In the end, I had to split this chapter into two parts, but this will still be the longest chapter of my life so far. Be sure to follow, fav, and leave a review. Naberrie.
Chapter Two
The Haunted House on the Ocean
Tsunade was gambling on Nascar again.
She was gambling on Nascar even after she'd had her Mansion repossessed and lost the deed to her Grandfather's Blueberry farm. She was gambling even after she'd lost her membership to the Beverly Hills Casino and had all four of her Yachts repossessed. She was gambling even after the Federal Reserve sent her a letter informing her that she was no longer considered a wealthy person, and had thus been removed from their Council of Shareholders.
And even now when she had promised her caretaker Shizune and her daughter Sakura that she was giving up her reckless gambling lifestyle…She was still gambling on damned Nascar Races.
"Shizune!" Tsunade shouted drunkenly from over the roars and cheers of the crowded stadium.
"I need more Beer!"
An electric-blue Toyota Camry and two Ford Fusions had just begun their fourth lap.
"But my lady…We've already spent all the rent money for this month on booze! Did you want to lose the Beach-House too?!
"For goodness sake think of Sakura!"
Tsunade hiccupped. She was beyond being intoxicated.
"Are you tryin' to…Argue with me again Shizune?"
Shizune and Ton-Ton the pig exchanged glances before the former sighed.
"My lady please be reasonable. Kushina and the boys are coming to see us tomorrow evening. Is this how you want them to see you? Drunk and hung-over?"
"That's what we…Have that stupid Indian Iruka for. He can provide hospitality until I sober up."
Shizune bit her lip. She hated it when her master got like this. The woman had been difficult to deal with before. But ever since her lover Dan ran out on her, she'd been almost impossible to manage.
"But my lady, you can't possibly…"
"Shizune! I said get me Beer…Or I'll replace you with Ton-Ton!"
Shizune and Ton-Ton both squealed with fright before vanishing into the crowds to get Tsunade more Beer.
"Damn…What does a woman have to do to find decent help around here?"
Tsunade was leaning over the railing with a somber expression on her face. She was about to go back to the bleachers when an icy gust of wind flew over the stadium.
It was so fierce that it nearly knocked off her gambling jacket.
Then, just as soon as it had come, it was gone.
"That's strange…I haven't felt a gust of wind like that since…"
But even stranger, she seemed to have been the only one who'd noticed it. Everyone else had gone on cheering as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
"My lady…I've brought you more Beer."
Shizune and Ton-Ton the pig had returned. But Tsunade no longer cared whether she got her booze or not.
"Shizune…We're leaving."
"B-But my lady," Shizune stammered. "I thought…"
But Tsunade was already heading through the crowds.
"You better put a move on Shizune before I replace you with the damn pig!" The woman called over her shoulder.
And suddenly, Shizune felt her heart sink. Something horrible had just occurred to her.
"I can barely keep up with Tsunade Ton-Ton. But her sister Kushina is even worse. I think we're in for a very long summer."
Shizune and Ton-Ton exchanged terrified glances before hurrying after Tsunade.
Meanwhile, outside Raja's Comic Book Store at Henderson Beach, teenage Gaara stood outside the entrance, gazing up at the sky.
He'd been standing in that same spot all morning, as if he was waiting for something to happen.
His eyes narrowed. And then suddenly, a freezing gust of wind swept over the beach, almost taking the redhead off his feet. He had to grab onto the railing for support.
Then, just as soon as it had come, it was gone.
"That's strange…The vampires seem to be getting more and more restless lately."
But before Gaara could elaborate on his thoughts any further, he heard movement behind him. So without thinking, the teen reached under his poncho and pulled out his crossbow, turning to point it at whoever was foolish enough to disturb him.
"Gaara I was just looking for…Hey what the hell are you doing with that? I thought Dad told you to keep that thing locked up unless we're on a job."
"Oh…It's just you Konk."
Gaara lowered his crossbow and gazed at his sibling.
"Listen dude…I don't know what you're up to out here but I could really care less. Uncle Ebizo has a job for us."
"A job?"
"Yeah…That crazy old cat lady down in Orlando swears she's got another Ghoul in her attic."
Gaara turned and looked up at the sky again. He had an uneasy expression on his face.
"Hey…Are you sure you're alright man? You've been acting even freakier than usual lately. If that's even possible."
