Author's Note - Thanks Aly for betaing your own story and having a wealth of Who knowledge. ;)
"Tell me Doctor, how is taking me to my own time period and planet going to help me better understand your past?" Amy asked after taking a peek outside the TARDIS doors only to discover that although, they may have left the four walls of her bedroom the scenery hadn't changed all that much.
His companion shut the world of modern day London behind her and walked over to the Doctor who was standing over the TARDIS console, "Well?" She prompted when he didn't reply to her query.
"Well, Amelia if you had looked more closely then you would have noticed that I took us to 2005 London and not 2010 Leadworth, but of course your human mind wouldn't have picked up on the subtle difference." He said, lightly tapping her forehead with his index finger before rushing off to avoid retaliation from the feisty redhead.
Sometimes the Doctor couldn't help his gloating … it was ingrained into his system. After being alive for as long as he had, it went with the territory to develop a bit of an ego. Amy gave an exaggerated eye roll in reply and despite himself the Doctor smiled, because he knew she had every right to be frustrated with him.
Sometimes when he actually took a moment to think about his practically never ending life the Doctor wondered how any one person could stomach his personality for more than a few years, but then of course that was exactly the time span of any companion he took on. Shaking away the spiral of sadness this thought was bound to take him down, the Doctor instead took a few moments to dance around the console pulling on knobs and pushing buttons making sure his ship would be fully sedated and protected. By doing this, Amy and he would be able to leave the TARDIS unattended for a few hours or however long it took.
"So … to answer your question." He said, finally coming to stand in front of Amy again once he had finished.
"Yeah?" She raised her eyebrows.
"You remember what I told you about my planet and how it was destroyed … along with my people."
Amy's expression quickly changed from one of mild annoyance into sympathetic. Yes, she remembered. If there was one thing he knew about Amy Pond it was her emphatic trait. He had sensed it in her that very moment when she dutifully served him custard and fish fingers at the age of 7. He remembered, because it was similar to what he had felt upon meeting Rose.
The Doctor sighed and it dawned on him that being in this time period, knowing what he had to face was definitely causing him to remember and feel things. He had to fight the urge to sob. No, he'd rather slap himself. Now was not the time to delve into self pity. They both were here for a reason and he couldn't let whatever sorrow that still occupied his emotions deflect them from that mission.
"Doctor, are you all right?" Amy asked, concerned when he grew quiet.
He made a few facial expressions that were mostly his way of forcing himself to confess to Amy things that had remained locked inside him for a long while and finished with a quick hand through his thick locks, "Ah yes, sorry … just thinking … brain so big and all." The Doctor sent her a lopsided grin.
There was a look on Amy's face that told him the girl wasn't sated. She could see the hurt he was failing to mask and his friend placed a hand against the skin of his cheek and softly cupped it. "What is it? What are you hiding in there that's causing so much sadness?"
The Doctor swallowed the lump that was building in his throat and slowly gained the courage to speak, knowing he had to answer her eventually, "I have no home and for a long while your planet has been a comfort for me. I view it as a substitute for what I no longer have and it goes without saying that I am fond of humans." He gestured in her direction with a nod of his head, "I've had many companions other than you, Amy and not so long ago there was one … her name was Rose and … that is who I have brought you to see today. Well, actually not only Rose, but me too."
Amy backed away a bit, "You've brought me here to see you with another … another ... Rose? Is that it? There's someone else and that's why you're not interested in me? Don't you think that's a bit cruel to show me you both together? You could have just told me."
The Doctor wanted to make an audible groan directed towards Amy, but then had to remind himself she wasn't as old as he was and couldn't see situations with the same clarity. She was a young human girl and those typically had their feelings hurt over things as silly as another woman. Oh, these human relationships were complicated. "I did not bring you here to hurt you, Amy … Amy … Amy ..." He stated her name inflecting a certain fatherly tone when he saw the girl looking away in spite.
She whipped her head back around, crossing her arms across her chest, "Okay then what?" Her look was upset, but also expectant like she had issued a challenge and was waiting for his response.
"I loved her." He raised his hands dramatically in the air in defeat, having never admitted to anyone, not even Rose herself, that confession. "There are you happy? I loved Rose and had to watch her be torn from my life twice. She's gone and it's the memory of her … that feeling of grief she left inside me that makes it impossible for me to be with anyone, so soon … if ever again. I can't let myself love like that or even be with anyone frivolously right now. I'm not able. "
"Oh." Amy's hands flew up to her mouth in shock, "Did she die?" The girl asked from behind her fingers.
Her question seemed to pull the Doctor out of the distress the admission had brought upon him, "Huh? What? Uh … no … no she's actually with me in a parallel universe. Well, not with me technically, but a metacrisis version of my former incarnation and their quite happy, I suppose. No doubt she's forgotten about me … wouldn't even recognize me anyway now that I've regenerated." He replied, beginning to talk in a fast pace mumble as his mood became more introspective.
It always bothered him just a little when he let himself think of Rose with his other self.
"What does that even mean?" Amy's brow creased as the complexity of what he had explained flew over her head.
"I'm not sure … well, I am, but it's far too complicated to hash out right now. I'm much more concerned with what time it is and the fact that we have under 30 minutes before Rose's shift ends at the shop." He replied.
"Are we going to visit Rose?"
The Doctor nodded, "From afar at first … that's the plan anyway. Care to join me?" He held out his hand for her to take, hoping she would forget all her jealously and just go along with it.
Thankfully for him her sympathetic side ruled out over the resentment Amy felt and she left hand in hand out into London with the Time Lord.
