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As I walked out of the room, I can barely breathe. The confidence I felt a few minutes ago just ran screaming out of my head as soon as I saw everyone standing in the barroom.
"You're alright baby. Remember, bulletproof."
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders back. False confidence is better than no confidence. I scan the room and realize that I barely know anyone here. I see Jax and Tara but no one else is really around. Except for the women.
Holy shit Gemma wasn't lying.
These women are gorgeous. In a.. trashy kind of way. They sure as hell aren't covered in bruises. I think it's pretty shitty that a motorcycle club treats their women better than an ordinary man.
"Savannah, how are you feeling? You look gorgeous!"
Did Tara really just say that? Me and gorgeous? I really doubt that.
"Uh, thanks. I didn't really want to wear this but.."
"But Gemma gets what she wants right?"
"Yeah."
Apparently Tara knows Gemma. I sit down next to Tara and look around the bar. It was cleaner than I imagined it would be, but it still has just enough trash to make it known it's a biker club.
"Well you look fantastic, Savannah. I mean it."
"Thank you Tara. It's nice to have a woman around that isn't dressed like a whore or my mother."
"Well Opie's woman is around too, but just a fair warning.. she's a porn star."
"Oh. Well, I mean I guess everyone has to have a job."
I look towards the front door just in time to see Happy walk in. I don't know why but he makes me smile. I try to hide it but I can see out of the corner of my eye that Tara is smiling at me. Shit. The last thing I need is for anyone to think I want the Tacoma Killer. Some sort of hero complex or shit.
To make things worse, Happy is walking right at me.
"I see Gemma won."
"Yeah no thanks to you."
I desperately try not to roll my eyes as Tara's grin gets bigger.
"Dressing in boring ass plain clothes won't make you blend in here. It's gonna make you stick out."
"Oh so you're just looking out for me?"
"Haven't I always?"
My jaw drops as Happy turns and walks away. No part of that conversation helped the now open smile that Tara has across her face. I look at her and realize that she isn't going to let this go.
"So Happy helped you pick out clothes?"
"Uh. No. Not really. He just didn't like how I was organizing mine."
"Well, I have never seen him even talk to a woman other than Gemma. Let alone help her sort through clothes."
"He probably just feels bad for me."
Tara laughs very loudly and shakes her head.
"Happy doesn't feel bad for anyone."
I turn my face away from Tara to avoid the conversation and notice Clay looking at me. He has a neutral look on his face when he stands up and motions for me to follow him. I follow him back to the dorm rooms as he walks into the one Gemma said was mine. We both walk in and he shuts the door behind him.
"I see Gem bought you some clothes."
"More like every single piece of clothing in Charming."
"Yeah that sounds about right. I'm sure my wallet is at least half the size now."
"I'm sorry dad. I can pay you back for it."
"No no Savannah. Gemma would spend the money either way. You needed clothes."
"I can still pay you back."
"You're my daughter. You're family. You don't owe me anything."
"I guess."
I hear Clay clear his throat as I look down at the ground. Clay and I have never been great at conversation. We're both more than happy with not saying much. Gemma is the talker in the family.
"I'm not mad at you about not telling us. I wish you had though."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"How long was he hurting you."
"We moved in together right after I graduated. It was good for about two weeks."
"Christ Savannah. All those times we called you weren't okay."
"I survived."
"That doesn't mean you were okay. Who is this guy?"
"I went to school with him. He was always really sweet to me.. until he wasn't anymore."
"You think he will come after you?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
"You don't leave the clubhouse without a patched member."
"Okay. I don't really know what that means though."
"If it says prospect on it, they aren't patched."
"Alright."
"We do some questionable shit around here Savannah. We protect our own and we don't talk to cops."
"Okay."
"If you have a problem you come to me. None of the guys will hurt you here. I know you've been through some shit but you're safe now."
"Thanks dad."
"I love ya, daughter."
"I love you too."
I watch Clay get up and walk out of the room without looking back at me. He leaves the door open and I look around the room. I start to put the clothes away mainly due to the fact that I don't want to talk to anyone else.
I am incredibly tired.