Gaara was quiet for a moment before turning to face his brother again.
"Thank you for your concern Konkuro…But I'm fine."
"That's weird…He never calls me Konkuro anymore," Konk thought.
He waved his brother off and headed back towards the store.
"Look, just hurry it up alright. You know how Temari gets when we're late."
Once Konk was out of earshot, Gaara looked up at the clear sky again and said, "You just wait blood-suckers. You won't elude me this time."
That night, the Lord of all Vampires, Madara Uchiha sat on the edge of a cliff, gazing out at the city beneath him with his blazing red eyes. He looked deep in thought.
He turned when his most loyal servant, his niece Sarada Uchiha dropped out of the trees over-head. Her black capes and pale skin were glowing in the moonlight.
"What is it Sarada?"
The young woman kneeled before him.
"My Lord…Just as we hoped…Destin Florida will host a record number of tourists this year."
"Very good Sarada. What about your two brothers, Sasuke and Itachi? Have they chosen mates yet?"
Sarada paused. She had a disapproving look in her eyes.
"What is it Sarada?"
"My Lord, Itachi is merely waiting for the right woman to come along…But Sasuke…"
"Yes?"
Sarada bit her lip. She would've bled were she human.
"Sasuke doesn't seem to realize how dire his situation is. If he doesn't become a full-vampire by the end of July, he'll be reduced to dust and ash, as is our curse."
Madara was impassive.
"He's a strange one…That brother of yours. I've given him a great gift by changing him…And yet he doesn't seem to fully appreciate what a life among the vampires can bring him."
"It is…Frustrating for me my Lord. I would take him as a lover myself if he wasn't so stubborn and proud.
"All the other vampire women in our coven feel the same. Any one of them would pledge their lives to him if only he would ask.
"Even some of the males…Well Nanook did try to get into the shower with Sasuke this morning, but he got his hand bitten off."
Madara smiled. "Oh give him time Sarada…He still has over a month to chose his fate."
Sarada didn't move from her spot. She looked even more frustrated than before.
"Is there something else my niece?"
"My Lord…I know it isn't really my place…But I'm concerned about that Beach-House on the edge of the city. There's a Werewolf staying there now…And not just any Werewolf…It's his Grandaughter.
"Even her servants are forces to be reckoned with. I've been watching them for weeks now. That Native American man uses a type of Navajo Sorcery I've never seen before…And that woman from China…The one with the pig…I think she's some sort of astrologer.
"I saw her watching the stars the night before the full-moon.
"And to make matters worse…
"She has relatives coming to stay with her. They crossed the border into Florida only minutes ago. Two of them are Werewolf Elders and I'm almost certain the third one is…"
Sarada stopped mid-sentence as though choosing her words carefully.
"Well…Go on Sarada."
"…The third one is the Red-Hot Habanero, Kushina Uzumaki."
Madara diverted his gaze. He looked pensive.
"I've been watching their Chi since they crossed the border into Georgia. It was Cecilia who smelled them coming.
"My Lord…We must be prepared for…"
But Madara rose a hand to silence her. He stood up and faced the city again.
"I'm well aware of the Werewolf problem my dear. I assure you I consider it to be nothing more than a mere hindrance. Even if they were to challenge us…They would be outnumbered."
"But my Lord…"
"The Habanero is strong…But she's nothing unless the Thunderbolt is with her."
"Still…"
"You worry too much my dear. You should be more like Sasuke. Besides…Werewolves or no Werewolves…My plans will proceed as planned.
"And soon…All of Destin will be mine."
Early the next morning, Kushina and her sons were at a toll-booth in Albany Florida.
Naruto and Menma had just spent the last ten minutes laughing about the time Aunt Biwako and Uncle Hiruzen came to stay with them for Thanksgiving. The old crone Biwako had gotten up in the middle of the night for a drink of water and forgot to shut off the sink, flooding the house. Their Mom had been so angry that it taken both boys to stop her from strangling the woman. Kushina still hated it when they brought it up.
"Hey...Menma…Do you remember the time Uncle Hiruzen took us to Cedar Point with Ino and Shikamaru as kids?"
Menma thought for a moment and then said, "You mean the time Uncle Hiruzen heard the Gemeni and totally freaked because he thought we were back in the middle of World War Two? Yeah…I remember."
But Naruto was no longer paying attention to his twin. He had set his sights on the super hot toll-booth clerk on the other side of their car. He was currently unoccupied.
