"So you actually ate the Gum Gum fruit." Coby said from his position at the rudder. "That's surprising."
"What's so surprising about it? When the weird shit pops up, Devil's fruit is the easiest, and usually the right assumption. Did you think that his mother was a rubber band or something?" Sometimes I forget that Coby's a moron too. It's easy to look like a genius when you stand next to Luffy.

"I guess that you're right…" Coby admitted. "You guys are going after the One Piece… and that means that you have to go through the Grand Line…"

Luffy grinned. "Yep!"

"People die there!" Coby yelled.

"People die everywhere. Even on the can. Especially on the can." I countered.

"More people die there! It's called the Pirate's Graveyard for a reason!" He wailed.

"Well, yeah. That's why a need a strong crew. And the next one is on the island you're going to." Luffy said plainly, as if it was obvious. Well, it really was obvious. A crew of two is too many too few.

Coby was sweating as he finally put the pieces together. "You mean Roronoa Zoro?"

"Yeah." Straight forward and to the point, your picture is Luffy. "If he's a good guy, I'll take him."

"He likes cute things." I added helpfully. "And he's easily bullied by strong-willed women."

"HE'S A MONSTER!… And how do you know those things, Witt-san?"

"That's… a secret." I wish I knew how to properly vocalize a heart. "Anyway, if you work with nothing but rumor, your information is often inaccurate and useless. If you want to join the Marines, you should practice taking things with a grain of salt and digging for good information."

"I forgot that you sometimes say things that aren't rude or crazy." Coby muttered. "But the Pirate Hunter is said to be a complete psychopath, bloodthirsty and violent. Even just talking about him is scary."

"Well, that's just because you're a wimp." I said with a smile.

"Yeah, I have to meet him before I make any decision about him joining or not. If he's a bad person, I won't ask him. If he's a good person…" Luffy smiled at this point.

"He was arrested because he's bad!" Coby screeched, making my ears ring and my defense drop sharply.

My urge to break Coby's soapbox into tiny pieces will never be given into. But he makes it very, very difficult. "There is a fair chance that they just arrested him on trumped up charges because he got on the bad side of someone powerful. A mad dog wouldn't have lasted as long as this guy if he was just cutting down everyone around him."

Coby swallowed. "Marines… are supposed to represent Justice."
The soapbox is going to die. "Consider the Golden Rule, Coby."

"'Treat other's as you wish to be treated'?"

"It's 'whoever has the gold, makes the rules'. Right, Luffy?" I pass the buck to someone who knows better than I do.

In an odd moment of seriousness, Luffy nods in affirmation, his eyes far, far away. Possibly on the thought of lunch, but maybe not.

"But, yeah. Find a Justice that you can believe in. Dream it, and be it. Make your own nindo. Believe it. Dattebayo. With great power, comes great responsibility. Go web, go."

"You're just quoting something now, aren't you?" Coby asks suspiciously.

"You don't even know." I answer with a smile, because I am and I'm completely unrepentant.


"Woo, Marine Base!" Luffy yelled as we made dock. "We actually reached our destination!"

I am also pleased with this fact. "Hell yeah! Coby, you're amazing!"

The pinkette light's up like a Christmas tree, which didn't really help with his looks. "It's just the basics of navigation. It's not that special, but you'd probably die without it. You guys should try to get a navigator soon though, since I'm leaving…"

Luffy ignored Coby's mumbling, instead choosing to focus on the most important things. "Alright! Let's go eat!"

I take a moment to ruffle Coby's hair. I might not be able to survive his idealistic attitude in close quarters, but it's probably one of his best features. I hope that he gets to keep it. "Try not to get killed, okay?"

"I'm not leaving this instant!" He protested.

"Oh, yeah. Because you're buying us lunch. Thanks for reminding me."


"That was good!" Luffy declared as he finished cleaning off plate. "We'll go our separate ways here, okay? You take care of yourself, Coby. Become a great Marine, okay?"

"I will, Luffy-san!" Coby blubbered as he tried to wipe his tears away. "Even if it means that we'll be enemies the next time we meet!"

I smile at their antics as I sip at my water. "I wonder if Zoro is being held at the Marine base."

There was a loud crash as all the locals jumped back from us.

"So we shouldn't talk about Zoro in front of these people." Coby whispered.

"So should we talk about Lieutenant Morgan, then?" I'm indulging my evil urges today. The only way that would be better would be saying 'Ni' and getting this kind of reaction.

The people jumped back again even as we walked past them out into the streets.

"Who?" Luffy asks.

"Commander of this base." Coby clarified, though he had a troubled look on his face. "Though I have no idea why they would react to his name like that."

"Don't know." I lied. "Either he is a hardass that nobody dares cross or doesn't keep a good leash on the troublesome people there. Maybe both, though it'd be hard for him to swing it."


"Oh, there's the base." Coby said with the boyish excitement of a kid going to Disneyworld.

"It's ugly." Luffy observed.

"So ugly." I agreed.

"It's so ugly that even mountain bandits wouldn't even move into it if it were empty."

"It's so ugly that a blind person would be able to feel how ugly it is just by touching it."

"It's so ugly that if you set it on fire, the fire would die from over-exposure to ugly."

