Author's note's:
Wow, the second chapter so soon, I must say that I am quite proud of myself (I really am a bastard, aren't I?) Anyway, since every author always writes something strange on these parts, maybe I should too? Hmm. Thank you for the reviews, it's always nice to receive some comments, and criticism is also allowed, so feel free to put anything.
I noticed that the italics thoughts had lost their form in the end of last chapter, so I guess I'll try to fix it sometimes.
Disclaimer: No I do not own Naruto, if I would I would really make it clear, that the new guy, Sai or what ever is really the son of Shuichi Shindou & Eiri Yuki, since he has his mother's appearance and his daddy's attitude. Go figure.
Thank you for my beta-reader Dreammiko
B
R
E
A
K
Sleep chapter 2.
There he walked, feet shuffling down the old same road. He had memorized every detail etched in to the sand of the road. He was on his way to the same old thing, every day. He was going to visit the memorial. His silver hair brushed down along his headband as a soft gust of wind swept through the area. He had the same mono-toned feeling as always. Hatake Kakashi was always the same now, never changing.
It was true that he had been walking a similar road to the one beneath his feet. The long and winding road of his life. With its many twists and turns and unsuspecting crossroads he now always expected the unexpected.
As a kid, he had believed strictly to the rules, and living by them trying everything in his power not to resemble his father. Yet, when time had passed, and he was thrust into a world of reality, he had found out that rules really weren't all they were meant to be. He had really found out the meaning behind Obito's words.
"Those who don't care about their comrades are worse than trash."
Now, he lived by his dead friends words, noticing that his life was shaped into this unusual form. His life, in general; mainly consisted of the simple things in the life of a ninja. He would go to missions as well as visit the memorial to see Obito, Rin and Yondaime, always catch up on his reading of the Icha-Icha series now and then, fight with Gai, occasionally train with his past students and so on. It really had no longer-range point in it. Life was life, it could end at any moment or point in time for all he knew, that did he know. His hand reached up and brushed the rebel hairs that fell in to his face to the side and kept walking. He sighed trying to understand where in life was he actually going.
'Maybe I could devote my self to something new for a change…' his thoughts bubbled about.
The fact was that he really didn't know what to do with his free time. All those things what he did, was to fill those empty spaces between missions and duties. Sure, he liked it but why in the world did he feel like he was missing some important part of it.
When he reached the memorial, his single exposed eye found the familiar name of his dead best friend and almost immediately a familiar feeling took over.
Guilt. A sinking feeling in his stomach that lurched over making him feel pained. Even if anybody hadn't blamed him, even when the last of his team hadn't blamed him, even when no one blamed him now and even when Obito's spirit had forgave him, this tiny bit of himself wouldn't stop blaming.
He wasn't sure how long he had stared at the memorial this time, he had gotten lost in his thoughts again. He moved his eyes from Obito's name to others. Names of another comrades, ninjas and another friends whose names were carved into the black stone.
Jumping over the un-familiar ones, he let his eye rest on the name of his former sensei. The third. Another person, who had died while protecting the important things of his life. He had really been almost an ideal figure of a ninja to Kakashi. His techniques were unique; he had been one of the strongest ninjas in Konoha, and then there had been those wise words of his. Yondaime's words reached into his mind. "Of course rules and regulations are important, but that's not all there is to it. I'll tell you… You must also be able to adapt and cope with the situation."
When he stepped in front of the memorial and let his eye wonder through the known and unknown names, his mind started to wonder.
'Cope with the situation, huh? I wonder what you three would say to me right now.'
A lazy image of his dead friends came to his mind. Obito was grinning as usual, Rin had his kind smile on her face, and Yondaime was looking somewhat serene.
As he started his inner conversation with his long-passed friends, the day started to move slowly from the early morning into the beautiful day it was going to be.
x.X.x
As Kakashi stepped inside the lounge where most jounins lingered on their time off, he noticed that there were few of the younger and new jounins, and there were those who had been there for a longer time. Like Gai, Kurenai, Asuma and Anko.