"Naruto wait…You don't have to hit on every…"
Menma was already too late.
"Hey there Sexy! What's your name?!"
At first, the clerk looked startled, but once he saw Naruto he smiled.
"I'm Kiba!" The clerk called back. "What about you?!"
"Naruto Uzumaki!"
The clerk didn't look much older than the twins. Menma wondered if this was his first job.
"So where ya' headed to Naruto Uzumaki?!"
"To Destin! We're gonna go stay with my Aunt and my hot cousin!"
The clerk grinned and said, "No kidding?! That's where my parents live!"
But Naruto seemed to ignore his response. He had other things on his mind.
"Hey Kiba! So how about you and I switch places?! How about you let me lead and you can be the caboose?!"
Before Naruto could hear Kiba's response, he felt himself being pulled back into his seat by Menma.
Luckily Kushina had been conversing with her own toll-booth clerk and hadn't been paying her sons any attention.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Menma?! I was just about to get fucking laid?!"
"Laid?! Dude are you fucking serious right now?! We don't even know that guy! Honestly, one day you're going to get us both into really big troub…"
Menma and Naruto stopped arguing as Kushina turned around to face them, her face nearly as red as her hair. She looked super psychotic.
"Yikes…I guess this is what Uncle Hiruzen means when he says women shouldn't have rights," Naruto said aloud.
Menma's eyes widened in alarm. Now his brother had done it.
"What's that Naruto?! Because I'm not sure I heard you correctly!" Kushina shouted. Her face was getting redder by the second.
"What're you doing you idiot? Apologize," Menma hissed.
Naruto ignored him.
"I'm just saying…Maybe women really are happier in the kitchen. It's a lot less responsibility."
"Shut up Naruto! Are you trying to get her to kill us?!"
But Menma was too late. Naruto had already pushed Kushina over the edge. The woman hit both of them over the head with her fist and sped off.
"You just had to talk shit to her didn't you," Menma whispered after about ten minutes. He was still clutching his sore head.
"It was just a joke Menma. She can at least cut me some slack."
"Cut you some slack. You know she has no sense of humor. Don't you remember that one April Fool's day when we were kids? We thought she'd find it funny if we hid her keys before school and she nearly burnt the house down."
"That was different. Most guys would find what I just said hilarious."
"Yeah…Who Uncle Hiruzen? Great Grandpa Jirayia? Those guys are like a hundred. Their brains don't work right anymore."
"Well at least I've got a sense of humor Menma…Unlike you."
"What do you mean unlike you? Who's the one who always laughs at your shit and then shares in the punishment when you go too far?"
"You're my twin. You're supposed to be supportive."
"Supportive? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Every time you mouth off to somebody that's older than you I always end up with a black eye, a broken arm or a sore head."
"You little liar. You only ever broke your arm one time Menma and that was your fault."
"What do you mean my fault? You're the one who decided to set off that smoke ball in old Lady Chiyo's backyard. You know that old crone isn't right in the head."
"Then maybe you should've hid sooner then doofus. Out of all the neighborhood kids, you were the only one who was dumb enough to…"
"What're you two whispering about back there?" Kushina asked suspiciously.
"Nothing Ma'am!" Naruto and Menma said together.
Neither boy felt like being struck over the head again. Their Mom was a lot stronger than she looked.
After about twenty more minutes of incessant silence, Naruto finally spoke.
"So Mom, are you looking forward to seeing her again?"
Kushina was quiet for a moment. She knew quite well who her meant.
"To be perfectly honest with you Naruto, yes and no."
Naruto and Menma both raised their eyebrows. Their mother had piqued their interest.
"What do you mean by that Mom?" Menma asked surprised.
Naruto already had a knowing smirk forming on the right side of his mouth. Sometimes his twin could be really dense.
Menma felt his heart sink when he saw the smile on his brother's face. He wondered if the boy was up to no good again.
Kushina was quiet for a minute as though pondering the most diplomatic way to answer her sons.
"Well, as I'm sure you both already know, my sister and I share a very complicated relationship. But that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to seeing her.
"If that was the case, I would never have decided to move to Destin after your father ran out on us."
Naruto grinned in amusement. He was wearing another one of those troublesome smirks which told Menma that his brother was just asking for another beating.
