Second Chances - chapter 2
ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Lee watched out of the corner of his eye as Kara flirted shamelessly with Helo.
They were playing triad with four of the other pilots, joking and laughing like the old days.
Lee had declined to join in the game, stating that he had work to do, but though he pretended to be immersed in his paperwork, in reality he'd spent the better part of the last hour watching Kara. He hadn't seen her this way in a long, long time. Mind you, it had been a long time since they'd had much of a chance to sit back and enjoy life instead of fighting. He hadn't been on New Caprica with her, but from everything he'd heard, it hadn't been pretty.
Tigh had come back a bitter, cynical man - not that he hadn't been before, but now he'd stopped drinking and was, if anything, worse. The Chief and Cally were wary, jumpy in a way neither of them had been before. All the returning crew members were different somehow. He didn't really know any of them well enough to know how exactly, but things just didn't feel right.
Tonight's triad game was the most normalcy he'd experienced so far since the reintegration. Kara, of course, he should have known well enough to be able to understand or at least talk to about the whole situation, but they'd drifted so far apart, even before their year-long separation, that he felt like he hardly knew her at all. It was like he was walking on tacks every time he dealt with her, and one wrong step (which he always took) drove another wedge of pain into their already splintered relationship.
Tonight though, she was Starbuck. Pure, unadulterated Starbuck. The Starbuck he'd known BA - before Anders. Flirty, loud, fun ... and obnoxious.
Lee shifted his gaze to the others at the table. Helo was obviously happy to see Kara enjoying herself. He was playing along, flirting back and egging her card shark superiority on. The others, transfers from the Pegasus, were all infatuated by her. Lee could easily recognize the signs - he himself had been there not so long ago. Because of that, she was winning by a landslide. He knew only too well how difficult it was to concentrate around her, and he felt sorry for them.
His gaze shifted back to her again as Helo bent his head towards hers and whispered something. She looked up at him and smiled, her wide grin as infectious as ever.
As she turned her attention back to the cards, Lee's eyes followed Helo, and he was amazed at what he noticed for the first time. Helo was in love with her. Karl Agathon, callsign Helo, former lover of the cylon sleeper agent Sharon Valerii, was in love with Kara Thrace. No, scratch that - Kara Anders Thrace. Anders was dead, killed by the enemy he'd chosen to collaborate with, but still, he had been her husband.
Fascinated (and truth be told, somewhat dismayed) by this new revelation, Lee concentrated solely on Helo, watching his reactions to everything Kara said and did. Now that he saw Helo with different eyes, it was terribly obvious and he wondered how come he'd never seen it before. Maybe because you were too busy being in love with her, a voice in his subconscious mind spoke up. He quashed it quickly though - no, he'd never loved her. Been attracted to her physically, found her fascinating, yes. But love? No. He loved Dee, his wife.
She was everything a man was supposed to want from a woman - she was attractive, kind, warm, loving ... and she didn't feel the need to beat him at everything.
He watched, under the guise of work, till the game broke up, and nonchalantly joined Kara at the table once everyone had left.
"So, Starbuck triumphs again," he said lightly, watching her collect her winnings.
"Yup."
"Must be nice to be back among the gullible."
"Yup."
Lee began to feel uncomfortable. He'd hoped she'd have been a little more forthcoming.
"You looked like you were having fun tonight," he tried again.
She faced him squarely. "You got something to say to me?" she said, her tone mildly chilly.
He took a deep breath and opened his mouth but for a few seconds nothing came out.
"Listen, I'm sorry about the other day, okay? I let my mouth get ahead of my brain and I said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I know things have been tough between us and I'm sorry about that. I'd like for us to be friends again, if we can. Can you forgive me for being a jerk?"
She waited a moment before answering, eyes searching his.
"You have a brain?" she said slowly, a small grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.
The tension dropped from Lee's shoulders almost instantly. He smiled widely at the memory.
"Friends?" he asked shyly.
"Friends," she agreed. "But make sure you think before opening your mouth in future. You sound a lot smarter that way." She grinned widely, then began picking up the rest of her winnings. "I should get going, you know, sleep and all ..."
Lee pointed at the hatchway. "Yeah, I should, you know, get going as well ..."
Kara smiled tightly. "Yes, you've got a wife who's probably wondering where you are."
"Yeah," he admitted, "I should probably go."
"Goodnight," Kara said, as she walked away.
"Oh, one more thing."
She turned and looked back at him questioningly.
"I'd be careful of Helo if I were you. I think he's a little more fond of you than you think he is."
Kara looked stunned for a moment, then she laughed, full and hearty. "Karl? Me? You must be out of your mind Apollo. We're just friends. That's all."
" 'Just friends' don't spend every moment of the day together or sleep in the same bunk," he pointed out.
Kara gave him an exasperated look.
"Hey, I'm not judging," he said, hands up in mock surrender. "I'm just saying it like I see it. Maybe you think you're just friends, but are you sure he sees it the same way?"
"Karl and I have been through some rough times lately. We've been friends for a long time - since before you were around, and we each needed someone to help us through it. No one else understands," she added quietly.
