Author's Note: Okay, so I lied. I said this would be the conclusion but it's not. When I started to write this chapter, Peyton's emotions just took hold. She's been treated like crap this season and I think it would be time for her to get that out. The next part, definitely, will be the conclusion (I hope). Thanks to those who've read, reviewed and made favorite the story! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies. I don't own a thing.
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Part II: Anger
Hold on my heart.
Please tell her to be patient.
'Cause there has never been a time,
That I wanted something more...
Peyton Sawyer's heart was conflicted and conspired with her mind against her. Her battered heart swelled with insatiable happiness. That tiny flame that flickered within her chest seemed a full blown fire now. She loved him, always had and always would. But her mind would not let go of the pain so easily. Her mind kept her grounded even as her heart soared.
She watched him moving around the office. The office which he so graciously gave her. The office he wouldn't charge her rent for. The office where she kissed him for the first time in three years. Brooke would tell her to jump at the chance. That life, as they both knew, rarely was so giving. Brooke would tell her to take her chance at happiness.
But something inside stopped her.
Something inside was still broken and needed to be healed.
As much as she loved him... she didn't want to be the one he settled for.
She wanted to be the one he couldn't live without.
"It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."
His voice broke her of her thoughts. He'd been reading from the manuscript Lindsey had given to her when she visited to try and get her to come back to Lucas.
"Have you read the book, Peyton? Because if you had, you wouldn't be so sure who Luke wants." She handed Peyton the manuscript. "It's not me who needs to make a decision about Lucas. It's you."
Funny how the other woman turned out to be right.
Peyton did need to make a decision. She just wasn't sure she wanted to.
Lucas dropped the manuscript back onto Peyton's desk. He turned to face her, his handsome face set with determination as he asked, "You've read the book?"
Peyton nodded and gave him a half smile. "It's beautiful."
Lucas gave her a smile that was quite happy and started to move towards her. "Haley called me the night before the wedding. She told me that I shouldn't marry Lindsey. That my book was about longing. She implied that the book was about waiting for perfection and settling for nothing less than that." He sat on the stool in front of her again, his blue eyes twinkling with a light Peyton hadn't seen in years. "You obviously know what Lindsey thinks. What do you think?"
Peyton wasn't sure how to answer that. She couldn't deny that his book struck a few chords in her heart or that it didn't reignite the hope she still carried that she and Lucas were meant to be together, but it was only a book. A work of fiction and reality was something completely different.
"I think," she sighed. "That it's a book about a scientist waiting for a comet," she stated simply and moved from her stool to fidget around the office. She couldn't face him right now. She turned her back to him, staring at painting on the wall, fighting the tears that threatened to fall once again. "It's about hope."
Lucas moved off the stool to stand behind her. The scent of her skin nearly drove him mad with desire but he steadied himself. His hand almost caressed her shoulder but he was afraid she would recoil from the touch. However, he knew Peyton could feel him there.
"It's about you," he whispered softly. His soft breath tickled her bare shoulder and she shivered slightly before turning around to face him. Green eyes met blue ones and locked in an eternally passionate embrace. The hand that was too timid to caress her before did so now. Lucas made sure she was looking into his eyes when he said again, "It's about you, Peyton."
He was so close and this felt so right and every nerve in her body sparked at his touch. She'd waited for this. For three long years she waited for this moment. Waited for the chance to be with and love Lucas Scott again, but there was still a wall between them. In invisible wall comprised of hurt, pain, unspoken words and mistakes that needed to be overcome.
"When Haley called me the night before the wedding and said I shouldn't marry Lindsey I thought she was crazy. When she told me what she thought of the book it made me more determined to marry Lindsey."
Peyton scoffed lightly, thinking his statement was a bit insensitive. "Why would you tell me that?"
"Because I was wrong. Because I was running away from the broken heart I created for myself by not waiting for you to be ready. Because I was scared that the longer I was around you that my heart would betray me. It was you I wanted, not Lindsey."
"You still proposed to her, Lucas," Peyton said as she moved around him. Their contact had become too much to bear for her. The raw emotions lied just beneath the surface and his touch seemed to burn her now. "You went through with the wedding! You said 'I do'! Lindsey is the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with and if she hadn't left, you wouldn't be here."
This wasn't going at all the way he planned. Being a writer, Lucas had envisioned saying the words in his heart to Peyton, the woman he loved, and that would magically erase all of the hurt they've caused each other. But now he realized she had to overcome her anger for any of that to happen.
"I don't know what you want from me, Lucas," Peyton said, exasperated. The palms of her hands covered her eyes but Lucas knew she was crying. "You tell me to let you go and to move on. I try to do that and here you are telling me that you love me and you want me... Now... after the woman you chose to marry, the woman you proposed to with my ring, left you. The woman you've been trying to get back with for weeks." She faced him with more anger in her green eyes now than in previous altercations. All her emotions were coming to the surface and spilling forth. "God, I am so angry! With you and with myself. I'm better than this, Lucas, and you know it! I'm stronger than this. I put up with you and Lindsey and all the crap because I still believed in us. I still believed that we were destined to be together and that someday you would see that, too. But not like this. Not as some consolation prize."
A single tear slipped down her cheek.
"I can't do this anymore," she told him, her voice barely audible. "I think you should go."
This, most definitely, was not the way Lucas Scott planned for Peyton Sawyer to become Peyton Scott.