"…And by complicated…You mean you and Aunt Tsunade can't get along for shit and fight like wild beasts whenever you're together."
Menma felt like backhanding his brother. Was he really trying to get them killed.
"What the hell's your problem today Naruto? Do you have some sort of death wish? I thought you were looking forward to seeing Sakura again," Menma hissed.
"No…You're the one that's looking forward to seeing her so you can bang the fucking daylights out of her from behind."
"Why you little…"
But when Naruto and Menma looked up at their mother, she didn't look angry at all. Her face was actually flushed with embarrassment.
"That's not…We do not…We don't fight like wild beasts when we're together. We just have our respectful disagreements. That's all.
"What could've given you an idea like that Naruto?"
"I dunno. Fagots intuition I suppose."
"I thought I told you not to use that word," Kushina shot, still visibly embarrassed about what Naruto had said about her relationship to Tsunade.
Menma's ears grew hot. Naruto was going to backtalk her again, he just knew it. But to his absolute shock and disbelief, his twin simply said, "Sorry."
It was a rarity that Naruto ever used that word. But Menma wasn't going to complain. If he could just manage to keep them alive long enough so that he could see lovely cousin Sakura again, it would be a miracle.
Lovely Sakura?
Menma couldn't believe he'd actually admitted it to himself that he found his own cousin hot.
If his brother found out, he would never hear the end of it. And worse, his twin would probably not rest until the two of them hooked-up. It would be a long summer in Destin Florida.
It was nearing midday when Hiruzen and Biwako Sarutobi arrived at the toll-booths in Albany. Their two teenage grandchildren, Shikamaru and Ino Sarutobi were with them.
The little group would've arrived far sooner if they hadn't had to keep stopping at gas stations so Aunt Biwako could play the lottery. She insisted they keep going until she stumbled upon a winning ticket.
"Damn these state lotteries," little old lady Biwako said, squinting cynically at her numbers on the Lucky Horseshoe. "I'm beginning to think gambling is a tax on stupidity."
"Then why in the hell does she keep playing?" Ino whispered to her brother.
"Who cares. This whole crazy trip is becoming more and more of a drag. I have no idea why our parents forced us to go along with these two.
"Konohamaru gets to go camping with Dad and we're stuck all the way out here."
"Dammit Biwako…Quiet down! We're pulling up to the toll-booth and I don't have my hearing aids on.
"How the hell are ya' young man?! I need two passports to Destin Florida!"
"Uh…I'm fine sir," Kiba Inuzuka said wearily. "But this is a toll-booth. We don't sell passports."
"What?!"
"I said this isn't a passport office!"
"What?! Biwako what's he saying?!"
"What's that dear?!"
"I said what's he saying?!"
"I didn't hear him! I didn't bring my hearing aids either!"
"Oh…For goodness sake Grandpa! He says it's a toll-booth!"
"A toll-booth?! A toll-booth Shikamaru?! Well why in the hell didn't anybody say so?!"
Shikamaru slapped himself on the forehead. He looked like he wanted to die.
"Here ya' go young man, one quarter! Just work hard like I did and you'll retire one day with a halfway decent pension!"
Kiba looked as though he'd been blindsided.
"Of course sir. I'll try and keep that in mind. Enjoy your stay in Florida."
Hiruzen gave Kiba a senile grin and sped off. He was driving at least ten miles above the speed limit.
Shikamaru and Ino just hoped there were no cops or highway patrolmen around.
"Hiruzen…We need to stop at the first restroom we come across. My bowels are acting up again."
"You old windbag! Dr. Connors says your bowels are fine!"
"That was four days ago! I'm an old woman now Hiruzen! A lot can change in four days!"
"Yeah…Like what?! Back when I was stationed in Japan…Sometimes it could take up to a week for the enemy to figure out where we were."
"Hiruzen, you abusive coot!"
"Ah…Shut it Biwako! I need some peace and quiet while I'm driving."
Hiruzen lit a cigar. All the windows were closed up so the car quickly filled with smoke.
"Dammit Grandpa?! What the hell are you doing?!" Shikamaru demanded.
Hiruzen glanced back at his grandkids to see they were both having a coughing fit and tears were streaming down their faces.
"What are you two kids crying about?! Why back in my day…Kids your age would walk across state lines without so much as a complaint."
"It's not the trip Grandpa! You're getting smoke in our eyes!" Shikamaru said between coughs.
