Chapter 2 war heroes and ernie the koala bear
Disclaimer: i don't own twilight...sad, i know, i did ask for every occasion going, but it seems a lo of people have and im on a waiting list...ONLY LIKE 10 MILLION PEOPLE LEFT! Though, i hear tha no ones getting it...WISHFUL THINKING ONLY PEOPLE!
Anyways, hope you like it, because im going to be pummled by my editior later...wish me luck!
Holly: Hows the baby jasper?
Jasper: meh, she whines a lot, i might eat her again
Bella: hey! Get off me! Im not a baby! I want to go home! Let me go, i want to see Edward!
Holly: *smiles* they grow up so fast *gets a tear to her eye*
Bella : *running away from jasper waving her arms in the air when he tries to feed her with a bottle* EDWARDDDDD!
Edward: *holding a koala bear in is arms* what? Oh bella....erm...i kinda have a new love
Holly:....ahem...ME...
Bella: a koala bear...what the hell, so random....
Edward: well...thats kind of why i was in Australia before....i was getting a koala bear...
Emmett: oh? Small town scandal!
Rosalie: huh? Scandal? Okay....
Carlisle: seriously Rosalie, your deaf!
*cue 'welcome back alice because your so brilliant' theme music*
Alice: *looks at the people who are conversed in the koala bear* PEOPLE! There is a war coming and i don't see any guitars! Now get ready....TO ROCK!
Emmett: wow...that was so cheesy i think the French are in town!
Holly: French? Cheese? I don't get the connection *the translator comes up to holly again and explains* ohhhhhh, he he, the French...and the cheese...coming in town....
Esme: dead. Just dead.
Carlisle: im starting to feel sorry for that translator...hes going to be here a while...
Edward: look guys! Ernie the koala bear just pooped on me! Isn't that exciting!
Bella: *sarcy* just brill Edward, that brown stuff is almost as good as chocolate!
Everyone else: ohhh poo! Wow! Ive never seen some so large before, its almost...cute!
*silence.....and then*
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Look pixies! Leprechauns! AHHHHH! Help help! Alice we need guitars pronto!*
Alice: mwahahaha! Now you all come crawling back to me!
Edward: what about ernie? Whats ernie meant to do?
Bella: hes meant to....DIE IN HELL!!!! MWAHAHAHA!
Alice: cool evil laugh bella! Your really capturing the evil moment of torture and bringing it to life a-
Holly: shut up bitch! Were trying to have a war here you know!
Alice: to your battle-stations!
*everyone shuffles about a bit while alice huffs at how stupid everyone is*
Alice: just bugger off and FIGHT!
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*all pixies and leprechauns start fighting with the vampires on the pixies side because alice used to be a pixie before she became a vampire*
Carlisle: hey, i didn't know she was a pixie before! She just looked small...with wings...
Esme: you can go threw being different mythical creatures....WOW!
Emmett: was i a kangaroo before a vampire?
*everyone stares at Emmett*
Emmett: okay....maybe not...
Holly: shouldn't i be on the leprechaun's side because im part irish?
*everyone turns and stares at holly*
Holly: people! What the HELL is up with all this staring....it freaks me out...
*everyone stares at holly more...this time including the leprechauns and pixies*
Holly: unfair! Staring is like supermans kryptonite to me! AHHHH! Im melting
Jasper: i think your getting your stories mixed up holly, supermans POWERS get lost, the wicked with of the...east....west....whatever, now THAT BITCH BURNS!
*everyone raises an eyebrow at jasper before returning to stare at holly*
Holly: *mutters and walks away* totally unfair...stupid staring mythical creatures....IM GOING! And im taking ernie with me! *snatches away ernie*
Edward: NOOOO!!! NOT ERNIE!
Bella: *does evil smile* YESSSSSS!!!
Alice: ahem ahem *coughs queenily*
Edward: who do you think you are, the queen of England?
Alice: pfff that girl has NO sense of fashion, I take that as an insult!
Edward: Your meant to.
Alice: Can we PLEASE focus on the punching little leprechauns were fighting?
Edward: Nah.
Emmett: Has anyone noticed that were talking at the same time as fighting?
Carlisle: Meh.
Esme: Teh.
Rosalie: Fehm.
Emmett: Whats up with these little words? Their so random! And none of them make any sense! Its just...WEIRD!
Rosalie: *does hair-flicky thing again* I shall repeat what I said! Fehm!
Emmett: That doesn't even make sense! So what does it stand for eh? Ehhhhh?
