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Chapter 2 – To set the sky alight

The things you do, to make yourself feel alive.

How ironic that he feels like he is soaring beyond his problems, feeling so good...

When he is about to jump into the air, and dive into the cold harsh ground, hitting the blocks of slab below, ending it all.

He can feel his heart beating, he can hear the sound, thumping erratically like it's about to break out of his chest any second.

The thoughts inside his head are crashing together, flashes, images of his life are burning holes inside his stomach, tying him in knots.

Images of his mum, her walking out and leaving him with his so called father.

But images of her now, the person she had become, the caring, selfless woman she is now. And he couldn't help but admit to himself, she had righted every wrong she had ever made with him.

He quickly moved his thoughts on.

Paddy.

No, no not Paddy! He couldn't think about the older man, not now, not after everything he has done for him, letting him into the home he had always needed, so desperately wanted. He can't picture his face now, not knowing what he is about to do, would do to his dad.

So he decided it best not to think at all.

Just to feel, let his body do the talking, and take him far away from here...this was it, this was it...

The sound of the wind struck into his ears, into his head.

But nothing else happened!

Nothing happened! All he had done was just closed his eyes.

The tears formed and multiplied behind his eyes, ready to tumble and crawl to the surface at any given moment, dropping , like diamonds on the floor.

He couldn't do it.

But why, this was what he wanted, right? It's all he wants, to be free.

'Common Aaron, common, man up, just do it, just jump' he thought to himself. Geeing himself up.

He opened his eyes, staring at the passersby below, they hadn't noticed him, he didn't want them to.

He watched them go, waiting for them to clear one by one.

Until No one was there, nothing in his way...

But, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave, not like this.

But he doesn't want to stay either.

So, what else was there?

There's no other way out, there's no middle ground! There's nothing left, life has took everything he has ever had, and tossed it in the trash. All his spirit, all his fight, all gone.

If he could click his fingers and make everything magically reappear he would, if he could give the so little he has away to get it all back again he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

But he couldn't. He had accepted it...It's over.

It was over, before it ever really begun.

He sucked in the harsh, altitude contaminated air deeply into his lungs. Leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, one that he could live without.

So, how does it feel, knowing the worst is about to be over, and he will never breathe again?

Aaron didn't ask himself this, but if he did, he wouldn't have known, the haze around his mind has left him blind, so blind he can't see what's going on.

He just wants to fly...to set the sky alight...to be free.

He wiped the tears away with his weathered fingers, and put his hands up into the air, surrendering, admitting to the defeat his has endured against life.

Slowly lifting his heels up off the ledge...

It's too late...for anyone to talk him down...

# # #

Aaron tried so desperately not to hear...

But the whisper behind him, is talking so loud, so delicately, travelling softly into his ears, breaking through this black night with colour...

"Are things...really that bad?" The man spoke softly, his tone sad, desperately trying not to scare the younger man, he wouldn't want any sudden movements as the ledge he is stood upon was not so thick!

Aaron slowly, begrudgingly pulled away from the blackness behind his eyelids...and opened his eyes.

Was this a sign that what he was about to do wasn't meant to be?

Aaron couldn't help ask himself the question.

But he quickly disregarded it...no, him being here tonight was right, he thought, being here, with the glow of the moon watching him, this was right.

Almost like, what he was about to do, was written in the stars.

But what the hell was this man doing here?

"Leave me alone, you don't know me, go back into the club...you never saw me, got it?" Aaron said sternly, not bothering to tell the man to his face, he hoped he would just get the message to back off!

"I...I can't mate" He had no idea what he was doing, he felt out of his depth, this had to be the most stressful, critical, mind blowing situation he has ever been in!

He knew only one thing...he had to stop this, he had to guide the younger man to safety.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Aaron said angrily "It's easy, just go back in doors and pretend I don't exist, what's so difficult about that?" This guy was starting to really getting on his nerves now.

