Raphael the Leader in Red Chapter 2 Doubt

Raphael's point of view

The very next morning I forced myself out of the bed at 4 am, it wasn't like me to be up this early but I hadn't been sleeping at all anyway and since I saw no point in trying to force myself to rest when my body refused to listen to me I decided to just get up anyway, I knew in the back of my head that Leo would be up anytime now and facing him after Master Splinter said I would be the leader made me want to keep my distance from Leo. I knew he have always wanted to be leader and then I end up as the leader, he will sure as shell hate me for it.

Was this really the right choice? A part of me wants to be the leader, the other don't.

Thought to myself and let out a small sigh before I walked out from my room and headed towards the dojo. I know that training at this hour would seem bad but it is something I always found myself doing for a lot of different reasons.

Pull it together Raphael. Master Splinter picked you and now you have to show that you can be a good leader.

I thought to myself as I punched the training dummy in front of me while I tried to mentally boost my spirit but no matter what I said nothing worked.

"How can I ever be a good leader? Everyone in my family knows about my temper…Even as a child I did stupid things…" I say in low tone to make sure I didn't wake anyone up and I had to stop myself from letting out a light chuckle at my own statement.

I tried to block out the thoughts that were clouding my head but no matter how hard I tried a voice inside my head told me over and over that I wasn't ready for any of this, that I would never be. It's like Leo said he is the mature one and knowing myself I could never become that mature on such a short notice.

I let out a small growl as I swung my hand forward and hit the dummy's head making the helmet fall off but luckily I managed to catch the helmet before it hit the floor. That was too close for my liking.

Raphael's point of view ends

Raph let out a sigh as he placed the helmet back on the dummy and once he had stretched his somewhat stiff back he heard the door to the dojo slide open which caused him to turn around and in front of him he saw his older brother Leonardo staring at him in surprise.

"Raph? What are you doing up now?" Leo asked as he walked closer to Raph to make sure is younger brother was okay.

"I couldn't sleep that's all" Raph responded as he turned back to the dummy and started to kick it and punch it furiously, something was bother him and Leo could tell.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked concerned, he might be mad that Raph became the leader and not him but family comes before everything else and if something was troubling his brothers Leo didn't think twice before he helped them.

"I'm fine I just need to blow of some steam" Raph responded but he never turned around to look at Leo as he talked to his older brother.

Leo just watched Raph as his younger brother punched and kicked the dummy and slow and half focused moves. Leo had only seen his brother like this a few times and every time he did fight like he did right now it would be because something was on his mind but Leo knew better than to try and force Raph to tell him, he knew that Raph hated to talk about his own problem he always stated it was something he needed to figure out alone but whenever either himself or their two younger brothers needed someone to talk to Raph would listen and be there for them. Leo knew that Raph was more mature than he sometimes acted.

Leo soon left the dojo and walked back into the kitchen to finish making his tea, as he was about to pour some tea into a cup Raph walked into the kitchen and poured some water into the glass he was holding before he quickly drank it all up.

"Good morning my sons" Leo and Raph heard their father say which made them turn their heads and look at him.

"Morning sensei" Raph said to Splinter before he put the glass in the sink and leaned back against one of the counters.

"Good morning sensei" Leo answered as his eyes moved back to look at Raphael, he knew that something was troubling him but he didn't want to ask what was wrong since he knew he would be answered with a "I'm fine" from his hotheaded brother.

"It is rare to see you up at this hour Raphael, is something troubling you my son?" Splinter soon asked and gave his second oldest son a look of concern.

"No not really, I just didn't get any sleep. I'll be fine I promise" Raph said as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Both and Leo and Master Splinter watched as Raph walked away from them and sat down on the couch with thoughts clouding his mind and when Splinter saw that he let out a sigh before he went back to getting a cup of tea as well. Raph didn't move a muscle he just sat on the couch and stared blankly forward with thoughts clouding his mind and each time a new thought came to his mind he was fast to try and figure out an answer to it but he would lie if he said he wasn't nervous. He knew that when he and his brothers would leave the sewers tonight he had to lead them and a part of him wondered if he were truly ready.

The hours passed by and first Donnie woke up and then Mikey, both of them saw their older brother Raph just sitting on the couch not responding to anything at all. Mikey frowned when Raph ignored him, if it was one thing Mikey hated it was being ignored. Mikey tried everything he knew would normally make Raph give him attention but no respond what so ever. That made Mikey frown before he walked into the kitchen, took out a water balloon from who knows where and started to fill it with water.

