Regina won't tell her parents just yet. "There's no need to tell anyone until this is more than just a possibility" she explains to Robin. After twelve weeks, after the chance of miscarriage drops, after the results of her sonogram and screening for many genetic diseases or potentially fatal conditions…after that. If all goes well with that, she will tell them then. In a month. No need to worry them until it's real.
Regina had told Robin the same day she found out, finding she had to tell someone, and there was no one else she could tell, because there was no one else who knew she had been secretly fucking her good friend. She had a blood test to try to determine the cause of her illness, and the results had come back positive for HCG. She immediately called her OB/GYN and demanded a same day appointment. Once there, she interrogated them about the results, assuming this HCG indicated something else, possibly some other type of disease, until a sonogram was offered. She didn't ovulate. This had to be a mistake.
But then it was on the screen, tiny, measuring 8 weeks, the size of a bean. But the little form moving around looked bigger than life on that screen, the little blob on the screen had a recognized head and body, and when the doctor let her hear the child's heartbeat, Regina cried, as did the nurse in the room with her. It was real.
She didn't go back to work after the appointment. She could have handled the work day, but she could not have handled seeing Emma Swan so soon after this news.
If keeping the pregnancy from her family for the next month was easy, keeping a pregnancy from her friends, friends you see regularly, is quite another story. Especially keeping anything from Emma, who was not only her friend, but her coworker.
Over the years, Emma had learned to read Regina quickly. She had immediately sensed something was wrong during every fight with Graham, every troublesome college party, every disappointing grade, every bad talk with her mother. Emma need only look at Regina for a moment before she was raising her eyebrow and asking "What's wrong?"
Emma knew something was wrong the moment Regina had gotten her fertility test results, months ago. She was the first to pick up on her foul mood after breaking up with Graham. Emma knew Regina, and it made it impossible for Regina to keep any semblance of a private life from Emma.
Emma's sixth sense worried Regina so much, she spent much of Sunday night and Monday morning in the mirror, practicing her "normal face", hoping to pass under Emma's radar for just a few more quiet weeks. Every inch of posture was analyzed in a mirror for possible tells – any indication that she was putting on a mask of false pleasantness, that she had anxiety, fear, and uncertainty buried within her. When she was finally satisfied that she had concealed any of her inner turmoil, she entered the office, each rehearsed look and smile coming off so well, and damn, no one seemed to suspect a thing.
Regina was drumming up every happy memory she could to give the appearance of a good mood, managing to suppress all the fear and uncertainty of her pregnancy into her deep subconscious. She was positive, after chatting with the office manager, bubbly and giggly, that Emma would not suspect anything. She walked by Emma's office, giving her a smile and a wave.
"What's wrong?" Emma said from her desk. She had barely even looked up, but she must have seen something – felt something, and dear god this woman had a superpower.
Regina recovered from her shock quickly. "I think your spidy sense is off today. Nothing is wrong today. I'm in a good mood."
Emma rolled her eyes. "Mhm…So what did the doctor say?"
Right. When Regina started feeling ill two weeks prior to finding out she was pregnant, Emma had noticed the mood change immediately. "What's wrong?" she had asked, and Regina very bluntly told her that she must have a stomach bug, or maybe was on the verge of a migraine, because something made her queasy, sensitive to smells, tired, and feverish. After pulling all those symptoms out of her Emma had begged her to see a doctor. She was worried it was more serious. Ironically had Emma not pried and got her to confess about her infertility diagnosis months ago, she probably would have guessed Regina was pregnant by now.
"No real diagnosis. Probably a stomach bug."
"Did they test you for mono?"
Regina looked at her, shocked and disgusted. "Mono? No, Emma, we are not teenagers. I'm a grown ass woman."
"Well the symptoms fit. And it is the kissing disease. And there's someone you've been with since you and Graham ended it. I'm not an idiot, I can tell."
Well, shit.
"Why are you so concerned with every aspect of my life?" Regina had been battling her illness all morning, and could not stand the sight of her friend at that moment. "Get your own hobbies, Swan." With that she barreled into her office, sitting down with a huff.
"Regina…" Emma followed her into the office, sitting on the edge of the desk. "You're my friend. I hate seeing you all guarded and angsty like this. Why do you feel the need to keep things from me? I always keep your secrets. And you know I make you feel better."
Regina gave her an obvious eyeroll. "Yes, you have the magic touch with me, and I am so wild beast you had to tame. Please, Emma, pat yourself on the back more."
"Ok now I'm really starting to get worried. What is going on?"