"Maybe if you'd actually talk to someone they would," he said in a low voice.
She shook her head vehemently. "No one else could possibly understand what we've both been through."
He shrugged, knowing it was a losing battle when she threw up her defences like that.
"See you tomorrow." He turned and walked out.
"No one," she whispered. "No one else knows what it feels like." Her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away harshly and headed for the bunkroom. No need to let anyone see her cry.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
She struggled vainly against them as they held her down. Her eyes pleaded with him - she was unable to make a sound. When they met his icy blue ones, all she saw was determination.
Why? she mouthed, trying to force the words from her lips, but still no sound would come. Why? she repeated.
"It's not so bad Kara. Just give them what they want and they'll let you go afterwards. Then you're free to come back to me."
What had happened to him? He wasn't the Sam she'd fallen in love with - the hero who'd have died to save her, or any of his people for that matter. He wasn't the Sam she'd married either - the one who'd sworn to cherish and protect her for the rest of her life. (Not that she'd ever envisioned needing protection.)
She was floored, absolutely stunned that he'd give her up to them so easily. But when she searched his eyes, she could see a weariness behind the determination. He was tired of fighting. Well, he wasn't a soldier, he didn't have that 'fight 'em till you can't' mentality like she did. But still, even without it, she knew she would have fought to the death to save someone she loved. It was obvious - he didn't really love her.
She went limp and stopped struggling as they tied her up. She'd given up everything she held dear to be with this man, but he hadn't loved her enough to save her from this fate a second time.
As one of them spread her legs and began to shove a tube up inside her, she finally found her voice.
"Sam, please, don't let them do this to me - please ..." She swallowed her pride. "... save me."
"Kara, Kara, it's okay. You're safe. I've got you."
She woke suddenly and sat up, tears pouring down her face. She felt a warm hand rubbing her back gently. For a moment her heart pounded and she froze, then she recognized her bunk on Galactica and Helo's familiar, comforting touch.
She turned and buried herself in his arms. sobbing silently.
"I know," he whispered, "I know it hurt but it's over now. You're okay, you're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore."
Those words, platitudes that could have been uttered by anyone, had for some reason, much more depth and truth when coming from him. She desperately wished, albeit too late, that he'd have been on New Caprica instead of Galactica during the occupation. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that the horrible things that had happened to her wouldn't have if he'd been there.
He let her cry it out then slowly lay back down, cradling her in his arms.
"Shhh, it's okay," he murmured, one hand still stroking her lower back while the other held her firmly against him, feeling the sharpness of her shoulder blades sticking out of her too-thin body.
New Caprica had been a hellhole, there was no nicer way to put it. People had flocked to it in droves, it being the only habitable planet they'd found yet. But it was only just habitable. Barely. Even after a year they couldn't find enough raw material to build real buildings and growing crops had been a shot in the dark at best.
Kara had been captured, used and abused by the cylons but he could tell that that wasn't all of it. She'd obviously been malnourished for a long time before that, and her skin was only just losing it's unhealthy tinge now, after three weeks back home.
Bastards! he thought. Those sons of bitches! We should never have trusted any of them! His bitterness rankled when he thought of what they'd done to Kara, and likely many other women as well. Not even Sharon, a little voice whispered in his head. Especially not her. She only used you to get what she wanted. Once it was clear that wasn't happening, she turned, just like the rest of them.
After Sharon had thrown him over and called her people to come rescue her, he'd taken to drinking. More than he should. But then they'd rescued the survivors from New Caprica and he'd given it up as quickly as he'd started, seeing that Kara desperately needed someone to look after her. And knowing her penchant for drowning her sorrows, he knew he had to keep any and all alcohol as far away from her as possible.
Her breathing deepened and she rolled over off him and onto her own side of the small bunk. he closed his eyes, a few tears squeezing out the corners. He'd felt hurt and betrayed by what Sharon had done to him, but it was nothing in comparison to what Kara had suffered at their hands. He wasn't a religious person, but he uttered a prayer of thanks to the gods that she'd come out of it alive, and swore never to let them hurt her again.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Lee pushed open the hatch gingerly. It wasn't particularly early, but some of the pilots weren't on rotation till later and you never knew when they might be sleeping. He'd searched everywhere for Helo, needing him to discuss the new flight schedule he'd drawn up, but he hadn't been able to find him anywhere. Maybe, just maybe he'd slept in for once.
He stopped, door halfway open and stared. Yes. Helo was still sleeping, and Kara was on top of him!
His heart suddenly bottomed out and dropped right through his stomach to his feet. Sure, there was nothing going on between them - not a chance!
A part of him felt a white-hot surge of jealousy, mixed with a primal desire to take her away from Helo, but another part of him felt shamed by the fact that he still felt this way about her, even after everything that had happened between them. Not to mention the fact that you have a wife who loves you and would be devastated to find out that you still want her so desperately, his subconscious nudged.
Feeling like a bucket of cold water had just been dropped on him, he turned and silently walked out.
TBC