Hiruzen simply waved them off and kept driving. Shikamaru and Ino had no idea how they were going to survive this trip.
"Looks like we're finally here boys," Kushina smiled gleefully as she drove her black Toyota Camry into the moderately disheveled driveway of Tsunade's new Beach-House.
Naruto and Menma's matching Cerulean-Blue orbs scanned over their new surroundings with unreadable vigor. Their Aunt's new home was an average-sized residence that sat upon an old-fashioned foundation encircled by tropical shrubbery, undergrowth, and dozens of black cats that loitered around the home with enigmatic mystique.
Menma had always wondered why Tsunade had always kept so many black cats. They'd always given him the creeps. His twin, on the other hand was different. Naruto had always loved dark and gothic things, so this was probably about the greatest place on earth for him.
Still…Neither boy could deny that the majority of the scenery was beautiful…
The area at the rear of the residence was made up almost utterly of snowy-white sand and glittery emerald waters. It was like a Haunted-House on the Ocean.
Although it was an unmistakable step-down from Tsunade's old Mansion, Naruto and Menma didn't mind her new place. It was strangely welcoming in a way.
"You coming boys?" Kushina asked pleasantly, gazing at her sons with a grin of pearly-whites.
"Yeah Mom…We'll be out in just a minute."
Both boys were still too captivated by the scenery to move.
The very instant Kushina started towards the porch, she felt a familiar set of inebriated golden eyes bearing down on her.
Standing in the doorway of the Beach-House was Tsunade Senju herself, her long blonde hair hanging down her back with a series of black streaks running through it.
Tsunade was dressed in a dark gothic gown, a pair of black high-heels, and a glistening claret Amulet that was strung unevenly around her neck. Kushina recognized the pendant as having belonged to their Great-Grandfather Hashirama.
"So…You've decided to show up after-all have you?"
Kushina stopped in her tracks and chose her words carefully. She had to play nice, at least for the sake of her boys.
"It's good to see you too older sister. I absolutely love your new Beach-House. I have a feeling my sons and I are going to enjoy ourselves here."
Tsunade uncorked a bottle of Japanese-Manufactured Sake and guzzled down the whole bottle in one go, staring down at her sister with a freaky glare which meant she had taken what she'd said about her Beach-House as an insult.
"I didn't necessarily want to move all the way out to Destin you know Kushina. Not with all the, well you know," Tsunade explained with a drunken burp as though deliberately stopping herself from saying something forbidden.
"Right, I understand completely Tsunade. Maybe if you hadn't gambled away all of our family's wealth on Nascar Races and Booze, you might still be living in our old Mansion, not some third-rate shack.
"Honestly…I can't believe our family left you to inherit our estate. Now look what's happened."
With Kushina's remark, Tsunade sprang from the porch like that of a crazy Walmart customer bitching over an expired twenty-five cent coupon. Kushina hadn't really been expecting a warm welcome…But this…This was ridiculous.
"Kushina you little whoremonger you! You show up on my doorstep after almost a year away and this is how you treat your older sister!"
Tsunade spat at her sister's feet and Kushina grabbed her by the collar of her gown.
"Doorstep?! You call that a doorstep! I was expecting at least something that resembled our old place…But this is nothing but a run-down squalor!"
"You take that back!"
"Make me Broad!"
"That does it! Do you want to go?!"
"That's fine by me! You deserve to be pummeled into the dirt for being such a no good gambler and a drunk!"
Tsunade and Kushina both rose their fists as though they were about to strike each-other. But Naruto and Menma appeared just in time.
"Yikes…Let's bring it down a bit ladies," Naruto said from behind them, the edges of his black headband blowing in the soothing ocean breeze.
"Yeah really Mom…Are you really going to fight with Aunt Tsunade the minute you see her."
"Are those my favorite twins?!" Tsunade cried happily, tossing her sister aside like a crazy ex-wife with psychological problems.
Tsunade rushed for Naruto and Menma, hugging them affectionately and ruffling their blonde hair. Menma's was only slightly longer than Naruto's.
"You are still the cutest things. But I still have trouble telling you both apart."
"Shit…Like that matters."
"Yeah…We're really just two halves of the same whole anyway."
"But if it helps at all Auntie…I'm Naruto. You can remember me because of my headband. I wanted Menma to wear one too…But I guess it's not really his style."