Regina felt a twinge of guilt. Emma had slowly wormed her way into Regina's life. First as someone she decided she hated – the spunky little girl from the perfect family with the perfect boyfriend and the perfect instincts. Everything she tried she mastered, everything seemed to fall into place for Emma Swan. Soon Emma proved herself to be smart, strong, and not quite as lucky as she appeared. Regina grew to respect her, then to like her. When they both got a job at the same company after college, Regina had actually been happy that she worked with Emma. And now….years later….Regina had to admit that the woman standing in front of her was not only a friend, but a best friend, a friend who had gone out of her way to help and support her, who knew her better than anyone. Emma deserved better.
"Sorry, I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me. I am feeling so miserable." She shook her head.
"Who's the dude?"
"I'm…not ready to talk about him."
"So there's only one guy, no random hookups?"
"No, just one guy. But it's meaningless, Emma, it's just sex."
"So eventually you're going to just sleep with him one day, decide it's over, and never see him again?"
Regina reacted before she could think otherwise. "Well of course not, I'm not cutting him out of my life when the sex stops."
"So he's IN your life enough that to stop seeing him you'd need to…"cut him out", huh? Who is this guy, I'm assuming I know him."
Shit. Emma should be a god damned prosecutor.
"Please Emma…you're giving me a migraine."
"Fine. Tell me when you are ready. But something is wrong."
Regina left work early that day and called Robin. Robin worked for the government. Robin was always finished work by 5 PM. Yet he made more than most of her friends. The benefits of being a federal employee.
"Hey…how'd it go?" Robin asked, knowing she had been worried to return to work.
"Emma's asking questions and thinks I have mono."
Robin's laugh brings a smile to her lips too, as she appreciates the absurdity of the situation.
"Oh Emma. So close and yet so far away."
"She knows I've been seeing someone. She said so. She's going to figure this out before 12 weeks. I think…I'm not ready to tell anyone yet. Especially…about us. If that's okay?"
"Anything you want to do is okay with me." Robin said. And it really was. "So tell her to mind her own business. Our friends will understand that you don't want to share this right away. It happens all the time."
Regina couldn't pretend to have a stomach bug for long, and a week after her pregnancy diagnosis, she decided she had to stop backing out of events and parties with her friends.
"I'm going, on Thursday."
There's a pause on the phone. "Really?" he asked
"Obviously I won't drink."
"So you'll tell them then?"
"No I'll just…act normal. Minus the drinks." She pauses and then adds "you're coming, right?"
"If you are? Of course I am. Regina, love, you know I wouldn't call you a lush, but not drinking at a party, that's…"
"I'll tell them I'm on antibiotics for a cold. Or I'm not feeling well. Or I'm on a cleanse."
"The alternative is you just don't go."
"It's Mary Margaret's birthday. I'm not going to miss it because I'm afraid people will pay attention to my drinking habits."
"Alright" he concedes, though his tone sounds unsure. "Are you feeling ok?"
"A little better, actually. Smells are still making me gag."
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm set."
She's not good at asking for things, he has already realized. She's never been good at asking for help. He's always the one asking for her help. He's the one who had confessed to her he didn't know what he was doing in their accounting class, three days before a mid-term, and she had immediately cancelled a night out to teach him the entire class. In those late nights, during study breaks, he had shared more with her than he had with any other woman. He admitted his semester had been a mess after his breakup from Zelena. The simple truth was he wasn't over her yet despite the fact they had only dated for a few months, and their relationship wasn't particularly close. She had suggested it might be more of a blow to his ego than a blow to his heart, and he had realized she was right. She never seemed to need help, and he began to think she was perfect, so capable, so above him, until he learned more of what she went through. She had plenty of obstacles, plenty of demons, but she never asked anyone to help her. You had to know her well enough to help without being asked.
"What are you going to eat for dinner?" he asked, suspicious.
"None of your business" she responded, smiling, knowing why he was asking.
"You're feeding my future baby, Regina. And this weekend you were gagging every time you went near the kitchen."
"Only because you were cooking stir fry. And that morning you made eggs and bacon."
"Right, the smell of delicious bacon, how disgusting." He laughed at how stubborn she was being. "You barely had any food at your place when I was over. Let me just pick you up and take you to mine and cook you whatever you want."
There's a pause and then she says "Grilled cheese?" and he laughs, agrees, and picks her up. He says nothing when she brings an overnight bag (he doesn't want to say anything that might make her change her mind and go home), though he is glad to see it. She'll fall asleep on the couch, or in bed with him, because she is clearly so exhausted these days. She'll wakeup and take the metro to work, and she's closer to work from his place anyway.
She stays with him on Tuesday and Wednesday night as well. He calls and invites her both times, and she agrees to come over. There's nothing sexual happening between them, he has no idea whether he has the right to touch her in that way anymore. But Regina, the person who had always been so infuriatingly independent , the person who became icy when being confronted with anything sentimental or overly emotional, was suddenly softer, easier.
