AN: This is chapter 2 of Life After Jem. There will be a bit of WillxTessa moments here. And they will intensify as the story progresses.

Sorry if I posted a day (or two) late. I had to do a lot of things for school.

The story will be told in Will and Tessa's POVs. This chapter is a Tessa POV.

Plus, most of this is a flashback. Haha.

Okay, Enjoy! Please review. ^^ 4

THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO CASSANDRA CLAIRE'S THE INFERNAL DEVICES. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THEM. _

I wake in my bed feeling nauseated. I roll over to my side to see if Jem has returned, only to find it empty. I frowned, Jem should've been here by now. Will has returned last night. Last night? Was I not waiting outside when Will came? I try to recall the events last night.

Will, wrapped his arms around me and whispered to me my name. His voice, beautiful but cold and distant, sent shivers throughout my body. Being in Will's arms calmed my nervous soul. My anxiety, for a moment, was lost in an abyss, lost in the abyss of Will's warmth. It is a lie if I say that I do not desire and enjoy Will's presence. I love Jem. I love Jem, but, a part of me, loves Will too. That part of me will always love Will. I thought, being with Jem most of the time, I would have forgotten Will. But, my feelings for him were only dormant. I have realized it a few weeks ago, when Mortmain's automatons attacked us while Jem and Will were forced to accompany me to buy dresses. Will covered for me and Jem, as he deemed that Jem should protect me instead. He was doing great until an automaton, which he thought was 'dead', sprang up to him and slashed his side. Jem, turned to me, his silver eyes darkened with fear, and told me to hide. I asked him for a dagger, so I could protect myself. He hesitated, I reassured him that I will be fine and frantically told him to help Will. As he rushed to Will's side, I see an automaton hit Will. I gasped, Will fell to the ground. His midnight blue coat was smeared with blood. He's bleeding and losing a lot of blood. How I hate to be of no use to them. How I want to rush to Will's side and help them.

Lost in my reverie, I barely noticed a faceless automaton was rushing towards me. I held up the dagger with both of my hands. Gabriel Lightwood and Will's efforts in training me did not go to waste. I managed to plunge the dagger into the automaton's chest. It made a whirring clock sound. I pulled the it staggered backward, an oppurtunity to escape from it presented itself; So, I run to Jem who was kneeling beside Will, barely conscious yet still able to swore under his breath.

We rushed back to the Institute. Brother Enoch treated Will almost immediately but Will still remained unconscious for a few days. Charlotte said that the blades the automaton used had a strong kind of demon poison on it. Brother Enoch advised that Will must stay in bed for a few days to let the poison subside sfor he has already given a counter for the poison. Jem and I took turns watching him, Charlotte would pitch in from time to time but Henry scolds her that it would not be good for her and their child.

A night came when Jem had to leave. Unaccustomed to fight without Will, his parabatai,an anxious and hesitant Jem will be accompanied by the Lightwoods tonight. He instructed me to take a rest if I'm tired, Sophie will take care of Will. But that night, I did not feel any exhaustion. I sat there, holding Will's cold hand. My mind is restless. I've been thinking of Will's health. Jem's health seems to have improved. I'm happy that it has. It seems that the news of the new addition to our family has lifted his spirits more. His face was plastered with a grin when we talked about it. But, Will's health seem to be deteriorating. He has been drinking, this time,it was real. He looked pale and exhausted every time we meet. There are bags under his eyes and his shining blue eyes looks more like a rusting blue. He also refuses to talk to me and his old attitude was back, only now, he seems to be more crude and irritating.

But despite that, I can't hate him, especially now that I know his curse. How I feel about Jem and Will, I am confused. Will has always been the brighter burning star, the one to catch attention — but Jem is a steady flame, unwavering and honest, Sophie had said to me once. It was true. Between me and Will, there is a burning passion I cannot deny. A passion I desire. His fire, enough to consume me whole. As to Jem, I feel protected, I feel that I will not be burned by his flames. I love Jem. And I love Will, too. Though, I have caused Will great pain. Knowing that he loves me, yet he watched me marry another man. The worst part is, that man is his parabatai, his brother, his best friend. I fear, I am being unfaithful to Jem, for loving Will too. I would only be fooling myself if I say I do not love them both. I stare out the window, the silver moon was full, shining beautifully against the darkness of the night.

"What are you thinking about so deeply?" Will spoke weakly as he broke my train of thoughts. His blue eyes fixed on me and the expression on his face, unreadable.

"Will!" I exclaimed gripping his hand tighter. "Do you need anything? Does it hurt? Oh god."

"I am fine, Tess." he closes his eyes, squeezing my hand. "Calm down."