Tsunade smiled warmly at them.
"Don't nephews say the most adorable things? You're both so precious…Unlike that dirty little vixen Kushina over there."
"It's nice how happy you are to see us all Tsunade," Kushina said sarcastically, giving her sister a bogus smile that the twins barely recognized on their Mom's pretty face.
Tsunade's eyes narrowed insanely.
"Kushina darling…Why don't you make yourself useful and unload the suitcases while I give my favorite little nephews the grand tour."
Kushina gritted her teeth and said condescendingly, "Of course Tsunade. If there's anything else you need…Please don't hesitate to ask."
"Here we are boys. Home sweet home," Tsunade beamed tenderly, leading Naruto and Menma into the Beach-House.
The soothing scent of the ocean which has previously graced the twins' nostrils had now been replaced by the pleasant aroma of burning cinnamon candles, roast duck, and herring soba. It smelled just as it had at Christmas Eve dinner a year earlier.
Menma started thinking about Sakura and he cursed himself internally. His brother had been right and he would only be able to hide his feelings for so long.
"Smells pretty friggin' awesome in here Auntie," Naruto said. Menma nodded in agreement.
"You boys are sweet," Tsunade said, swiping a blonde lock out of her right eye. "I had my cook, Iruka start making dinner before the three of you arrived. But knowing that clutz there isn't any telling when he'll finish. That's why I asked Shizune and Sakura to help him."
Menma was beginning to feel sick. Any minute now, they would be with Sakura again.
"Sakura…"
Naruto blinked. Menma hadn't meant to say it, but it just slipped out.
"Well of course dear…Sakura was ecstatic when I told her that her favorite cousins were coming for a visit."
Naruto was grinning at his brother knowingly, but Menma ignored his twin, his unreadable blue orbs taking in sight before him.
The scene in front of him was far different than what he had anticipated. Beyond the front door of the Beach-House was a spacious area swathed in glossy pine-wood floors and a set of sliding doors at the opposite end of the room that lead out to Tsunade's private beach.
On the other side of the sliding doors were dark, marble statues of Japanese demon cats. The statues reminded Menma of the figurines that were sometimes featured in the entrances of Chinese restaurants. They probably belonged to Shizune. Her parents were world renowned restaurant owners.
"So what do you think boys?" Tsunade asked the twins with an expectant gleam in her eyes.
Neither of them knew what to say. Apart from the statues of the Japanese cats, the Beach-House was far from the gothic dungeon they had been expecting.
"It's great Auntie Tsunade," Naruto said with an acknowledging grin that was uncharacteristic of him these days. "We can't wait to see the rest of the house."
Naruto's response had come off a bit more animated and condescending than he had meant it to, but he wasn't sure what else to say. It was all just a tad too bright for his taste. But he would never dare tell Tsunade that…
Still, his Aunt seemed satisfied with his response because she started leading them towards the kitchen.
The moment Tsunade and the twins entered the kitchen, Menma's heart sank.
Right there at the kitchen counter, only feet away from them was their cousin Sakura. She was dressed in cutest outfit Menma had ever seen in his life and she had grown her hair out, just as Naruto said she would. Just the sight of her turned the boy on.
"Hey Sakura!" Naruto shouted obnoxiously. "Long time no see huh?!"
The pinkette looked up from what she was doing and saw her mother standing in the threshold with the twins. Sakura locked eyes with Menma for a split second, but then instantly went red, dropping what she'd been working on and darting out of the kitchen.
"Sakura…Wait!" Shizune shouted, chasing after the girl. "Don't you want to catch up with your cousins!"
Tsunade lit a cigarette casually with the Amulet around her neck. "Funny…I wonder what could have gotten into her."
But Naruto and Menma both knew. She always got goofy like this when Menma was around.
At the other end of the kitchen, Tsunade's personal chef Iruka was fiddling with an antique soup ladle in an utterly mediocre attempt to complete a pot of sizzling green-bean casserole. The Navajo man was wearing a soiled apron, a fogged-up pair of glasses, and a chef's hat that looked slightly too large for his head.
The twins wondered if this had been Sakura's idea of a joke. She was known to make fun out of Iruka behind his back and buy him things that didn't suit him.
When Iruka heard footsteps moving towards him, he tripped over a can of corn, stumbling backwards as both he and the green-bean casserole were sent tumbling down with a crash. Tsunade just put her face in her hands and sighed.