When it was filled he crept up behind the couch before he dropped it over Raph's head and when Raph knew who had dropped the water balloon on his head he quickly got up from the couch and turned around and faced Mikey with pure anger in his eyes.

"MIKEY!" Raph yelled at his younger brother before he was hot on his tail.

He chased Mikey all around the lair more than once and when he finally caught his orange masked brother he gave his youngest brother a few hits over his head until a voice made Raphael stop.

"Raph stop it. I think Mikey have had enough" Leo said as he placed his hand on Raph's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

Raph didn't respond he just let go of his younger brother before he turned around and walked into the dojo while muttering something in a very low tone so no one could hear him. Once he were inside the dojo he saw his father sitting on the floor meditating and Raph couldn't help but to think about the decision his father made about him being the leader. But instead of question his father he just ignored it and tried to see the positive side on things but his mind wouldn't let him feel at ease.

"What is troubling you my son?" Splinter suddenly said out loud before he turned his head to look at Raph.

"Nothing" Raph responded as he looked away from his father.

"You know as well as your brothers Raphael that I know when something is troubling you, now what is on your mind my son?" Splinter tried one more time as he stood up and walked over to Raph.

"It's just that…..I don't know if I have what it takes to be a leader…. You know as well as I do that Leo would be a better one" Raph said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Just because you think Leonardo would be better does not mean that you are not as good as him. I've watched over you and your brothers all your lives and see good leadership in both you and Leonardo. You just need to have faith in yourself and trust your brothers" Splinter said before he put his paw on Raph's shoulder which made Raph look at his father.

"I do trust my brothers sensei…. It's myself I don't have any faith in…" Raph responded as he dropped his head.

Before Raph could say anything else to his sensei Leo, Mikey and Donnie walked into the dojo as all of them were ready to start their morning training. Splinter turned to look at his other sons when he heard the door open and close, he knew that Raph were still troubled but he needed to start their morning training. So Splinter turned around and all of his sons sat down on their knees on the floor as they waited for Splinter to start their training.

For hours they trained both attack and defense moves but as the hours passed Splinter went on with trying to teach them how to stay silent as well as trying to teach them the importance of staying in the shadows.

And in order to do that he had lit a candle before he turned off the lights while he explained to his sons that they had to blow out the candle without him catching them and without him hearing them, at first his sons thought it would be easy but they were wrong.

Donnie was the first one to try, he ran straight for the candle but splinter had heard him coming and simply lowered the candle so when Donnie tried to grab it he missed and threw himself against the wall.

"Too noisy Donatello" Splinter stated while scanning the dark corners around him.

Mikey was the second one to try, when Master Splinter turned and looked the other way Mikey ran towards Splinter and tried to grab the candle as well but like his brother Mikey failed as well. Splinter had heard Mikey and moved the candle out of reach and when Mikey tried to grab the candle once more Splinter pushed Mikey to the side which caused him to fly straight into Donnie.

"Too clumsy Michelangelo" Splinter stated and waited for his two remaining sons to try and blow out the candle.

It took a while before either Leo or Raph did anything since Leo thought Raph would go first but he just disappeared and when Leo saw that Raph wasn't going to do anything he slowly made his way over to Splinter who looked like he didn't know that Leo was coming towards him.

Leonardo was of course wrong, the moment Leo tried to jump on Splinter from behind his sensei quickly got up and moved to the side. That didn't stop Leo fully, he quickly got back up on his feet and tried once more but again he failed since Master Splinter moved to the side and pushed Leo on the back of his shell, sending him flying right into Donnie and Mikey.

"Poor choice Leonardo, I would have expected more from you" Splinter commented as he still tried to figure out from which direction Raphael would attack him from.

At first Raph didn't do anything but when Splinter heard a noise he moved to the side to move away from the side, bad move. Raph had made that noise to trick Splinter and it worked, when Splinter realized that Raph wasn't going to try and blow out the candle from where the noise and come from but it was already too late. Raphael had taken out one of his sais and trapped Splinter's arm in it and moved the sai backwards, making Splinter's arm move out of view for Splinter and then Raph blew out the candle and the room got pitch black.

As soon as Donnie had gone up from the floor and switched on the lights both Mikey and Leo got up from the floor as well and looked first at Raph then their sensei.