Jackson wasn't prepared for this, he had absolutely no clue what to say next, it's not like he has had practice at trying to talk someone down from jumping off a balcony!

"What's your name?" 'yeah, great question you div', the man thought to himself, even he knew that was stupid, and from how hostile the younger man has been so far, he knew this was going to rattle him even further!

"Just do one yeah!" Aaron sighed in frustration, he hadn't even seen this guys face, but already he disliked him, he probably would hate the look of him straight away!

"You know, it's rude not to make eye contact when someone is speaking to you, you know?" 'Where the hell had that come from' the older man practically screamed internally at himself.

"You know, you really are getting on my nerves now"

"Then why not come down here and get rid of me then, solve both of our problems?"

Aaron couldn't hold back the pull of his lips forming an ever so subtle smile, just detectable to the human eye!

"That was quite clever, you nearly had me then" Aaron admitted, an ever so slight chuckle in his tone.

Ok, so he didn't really hate this guy, but he still wasn't won over by him!

Sensing a tear in the younger man's demeanour, the man slowly released the breathe he never realised he was holding, taking a step closer to Aaron's back.

But he knew he couldn't reach out and take him, it was too risky, anything could go wrong.

"You never did tell me your name?" The man asked again, hoping this time he will answer him.

Aaron thought about it for a moment, should he tell this stranger his name?

But what was the point in not telling him...he was still going through with what he planned.

He was still going to jump, and never look back.

"Aaron"

He said simply, he didn't need to say anything else, his surname was none of his god damn business!

The silence lingered between the two men. The man was too busy trying desperately to think of his next move, his next question. Should he ring the police? Or would this result in pushing the younger man over the edge before he had even finished the phone call. He could always sneak back into the club and alert someone to call them.

But that would evolve leaving him.

He couldn't leave the younger man, not now. Not now he needed someone to save him.

Aaron wondered what was going on, he knew the man hadn't left, he could just detect the man's shallow breathing behind him.

"What's...what's your name?" Aaron asked hesitantly. He was just stalling, stalling until the courage he had a second ago before the man interrupted his fall came back.

"You really wanna know?" the older man asked surprised, he never thought he would have any questions thrown back at him.

"Well I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't you div!" Aaron shot back, although it didn't sound as harsh as he wanted it to.

He could just about make out the man's chuckle under his breath. Why can't I just jump already, he thought angrily to himself.

The man was pulled from his thoughts quickly, he was taking too long to think, he knew this now...he was just going to have to act on impulse, on instinct.

No more thinking, just feeling...he had to know how to get the younger man out of this!

He answered the younger man's question...

"Jackson...my names Jackson"

"What...like the singer?" Although he knew he should be fighting against it, but Aaron couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah" Jackson laughed along, joining in the joke "If ya like, I've had it all my life.

Although my mum wouldn't think it funny, I was actually named after one of her favourite artists...of the paint variety, not the singing".

Aaron couldn't help it, a smile spread across his face, again he chuckled softly at what Jackson had said.

The man was going up in his estimations.

Was dying meant to feel this good?

"I hope you don't mind me saying" Jackson began, although he wished he didn't, but he started now so he had to finish.

"For someone so close to the edge, should you really be laughing?

Doesn't that tell you something?" Jackson hesitated, he really didn't want him to go back into his shell again.

"Yeah, it does...that I must be mental to find whatever you say funny" He said annoyed "Probably would get a good laugh if I set eyes of your ugly mug" Aaron spat out from thin air, he didn't have a clue where that came from.

He didn't sound ugly, Aaron mused...wait, did that make sense, Aaron thought.

'That's the trouble, I'm doing too much thinking' Aaron said to himself, he wanted to shut his brain off completely.

"Well why don't you come over here and have a good look at me, decide if I'm unattractive or not?" Jackson asked hopefully. And he really was hoping, all his instincts told him to pull out all the stops to stop this! He knew he was just a stranger, he knew he hadn't even clapped eyes on his face. But something within him told him that he had to live...he just had to!

