Author's Note: Rating has been changed to "T" for the time being, as the content doesn't warrant "M" just yet, but eventually it will so if it stops showing up when Elfen Lied stories are pulled up, it'll probably be because the rating has been increased. Once again, thanks for reading ^_^


Present day, Kaede House

The soft sound of rolling thunder woke her.

As the steady morning rain cascaded down upon Maple House, Lucy felt as though she were still caught between dreaming and waking, the calming sound of falling rain threatening to lull her back into sleep. It was the steady rhythmic sound of breathing beside her that made her fight the lure of sleep. As her focus cleared she looked into the sleeping face of Kouta, and she had to remind herself that she wasn't still dreaming. They had fallen asleep in a tangle of limbs and Lucy was happy that they could also have woken that way as well, uninterrupted throughout the night. It was the first time it had ever happened that way. They both had trouble with nightmares and sometimes thrashed around, one waking the other. The first few nights Lucy had cried with relief that at last there was someone to hold her when she woke from her blood drenched night terrors in a state of fear. This unfortunately was offset by the agony of shame and guilt when she'd comfort him from his own, because she knew that she was their source. She had cried then too, but tried to do so silently as she'd held him. Some of those times, he would look at her in fear, and even though it would only last for moments until he collected himself, they were terrible moments where she had to resist the urge to flee the room. Those had been some very hard days and for a while, she hadn't been sure that their being together was a good idea at all. She had to remind herself that she knew very well that it wasn't going to be easy, and that she had made the decision to fight for Kouta. It still made dealing with Yuka and Nana very difficult sometimes. It was as if in the beginning, they were all trying very hard to ignore the various elephants in the room. Such as the afternoon when Nana and Lucy, while doing chores in the hallway, had actually started an easy rapport and conversed as friends, until Nana had slipped on a small puddle of soapy water and her artificial leg detached. She'd grabbed frantically at a nearby table, but Lucy had caught, and steadied her. They had both stared at the leg lying on the floor, frozen, and unable to speak.

"Nana…"

"Could you…it's hard for me to…"

"Of course."

She didn't know why Nana didn't just use her vectors to pick the leg up, but she supposed her mind was going in a hundred directions and probably didn't even consider it. Neither had Lucy, who simply retrieved the leg, and reattached it to Nana, her eyes downcast. They had not spoken again for the rest of the day. Or the next three days. And Yuka had seemed to be everywhere, not daring to leave her alone with Kouta for longer than a full minute. It didn't seem like it was exactly intentional, as she always seemed to have a legitimate reason to be in whatever room she and Kouta occupied, but there she'd be, a forced smile on her face.

"I'm going to be honest with you Nyuu."

"Lucy, my name is Lucy."

"Fine then, Lucy. I love Kouta, I have always loved him. I know he has chosen you, and I should accept that. I'm a grown woman, and this is what I should do."

She had sighed and squared her shoulders, her gaze resolute, "but I just can't. I've waited for him just as long as you have, and I'm having trouble seeing why I don't deserve him just as much as you do. Maybe if I can find the answer to that, and it's an answer I can accept, then I can let this go. But right now I don't, and I can't. I'm sorry, and I know this is going to cause strife, and I wish I could act differently about all of this but I know myself too well."

She wanted to argue back to Yuka, but how could she? Staring into the face of the woman she had once wanted to kill so long ago, her arguments turned into dust. She had been more afraid to face Yuka than Kouta, because although Kouta had made his choice, and Lucy was happier than she had ever been in her entire life, Yuka was the one who had the right to be with him. It made Lucy feel like a thief.

Fight for this, Kouta wouldn't want me to ever give up.

"As long as he wants me Yuka, I'm his. I know it's not much consolation but please believe me when I tell you I'll never hurt him, betray him, or let anything happen to him. He is my entire reason for living, and I would give up my life without a thought for him."

"You had better Lucy, because the day you let him down, I'll be there to pick up the pieces. I'm not giving up on Kouta. If you love him as much as you say you do, then you can understand how I feel."