Apparently Anko tried to stick Gai with her dango stick, and the man was trying to avoid it by any cost. Kurenai and Asuma just sat next to the fighting couple, occasionally lifting their teacups from the table, when the madwoman and taller man came too close.
"Yo." Kakashi lifted his hand from his pocket to greet his friends. "What's all the racket about?"
Asuma turned his head towards the fighting couple, "Anko is returning a favor to Gai." Asuma's response made only Kakashi's face frown in confusion.
Kurenai giggled softly, and said in a bit hoarse voice, " You could say that Anko blames Gai on this cold what we caught on last night, since it was Gai's idea to walk the longer road to the village instead of the shorter one."
Kakashi nodded, and decided not even try to understand why Gai had wanted to take with longer road. Because he knew that if he would ask about it, there would be one of Gai's memorable ''The greatness of youth' speeches, and right now he didn't want to hear a one.
'Leave it to Maito Gai to get things complicated', Kakashi thought. Right on that moment there was a distant scream of Gai's, and it was followed with a maniac laugh from Anko. 'And leave it to Anko to get things vicious.'Kakashi sat on the opposite couch, so that he could face the pair. He took one of the teacups, and they sat in comfortable silence for a while, occasional screams echoing now and then from the lobby. Asuma started a new cigarette, Kurenai drank her tea and Kakashi sat in deep thought.
"I take from your grim face that you visited the memorial again?" Asuma's question raised both Kakashi and Kurenai's attention from the less major things. As Kakashi responded with a simple nod, Asuma continued, "I tell you again and again that it will do you no good to dwell in the past, but since you've heard that for quite some times anyway, I guess it's only a waste to tell that to you?" Asuma looked questionably at Kakashi, who only nodded.
Kurenai watched as the man started to talk in the same manner what they had used since the time being. It was normal among old comrades to show this kind of small care taking, and express these small opinions of the other's doing, but it was clear that you weren't supposed to push you concern any further than words. Not unless there was a real reason to it. Such were the rules.
'But sometimes the rules are meant to be bend.' Kurenai thought as she stared into the depths of her teacup. Something told her that there was something wrong in the silver-haired Jounin, as there was something wrong in the pink-haired medic, who they had seen last night. For some reason she couldn't seem to get her thoughts away from the distant figure of a small woman in a crouched position.
As she was about to open her mouth and ask Kakashi about the girl, Gai walked back into the lounge. Kurenai's mouth hung open, Asuma left his cigarette hanging from his fingers, halfway into his mouth, and Kakashi's eye widened in surprise.
Gai had definitely seen better days. Apparently Anko had punched his nose rather hard since it was bleeding, his face had some clawed scars in it, his hands had bite marks on them, and somehow Anko had managed to ruffle Gai's hair into a poor imitation of the 'last-Uchiha-Hair' aka. Sasuke's hair.
What made them even more surprised was that, when Gai made his 'good job' pose, with thumb and all.
"Ah my friends! Nothing like the power of youth! I could just now take a full beating from Anko-san, and still feel nothing! The power of youth is unbeatable!" Gai said, and closed the distance between the couches in few steps.
"Ah! My eternal rival has joined us! What a great day this is! I have the chance to scold him about his responsibilities, without having to find him!"
Kakashi stared at Gai, who on the moment was dropping some blood on the carpet. He was going to scold him again? 'Wonder what it's this time. If I remember clearly, last time it had something to do with leg bandages, and how I used to tie them wrongly.'
As Kakashi braced him for the coming 'lecture', Gai's eyes met Kurenai's. They shared a small nod, before Gai started, "Kakashi, I must speak to you as a man to man. This concerns a matter with such high seriousness, and importance, that I must forget our rivalry for this conversation."
Kakashi stared in amazement. Gai was voluntarily let his real ambitious side for a serious conversation?
'Maybe I should listen to him with some interest.'
"Kakashi", Gai stared again, " I must ask you, when was the last time you have fulfilled you responsibilities as a man?"
'On second thought, maybe not.'
"It is your responsibility as a man to keep the young beautiful blossom safe! To protect her from the cruelty of the world! And to know where she puts her steps, and to stop her if they are going into the wrong way! You must protect the beautifulness of the youth, and not to mention intelligent young blossom of Konoha with pride!"
