Part 2 – How to train your human boy

The main thing you have to remember when dealing with humans is this: always make them think that whatever YOU want is THEIR idea.

Two hours later the boy came out. He went over to that big black car and opened the front. It looked like the car thing was eating him. All I could see was his rear and his legs. I could hear music and he was singing instead of screaming, so I figured he was okay.

It was time to make my move. Nothing big, or flashy. I came out of my building and hid behind one of the other cars down there, a few feet away, then I jumped up on the hood. The kid had his back to me, but he turned around real quick. I don't think humans have eyes in the back of their heads, but he acted like he did.

He looked at me and he grinned. His eyes got soft. He didn't come over to try to pet me, either. I was liking him more already. I like a human with manners. Cats don't like being grabbed and snatched up. Most of us hate being held like a human baby, so if you do that and get clawed, don't blame us.

"Hey, boy," the kid said, "where'd you come from?"

Boy, huh?

I turned around and showed him my butt.

"Oh. You're a chick. Sorry."

I grunted at him. I know there's some Siamese in my family on my mother's side. Humans talk to me, I grunt, chirp and meow right back. They think it's cute and it gets the job done.

Hearing me talk back like that made him grin a little more.

Okay. So far so good.

I sat down and watched him. He made all kinds of funny noises while he did whatever to that car. Didn't sound bad. I've heard worse.

My stomach started growling. You humans don't hear so good, so I know he didn't hear it.

He closed up the car, went inside the room and came out with a bag. Food. I could smell the meat and that other stuff inside that paper. My mouth watered, but I licked my shoulder so the kid wouldn't notice. I looked like I didn't care, even when he opened up the sandwich and my stomach really started growling then.

He leaned back against the black car and watched me. I sat down and started cleaning myself. What happened next was just what I was hoping for.

The kid pinched off a part of his sandwich, the meat part, not the bread part. He held it out to me. "Here. You want this?"

I stood up and hopped up on the roof of the car. He came near, and I moved back. Didn't wanna appear too eager. He put the piece of meat down on the hood and moved back. I looked at him, looked at the meat and licked my lips. I didn't eat. I wanted to. All I had that morning was half a piece of soggy bacon I found in a fast food wrapper out back.

That seemed to bother him. He made that frowny face you humans always do. "Damn, cat. When was the last time you ate?"

I grunted again. I weigh six pounds soaking wet. Always have looked a little thin.

He ate the rest of his food, and then he stood up and walked off. I saw him toss the bag into a nearby trash can, and I sat there watching as he walked down the street. My stomach really started growling then.

Ten minutes later the kid came back with this brown paper bag in his hand. I acted like I didn't notice or care. The next thing I knew he pulled a tin plate out of the bag, put the plate on the ground. He pulled out a bottle of water next, poured some water in the plate.

Damn. Right then and there I figured that was it, that was all I was going to get today. Well, I took my chance. He looked like a good one, and I was wrong, that's all.

Turns out I was wrong.

You know that whooshing sound a can of food makes when you open it? I heard it. It took an effort for me not to jump up and down.

He had food. Canned cat food. Chicken tender bites, from the smell of it, and my stomach growled even louder. This was name brand stuff, too, not that Brand X mystery meat. The kid opened up the can, put it on the ground between us, then stepped back. Waiting. I took my own sweet time getting down. I yawned. Then I got down, slowly, like I was saying, What's this? Oh you shouldn't have. I'll just take a bite.

Heck with that. I put my head in that can and didn't come up for air until it was all gone. He stood there watching me the whole time.

I finished up the can, licked the damn thing clean. I drank most of the water too.

Then I turned and meowed at him. I walked off, slow and dignified, and I knew I had him when I heard him laugh.