She did. She really did. So she couldn't fault Yuka. Though if she could be honest with herself, Yuka's constant overbearing presence was trying her patience. Kouta didn't seem to notice the silent battle, and she thought it was probably better that he didn't. He had enough on his mind, and this was something she could bear silently for him. It had been a silent agreement between Lucy and Kouta that they would say nothing of the terrible things she had done to Kouta's family. He had buried that hatchet with her and they were moving on as best they could, but he knew no one else would ever understand. Especially not Yuka.

Even Mayu had seemed distant, and she wasn't at the inn very much, always wanting to take walks with Wanta at random times of the day. There had been rare times when Mayu engaged her in conversation but it got uncomfortable at times since Mayu had really only known her as Nyuu, and since there was so much of that part of her life she could not remember, she couldn't relate very much to Mayu. There had been a lot of "remember when" in their conversations that ended in awkward silences as Mayu had to remember once again, that Lucy did not remember things Nyuu had done with Mayu. Despite that, Lucy found she really liked Mayu, who reminded her a lot of herself. She had always known there was something more to her story of why she ran away from home, but she didn't ask Lucy any questions, and so she extended the same courtesy to Mayu. They both knew that it was much more important to make your future than spend your life burying the past, even though it seemed like that was all Lucy was ever doing. Unfortunately, it seemed that Mayu didn't really like Lucy as much as she had liked Nyuu and felt the time Mayu spent away from the inn was her way to avoid Lucy.

Yes, they had seen some hard days and they were difficult still to this day. Lucy lived for the mornings, her desire so strong for them that she had found herself waking up on her own before Kouta, or anyone else rose from sleep. The precious hour or two she spent lying awake, wrapped in Kouta's arms made it all worth it and reminded her why she was trying so hard to make things right. She'd known there would be a price to be with him, and sometimes it really seemed like she would never be able to pay it, but the time she spent with Kouta made everything worth it. She reached her arms forward and pulled him closer to her, draping a leg over him, and he stirred, his eyes slowly opening. She prepared herself for that second of fear she often saw in his eyes as he recognized her and tried to separate his nightmares from reality, and felt such relief when this time, she did not see it at all.

"Kouta…" she whispered, so quietly he could barely hear her. He lazily raised his hand and brushed hair out of her face. Her eyes closed as he began to run his fingers through her hair, gently trailed them over one of her horns, then continued down her face, and her neck. She shivered at the pleasure of his touch.

"Still dreaming?" He said with a smile, it was their own special way of greeting one another, ever since that night they had been reunited. It was something that belonged to them, and them alone. She nodded, a warm and contented smile on her face. She wondered if he truly was beginning to overcome the barriers that still separated them somewhat. There was much they still had not spoken of. He had never asked what had been done to her in the Institute, they talked little about what she was, and ever since that night she had returned, they did not speak of Kanae or his father. Somehow, they would find a way to finish closing what distance remained between them. But in these moments, when the day began and it was just the two of them, they could pretend for a while that there were no distances. That they were just Kouta and Lucy, and could simply immerse themselves in the other's warmth.

His arms that had been around her already, tightened to draw her as close as he could, and her body automatically responded to him, sliding her leg further up his body, grabbing his shirt in loose fists, and burying her face in his shoulder.

"I dreamt of you again. It was different this time," he said to her.

"Oh?" Anything would be better than what he usually dreamt.

"I dreamt I had seen you in an art gallery. In a painting. Couldn't see much of you, but I could tell it was you. You were standing at the top of a hill that was overlooking the countryside, like in the pictures I always loved to draw back then. It was hard to see you because the sun was setting at your back, and I could see something faint behind you, like if wind were visible."

"My…hands?" she instantly regretted saying the words. Somehow, she felt talking about what she was would distress him. It was that part of her that killed his father and sister.

"Yes, but no. They didn't look like hands. They were like wings of vapor. The setting sunlight played off of them, and made them look like they shined. And even though it was a painting, you could see the trees swaying in an afternoon breeze. And I could see it gently blowing your hair, reveling your smile. Kind of like the way you're smiling now."

