Authors note:) Thank you all, for all the great reviews, I'm getting all big headed now (joke) lol. Well...here is the next chapter, I got kinda emotional writing this lol, you can probably tell, I hope you like it! Enjoy:)
PLEASE R&R
Thanks
x
Silence filled the void around them; neither knew what to do or to say to the other or even how to act. They just froze, lost in the intimacy of their eye contact. After what seemed like an eternity Kathryn broke their link, looking down to the floor to try and compose the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her, she had to keep her control, so as always the Captain took charge. Straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin she finally broke the silence;
"Good morning, Commander." She said as neutrally as possible. At the use of his title his face fell, shattering some of her resolve. Before she could do anything to make it better he spoke:
"Captain." His voice was as neutral as hers but she couldn't help but notice the slight waver, which smashed another hole in her defences. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the turbo lift, immediately turning to face the doors. She made sure she stood as far away from him as she could in the small space of the turbo lift; it wasn't easy, but his closeness affected her more than she cared to admit.
"Bridge." Chakotay ordered quietly, he sounded defeated, hurt and annoyed all at once. Sneakily glancing out of the corner of his eye, he noticed she was stood as far away from him as the turbo lift allowed, her back was ram rod straight and it proved she was uncomfortable. This is ridiculous, he thought angrily. Taking a deep breath he gained control of his emotions.
"Computer, halt turbo lift." His voice echoed around the small space, bouncing off of the dull walls and back into their ears. A surprised Kathryn turned to face him, again their eyes caught momentarily, before Kathryn reluctantly turned away. For a few moments nothing was said; Kathryn desperately wanted to escape but she knew it was inevitable, so she might as well get it over and done with. Chakotay was ordering his thoughts to try and process the right words to say. They both spoke at once;
"Chakotay I…"
"Kathryn…"
That brought a smile out of both of them, elevating the tension moderately, at least for the moment.
"Chakotay, I don't think there is any need for us to act so…uncomfortable around each other, we were friends before and I want to be friends now. Anybody would think something disastrous had happened." Chakotay didn't answer for a few minutes, he was trying to reign in all of the hurt, anger and frustration he was feeling, when he finally calmed down, he replied in his usual voice;
"And if I want us to be more?" Kathryn's eyes shoot up to his as soon as it left his mouth.
"Wha…what?" She stammered, she was unprepared for this event, she always thought he understood where she stood on this ship; how she had to be, in order to be the best Captain possible and to get this crew home, and obviously she was mistaken.
"You heard me Kathryn."
"Chakotay…you know I can't protocol…"
"God dam it Kathryn!" He ran his hands through his hair and looked her directly in her eyes. "This isn't about protocol…we are seventy thousand light years from earth, anyone with common sense can see that the fraternization rules aren't relevant, what are you going to do, be alone all that time." Kathryn was too shocked to say anything; instead she just stared at him as he continued.
"Don't even try and say it would affect the command structure…you already have feelings for me so if it was going to be effected it already has been, and let's face it, you could command this ship with a blindfold and both hands behind your back, so you can't say you would be distracted either. You would never let anything get in the way of this ship and I wouldn't let it anyway!"
"I…I...I never said…" He wouldn't let her finish her sentence. His eyes hardened and his voice lowered dangerously:
"Don't you dare, Kathryn, don't say it! Don't lie to me like that, I know you have feelings for me, in fact I know you love me. I'm not being egotistical, Kathryn, I see it in the way you look at me, oh its well hidden behind that Captains mask you like to where so much, but its there, I know, I look at you in the same way. So don't say that if you don't mean it." His voice was pleading with her and she felt a lone tear trickle down her cheek. "Kathryn, I love you! And I refuse to hide my feelings, I can't hide my feelings. At least off duty I can't, on duty I know I can still be the model first officer, I did it before and I can do it now. The only difference is I know you return my feelings."
Kathryn couldn't help the shocked expression that formed on her face. He loved me before, her mind screamed at her. Seeing her shocked expression Chakotay added, "Yes Kathryn, I loved you before New earth…" his voice became a whisper, "I think I fell in love with you when I first saw you on that view screen."
Closing her eyes Kathryn felt another tear join the first. When she reopened her glistening eyes Chakotay's face was mere centimetres from hers, she could feel his breath tickle her lips. A shiver ran through her body.
"Please Kathryn…please don't fight this," was the last thing Chakotay whispered, before his lips pressed gently against hers. His hands ran through her hair and down to her shoulder, holding her to him but giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted, she didn't.
Captain Kathryn Janeway finally gave in, at least for a few moments. She slowly parted her lips and began to return the kiss. It was everything she had expected and more: it held and showed love, tenderness, longing and desire. The emotions it evoked built up until finally, after what seemed like a life time she pulled away, bringing her finger tips to her lips and stifling a sob.
Chakotay closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. After several more breaths he turned to face the turbo lift doors and gave the order to resume. His voice was constricted with emotion as he quietly and reluctantly gave the demand.
"I wont give up, Kathryn." He whispered, before the doors parted allowing him to stride onto the bridge as if nothing happened. Kathryn straightened her pose and marched onto the bridge after him, heading straight for the ready room doors.
"You have the bridge, Commander. I'll be in my ready room."
As soon as the doors hissed shut, she made her way to the couch and collapsed onto it, breaking down into fits of tears. Kathryn realised she was fighting a battle she didn't want to fight anymore, if she ever even did.
TBC...
Please please please, tell me what you think!