"Well done Raphael" Splinter told his second oldest son and looked at him.

"How the shell did you know that was going to work?" Leo suddenly said out loud while looking at Raph.

"I didn't but I thought why not at least try" Raph answered and seethed his sais once he had let go of Master Splinter.

Leo didn't say anything else he just gave Raph a quick look before he walked over to the couch and started to the TV to watch his favorite show, he may have lost this training challenge to Raph but he still had his favorite TV-show and no matter how many times Leo watched it he still loved it.

Donnie and Mikey talked to each other before they walked into their own bedrooms, Mikey didn't want to listen to "Space Heroes" let alone watch it so he walked into his own bedroom to read a comic and Donnie walked into his bedroom to read a book. Raph stayed behind and when his brothers were gone he let out a silent sigh before he walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. He was exhausted but this isn't the first time he have gone one night without any sleep so he was pretty much used to it and it didn't bother him that much but he knew that the rest of his family did worry about him.

"Are you sure you are okay my son?" Master Splinter asked when he saw the exhausted look on Raphael's face.

"Hai sensei, I just need to get some rest and I'll be all better" Raph responded and started to fill a glass with water.

"Are you still thinking about the fact that I choose you as the leader?" Splinter said as he watched Raph and as soon as he had asked that question Raph seemed to get tense.

"Yes…. I know you said that I shouldn't doubt myself but I can't help it." Raph responded before he let out another sigh.

"You will see my son that all is going to be just fine. You can become a great leader, you just need to see that for yourself" Splinter said before he walked out of the kitchen.

Raph watched his father leave him alone before he walked over to the table and sat down on one of the chairs. At first he didn't drink the water that was in the glass he was holding he just placed the glass on the table, grossed his arms on the table and rested his head on his hands and watched the water in the glass. What Raph didn't know on the other hand was that Leo had been watching him, there was a short news break on the TV so Leo decided to get up and make some tea while he still could and heard the conversation between Raph and Splinter. Leo then felt like an idiot for being mad at his own brother over such a silly thing, he had been so jealous that he didn't even see how much all of it made Raph nervous.

Leo mentally said sorry to Raph before he walked into the kitchen and made his tea and walked back into the living room area when his tea was done. Raph hadn't even heard Leo walk into the kitchen, he was too deep into his own thoughts that he shut out every possible sound. That of course led to Raph just staring at the water in the glass without actually drinking it. After a few minutes Raph got up from the chair to stop himself from falling asleep and then he quickly drank up with water and put the glass in the sink.

Raph walked into the living room area and watched Leo as he his eyes were clued on the TV screen while his favorite show was playing. Raph hated to admit it but he didn't hate the show "Space Heroes" but it wasn't his favorite show either, it was just one of those shows he could watch when there were nothing else to watch. Raph couldn't help but to shake his head lightly at the memory of all those time he pretended to read a comic while Leo were watching that show and Raph would watch the show instead of reading the comic he was holding and every time Leo quoted something the main character said Raph couldn't help but to smile at seeing his older brother act like a little child.

The minutes seemed to pass by faster as Raph watched the show from a distance but Raph had a feeling that Leo still knew that he was watching as well. When the show was over Mikey jumped out of his room and looked at his older brothers.

"Are we leaving soon?" Mikey asked as he looked first at Leo then at Raph.

"Yes Mikey, can you please go and get Don?" Raph said and watched his youngest brother smile at him.

"Sure thing!" Mikey answered and disappeared into Donnie's room.

When Raph saw Mikey disappear into the room he felt his worry grow bigger than before, what if he did one thing wrong and he would get his brothers killed? He would never forgive himself if that happened, Raph just wanted to go into his room and stay there for the rest of the night but he had promised Mikey during their practice that they all would go top side for a few hours but not for too long either. Splinter still didn't want them to go top side until they could fight better as a team but he couldn't force them to stay down here anyway, he knew that they would go anyway.

When the four turtles had been top side they came back a bit disappointed since they didn't run into any trouble and they had hoped to see if their skill of working as a team had improved at least a little bit, they hadn't hurt each other during practice at least so that was a good sign.

"See you bros tomorrow" Mikey said before he walked into his bedroom to get some rest.

"Yeah see you tomorrow" Donnie, Raph and Leo said back before they walked into their own bedrooms.

Raph looked around his bedroom and he was at least a bit calmer so he tried to relax as his exhaustion finally caught up to him and he fell asleep.