A/N: ... I don't think there's any excuse for how long it took me to update this. I actually wrote this chapter some time ago, but I only re-watched AVPM/AVPS recently, and I didn't want to post anything that would be completely wrong (at least not without realising it). I'll try to update quicker next time, as I do have more stuff to work with now (if you'd like to see something, let me know, and I'll see if I can use it :) )
So, a couple of things: I am in no way bashing the musicals, or anything (Kurt's just very unimpressed by his new surroundings, and I doubt he'll ever fully appreciate them). As for the plot, this will mainly follow the AVPS plot (loosely. I don't think it'll always work out that way (Kurt's presence must have some consequences)), but there will be stuff from AVPM as well. As for the Glee universe, I started this during the winter hiatus, so that's when this takes place (so after AVGC). It won't be canon compliant with stuff that happens after that. And: I'm not sure where Starkid!Hogwarts is, actually (I mean, is it still in Britain, or not? :S). So if I did that wrong, I apologise. And it's not supposed to make any sense - just to make that clear.
Naturally, this is very AU.
Disclaimer: (I'll say it again) I don't own anything you recognise as anyone else's. Nothing at all.
Anyway... hopefully you'll enjoy the chapter, please review!
"Glee club?" a girl with wild brown hair asked, obviously not understanding.
"I don't know what it is, but it sounds totally awesome!" the (fake) redhead exclaimed, grinning eagerly.
"Yeah, totally!" 'Blaine' agreed, happily grinning along. "But uh – what were we talking about again before this guy interrupted?" He waved his hand vaguely at Kurt, who huffed in response. He didn't like this… alternative universe or whatever it was he had ended up in, if Blaine was going to act like he didn't know him all the time.
The guy with the fake beard looked thoughtful before shrugging. "You," he said in the end, gesturing towards Kurt. "You have to be Sorted if you're going to be a student here."
Oh. So this was supposed to be Dumbledore? Wow. Kurt could do a better job at impersonating the Hogwarts headmaster, and he would even flat-out refuse to wear a beard. So that was saying something.
"I'm not a student here," Kurt protested. "I go to Dalton now. You know – Dalton Academy for boys, in Westerville?"
"Where?" a girl sitting across from 'Blaine' asked. Now that Kurt had adjusted just a tiny little bit to his new situation, he realised what a crazy school this was. There was only a handful of students sitting in what he assumed ought to be the Great Hall. "Never heard of that place."
"Is it in Wales?" the dark boy-who-might-also-be-a-girl asked, confused.
"No," Kurt replied, frowning at her – him… whatever. "It's in Ohio."
"Ohio?" the brown-haired girl asked, looking at him with what could only be classified as… pity? What – did she think he was crazy? Kurt felt like he was the only sane one around. "As in the United States? But we're in Britain, right? We're nowhere near Ohio…"
"Have you heard yourself?" Kurt asked, incredulously. "All of you – do you ever listen to yourselves? You're American! Hardly anyone here has a British accent."
He shouldn't have said that, as it turned out. Everyone started talking, speaking about severe identity crises and personality disorders, and glaring at Kurt, who didn't know what he'd done wrong. He had only, like Santana always said, kept it real. It wasn't his fault if they couldn't appreciate that or couldn't handle the truth.
Everyone else was suddenly quiet as 'Blaine' stood up, stepped onto the bench he'd just been sitting on (well, at least that hadn't changed – for once, Kurt was grateful for Blaine's increasingly disturbing habit to climb onto the furniture as often as he could), and cried out, "I'm in a rage!"
And that was it. Calmly, he got off of the bench again and sat down. The bat like guy (was he supposed to be Snape? Kurt wasn't sure, but there were no other options) narrowed his eyes at him and shouted, "Twenty points from Gryffindor!"
"Thanks, Herman," the red haired boy muttered under his breath, for seemingly no reason in particular. One look around proved all Kurt needed to know – apparently, this was a normal occurrence.
"Don't worry, Harry," the brown-haired girl (Hermione, Kurt decided. He was glad he'd read the books, at least) told him, patting his arm. "We're still in Britain. We're not in the States. I think we'd know if we'd travelled across the ocean," she said to Kurt, shooting him an exasperated look, as if he was the stupidest person she had ever met.
After a short silence, the redhead (Ron; no doubt. Kurt was no longer surprised by anything) said, "You still haven't told us what a Glee club is."
"Oh, right. It's… an extracurricular activity, a group of people who sing and dance for fun after school hours."
"You sing and dance at set times?" 'Blaine' asked, frowning at Kurt. "That's pretty lame, don't you think? We just sing and dance whenever we want."
Ah, like that. Sure, Kurt had sometimes been the witness of an impromptu need to express oneself in song at McKinley (he had instigated them as well, at times), but it wasn't something that went over well with faculty and their fellow students.
"So you're more like High School Musical, then?" he asked, causing everyone to look at him in astonishment.
"We could never measure up to the sheer brilliance that is High School Musical!" 'Dumbledore' exclaimed, seeming to be in a rage as well now. "How dare you even suggest that?"
"Did you show him the Zefron poster?" 'Snape' asked, sounding annoyed.
"No, I didn't!" the other man denied. "He can't have known that it's my life dream to meet Zefron. I am his biggest fan, after all." Uproar ensued, in which most of the guys (it hardly surprised Kurt anymore, he was ashamed to realise) declared that they were Zefron's biggest fan.
"Who knows," Kurt muttered, "maybe he'll show up here some time. I did, so why wouldn't he?" Zac Efron wasn't really the person Kurt wanted to be stuck with here, but at least there might be another sane person around here. He felt like he'd be crazy before he'd get out of here – if he would ever get out of here, that was.
Nobody heard him, however, and only turned back towards him when the two Professors (if he could call them that, Kurt thought to himself, scoffing) stopped bickering and 'Dumbledore' told him, "You still have to get Sorted if you're going to be around for a while."
Glaring at the man, Kurt marched towards him. As he stood next to him, he sighed in a way only Kurt Hummel could pull off, and he crossed his arms. Tapping his foot as well for good measure, he waited for the (undoubtedly unfashionable and dirty) Sorting Hat to be placed on his head. It would make his life a lot easier if he'd get placed in Gryffindor; at least he knew someone there, even if that someone wouldn't accept that quite yet. But of course, his life wasn't about to get any easier.
The Sorting Hat didn't touch his head, though, for which Kurt was very thankful, but it still shouted, "Slytherin!"
Well, damn it.
A/N: Personally, I think Kurt could end up in virtually any Hogwarts House. For the sake of having some sort of conflict in this story, he's a Slytherin here.
As for the rest, I'm aware that there are multiple plot holes and non-sensical things in just this chapter alone... well, they were bound to pop up at some point, so the sooner the better, right? :P
(oh! If you're still reading, go to YouTube after this and search for 'Get back to McKinley' (it's from the same user as the video I talked about in the first chapter (coincidentally?)), if you haven't seen it already. It's hilarious.)
Please review!
