A/N: A moment of silence for the heart-wrenching end of 5x04. I decided to incorporate those events into this chapter a little, because it adds a little spice! I hope you enjoy :)
Forgiveness is cathartic, and Harvey is the closest to forgiveness he's been so far. The recent case with Louis' sister made him rethink his attitude to Donna lately and make a slight adjustment to his behaviour. Dr Agard would be proud of him.
But thanking Donna for their time together has proved to be emotionally draining in its aftermath. The realisation that he's been a real ass and unnecessarily hurtful has sucked the energy out of him. It also irks him that he came to this realisation without the help of Dr Agard. He's sure that if he brings it up that she'll find a way to attribute his progress to their sessions together. The prospect of approaching Donna again to ask for this unique favour is rather undesirable. The dust has just settled; he doesn't wish to send it flying again to serve Dr Agard's power trip.
That's why he doesn't want to ask her. It would be nice to keep the peace.
But he's Harvey Specter. It's not as simple as just giving up. He's been keeping a careful eye on his target all day, trying to figure out the opportune moment to broach the subject. Oh, Harvey's been doing work as well. Damn good work, as well. But every so often, he'll enter a situation where it's an appropriate moment to ask his question. With every little hesitation, the moment passes, and he has to wait for the next moment. What a pity.
It's 2:30pm when he finally decides to bite the bullet and make the move.
"Rachel, can I ask you something?" Okay. He's deliberately been avoiding Donna. But he has his reasons. For starters, he and Rachel are forming a decent working relationship. To ask her advice would continue to push it along a positive trajectory. Plus, Donna and Rachel are close friends, and what's the point in breaking the silence when he can get a perfectly good answer from a (different) reliable source?
"Sure, Harvey, what is it?" she asks warmly, putting her pen down.
"In your professional opinion, what's the likelihood of Donna having next Tuesday afternoon free?"
"I'd say slim to none. Why do you ask?" They do work at a law firm, after all. It's the answer that Harvey was expecting (hoping) her to give.
"No reason." The look in Rachel's eyes he has seen on Donna's face many times over the years. It's the look that says 'I don't believe you'. But unlike Donna, Rachel has the tact (and probably fear) to not confront him on the matter. Instead, she uses a gentler method to coax him into explaining his motives. Her first instinct was to give a truthful answer to Harvey's question, but now that she realises that something is up, back-tracking is her next step.
"Of course, I couldn't confirm that. You might want to ask her yourself." Or he might not. It's not the right time. Harvey and Donna haven't spoken since he thanked her. To have their first conversation be him asking her to do something would be impolite. And Harvey's a busy man. He doesn't have time for idle chitchat to ease her into his request. And even though they no longer argue whenever they see each other, he's not sure whether he can ask her for favours just yet. Harvey would hate to crunch the new leaf they've embarked upon. Plus, talking to Donna increases the chance that he'll run into Louis, and he's far harder to forgive than Donna is.
"I'll take your word for it." It's not like Harvey really even needs to ask Donna. If he's done his job right, Rachel will make sure that Donna finds out. It might just take a little time.
"She couldn't make it." Harvey's first words are to deliver the apology for Donna's absence on her behalf. Dr Agard heaves an exasperated sigh, which Harvey finds to be extremely unprofessional. But he'll let it slide just this once.
"What did you say to her?" Always so suspicious. He knows she's waiting for him to drop to his knees and spill some dismal confession about maybe trying to ask Donna but accidentally ending up punching her in the face, or something equally as incriminating. But his answer isn't quite as exciting.
"Donna was busy today." Her dull gaze as he sits down on the couch opposite her speaks volumes about her disapproval.
"Did you actually ask her to accompany you to your therapy session?" Dr Agard would make a good lawyer. She's brilliant at seeing through his evasive answers. He could see her performing an excellent cross-examination on a witness. She seems to easily empathise with the pain of hostile witnesses. Not that he's hostile.