As Gai continued hi rant about this 'Blossom of Konoha' Kakashi turned his head towards Asuma and Kurenai. Asuma stared at the ceiling with a suffering look, while Kurenai was covering her face with her hand.
'What on earth? Apparently they know what Gai is talking about, but-'"What Gai means is, that we think you should know that one of your ex-students was spending a lot of time in the graveyard even late last night, while water was coming down from the bucket." Kakashi turned his head from the pair to Anko, who had just appeared from the doorway. She had covered her face with a paper mask, to prevent the cold germs from spreading to other people.
"What?"
"You heard me. The girl, Haruno, was spending her leisure on the graveyard way beyond the time normal people go there."
"Why?"
This time it was Kurenai who spoke her crimson eyes flicked up at the silver haired man, "We were kind of hoping that you would know. After all she's one of your past students." She sounded like she was choosing her words with care, almost as she would watch it not to accuse him of anything. Still he managed to hear it. His jaw tightened as he thought about it. In a way he didn't have any responsibilities to his so-called ex-students as a teacher, but as a comrade and a friend…
Whether Anko, or any of the other had noticed his frown, he did not know, but when Anko started to speak again, he turned his attention to it.
" You know, I was with her on a mission some time ago. A good girl, that's what I have to say, she can fight better than most of the girls her age, and her medical skills are quite something. The only thing was that I never saw her rest, not even once. And that is a bad, really bad thing for a ninja,"
The four of them stared at Anko, who was coughing at the moment. They knew that she wouldn't mention anything unless it was worth mentioning. Like if somebody would lose a limb, you could count on it that Anko would only mention it as a mere scratch.
'Which leads into the fact that Anko doesn't think that this is a lightly taken matter.'
Kakashi's thoughts were interrupted when Asuma spoke the first time.
"So what are you going to do about it?"
Kakashi lifted his gaze from the floor to the ceiling, and rested his back against the couch.
x.X.x
As Kakashi walked towards one of the best bars for Ninjas, his thoughts were completely stuffed about his former students. All three of them. The truth was, that in some time he hadn't really had time to spend with the triple like he had used to. One year ago they had mission together, trained together, and sometimes spent some leisure time together. But now, their missions were put in a chain, when other arrived, the other left. Yet there had been times when they had had time to talk for a longer time, like when he had by a chance met one of them in grocery store, or in the book store.
He felt guilty.
He knew that it wasn't only up to him to go and collect the team together, but he could have tried to have some effort in it.
He sighed. He had already made his mind. Tomorrow he would fetch the team together, and try to find out what was going on with everybody. ' Hell, if Sakura's having a hard time, most likely Naruto and Sasuke are having some problems as well.'
He stood outside the familiar bar. Voices and distant background music could be heard, laughter, shouts and some singing.
It was everything you could really ask for a bar. The lights weren't too bright nor too dim, there was air conditioning, so that the smoke from the cigarettes wouldn't stay in there for too long, there was barstools and a bar counter, and then there were sets of those smaller table.
Perfect to party, or to drown your sorrows.
As he entered, his eyes found almost immediately two things worth noticing. First, it seemed like Shiranui Genma was having one of his rare free nights, and spending it to the fullest. Second, he saw that the before mentioned rose-haired woman was sitting at the bar counter.
He walked trough the room, and sat on the stool next to hers.
"Yo."
She turned her head from her glass to his face and made a small smile. "Hi."
As the old man came fussing over Kakashi about what he would like to drink, he duly noticed that the girl next to her was now staring into nothing as if she could see things other could not.
"So sensei, how have you been?" By emphasizing the word sensei, something she had dome since it was made clear that they weren't a sensei and a student, her own kind of teasing.
They talked a little, while kept drinking at the same time at time the other would make a small chuckle or a laugh to the other saying. Even though for a moment he felt like nothing had changed.
"So, " he started, " Have you been here for a long time?" He saw her smile fade for a moment, and then it was hidden behind her glass as she drank.
