A/N: Once again this idea is not mine. If you know who started the "User's Guide" idea off then please let me know and I'll properly credit the author. Sam belongs to Kripke, but frankly should have been taken away by social services when he was a small child imo.

Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to read and review the "Dean" guide - I'll try and get back to you all, and thanks for the nudge to write more:)

The User's Guide And Manual For

SAM WINCHESTER

Copyright GrubbyHunters Ltd.

Daisy May , Chief Technical Advisor

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a SAM WINCHESTER (henceforth SAM) unit! In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your floppy haired, doe-eyed hunter, please follow the instructions below.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: SAM WINCHESTER

Type: Human (male)

Manufacturers: JOHN and MARY WINCHESTER (Jesus-Dad-I-Got-into-fricking-Stanford-on-a-Full Ride-and-I'm-the-socially-unacceptable-one-in-the-family resentment chip sold separately).

Height: 6" 4. Appears taller when next to his delicious but less gargantuan brother.

Weight: 180 lbs

Length: Have you seen the size of him? You work it out.

Eye colour: "liquid pools of melted chocolate conveying the delicate soul trapped in a destiny he has no control over" if you are a Sam girl. "Brown" if you are a Dean girl.

Freckles: adorable.

ACCESSORIES

Your SAM unit will be shipped to you as soon as possible (provided your customs officer isn't female and of the mothering type in which case delays can be expected). Units are delivered fully clad in sneakers, a t-shirt, and jeans. In addition, your SAM unit is supplied with a plaid shirt which looks adorably huge when worn by DEAN units, an array of weapons, a laptop computer and a perpetually furrowed brow.

(Telekinesis, precognition and immunity to demon powers upgrades can be purchased depending on which season your SAM unit is based upon - or buy all three for $49.99 and get a "magic knife that kills all demons except for the times it doesn't or the Winchesters forget to use it" absolutely free).

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS

Your SAM unit has been designed to be both user friendly and efficient. Mild mannered, angsty yet lethal when confronted by scary things, your SAM unit makes an awesome addition to any household. Aside from being visually attractive, surprisingly dominant in the sack and earnestly well meaning even when he's accidentally opening the gateway to hell, your SAM unit has many other uses:

Religious Television Presenter:

How many times have you flicked through television channels only to recoil in disgust when you come across a preachy silver-haired pastor trying to get you to send him money? Why not grab onto this gravy train by utilising your SAM unit? Not only has he actually met and been seduced by the devil he's also actively fighting against it and will spend any donations on ammunition.

*As shown by the popular television programmes "Touched (inappropriately) By An Angel In The Backseat Of My Car" hosted by Dean Winchester, "Ash's Hair Dos And Don'ts", and "Parenting Tips With John Winchester - Emotionally Scarring Your Children For A Brighter Future", Supernatural units are surprisingly popular on television.

School Councillor:

High school is a veritable minefield of temptation and insecurity. How can you be sure that your daughters are going to be able to resist the sneaky "funny" cigarette one of the "cool kids" in their class might try and give them? How can you be sure that your son won't fall prey to those flirty cheerleaders just waiting to trap him into having a child with him before he reaches his twenties?

Why not let them talk with your SAM unit for an hour? After telling them all about his demon blood addiction which led to the resurrection of Lucifer and the potential destruction of the human race, the fact that every woman he touched sexually died horribly and not being a good boy and listening to his father turned out to be a disaster, you'll end up with the most obedient kids this side of The Brady Bunch.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: My SAM unit looks sad and tormented - as though his muscular yet somehow boyish shoulders cannot carry the burden of a thousand unspoken torments. Why?

A: It's a day ending with a "y".

Q: My SAM unit is furrowed of brow, really handy with a knife, doesn't mind stitching his own wounds up and generally resembles a lanky Mad-Max/Rambo without the anti-semitism or steroids. Having only recently summoned the energy to get out of bed I'm a bit suprised.

A: You've been issued with a BAD-ASS SAM WINCHESTER unit. If you ordered an emo series 1-3 unit then ring our helpline and press 4. If you have recently destroyed a DEAN unit either by letting your dog using it as a chew toy or allowing it to get lost in the TRICKSTER unit "alternate dimension play area" then press 6. If you don't mind the rough stuff then lay back and enjoy.

Q: My SAM unit is twitchy, doesn't pay any attention to my DEAN unit and keeps having trysts with a brunette demon. Is he having an affair or should I be really worried?

