I got so many good reviews for this; I decided to make it into a story called Sixteen Things. PM or review if you have any ideas! Thanks everyone who reviewed/favourited/alerted, etc This is for y'all. Also thanks to my crazy family for ideas and Rhi for the Emmett idea.

Twilight isn't mine, blah blah blah.


Sixteen Things Emmett Shouldn't Do But Would If Rosalie Let Him (With Commentary by Rhi in bold.)

Show humans his biceps. For the bent guys and straight girls, at least, this should make them drool and/or faint. It would not be healthy. Four words. Mike. Newton. New. Obsession.

Let humans see while he wrestles with a mountain lion and lives. They might think he's God or something… That wouldn't be healthy for them either, actually. Oh God. Emmett will have a cult. Children of the Earth much?

Describe/actually show humans the damage he and Rose have inflicted on various buildings while making love. The thought alone is enough to scar anyone – and Edward gets much more than just the thought of it. Scratch that, think of Jasper! MY VIRGIN EARS/EYES!!!!!!!!! Therapy for Dr Feelgood. . . I assume Rhi means Jasper or Carlsile.

In school, do what Dash did in The Incredibles and mess the classroom up when the teacher has their back to him or is out of the room. Think paper everywhere, graffiti-d black/whiteboard (words and pictures of your own choice), chairs with broken legs, books suddenly on the other side of the premises, the animals in the Biology lab mysteriously set free. Use your imagination! Emmett would… Dun dun dun. "Who dunnit?" "Mike."

Discover a human's personal life. Humans won't be able to beat Em at arm wrestling and will be scarred for life, as long as he can hint while being yelled at by Carlisle. Carlisle may also have to treat the human in question for a range of bodily injures. I really have nothing to say about this.

Put an advert in the local newspaper for blood donors. Hmm, for what may I ask? Snack time? Nah, he's doing research for Carlisle.

Decorate a Christmas tree. Only Edward knows what's going on in Emmett's head, but he's almost entirely not sane. I fear that the tree could be covered in materials such as whipped cream, mustard, glitter, soap, glue, cream cheese, mud, old clothes and a buck's head, complete with antlers. The tree sure sounds pretty.

Start a food fight. If it is with a human and the food is hard, bodily injury to the human is likely. If it is with a vampire, war could break out. Playing with other people's food? Someone needs to teach him a thing called manners. It'll only get really bad if he starts playing with his food.

Start a fight with a human. The human will almost defiantly die. Carlisle won't be pleased, but Emmett can always argue that the human wanted to fight – obviously thinking he could win. Think again, sucker. Jacob? Eric? Tyler? Mike? Hehehe, look at number one to get Mike. What would Emmett say to Carlisle? *Cough*rape*cough* OH MY GOD RHI ARE YOU SUGGESTING MIKE TRIED TO RAPE EMMETT? OR THE OTHER WAY ROUND? –faints-

Err… I'm running out of ideas here! I know! Dress up! NEVER LET EMMETT DRESS UP AS A DISNEY CHARACTER, ESPECIALLY NOT HANNAH MONTANA!!!! Especially for Renesmee if she is a Miley Cyrus fan. Superman would also be very funny but very disturbing. No way. Not Supes. I think Bizarro #1 is more fitting for Em. Bizarro #1? What am I missing?

Humans must never be allowed to see Emmett streaking. Okay, NO ONE EXCEPT ROSALIE must be allowed to see him naked. He may be pretty fit, but sometimes too much is too much. Renesmee will never be allowed near him again, weather she witnessed the incident or not. MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smash Edward and Bella's cottage. "I am simply trying to show them what they could do if they really tried." Poor Esme. Would they be in the cottage? I wouldn't mind so much if it was Jacob in the cottage, I would be happy, lol. But sad because of no more pretty cottage.

Horse riding. If he doesn't eat the horse, he will squish it. And look like a twerp in a riding hat, not that he needs one. Please, someone, get a picture. Actually, any of the Cullen boys in jodhpurs would be enough to make a lady swoon. Well a lady from the eighteenth century. We twenty-first century girls know they're hot no matter what they may or may not be wearing. Please, people, don't now call me a hypocrite because of number eleven. He will squish the horse, and then eat it. Ooh, Jazzman is jodhpurs, yum.

Go shopping. Emmett may confuse plates and cups with food and ask how much you can get per pound. He may also think flour is hairspray and salt should only be used to sweeten cake. Let's hope, for the shops sake, that Bella goes with him. Let's hope for Alice's that he does not find the clothes section. Emmett would be barred from everywhere! Cue 'stache and hat!

Sing 'Barbie Girl' with costume. Protect Nessie's eyes! This could also be on Jazzman's list, which is coming soon. Imagine the Cullen boys singing it. Team Edward fans, picture Jacob. LMAO. He would do that anyway. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Not my Jazzman!

Become a ballerina. Do a show. Kill everyone with the disturbia of it. Eek! Though he would make a pretty ballerina. He would make a goldang SCARY ballerina.