She seemed to ponder her answer for a moment before answering, "that depends on what time is it now."
"It's around midnight Sakura."
She turned her head towards him, and made a small, sad smile, "In that case Kakashi, I've been here for eight hours."
He watched as she refilled her cup with alcohol again, and placed the glass against her lips.
Pure astonishment must have filled his face since she laughed a little, and made a carefree smile.
"Don't worry sensei! It's not the first time I'm sitting here for a longer period."
Her words only grew the confusion inside his head. But it wasn't only confusion, also annoyance as he realized how unhealthy lifestyle she was having at the moment. He didn't want her to sit most of her leisure in some bar drinking up all day into night.
Before he could stop himself his mouth had already opened, "Why!"
Jade green eyes locked into his onyx one, and held it in its gaze.
"Kakashi, do you seriously think that I would voluntarily sit here a whole day?"
Her gaze held his eye(s) in place as he pondered the said thing.
No, she wouldn't sit here freely. She had made that clear about a half a year ago how she felt about "wasted free time sat in bar without a real reason".
So there had to be a real reason why she was sitting in the bar, 'But that still doesn't explain why-',
His thoughts were cut when he recognized something familiar in her eyes. 'Covered annoyance.'
The silence extended a bit until he answered.
"No Sakura, I well know that you wouldn't sit here without a reason. Want to talk about it?"
As she finally turned her eyes back to her glass, and gripped it, he noticed that her fingers were shaking a bit.
She gulped own another portion of her drink and opened her mouth, "I came back today from a rather long mission," she was tasting her own words, wondering how they would affect the Jounin next to her, "and everything was fine. Until I got home," she paused as she tried to think what to say next. She could feel his eyes on her, searching for an answer.
'Hell,' she thought, 'might as well tell the truth.'
"Kakashi, don't ever do the mistake of asking Naruto or Sasuke take care of your mail, plants, or anything in your apartment while you're gone. You might lose something you really value in the progress."
She was facing him again, and had the look of amusement on his face as he counted the formula. Finally he seemed to reach the end of it, and gave a small sympathetic chuckle to her.
"So you noticed that most of your apartment demolished, decided to get a drink to calm your nerves, and got your small butt stuck into the barstool?"
She took another slip of her glass and stared at the ceiling. "Sorry sensei, but most unfortunately not. When I entered my apartment, they were still at it," Kakashi turned his head rather furiously at the girl, "and I kind of felt like wanting to get something to drink, since I had just returned, and there is no way I am going to go there until I'm sure they're out of my flat." She tried talk as calmly as she could, and took a calming breath, "And that's the reason why I'm sitting here. Not because of my small butt got stuck."
He could only stare at the now smiling girl. It was clear to him that she had been rather furious to the couple, but instead of starting shouting and kicking the 'active' pair out of her property, she had decided to walk away and try to forget the whole incident. He could only admire her calmness in it all.
"But you know," she continued, "I just can't really be mad at them anymore, I mean I was furious when I got here, but now it's all gone."
He smiled and felt proud. It seemed like at least one of his ex-students was able to control her feelings, "Forgiveness is a gift," he said and placed his hand on her shoulder, as an effort to show her that he was proud of her, but then the atmosphere changed. Whether he noticed or not, he continued, "It's rare to be able to forgive your friends so fast, let's hope that you never lose that gift Sakura."
When his sentence had ended he started to pull his arm away from her shoulder, but it froze when she turned with haste.
"What about you? Have you even forgiven to your friends for something what you have thought as unforgivable?" There was a small flicker of interest in her eyes, and he could clearly see it. He knew he could just change the subject and pretend like he hadn't ever heard her ask the thing, but instead he decided to answer.
"Well, let's see. There was a time when I really thought that I couldn't forgive my friends. I mean they did something really unforgivable." There was clear pain in his voice, and his eye narrowed slightly. She waited for a minute for him to continue, a moment ticked by and he hadn't said anything.
"Pray to tell me what they did?"
"…Gai tore accidentally my first Icha-Icha-Paradise."
She stared. She could gaze, with her eyes wide open. Then she realized that he was joking when she saw his eye tingle slightly. She punched him lightly on his shoulder, and muttered a small "idiot".