Your SAM unit has become addicted to demon blood. Do not be suprised if it stops listening to you/ refuses to do housework/ opens a portal to hell/ forgets to feed the goldfish/ breaks the vacuum cleaner or is generally irritating. Either book it into a stay at a Bobby units' "Pentagram Themed Kettle Drum of Demon Blood Rehab" or point out that drinking blood never goes well for anyone, and unless you're auditioning for a villain in the "Twilight" movies the whole "blood drinking" isn't socially acceptable.

TROUBLESHOOTING

PROBLEM: There's a really big spider on my shower curtain, but despite all attempts at convincing my SAM unit to remove it he refuses. Instead he insists that the hairy,creepy arachnid is "misunderstood", "doesn't mean to be venomous" and "can't help scaring everyone within a thirty metre radius". What should I do?

SOLUTION: Due to an unfortunate contamination with the YELLOW EYED DEMON unit during manufacture, SAM units have an affinity with people/creatures/supernatural beings that are deemed by society as being "different". Arguing their case triggers the little used "self-esteem" setting and is harmless and beneficial to your unit. Merely get a pest controller/friendly neighbour to remove the creature and tell your SAM that the freakish thing is now living happily in a magical land where it is totally accepted by everyone and never freaks anyone out ever.

* Be sure that you are totally confident that whatever your SAM unit is fixated upon is actually harmless. Once again GrubbyHunters Ltd. apologise profusely to the victims of "Bob The Hammer Killer's" victims after his unfortunate release by Mrs Kelly's SAM unit.

Q: My SAM unit seems incapable of taking five steps without damaging itself, whether it be almost bleeding to death after suffering a paper cut, getting concussed by walking into the clothes line or somehow almost drowning while pouring a glass of water. Why is this?

SOLUTION: You have a hurt/comfort SAM unit. The most mundane tasks will invariably prove to be potentially life threatening hazards, leaving you to mop its fevered brow for a few days before it decides not to die after all. When used in conjunction with DEAN or JOHN h/c units, angst may reach toxic levels and we advise you to leave the building and stay with relatives for a few days unless you really like the music of Evanescence and have shares in a tissue company.

PROBLEM: Yesterday I walked into the bedroom and came across both my SAM and DEAN units in a state that can only be described as "sweaty", "embarrassed" and "awkward". What happened?

SOLUTION: You are the owner of two "WINCEST" units. If you did not specifically order units from this line then please contact our customer services and we will replace your units with our more socially acceptable "heterosexual" line. While very popular with some purchasers, WINCEST units can often be met with horrified dismay amongst others.

(If you do decide to keep them however, the addition of a camera in their shared bedroom and an ebay account can prove to be extremely lucrative).

PROBLEM: My WINCHESTER DELUXE FAMILY PACK seems to be faulty. Accessory B (KICK ASS CHEVY IMPALA) refuses to allow my SAM unit to enter it - even if I unlock the doors myself. Is there a reason for this?

SOLUTION: Did you loan out your DEAN unit or have it serviced for a couple of days? Did you allow your SAM unit to "update the interior" of the Impala?

CHEVY IMPALA's do not respond well to the addition of ipods, "The Little Book Of Calm", throw pillows, vacuum cleaners or emo music.

Merely reclaim your DEAN unit and let it clean/beat the hell out of it with a wrench (depending on it's mood) to the sound of "Back In Black" and you should have no further problems.

PROBLEM: Every time my SAM unit interacts with a female unit it either explodes, permanently unplugs itself or fatally interacts with accessory C (shiny silver bullet). Why is this?

SOLUTION: Due to a manufacturing flaw, interaction with part XW (penis attachment) is hazardous to female units. Should you become worried that your SAM unit is becoming interested in a treasured female unit merely place the boxes of those it has already broken in front of it and leave it to brood for several hours/days/until it needs to be recharged.

FINAL NOTE:

Provided you adhere to the above suggestions we at GrubbyHunters Ltd. are sure that you and your SAMunit will have many happy years together.

DISCLAIMER: GrubbyHunters Ltd. Take no responsibility for Prozac prescriptions, boxes purchased to stand on when kissing, flea combs (be sure to keep your SAM away from our popular WEREWOLF unit line) or psychiatrist bills from waking up next to someone your gran would quite happily adopt.