"It's so ugly that God himself would smite it if he didn't have the option of just putting clouds over it."

"It's so ugly, it kills your taste buds just by looking at it for too long."

"It's so ugly, it murders any rainbow that forms over it with its horrible color scheme."

"It's so ugly-"

"ARE YOU DONE YET?" Coby yelled.

"…Yes." Luffy and I mumbled.

Coby stared at us. "…Are you sure that you aren't related? One-hundred percent sure?"

Luffy was already on top of the wall, so he didn't answer. I followed, running a few steps up the wall before finding a decent grip on the shitty stonework. Coby flopped around at the base of the wall before Luffy hauled him up. "Is that the monster?" Luffy asked, pointing at the figure tied to a small crucifix.

Coby jerked back in shock, almost falling off the wall. "That bandana and the thing around his waist…"

"It's a haramaki, you uncultured swine."

He ignored me. "…That's him! The Pirate Hunter Zoro! That intimidating aura… It couldn't be anyone else!"

"Oh." Luffy took a good look at the swordsman. "Those ropes look pretty cheap to me. Do you think that he's out there for a bet or something?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. It doesn't look like they gave him any leverage to work with. Looks pretty painful, actually." I corrected as I peered closer.

"You gossipy hens..." Zoro finally ground out. "Come on over here. I've been here nine days and I'm exhausted… If you untie me, I'll repay you… Hunt down some fugitive… And give you the whole bounty…" His smile was strained and I could pick out the weariness in his eyes.

"I told you he was psychotic!" Coby said. "I told you he was a bad guy."

"Naw, he's just on the edge of his endurance." I replied. "He might sound crazy, but that's mostly the hunger, thirst and pain talking. If nobody has given him water since he started, he's should be just about dead from dehydration."

"You know too much about things like that for me to be comfortable with you anymore, you know that, right?" Coby muttered.

"I think that we should untie him." Luffy decided.

The pinkette turned to stare at the rubberman. "Are. You. Crazy. Too? Zoro would cut you down soon as look at you!"

"No, he can't." Luffy said with absolute certainty. "Because I'm strong too."

This declaration pricked up the bounty hunter's ears. "Hmm?!"

"You're all hopeless." Coby wept.

There was a clatter of wood on stone as a ladder was set against our side of the wall. A little girl, Rika or something if I remembered correctly, climbed up carrying two onigiri, shushing Coby and hopping over the wall before he had time to play the part of the concerned and offended citizen.

"Go away." Zoro told her. "Get lost."

"I brought you some food!" She chirped.

"Just eat the fucking unfood and save us on a page and a half of arguing about her being here or not!" I snapped at him.

"'Unfood'?" Luffy asked with an expression that implied that he had never thought of such a concept.

I clarified. "She mixed up the salt with the sugar. It doesn't taste good."

Luffy nodded, even as Coby's expression clouded.

"How did you know what she did wrong?"

"Psychic powers, Coby. Do not question. Did he eat it or not?"

"He ate it… And smiled about it."
"Crazy smile or 'I'm-happy-this-onigiri-doesn't-taste-like-shit' smile?"

"Crying with what might have been a smile." Coby said uncertainly.

"That must have been a fuckton of sugar. I pity him. Especially considering how that sugar rush is going to fuck him up considering that he hasn't eaten anything else for more than a week. Also the fact that he's going to have a sugar rush while tied down. Just having a sugar rush period is kind of awful."

Rika was starting to run back to the wall when the gate creaked open. I winced at the sight of the douchebag-whose-name-I-forgot-but-ended-with-O's clothes. "Is he actively trying to be an eyesore, or is it just blindness on his tailor's part?" I muttered.

"Hey, look a weirdo." Luffy chirped.

"He must be someone important. At least the girl…" Coby sighed in relief.

I lifted a finger in objection. "If you were about to say 'is safe', let me remind you that Zoro willingly ate hell-onigiri for her."

"After telling her to go away."

"From a restricted area. Like a reasonable person."

I was both looking forward and despairing of never having these stupid debates again. It could be annoying, but there was such a ripe source of comedy hidden therein.

Luffy was the only one paying attention to what was happening in the yard at this point and so was the one to rescue Rika as she was thrown over the fence.


"Are you alright? Those bastards!" Coby murmured as he checked the little girl over for damage.

I was leaning against the wall with Luffy, listening in on the whatshisname-o's taunting of Zoro. I knew it was lies, of course, but I wanted to commit it to memory to possibly twist around on Zoro in the future. Possibly as either a training challenge or a prank. The first one was more likely if I wanted to live.

'If you can live like this for a month, I will keep my word and release you.'

The little sack of shit deserved everything that happened to him after this. It was basic survival knowledge that humans could only survive two weeks without food and only one without water. Add in the hot sun and the awkward position that they were keeping Zoro in and it was amazing that he had lasted this long. And then there was the fact that he was bleeding from the head and the mouth…

I clicked my tongue in disapproval, attracting Luffy's attention. He gave me a questioning look.

"Wanna break him out, Boss?" I asked, watching him through the corner of my eye.

Luffy closed his eyes for a moment before opening them in a determined expression that I knew well enough to know that the answer was 'Yes'.