Sometimes she wondered why she bothered keeping him around. If it wasn't for his special abilities, she would've hired a replacement a long time ago.
"Hey Iruka, how's it going?" Naruto asked with an irrepressible smirk as Iruka trashed around piteously in an attempt to shake the green-bean casserole off his already sullied apron.
Menma saw the look on his brother's face and wondered what he could possibly be up to now.
"Is that really you Naruto?!" Iruka asked brightly, unable to see anything through his clouded glasses. "Then…Menma must be around here somewhere as well."
"Hey Iruka," Menma said.
"Well isn't that just something," Iruka said, sitting up. "Lady Tsunade said we'd be having some important guests this evening…But I never would've imagined…Well it's been a long time hasn't it?"
"Yeah…I guess it has," Naruto replied in uncontainable amusement, kneeling down to taste a bit of spilt green-bean casserole off the floor with his finger.
"Say, where is the old whooty anyway? I'd hate for your Aunt to see me in such a shitty position. She's always bitching about how clumsy I am in the kitchen."
Naruto giggled and Menma just rolled his eyes.
"Well, at least the green-bean casserole turned out pretty-tasty," Naruto joked, licking his lips.
"Thanks Naruto-Kun. I was so sure I was going to get them right this time too."
"Don't worry Iruka, I'm sure you'll finish the green-bean casserole by dinner time. But I guess, if worse comes to worse; we could always eat off the floor. As the Catholics have always said, be grateful for what you have," Naruto smirked good-naturedly, earning himself a smile from Iruka and a perky laugh from his twin.
"I'll bet you both my next paycheck that your Aunt Biwako and Uncle Hiruzen would eat this stuff off the floor."
Menma looked doubtful.
"No way, those two shriveled up old hypocrites would think they were too good for that and donate it to a fucking homeless shelter," Naruto said.
Iruka and the twins laughed as Tsunade cleared her throat menacingly from behind them.
"This is no time for you to be goofing off like a teenager Iruka! That's not what I pay you for!" Tsunade snapped in annoyance, taking a voracious swig from her bottle of Sake.
In that precise instant, Iruka was sure he felt his heart stop…
"Oh…Tsunade-Sama…I was just…We were just…"
"Enough! Iruka I want supper to be finished by sundown," Tsunade stated sternly, grimacing down at the spilled green-bean casserole. "And I want this rubbish cleaned off my floors by dinner-time as well."
"O-Of course my Lady," Iruka spluttered fearfully, still too thunderstruck to move as his charge left the kitchen.
"See you later Iruka!" Naruto called over his shoulder as he trailed off after Tsunade.
"Yeah dude…Don't let her kill you!" Menma added with a grin.
"That fucking fool. I can't even trust him to cook one lousy pan of green-bean casserole without burning my whole fucking house down," Tsunade muttered under her breath, lighting another Cigarette as she lead Naruto and Menma into the sitting-room.
"He's trying Auntie Tsunade," Naruto said defensively. She was being too hard on him.
"Yeah…We were the ones who…"
Tsunade just waved them off and blew smoke out through her nostrils.
"You boys are far too indulgent of incompetent men."
"Well at least we're charitable," Naruto joked.
Menma laughed, but Tsunade just snorted.
Both boys stopped in their tracks when they saw the withered-up old prune who was sleeping in one of the sitting-room armchairs. The lion-haired old geezer was grasping an unlit cigar in one hand and a half-filled bottle of Chinese Baijiu in the other. He was snoring loudly.
"As I'm sure you both remember, my Grandfather Jirayia has been staying with me for some time now. But since he's passed out drunk the majority of the time, you probably won't be seeing a whole lot of him," Tsunade explained flatly, walking off towards the staircase.
"Evidently, unlike a certain Aunt of mine, old Grandpa Jirayia can't hold his liquor very well," Naruto commented with a daring smirk as Tsunade stopped in her tracks abruptly.
"What did you just say?" Tsunade asked through gritted teeth, clutching her Sake bottle so tightly that Naruto was certain it would shatter.
Yikes, Naruto thought in restrained amusement. Apparently he had struck a nerve…
"Just how young and beautiful you look in that gothic dress Auntie," Naruto said.
"That's just what I thought you said," Tsunade said warningly before she started up the stairs.
Before Naruto could head for the stairs, Menma grabbed him by the arm.