As I'm putting my clothes away I feel a hand on my shoulder. I stifle a scream and turn quickly just to see Happy standing behind me with a scowl on his face.
"I'm sorry.. I didn't hear you.. I am so sorry.."
"You don't need to apologize to me. I guess I just need to stomp my feet when I walk in."
I laugh nervously and run my fingers through my hair. I'm incredibly embarrassed that he saw me act so weak. Every psychology class I've taken is telling me that my reactions are totally normal but it doesn't help my embarrassment.
"You do know you're safe now right?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah I do."
"Just came in to tell you I'm gonna be gone for a few days."
"Oh, okay. Everything alright?"
"Yeah. Club business. I'm not a big talker but if you need to talk, you have my number."
"Uh. Thanks. I think."
"Chibs will be here. Tig too. Jax and Clay are going with me."
"Chibs is the one with the accent right?"
"Yeah."
"Tig has the blue eyes."
"Right."
"Okay. I'll learn everyone eventually."
I fake a laugh and turn back to my clothes but I can feel that Happy hasn't moved. I close the drawer and slowly turn back around super aware of how close he is to me.
"Savannah?"
"Yeah?"
"You are safe. I promise that."
"Happy, don't make promises you can't keep."
"I don't."
I watch him turn and walk away. These guys sure know how to make dramatic exits. I'm gonna have to get used to that.
I look over at the clock when I heard a knock at the door. It is three twenty in the morning and someone is knocking on my door. Not that I have been able to fall asleep, but what the hell. I get up and walk over the door and open it to see Gemma.
"Mom?"
"Were you sleeping baby?"
"No. Haven't really slept yet."
"Can I come in?"
"Of course. You okay?"
"I tried to give you some space but I couldn't sleep either."
I walk over to the bed and sit down. I flip the light on next to the bed and move over so Gemma can sit down. Even though she was never much of a mom to me, I have always been able to talk to her. I've never told her but I always wished she was around more.
"Baby I am so sorry."
"Mom, you don't need to keep apologizing to me. I made my bed."
"I should have known though. When you walked into the clubhouse I didn't even know it was you. If I hadn't known Jax went to check on you I never would have recognized you."
"I'm sorry you have to see me all bruised up."
"No baby. I'm sorry that I didn't keep you closer. I always pride myself on family yet I sent you away."
"I'm sure you had good reason."
"I did. But you weren't safe either way. It was stupid for me to send you away. I always joke that I would drown a baby girl if I had one but you have always meant so much to me. I just didn't want you to get hurt."
"Dad said the club does some questionable stuff."
"Yeah and it means that no one is ever really safe."
"Well I've felt safer here in the past day or so than I have in years."
"That breaks my heart, baby."
I look down at my hands not really sure what to say. I feel one hundred percent responsible for all of this. Jax and Happy had to drive all that way to Arizona just to check on me. They find me beaten on the floor and drive me all the way back. Then Tara had to treat me in the hospital. Now everyone is looking at me with pity and going out of their way to try to protect me. I hate this.
"I hope you find a home here, Savannah. These guys are family. I don't know if that means much to you considering everything.. but it means the world to us."
"I'm sure this will be home, mom."
"I love you Savannah."
"I love you too."
I watch as Gemma gets up and goes to walk out of my room. My heart starts to pull realizing that I really don't want her to leave.
"Mom?"
"Yeah baby?"
I see a look of hope on her face. She looks as if me calling to her is the greatest thing she has ever gone through.
"Would.. Do you think you could stay with me tonight? I mean if you don't want to I get it. I just.. I don't want to be alone."
I see a huge smile spread across her face and I see just how beautiful my mom is. She is always so reserved around everyone but in this very moment I see the love and adoration I had always hoped she felt for me.
"Of course baby."
I watch her walk to the other side of the bed and she pulls me to her chest as she sits down. I close my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair and begins to sing. I never knew just how beautiful her voice is until this very moment.
I feel safe.
My eyes begin to flutter as I fight to stay awake, loving the moment that we are in. My eyes begin to fade as I lose the fight and drift off to sleep. For the first time that I can remember, I fall asleep in my mothers arms.
