A/N: I didn't mention this in the first chapter's A/N, but this story is completely non-canon Dragon Age. The things that happened during DA2 will not be happening in the same way. Choices, characters and storyline could possibly be changed to fit the world I'm creating. If you don't like reading non-canon or AU, please stop now. If you do like it, then by all means, continue reading! I'll warn you, however, that there is a lot of angst, disturbing images, violence and death in this story... and future sexytimes!

Musical inspiration for this chapter: "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday

Edited: 7/29/14


Chapter 2: "Shattered"

Solona was sitting at the large dining table in the main hall when Teagan Guerrin finally sauntered in. She glanced up to take in her lover's appearance. His rich auburn hair had been brushed, a single braid tucked behind his ear. His beard was trimmed close to his face. Blue eyes peered at her from across the room. He was still wearing the gear from his early morning ride. His face was flushed from windburn and yet, he looked as handsome as ever. At the sight of her sitting there, waiting for him, Teagan smiled brightly. She wished she could be as happy to see him as he was to see her, she really did, but she was going to sadden him with her decision. She was going to crush his dreams.

"So... tell me if this sounds strange. I return from my morning ride and Dennet asks me to tell you that your horse is saddled and ready for departure. Pray tell, dear heart, where are you going at this time of day?" Teagan didn't sit as he spoke. Solona hadn't expected him to. His expression was jovial, hidden behind a mask he used so often that it was second nature, but she could see in the ocean blue of his eyes that he was upset.

Solona was prepared to respond the only way she knew how, with cold determination, when a movement to Teagan's right caught her attention. Connor was standing beside his uncle, his auburn hair a shaggy mess. He'd clearly been riding around the estate with Teagan and the sight of the young boy startled her into silence.

"Hello, Auntie Lona!" Connor cheered happily, sitting down beside the warden without pause. He leaned towards Solona and gave her a small peck on her cheek before digging into his breakfast. "Where are you going? Uncle Teagan was surprised to hear you were leaving."

A lump formed in her throat. She'd gotten close to Eamon's son and it hurt to see him ask the question with such innocence. Out of the corner of her eye, Solona could see Teagan cross his arms over his chest as he waited for her to speak. With a weak smile at Connor, she placed the missive from Nate on the table. It took her a moment, but she finally turned her attention to Teagan.

He was looking at her with uncertainty. Neither of them liked to argue, about anything, so it was practically impossible for her to slide the paper towards him. At first, he didn't move. He stared at the broken seal of the letter with fire in his eyes. Solona was positive he could see the griffons on the wax, the heraldry of the Grey Wardens, from where he stood. With jaw tensed, Teagan took a small step forward and gripped the letter in his hand.

Solona glanced at Connor as Teagan read the letter silently. The boy was eating his eggs and ham without a care in the world. He'd lost both of his parents due to the events of the Blight, but somehow, he had found a reason to move on, to live. Solona was so proud of him. He was a mage and could no longer be the Arl of Redcliffe like he had been bred to be, but he didn't care. He was barely ten years of age and had all the time in the world to still be a kid. She wasn't given any choice in her future when her parents learned of her magical ability. She'd been ripped away from her mother and father, from her young siblings, at the tender age of eleven. She'd been thrown into the Circle and forgotten. She didn't want that for Connor Guerrin. She didn't want that for any mage.

Teagan slammed the letter down onto the table. The noise his hand made against the wood startled her out of her thoughts and she glanced up at him with wide eyes. He was no longer hiding his fury behind a mask and was glaring at her instead.

"Teagan..."

"Is this a joke?" He snapped, lifting his hand from the table and motioning to the now abandoned letter. "Are you just going to leave Redcliffe and go back to the Wardens?"

"Nathaniel needs my help-"

"I thought Howe was groomed to take the seat in Amaranthine. He was your bloody Lieutenant for the few months you were the Commander. You assured me that the wardens wouldn't have to call on you again." Teagan was troubled, Solona couldn't deny that. She understood why. She'd made a promise to him. She would finish with the wardens, retire for good and they'd lived the last of her years in Redcliffe. She'd help Connor control his magic before he was sent to the Circle. But now the wardens needed her more than Connor or Teagan did. She wasn't the kind of person to shirk her duty even for her own desires. She had a calling and she'd be damned if she didn't follow it.