"Ah, sorry Sakura, but I couldn't miss the chance." As she only shot a dirty glare on him he continued, "but really there has been such a time when I really have forgiven some unforgivable things to my dearest friends." The atmosphere changed again from the cheery one to the death serious, and solemn one.
"Once they did something what I really hoped that they wouldn't have even mentioned, and after that I didn't speak with the two of them for weeks. Then something nasty happened to one of the two during a mission, and they rushed back here to be taken care of. I heard of it, and went immediately to their side, and realized that even though I was still very annoyed with them I had already forgiven them." His eye formed a horseshoe as he smiled to her, "It's not easy thing to forgive, but with time you really come to learn that just how important thing forgiveness is, and I am glad to notice that you Sakura already have learned that." He continued to smile at her, but was taken aback when she spoke again.
"What about yourself?"
"What about me?"
"Have you learned to forgive yourself?" He felt the room stopping, blood rushed from his face, and the only thing he could see was Sakura. She looked at him with a piercing gaze, without any traces of being under the influence of alcohol. His mouth hung open for a minute or two, but her eyes didn't break the bond what she had made with his eye. Finally he managed to grab hold of his voice again.
"I don't quite get what you mean Sakura." He tried to act like he didn't know what she meant; or more, he didn't want to know what she meant even when he did.
Denial had always been his friend.
She made a small 'tsk' sound. "Don't lie to me Kakashi, we both know what I'm talking about," she reached towards him, and placed her hand to his leaf headband, and lifted it up.
He held his sharingan eye closed as he felt her cool finger on the scar over his eye. He felt his breath getting shallow, feel small tingling sensation under her finger, and then there were her eyes; the jade green orbs looking into his own blackish-blue with a look he hadn't ever seen in them. She licked her lips, and started slowly trace her finger, from over his brow down.
"I'm a medic Kakashi, I happen to know that there is the possibility for us to repair those scars that are repairable." She held a pause here, and placed her hand onto his cheek, " But those that aren't, are often attached with feelings. Regret, hate, love and many others those are often hard to forget. Those scars won't heal unless the bearer is forgiven by the one who caused it, or if the bearer himself forgives himself."
She was again trailing his scar with her very cold finger. His breathing was getting heavier, and the soft feeling of her fingertips was something really strange on his face. His other eye had also fallen shut somewhere along the way, but when her finger stopped, and she spoke again, "Why can't you forgive yourself Kakashi?" He opened his eye, and met her gaze with a steely one.
There wasn't any plead in her voice, it was a question in need of an answer, and yet he didn't know if he could provide her with a one.
Right on the moment a drunken Jounin crashed onto both of their necks, laughing his ass off, and rambling about complete nonsense.
"Kakashi! You old pervert, hitting on your poor student? My! I couldn't have ever believed such action from you!"
Shiranui Genma was totally wasted, intoxicated, drunk, and all the synonyms for the word. He had literally crashed on the pair, now hanging by their necks, trying to get them sing some song with him, while the girl tried to slap his hand away from her neckline where his hand had tried to creep, and the man was pushing the long-haired one off his shoulder to the floor.
As Genma hit the floor with a lot of grumbling and protest, Sakura shot a quick glance to Kakashi. Their eyes locked for a small moment, then she smiled, differently what he had ever seen her smile, turned, lifted her hand for goodbye, and walked away with small steps.
"You know Kakashi," came slightly slurred and lisp voice from the floor, "That's one damn good-looking youngster." Then there was a slight bumping sound as Genma's head hit the floor as he passed out.
Yet, Kakashi only half-listened his friend's comment as his mind was filled with one main thought.
'What the hell was that all about?'
B
R
E
A
K
AN's: Joy, It ended! And we got more of Gai! And we actually got a bit further, well not much, but a bit.
I've started the third chapter, but it probably won't come out as fast as these have, since my computer has been crashing down lately, and there's always the chance that I lose most of my stuff, so I can't make any promises.
Again, many thanks to my beta-reader.
Until next time.
T-kun
