like he was before a review board as he went to fetch his backpack. He spent some time aimlessly rummaging through it, delaying as much as possible.
Until Rumple huffed and said, "Do ya need help? I tol' you ya need to be better organized, dearie." He slid from his chair and came over to where Henry was on the couch.
"No, I'm fine." Henry protested.
"Lemme see," Rumple said, and he gently shoved Henry away and found the report card right where it was supposed to be. "Here it is!" he handed it to Henry.
"Thanks, Rumple," his grandson said, wishing a hole would open up and swallow him.
He shuffled over to where Emma and Bae waited expectantly.
"Umm . . . here."
Emma held out her hand.
You would have thought it was a lottery ticket the way the four other children attempted to see the results.
"Hey! Settle down!" Bae ordered. "You can see after Emma and I do."
"Aww!" Killian groaned. But he sat back down in his seat.
Meanwhile, Henry prayed Bae was struck blind for a few moments, or had Alzheimers.
Emma opened it up, her eyes wide with shock. "Henry? What...what happened?"
Then he wished he could have hacked into the school computers and tinkered with the grading system.
"Umm . . . well . . ." her son looked away.
"Well what?" Bae took the report card from his wife and frowned. "You got a D- in pre-algebra? Henry, how did you get this? I told you if you were having problems to come to me." Then his eyes lit on American History. "A C, when last semester you had a B+? And what's this about missed assignments?"
Henry gulped. "Err . . . I forgot a couple of papers."
"Cause you were too busy playing Halo," Killian chimed in.
"Thanks, buddy!" Henry glared at his little brother.
Bae folded his arms across his chest. "Is that true? You were playing video games instead of doing your schoolwork? Henry, you know how your mom and I feel about school."
"I was gonna do them, Dad," his son declared sullenly. "But I forgot and Miss Peterson wouldn't let me do any make up ones."
Bae glanced at his wife. "You know that's not an excuse, right, Emma?"
"Yes. You will be doing them from now on because you won't be seeing your game consoles until those grades come up."
"But Mom. ..!"
"No buts. Those grades are coming up. School is more important."
"But Mom! I have a tournament coming up!"
"You're just going to have to miss it now aren't you?"
"You can spend an hour or two after dinner being tutored by me in algebra," Bae said. "And we'll see about your grandpa and grammy helping you with history once they come back."
"Dad . . . how do you even know advanced math? You didn't go to school here," his son muttered.
Bae's eyes narrowed. "What's that have to do with the price of gold, young man? Are you trying to say I'm dumb because I have no formal education?"
That actually wasn't true, Bae had attended college level therapy courses and was on his way to getting his Masters now. He had taken a GED before he began taking courses while in New York.
Emma scowled at their son. "Henry Mills Gold, you will not talk to your father that way!"
"No, but . . . I hate math, it's a waste of time!" his son grumbled.
"It's not. Without math, you can't make a living and people can cheat ya," Rumple put his two cents in.
Henry shot him a dirty look. "And who asked you?"
Rumple flinched. "Ya don't need to ask, I'm right. Aren't I, Bae?"
Bae patted Rumple's head. "You sure are, buddy. Henry, you watch how you talk to Rumple. And me. This attitude is going to get you in more trouble than your grades will."
"Yeah, be nice," Belle added.
"Or else Dad's gonna throw you in the brig," Killian warned.
"If you'd studied, ya wouldn't b in trouble," Regina said sassily.
"Would all of you just shut up?" Henry yelled. "Nobody in this family knows how to mind their own business!"
At his loud tone, Miri woke and began crying, and Aria started too.
"Now look what ya done!" Regina huffed. "Gotten the babies upset!"
Henry stormed out of the kitchen and into his room.
Emma groaned. "And now here it is...the grouchy teenager phase."
Bae rubbed his forehead. "Somebody shoot me! If he's anything like I was . . . "
"That could be scary!"
"Gee thanks, hon." Bae rolled his eyes. "I'm lucky though Papa didn't have to deal with me when I was fifteen and sixteen, he might have gone round the bend or worn out his hand on my butt."
"I was no better at sixteen," Emma admitted.
"Well, here's hoping we get lucky," Bae chuckled. Then he snorted and said, "Go on, say it."
"Say what?"
"In what world am I living in?" her husband asked.
"Or I was gonna say let me know when you wake up."
"Yeah, that too." He sighed and picked up Miri, who was fussing. "Hey, baby sister, I hope you behave better than me when you're sixteen. Otherwise Papa's gonna drop dead."
He went to heat up a bottle for her while Emma cleaned up a drooly Aria, saying, "Okay, kids, time for you all to get in jammies."
Luckily he still had the pajamas they had bought when the Nevengers had been toddlers and lived with them.
"We still have our old rooms?" asked Regina.
"Yes you do. Come on. Let's get you ready for bed."
They put Miri in Aria's room and Rumple in Killian's room while Regina and Belle returned to their old room, pleased to see that everything was just as they left it after their Disney adventure. With every passing second their memories of their adult lives were fading and they were once again remembering the joys of their second childhood.
And tomorrow they would start another adventure.
A/N: Sorry this took so long to be updated, but CJ had some health issues and I was trying to finish Christmas Wrapping, which is now done. Hope you all like!