"It isn't that simple. I may not be the Commander of Ferelden any longer, but I'm still a Grey Warden."

"You are retired." Teagan sighed. "You told me you were done with the wardens. Those were your very words, Solona."

Any emotion that she might have had for Teagan's pain increased tenfold at his statement concerning the wardens. She may not have agreed with some of the things the First Warden did, but the Grey Wardens were her family. As she stared into Teagan's blue eyes, however, she knew that he was her family too. She was trading in the family she had chosen for the family she had been forced into. There was one thing Teagan couldn't give her that the wardens could. They understood her better than anyone else ever could. The pull of the taint, the torturous nightmares, the fear a warden felt when one of their own submitted to the Long Walk. With a deep breath, she replied, "One never retires from the Grey Wardens. You know that. I will be one until the day I die."

Teagan turned away from her, hiding his tortured expression even though she knew it was there. "I am not ready to stay goodbye again, Solona."

"Neither am I." Solona whispered, not believing her own words as she spoke them. She wasn't sure what hurt more, Teagan's pain or her lies. If she truly didn't want to leave, she wouldn't.

"Then why haven't you accepted my proposal, yet?" He demanded, looking much like a man ready for battle. That was the Teagan she'd fallen for: resolute and unflinching. She didn't deserve him.

Closing her eyes to block out his face, she answered him truthfully. "Because you cannot marry a mage, Teagan."

"Who are you to tell me whom I may marry?" Teagan said, his voice breaking. The betrayal was evident and to hear him succumb to his fear was like a knife to Solona's heart. "I want to be with you, Solona. Don't you want the same?"

Knowing what she had to do, though it would've been easier to rip out her own heart and stomp it into a bloody mess on the ground, Solona opened her hazel eyes. Meeting his gaze, she spoke clearly and to the point. "I thought I did, but I'm not the same person I was all of those years ago, Teagan. Neither are you."

"How can you say that? After all we've been through together." Teagan said in a soft voice. Solona could feel her heart tear at the sound.

"I've been through a lot more than you can imagine."

Teagan ran a hand through his shoulder length hair, ruining the braid that had been put in that morning. "Yes! I understand. You've been through the void and back. We all have! But Solona- I've dealt with your blood mage ex-lover, the death of my brother and sister in law. I waited for you while you traveled to Par Vollen with the Qunari and go on a hunt for your witch friend. I even gave you up so you could be the Commander of the Grey and yet you still ask these things of me."

Swallowing past the lump that had steadily grown as she listened to Teagan, she mustered what courage she could to speak. "Teagan, I-I'm sorry."

With a shake of his head, he closed his eyes, refusing to look at her. "Please- just go."

Standing up from the table, Solona somehow found the ability to approach where he stood. When she was in arm's reach, she placed a hand lightly against his cheek and turned him to face her. His eyes, full of tears, opened to stare at her, waiting for her to voice whatever it was she intended to say. "I'll be back, Teagan. You have my word."

The arl didn't look convinced by her words. He mustered a weak smile before turning his back on her completely.

Solona watched as he retreated from the main hall and to Maker only knew where. Closing her eyes again, she wished she had the ability to cry. That she could scream, tear at her hair, punch a wall... something. But all she felt was a numbness. The place in her chest where her heart should have been was empty. Cold.

A sniffle made her eyes snap open. Connor was sitting behind her at the table, forgotten in the conversation with Teagan. With a frown, she reached out to the young boy to comfort him. "Connor..."

He flinched as if she had tried to hit him. "Leave me alone!"

Before she could react, Connor was gone as well, leaving her alone in the dining room. Her eyes found the plate of barely touched food at her spot at the table. Her appetite was gone, just like her heart, her soul. She was cold and empty with nothing to sustain her but her duty.