Aaron rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I'm gonna fall for that!"

"Well, you nearly did last time I said to come down, you should always give things another go at least twice" Jackson said softly.

That got Aaron thinking. He had only been with a man once, and not even in the way he wanted! If first you don't succeed...try again, right?

No, no because this was more than just about his sexuality. Yeah, his sexuality is the main cause of this...

But there is more to it than that.

He doesn't feel comfortable in his own skin, he's never happy. He goes mental if his pint is a little bit flat for gods sake!

There's no way out, no other way out than this.

It had all gone quiet. Jackson waited and waited, until he figured he was never gonna get an answer. This was bad, he needed to keep him talking.

"You probably have friends to get back to" Aaron stated solemnly, he wanted him to go now, he himself was getting ready to go soon, he can feel the courage to jump into another world, building within him again.

"Well" Jackson began, trying desperately to lie to himself, to tell himself that everything will work out, that he never heard the change in the younger man's voice, so he tried his best to keep his tone light.

"No, actually, it's a funny story, well, not yet it is anyway, maybe in a few days it will be.

I got a phone call about 20 minutes ago, me mate saying he had been stood up, so he wanted me to go and keep him company here.

Got out of bed, got here, looked around and couldn't see him, so I rung his mobile and heard him AND his date laughing in the back ground, telling me he bet his new partner that I would fall for it. Should have seen it coming to be honest, my mate Sol is like that, always playing practical jokes".

Aaron couldn't hold back his laugh "mate that is cruel but...how gullible are you?" He laughed heartedly.

Jackson couldn't help but laugh as well, he knew he was gullible "Very, I'm too trusting, my mum always says I go in heart first!

She'll say 'I said to myself self, I said Hazel, that boy of mine really does take after me, soft as shit'" Jackson laughed, feeling triumphant that he got the impression of his mother spot on!

"Oh my god, your whole family are like you to?" Aaron chuckled uncontrollably, he knew this was wrong but...this guy just really made him smile!

"Yep, whole family of gullible nut jobs"

The laughter lasted a few more moments, then the silence came back again.

Until Jackson broke through the absence of sound, his tone taking a serious turn.

"You could be happy mate.

I could help you, if you want, you just need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, tell me anything" Jackson spoke hopefully, desperately.

"No" was all Aaron said, tears threatening to fall again.

"I could get you a job if you don't have one, I'm a builder, I'm working on a new contract not far from here, we need more men to help us finish the job on time. I'll give you a job no problem, it's yours already, my boss won't mind me giving you a job without an interview, I will say we go way back, he won't ask any questions when I tell him that.

Aaron felt his lips pull a little, into a small smile, this man really is a good bloke, Aaron thought.

He was just about to speak, when the older man, in his haste, cut across him.

"Or, if you want, we could hit the club scene together, if you aren't got no one to go with, I could help you find a girlfriend, or if you want just one night stands I can help ya hook up with some fit birds"

That was it, right there, right there...

That had made up Aaron's mind, he needed out, he can't handle this!

"I've got a job thanks, and loads of mates, I aren't some saddo with no one to talk to You've got no idea what I'm going through" Aaron let slip the last bit, he really didn't want to talk any more.

The tears are coming furiously now, he couldn't speak even if he wanted to, the sobs have took over his body, making him hurt like never before.

"Tell me, tell me what you're going through" Jackson pleaded, he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, what can he do to make this stop?

Aaron forced the words, out from his lips, choking on them as they left his mouth.

"I know who I am...and that's the trouble. I can't change it, I can't make it go away.

I know who I am now...but I don't want to believe it, but I can't deny it anymore.

This is the only way to stop it" Aaron lifted his heels, ever so slightly, off the ground again, closing his eyes, inching closer to the midnight sky.