She blushed, "I loved your drawings," she said, daring to edge the conversation to their childhood, "I love them now." She really did, and enjoyed listening to him talk about art when he would. He had a way with words when he spoke of it, a way of describing images and emotions that was particular to him. She supposed it was the artist in him that gave him such beautiful language. As it had been one more thing repressed with his memories, he had not thought much about drawing, but in the time since his memory returned to him, he had picked up his old passion back from where he left off, as though no time had passed. She held on tighter, kissing his neck. The morning was perfect, rainfall creating a pleasant din, and the light of the morning dimmed to a soft glow from the overcast sky. Gazing at the clock she knew they only had minutes left before various alarms would start to sound throughout the house.

"Lucy…" he whispered, fingers tightening…damn it for being the middle of the week and a school day. She would have loved nothing more than to allow him to take her where this was obviously going. She pulled back a little and opened her mouth to being trying to convince him they ought to rise and get dressed, but staring into Kouta's eyes she instead kissed him, her eyes sliding shut and turning off the world around her until nothing existed but the feel of his lips and his body against her own.

Nobody's perfect, and I'm not even close.

She hadn't thought their kiss had been as long as it was, but then she could hear the various alarm clocks starting to go off, and groaned.

"Isn't there some sort of rule against going to school when the weather's like this?" she said mournfully. Though she'd have preferred to stay home with Kouta, she was content with this as well. Establishing an identity for her to enroll at school with the rest of them had been a challenge. Abandoned not long after birth and her public records sealed by the Institute, she had no identification of any kind. But Kouta had found some loopholes and had gotten that worked out for her. He'd smiled after it had all been said and done and told her it wasn't the first time he was able to solve a legal issue with a technicality. She knew she had a lot to learn about the world but she had discovered she was quite reasonably intelligent. At least academically, as she had done better than she might have expected on the entrance exam. Of course, not ever being exposed to proper schooling as she grew up assured her that she would wind up at what Kouta liked to call the "safety school". That was fine with her. She didn't intend to be apart from Kouta if she could help it. There had been some concern at first about her being recognized by the wrong people but she always wore the bow out in public, and besides she remembered darkly, the people at that school that would have recognized her were either dead or missing. That was just fine with her too. She had very much meant what she said about destroying anything that threatened to take her away from Kouta. She thought a lot about that, and did so now as she rose from their bed and walked sluggishly to a dresser where she kept what little clothes she owned, and even some of those had been hand me downs from Kouta.

We weren't the only ones…

When she had escaped, they had set Nana upon her, which had been useless. And when Nana had escaped the Institute, they had set Mariko after the both of them. That had not been so useless, and was the first time she had ever been afraid. She supposed she owed Kurama for her life…the bastard. Where was he when Aiko died? A place like that would have other contingency plans. She didn't think they ended with surgically implanted explosives. There always seemed to be just one more Diclonius to set on them like dogs.

What did they want with us?

So many questions still plagued her. She was obviously being kept for something, and it wasn't for chasing wayward Diclonii. Kakuzawa's son thought she was going to be his breeding stock. Could Kakuzawa himself have been planning something similar for her? The thought filled her with rage.

"Lucy, what's wrong?"

She had become lost in her thoughts, her fists tightened around a shirt she had picked out for herself. She felt Kouta's comforting arms encircle her waist and she leaned back against him closing her eyes. The other Diclonius girls, Nana and Mariko, they didn't deserve the pain they lived. Lucy knew in her heart they weren't the only ones and she felt a sense of responsibility that went along with that knowledge. They were her people, already going extinct before they even had a chance at life. How could she sit idly by and let them all die in obscurity? But then by that same token, what did she owe her own race? She had no connection to the Diclonius, only humans. And it seemed so many of them were locked away for the good of all, as they had one and all perpetuated horrors on mankind before they were captured.

I was treated so cruelly because I was different. But the others, were they really so different from me? Could they have lived like I did? Desperately wanting someone to love them and simply reacting to ceaseless cruelty? What if they could have a second chance…like I've had.

"I was just thinking…"

"About what?"

Kouta would understand, she knew he would. She turned around to face him.

"Kouta…there's something I need to do. It's been in my mind for a long time."

Something in her tone, he could read it, knew it wasn't something mundane and she could see him steeling himself for whatever she was about to tell him.