"I asked if she was available. She wasn't, so I wasn't going to push her." It's not technically a lie. He did ask if she was available. Harvey only promised to ask, he didn't agree to the part of the assignment that specified who he was actually meant to ask. Of course, a decent lawyer would be able to poke holes in his reasoning. It's a good thing that Dr Agard isn't actually an attorney.
"But you're somehow happy to keep pushing her away." Why does she do that? He's fairly certain that it's not in her job description to make snide remarks in an attempt to provoke a response. Therapists aren't meant to judge.
"Can we talk about something else?" Harvey won't dignify her comment by addressing it directly.
"Absolutely. Let's discuss your revenge fantasies." Dr Agard says earnestly, settling back in her seat. Harvey's a little suspicious about how easily she accepts his request to change the subject, especially given – wait a minute -
"Revenge fantasies?" Harvey looks over his shoulder and scans the room; surely she can't be talking about his revenge fantasies! But alas, the room is empty apart from the pair of them. "I don't have any revenge fantasies."
"'When someone sticks a knife in your gut, I feel like I want to twist it back.'" She's a poor mimic. When Mike imitates Harvey, he at least makes an attempt to try and create a likeness to Harvey - even if it's in poor taste. Dr Agard hasn't even tried to sound like him. She has just repeated words that he said as though she's a lifeless news reader.
"I don't see the connection." Playing ignorant is a smarter move than reacting negatively to her implications. If Dr Agard wants him to talk about something, she's going to have to spell it out for him.
"Don't you?" Harvey doesn't appreciate her condescending tone.
"It's called self-defence. There's a difference," Harvey replies in a slow, patronising voice. Two can play at that game. Dr Agard leans back in her seat, frowning as she ponders his answer.
"What good is a defence if they've already stabbed you?" It's the first genuine question that she has asked him. Her tone is one of genuine curiosity. Dr Agard is not afraid to admit that she doesn't fully understand this concept.
"To stop them from hurting you again." Duh. But as soon as he answers, it becomes apparent that Dr Agard could be lulling him into a false sense of security; instantly, Harvey puts his guard back up. She has lead him back into dangerous territory.
"You do realise that by not asking Donna, you're giving her more power to hurt you." There it is. Harvey needs to be more careful with his answers; he's making it easy for Dr Agard to make value judgments on situations she is clueless about.
"If you say so." She's completely wrong. By not asking Donna, Harvey's keeping the ball in his court. He's in full control of the situation.
"Have you even spoken to her lately?" If Harvey doesn't tell her the truth, she's going to think that he's too afraid to ask. Which he's not.
"I thanked her for our time together," Harvey replies defensively. Finally, something that Dr Agard approves of.
"Good for you," Dr Agard says, and she sounds sincere. "What lead you to do that?" If she's waiting for him to implicate her in his accomplishment, then she's going to be disappointed.
"Well, it was nothing that you said to me." Harvey doesn't want her to take the credit for his own decision. He also doesn't feel like going into detail about Esther and her case, because that will open up the opportunity for a whole new line of questioning. Dr Agard doesn't need any more fuel than she already has.
"No, of course not. I just write the prescriptions," she replies sarcastically, throwing a defeated hand to the wind.
"That's right," Harvey smiles, somewhat cheekily. It's nice to see that she's learning.
"Next time, Harvey, I want you to actually ask Donna in person. Don't try and 'lawyer' your way out of it. If you can swallow your pride once to thank Donna, you can do it again." For once, she's right. Harvey is perfectly capable of swallowing his pride. Hell, Jessica makes him do so almost daily. And he'll do it right now by allowing Dr Agard to believe that it's because of his pride that he hasn't yet spoken to Donna.
"That's all you had to ask. I'll talk to her." Dr Agard seems like the sort of person who appreciates the feeling of earning her paycheck. But at the same time, Harvey is a reasonable man. It would be harsh of him to make things too difficult for her. If it will make Dr Agard that happy, then he would be cruel to not at least try. He just hopes that she's prepared for the possibility that her simple task isn't exactly the easiest one.
A/N: Don't worry, we will actually be seeing Donna before the story ends!