"Menma…What the hell are you…"
"What do you mean me?!" Menma hissed. "You're the one who's going to get us killed if you can't stop talking shit."
"It was just a joke! Sheesh…You're getting to be as bad as Mom!"
"Well, that's enough joking around for right now! I want to live long enough to screw Sakura!"
Menma and Naruto's eyes both widened in shock. Menma hadn't meant to say it. He had just been so angry at his brother that it all slipped out. Now he'd confirmed to his twin what he'd been making fun of him about for the past year.
"Naruto I…"
Naruto was quiet for a moment before he burst into a laughing fit.
"Damn Menma…I knew you were into her and everything but I never thought you planned on screwing her the moment you showed up here! Dude that is beast!"
"Shut up Naruto! You have to promise you won't say anything to her!"
Naruto stopped laughing and said, "Well…I guess I can keep it between us…At least until you manage to get laid that is. It's the least I can do for my twin."
Menma breathed a sigh of relief. Naruto was an idiot and a fool, but he kept his promises.
"But…"
"But what Naruto? You promised you wouldn't say anything."
"But…You'll have to pay me back all the money I gave you to help pay for the time you broke old man Danzo's windows with your baseball. It's only because of me that Mom never found out."
"You're such an asshole Naruto! That was supposed to be our little secret!"
"You could've at least paid me back! Where's your sense of responsibility?!"
"You lousy…"
Naruto and Menma stopped arguing when they heard a loud groaning behind them. They spun around to find it was old Jirayia mumbling in his sleep.
"You may have defeated me once…You may have once…But I'll get you the next time we meet… Mark my words you Vampires," the shriveled up old coot murmured incoherently before he let off a particularly earsplitting snore.
The twins exchanged glances.
"I thought the house was creepy. Get a load of this one," Naruto muttered.
The brothers both laughed before heading up the stairs after Tsunade.
Menma took off the backpack he'd had on as he and Naruto followed Tsunade down the glossy pine-wood hallway that would lead them to the rooms they'd be staying in. The woman came to a halt at the center of the hall and turned to face them. She was wearing an eerie expression, as though something she'd forgotten had just come back to her.
"This is where I leave you boys. I had Shizune fix up your rooms for you before you arrived, but should you need anything, Sakura is right down the hall."
"Thanks Aunt Tsunade."
"Yeah, this should be fine."
But the twins were looking at her puzzled. She was still gazing down at them impassively like there was something she was meaning to say.
"Auntie…"
"I have only two rules while the two of you are staying here. The corridor at the end of the hall is completely off limits…And the rooms at the end of the corridor…Well you both don't want to find out. Let's leave it at that."
"What's wrong Auntie?"
"Yeah…You act like you've got a bunch of monsters locked up here or something."
Tsunade was visibly uncomfortable. But the twins had no idea why.
"Just remember what I told you boys. Now…I have to go make sure Iruka hasn't fucked up more than he already has. Honestly men are so unreliable…"
Tsunade took off back down the hallway as Naruto and Menma entered their new bedrooms. Or rather, Menma went into his room and Naruto followed him. It was a fairly spacious room with a view of the sea and a queen-sized bed. There were also two black nightstands on either side of the bed with scented cinnamon candles resting on them.
The pungent aroma of cinnamon crossed with the soothing scent of the ocean that was being drawn in from the window across from them circulated throughout the room with pleasurable ease. Menma and Naruto set down their belongings. They didn't have much, but it was all they had been able to bring with them after the garage sale, besides their new video games.
Naruto had brought his Playstation and Menma had brought along his Nintendo Gambcube and some comic books from back home.
Menma wasted no time making himself comfortable, kicking-off his shoes and plopping down on his bed to read some new Werewolf Comic.
Naruto sat down on the bed next to him and Menma gritted his teeth…
"Don't you have your own room?" Menma asked without looking up at his brother. His eyes were still glued to the page.
"Don't you have your own room?" Naruto mocked immaturely.
"Are you trying to start something with me dude, because I swear I'll…" Menma slammed his comic book down but stopped talking when he saw the wide smirk spread across his brother's face.
Menma thought for a moment and then said, "I know what you're thinking Naruto…But no."
But Naruto was already pulling his brother up by his arms.
"Come on Menma…I'm just dying to see why Auntie Tsunade doesn't want us exploring the rest of the house…"