"But before I tell you what it is, I need you to understand some things…I need to talk to you about what happened to me after I…ran…from you all those years ago. I need to talk to you about what I am."

He looked uncomfortable, but was trying very hard not to show it. He was fighting too, just like her. She loved him so much for it.

"You know you can talk to me Lucy, I need you to understand that," he paused and took a long breath, "I know you've been holding back in your conversations, and avoiding talking about certain things. It's made this easier on you, and I admit, for me too. But if this thing you have to do involves those things you've been avoiding then I want you to stop avoiding them. We're partners now Lucy. You can't keep me in the dark, and I can't just shut my eyes when you shine your light."

"Kouta…" He took her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. "Can it wait until tonight?" he asked her. She nodded her head. He released her and stepped towards his own drawer. "Ok then. In the meantime we should get ready, before Yuka comes barg…"

The door suddenly slid open, perhaps a little too fast, as a person would typically do if they were trying to catch someone in the middle of something. She swore she saw a hint of disappointment in Yuka's eyes as she was greeted to the modest scene of the both Kouta and Lucy clothed, standing apart from one another.

"Good morning Yuka," Kouta said. Yuka smiled the forced smile Lucy was getting used to seeing on her face.

"Good morning Kouta, and good morning…Lucy."

She suddenly felt guilty about feeling annoyed with Yuka, she knew very well how Yuka felt and it must be hard beyond all endurance to have to watch the person she loved being with someone else. Of course, Yuka's permanent residence was never the Maple House, it had just become so over the past year, and she could leave at any time. But she had decided to stick around, to help "look after everyone". The truth was that Yuka couldn't bear the thought of them simply being alone together. She was of course staying for Nana and Mayu as well, but Lucy knew it was more because of Kouta. A selfish motive, but she couldn't fault Yuka. She never did.

Nobody's perfect…nothing's perfect. Not even love…especially not love.

"Good morning Yuka," Lucy said, bowing her head.

"Glad to see you're up for a change. I had almost decided to start bringing in water buckets to wake the both of you. You're picking up some bad habits from Kouta you know?"

"Look how dark it is out there. I think the time of day should be proportionate to what it looks like outside, and THAT looks like five-thirty in the morning."

"She has a point," Kouta chimed in.

"Don't you EVEN start Kouta! It is too early."

"Won't argue that," Lucy said with a grin.

"You're both hopeless. Hurry up and get ready, we have to go soon." As Yuka turned to walk away, Lucy caught her gaze pause upon Kouta before she left the room. It was only for an instant but the longing she saw there made her own feelings for Kouta seem small and insignificant. Lucy sighed as she got her clothes together. She wanted to make things right with Yuka, she really did, it was important to her. But she didn't know if that would ever happen.

The future's more important than burying the past, but you can't move on until you do. And unfortunately, I've got a lot of dead to bury.

Images of Kanae, Kouta's father, feelings of murderous hatred towards Yuka who would have been her third victim. She could never know how Kouta had saved her life that awful night. She owed Yuka, and wanted to apologize to her for her intent, but she could never do that. Not without unraveling the life she was starting to build here.

A future free from illusions and lies…

Yuka was a living reminder of her sin, so Lucy needed acceptance from her. Perhaps it was foolish, but it was the only way she could think of to make things up to her for a crime Yuka didn't even know was committed against her: Lucy had wanted her dead. That atonement would never come she knew, because she had walked back into their lives and stolen Yuka's love away from her.

No, I didn't take anything that wasn't given to me. Why am I doing this to myself?

Because even though Kouta has forgiven me…I have not forgiven myself.

Maybe I never will…

She finished dressing and retrieved her books from a simple bag she had picked out while shopping with Nana and Yuka. They had both urged her to buy something a bit more colorful as the one she did pick out was a basic black and was clearly functional rather than stylish, but Lucy liked it. It's only adornment had been the small gold plate from the music box that she sewed onto the front. It's caption reading "Lilium". Once ready she joined Kouta and Yuka at the door, and huddling under umbrellas, they walked off to school, the sky dark and foreboding. Lucy felt at home with the sight; it matched what she felt in her heart…

We were not the only ones…