Jackson panicked, what can he say...WHAT THE HELL IS HE SUPPOSED TO SAY TO STOP THIS...So he said the first thing that came into his head...

"If you jump..."

His words were left to hang in the air.

# # #

Something changed, Aaron could feel it.

But he didn't want to open his eyes...

But, curiosity got the better of him...he slowly opened his eyes.

Turning his head to the side, to see him standing beside him.

He saw him, he saw Jackson's face.

Their eyes locked, taking in everything that they see before them, mapping the other features line by line...for the first time.

Aaron lost himself in golden, hazel eyes, that twinkled beneath the moonlit night.

And Jackson finally figured out why he was drawn to him, why he was here, stood beside him.

Aaron was, he was perfect.

Beautiful.

And so young, he knew why he felt the pull inside of him, so strong, to save him.

He had to!

Aaron couldn't breathe. The eyes staring back at him are intoxicating, sending euphoric shocks in every direction within his body, crashing over and into him. He could stay like this forever, in this moment, losing all rationality. Because his eyes, star gazing into Jackson's eyes, feels so right.

But he knows it has to end.

"Come down with me" Jackson whispers, his soft breath lightly caressing Aaron's face delicately.

Their eyes still locked in a tight embrace, Jackson longed to take the confused younger man into his grasp, to hold him, and make everything go away.

But he knew he couldn't, 'for starters he is so straight' Jackson thinks to himself.

"I can't" Aaron chokes out, the sobs that regularly invade his existence comes to the surface once again.

He looks towards the ground, that's where his future lies...at the bottom of this building!

His tears began to fall, disappearing into the dark, the cold concrete absorbing every drop.

"Look at me" Jackson pleads, practically begging him to do as he asks. Wanting desperately to make him understand, whatever the problem, he can get through it, they, can get through it, if he wants him there, Jackson doesn't need to be asked twice.

Then, out of nowhere, Jackson says something that shocks them both, it scares himself so much...because it's the truth...

"If you go...I'll go, I'll fall too"

"What?" Aaron asks stunned, he can't have heard him correctly could he? He was a stranger, they were strangers to each other.

Jackson means it...he really, really means It.

He doesn't know why, he doesn't know how it happened but, he would go to any great lengths to save him, and even if that means his life ends in the process...then so be it.

"You heard me" Jackson states defiantly.

The tears fall harder, faster from Aaron's lost blue eyes. He can't believe it, the truth is there to see, the truth is shinning, glaring from the older man's every pore, he really means it.

Aaron couldn't comprehend why, why would he do this...but all he can think of is, he is glad to have him on his side, he is glad he is standing by his side.

"Take my hand" Jackson whispers, holding out his hand, offering Aaron safety, offering him so much more if he wanted it.

Aaron gazed at the smooth, delicate hand near his own, a million thoughts racing through his mind.

Aaron was in pieces. Shattered into a million glass diamonds on the floor. But the question is...

Are the shards of him, too sharp...to be put back together?

Will he be broken forever?

Aaron shut down the thoughts inside his head. He couldn't think, not anymore.

He slowly places, and intertwines his fingers around Jackson's...

He's not thinking anymore, not thinking...

He's feeling.

Aaron watches the watery smile spread across the older man's face, his grin, lighting up his whole face, breathing in the essences of him...

God he is so beautiful.

"I've got you" Jackson said softly.

And he has, he has got him, with every fibre of his body he will hold onto him

"I've got you"

Aaron steps one foot down from the ledge, still grasping, maintaining Jackson's hand in his.

But the sudden action, causes Jackson jerk his legs back instinctively.

Losing his footing over the ledge, Aaron comes forward, crashing his body into the ledge, Jackson's body, now hanging over the balcony...

But Aaron still held Jackson's hand in his...holding on for dear life...

"JACKSON"

TBC

Like it? ... Let me know if you do, if you do I will write more very soon