I sat back down with a sigh. I use my other hand to stroke his disheveled hair. He smiles slighty as I stroke his hair. Looking at Will like this, I want to wrap my arms around him, tell him everything would be all right. I desire to be held in his arms.No! I must not think this way! I thought. I love Jem. I am his and he is mine.

"I will call Charlotte, inform her that you are conscious. You need Charlotte to examine you." I say as I motioned to leave. "You also need rest, Will. You look paler than usual."

"No." he spoke softly, "I needn't anything but you, Tess."

"Will, I-"

"Just for tonight, Tess.", he pleads. "Please, stay by my side."

I sat on the edge of his bed, taking his hand, placing them between mine, and stroking them absent-mindedly. I felt his eyes on me, I stop stroking his hand and looked at him. I cannot tear my gaze away from him, my eyes met his and I feel I am being sucked into the depths of it. He sat up slowly, pulling his hand from my grasp. "Tess-"

"Will, I'm so sorry." I exhaled, as if I've been holding my breath in, "I'm sorry if I have hurt you greatly. I did not mean it. I just thought that Jem needed me more and I need to stay by his side. And you treated me coldly, I thought you despised me. So I tried to shut off my feelings for you. And my feelings for Jem have developed. But seeing you like this, seeing you in pain, I just can't help myself to worry about you. You keep smiling even though deep inside, you are breaking apart. But, I can't care for you like this because I love Jem. I am his. I should be his and only his. But how can I be his when I love you too? My heart breaks when I think of the both of you. Jem with his illness, you with your fake curse. Maybe it would have been better if I never came."

Will looked at me, a pained expression on his face. I am not sure if he understood me, I was talking so fast, I am out of breath. My eyes are stinging, tears forming in my eyes. Will leaned toward me, placing his hand on top of mine. He places his head on my shoulder, burrying his face on my neck.

"Tess," he whispered softly. "Do you remember the time we got back from the Lightwood's mansion? The day I told you about the curse in the drawing room? The day you told me Jem proposed to you? I was happy that I could finally tell you how I felt, knowing that nothing bad would ever happen to you because the curse was not real. That day was also the worst day of my life, to learn that the woman I have ever loved is engaged to Jem-the person I treated as my own brother. I came to Jem after that. I wanted to tell him that-that without you, there is nothing for me, that if he loved me, he would let me have you, that he can't love you like I do. But, that night, he told me about the proposal and that you've accepted. I felt like dying that night, the heart ache I felt was eating me up, slowly and painfully. Seeing him so happy, healthy even, I could not take you, the one he wanted the most, away from him."

He lifted his head, to face me, gently brushing his fingers on my cheeks and wiping the tears that stained my face, his eyes also wet with tears. "Even if...even if it meant my own happiness. Tess, you are my happiness, my light, my life."

I put my hand on my mouth to stifle my sobs. How badly I want to embrace Will tightly and hold him in my arms, to tell him that I love him. I love him too. But it is too late for us.

"Shh. Tess," he spoke softly, his voice soothing as if I were a child crying overs spilled milk or a broken toy. "Don't cry, Tess. I understand. I understand what you meant, what you felt."

I let out a cry,as he spoke those words, I understand. Will didn't understand. The feeling when you are torn between two people you loved so dearly. How I tried to bury my feelings for him. How badly I wanted to rush to his side. How hard it was to see Jem suffer and how harder it was to see Jem so happy while he was dying inside. Because I was the only one that Jem wanted the most, he sacrificed his own happiness for him. There is so much I want to tell him, to apologize for, to thank him for.

"Will, I am so sorry." I sobbed, it was the only thing I could say. He placed his other hand on my face too, now it is cradled between his cold hands. He then leaned forward, kissed my forehead, my eyes and my tear-stained cheeks. He finally found his way to my mouth, kissing it gently. It suddenly became full of desire and emotions. For a moment, it was as if time stopped and we had the time to ourselves. Jem. Jem's image appeared in my mind, smiling at me with hisusual gentle smile. I put my hands flat on his chest, pushed him gently away from me, breaking the kiss. I cover my mouth with my hands, I betrayed Jem, kissing Will like that. I looked at him incredulously. He looked at me with confused, pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry, Will. We can't." I say. I stood up, walking away from him, heading to the door. I looked back at him, my tone pleading, "I don't want to hurt him, Will. I'm hurting you enough. It hurts too much."

With that, I ran down the corridor to my old room. I stayed there for the night unable to face Jem because guilt would tear me up and eat me whole. That was the last time Will and I spoke. Aside from greetings, we remained silent.