Rosalie: Federation of Evil hair-flicky movements! DUH!
Carlisle: Well why would you say that, is basically repeating yourself
Rosalie: You shall find out....LATER *dun dunduhhhh*
Carlisle: I swear that happens for everything...
Rosalie: It does, it just gives stuff to happen later on when SOME PEOPLE don't have any ideas left!
Holly: *from somewhere mysterious* hey! I have LOADS of plans actually roseyy
Rosalie: *huffing* ITS. ROSALIE....stupid writers these days...fehm!
Alice: Hmmm...anyways...has anyone seen Jasper anywhere because he hasn't been fighting, which is weird because he loves to fight wih mythical creatures, its his favourite pastime!
Jasper: *running after Bella still trying to feed her a bottle* This is totally not meant to happen! Im faster!
Bella: Is because... i have love in my heart
Jasper: pfff, as if! Edward loves Ernie now not you!
Edward: Hes right you know! I love Ernie, ever since I saw him in that pet store...
*SWOOSH INTO FLASHBACK* I must get Bella something...OH! a pet store! She LOVES pets! *enters store* Hi! Do you have any pets i can give to my girlfriend becaus-OH ITS A KOALA BEAR! I MUST GET IT! *sniffs the air* bella? Are you here because you smell so amzing right now...OH its the koala bear! *thinks to himself* Damn, that koala bear smells so good! I might resist the urge to eat it, instead...I SHALL LOVE IT! *talking* I'd like to buy the koala bear.....oh his names Bernie you say...well...right, a lot of poop...needs to be cared for and given lots of presents...£25! thats an outrage! Im....STEALING HIM THEN! *takes Bernie* huff! *talks to himself* reminds me of bella so much...but what! I love this bear more than bella! Then...i shall....NAME IT ERNIE so it doesn't remind me of bella! Yes! Thats it! *SWOOSH BACK*
....and anyways, he loves me too...
Emmett: are you gay? *raises eyebrow*
Edward: I don't believe loving a different species is called gay! I believe it should be called...animaluy!
Emmett: That just means your a gay animal lover.
Edward: Does not!
Bella: If you don't want to be that then LOVE ME AGAIN!
Holly: *still in mysterious place with Ernie* he NEVER loved you....i was always...ME...ME ME ME!
Edward: Well, actually, it was always Mike but-
*everyone gasps*
Edward: ...And then, he broke my heart that night at the sweethearts ball *sniff sniff *
*everyone nods and feels sorry, some giving faces of understanding*
Edward: how can you understand?!
Randomer: *sniff sniff* he broke my heart too!
*Edward and randomer hug and cry together*
Holly: *upon hearing Edward is hugging she arrives back with...Ernie and swaps herself and randomer* its okay, its okay
Edward: is that *sniff sniff* ...Ernie?
Holly: ...yes...
Edward: i love you Ernie! At least you'll never leave me!
Carlisle: erm...he cant live forever unless you make him a vampire...
Edward: Then I shall do what I have to do....
Everyone (including a lot of fan girls): *give 'in love' faces and SWOON LIKE HELL* AWWWWWW....
Holly: such a war hero....*drools...*
Edward: *does heroic stance...and then the koala bear comes into sight...*
Holly: wow, i'd accept LOADS of presents if he loved me liked that *snaps out of it* wait...id accept loads of presents anyways...
Rosalie: presents....what presents?
So, as Rosalie cannot hear a word, will she ever get fixed? Will the war ever end? Will Bella get Edward to love her again? Find out NEXT TIME...
Preview....
Carlisle: Right, Rosalie, if you look at these letters and tell me which ones they are please
Rosalie: Carlisle, I'm losing my sense of HEARING, not sight...
Carlisle: Pardon?
Rosalie: huh?
Carlisle: What?
Rosalie: I cant hear you!
Carlisle: What?! So now you cant see OR HEAR!
Rosalie: Old man....
Carlisle: Fine then....BITCH
Rosalie: OHH you did NOT just say that
Carlisle: Not just say what?
Rosalie: Huh?
................
Right, you should be happy, I gave you guys a REALLY long preview and this is more pages than I had last time, though hopefully that makes up for the crappy timing (making you wait, FOREVER) so again...IM SORRY! And BTW, my editor probs hates me because this is the second time she has not seen this...and its only THE SECOND CHAPTER! But yeah, tell me anything you like, hate, want, LIKE MARMITE! Though, i hate that stuff...
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! THANK YOUUUUU xx
