Disclaimer: Pretear is property of Kaori Naruse and Junichi Satou.
KeyQuis: It's Hayate's turn now. Let's see what's in his mind. Insight into the male psyche. (I have no clue if he's still in character...only second-guessing this bashful knight).
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It's
Just Love
Second Thought: What A Man Wants
(Hayate's POV)
So how long has it been? I can't it out of my mind, honestly, I can't. It's not everyday that I cry and kiss a girl. God, how long has it been since I kissed her? I don't know if I can live it down if she found out. My cheeks get red whenever I think back to that day...well, that moment to be precise. Arg! Why can't I gather my guts and just tell her! It's not like she's gonna punch me out for kissing her that day...for kissing her while she's asleep. Who am I kidding? Of course she's going to beat the living daylights out of me! Why am I being such a coward!
Himeno Awayuki. The most violent girl any man could meet and the only princess I, as a knight, want to protect. Her fists pack a really strong punch, but I want to hold her hands and touch them. I feel bad for wanting to prét with her every time we meet, just to touch her hand, to have her close to me, to be close to her.
I didn't mean to fall in love with anyone. I didn't want to love anything to be exact. My job as a Leafe Knight is as written: to protect life. Nobody said anything about love and I don't even recall it being important as a part of life. Sure, I knew love existed in the Leafe Knights' history, but I was told it wasn't allowed for. I thought everyone else felt the same way too.
Sasame. I wish I could be more like him, Himeno. That way you'd know these feelings I hide from you. I'm not trying to be a jerk or a coward. This love I harbor for you for what feels like an eternity...I wish I could say it without fear...mostly without being nervous.
I hate it and love it when my heart beats so rapidly with mere thoughts of you. You're so warm...I want you, Himeno. I want to make you always smile. You're the cutest thing to me when you smile. It makes me want to kiss you again. Then I go and say something stupid and make you mad. Hmm, I love it when you get all cute and angry. Your flustered face is so adorable, tulip head. Since when did I daydream at all?
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I keep reasoning with myself as to why I shouldn't tell her, why I shouldn't bother with my heart. I gaze up into the deep sky for the right answer. There is no reason not to tell her anything. Fear and doubts are justified in love, that's what Sasame said. Psh, easy for him to say something like that so casually. That guy has it all made in the love department. Damnit, I'm getting jealous of Sasame!
Himeno. Himeno...do you not want me around? Am I a bother to you? That's not possible, is it? I don't call you tulip head out of spite. I do it because I like you! Because I don't want to tell you the truth! It's easier to call you tulip head than sweetheart. OMG, I want to call you sweetheart! I'm dealing with some serious issues in self-denial here, aren't I? Why did the words cutie pie and honey bunny just pop up in my mind? Alright, it's official--I've lost my sanity to this love crap.
Did I just call love crap? Arg! WTF am I talking about! This thing called love is so stupid. #$&, I did it again. I've got to stop doing this. Sasame said that only fools insult love. Why can't I just embrace this thing? I go into battle all high and mighty, but I get shot down by something I can't even see in front of my face. Why can't love be a monster I can beat up?
Why can't I just admit to myself that I want her?
I want Himeno.
And I can't explain why...I just do.
Is this what they call love?
When your heart only treasures one special girl. Day and night passes with countless thoughts of her. When my arms long to wrap themselves around her waist and hold her in endearing manners. My hands want to trace every feature on her face. I want to claim her lips in a unforgettable kisses. Her eyes, I want them to only look at mine. I want to caress her hair, discover for myself its luxurious texture. My fingers want to stroke her skin, explore her body like a lover. I want to kiss all of Himeno. Her neck, her ear, her shoulders, everywhere. I want to feel her soft body beneath mine and hear her say my name when I'm making love to her.
What was that?...I want to do WHAT with her! I can't believe I'm being a pervert! Since when did I lust after Himeno? OMG, this is really getting out of control. If I don't do something, I'm going to go insane!
So this is what they call self-denial. I'm feeling pretty damn pitiful and pathetic at the moment. Geez, I'm getting depressed. Just how long will I keep this going? I want to stay close by her side, but I really can't tell if she enjoys my company as a friend or something more...or just a somebody.
I want to be your happiness. If I could be anything, I chose that.
I want to be what you want.
I'm scared of what my heart wants…
Because I don't want a world without you in it.
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Author's Notes: It must be very hard being a guy. I'm glad I'm not one XD. It was VERY hard writing this chapt because I went for realism. Asked a guy friend about 'what is with guys? how do they think?' Nice forward answer: guys are ALL perverts. With this helpful hint, I took a different and less innocent approach to Hayate's POV. Heh, this fic was 99.9 percent complete (like 3 months ago...)and I kinda forgot about finishing it off until today...