When he made her dinner, she smiled and said something about him spoiling her, and he responded that he liked taking care of her, and she responded with squeezing his hand. It was a far cry from times in the past where she took his acts of kindness as insults, insisting that she was "perfectly capable" of putting together furniture herself, carrying her own groceries, hanging her own pictures. She had been like that for years, with everyone he knew, but since she told him of the pregnancy he was enjoying the warm, different version she was showing him - and only him, and he was falling more deeply in love with her every moment she was near him.
Thursday approaches, and Mary Margaret's surprise birthday takes place in at their favorite bar. A room has been rented out back, half of the room inside, another half leading out to a private outdoor area. cake, a few more of her favorite appetizers, and some of her friends from out of town who made this special trip back.
Regina smiles as she sees Ruby in a cocktail dress that barely covers her ass. Ruby is Mary Margaret's best friend from childhood, and was a frequent visitor in the apartment Regina and Mary Margaret shared in college. Seeing Ruby usually meant a weekend of crazy adventures, and as much as Regina had pretended to be annoyed by her free spirit and loose morals, she was always glad for the weekends when she had an excuse to let loose.
Ruby was a hugger, and jumped on Regina immediately, not caring that Regina was decidedly not a hugger. Especially now, especially when she was hiding a pregnancy, and though it's impossible to tell by looking or touching her it feels completely unhidden and visible to Regina. There's so much more hugging to be done, because David had really outdone himself on the invites. The only plus side is Emma is distracted, and Regina can avoid her for a bit.
When she finally sees Robin, he's got an amused grin on his face, evident he had been watching her for awhile. He throws out his arms when she starts walking towards him in a mocking gesture. "You could use another hug!" She rolls her eyes and surprises him by walking straight into his arms, even though it had been a clear joke at her obvious discomfort in physical affection. The hug lasts a second, a second where she whispers "I hate this" and then she's out of his arms, face contorted in that adorable pout, and he has to remind himself that he can't even try to kiss her in public.
Mary Margaret cries when she enters the room surrounded by her loved ones, kissing David and thanking everyone with such sincerity it makes Regina sick to her stomach. There is cake soon after, and the singing of happy birthday, as well as a toast to Mary Margaret that has Regina raising a glass of seltzer water, pretending there's vodka in it. The sea of people to talk to and catch up with becomes draining on Regina, as most large social functions tend to be.
"You alright?" Emma says coming up behind Regina, who's leaning against the wall.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit exhausted by all this."
"Have my drink," Emma says with a knowing smile, looking at Regina's empty glass.
"I don't think that will help."
"STILL sick?" Emma's eyes are wide.
"No…it's…" Regina struggles with what to say when Mary Margaret appears behind her with David and Robin.
"I absolutely love you guys for this!" Mary Margaret says in slightly slurred, and there she goes with the hugs again.
"David did everything. I just showed up," Regina mutters.
"Regina, do you know one of the specialties for my birthday is a Pimm's Cup?"
And she's holding Regina's favorite summer drink in front of her, and it's torture.
"No thanks," she starts, "I'm- I'm on a cleanse."
"Bullshit. You don't believe in cleanses." Emma says immediately "Regina, what is going on?"
"Are you sick? You don't look good." Mary Margaret looks concerned. Just like that, everyone's eyes are on her. She's either going to cause a scene and yell at everyone to back off her, or melt into a puddle on the corner. She focuses her eyes on Robin and tries to find a center.
"It's nothing, seriously, just a little stomach thing that's lingering. I figured I would change my diet or go on a cleanse to see if that helps. I'm trying everything. Can everyone focus on the party now?" She's looking at Emma with clenched teeth.
Mary Margaret is quite for a second before her face looks like she just discovered the answer. "Wait, did you…do you think you're pregnant?"
Emma goes to answer quickly on Regina's behalf, but catches Regina's startled reaction.
"Oh my god, you're pregnant." Emma blurts it out before she has a chance consider her words.
Regina just rubs her hand over her eyes "Emma, I know you think you can read me, but you can't."
She putters out a little defense, and Emma just cocks her head, clearly contemplating calling her out on her lies.
David's looking worried at Regina, Mary Margaret looks excited for her, and Robin….Robin is looking amused. Oh god, she's being so unconvincing at denying this. She gives up.
"Fine. It's really early. And really unexpected. It's so early it might be over at any moment. And no one else can know."
David is asking if he can get her anything and Mary Margaret is asking how far along she is, and Regina knows Emma is dying to ask her how she conceived given what a two doctors had told her a few months ago. But Regina had told Emma about that in confidence, and Emma knew better than to ask about it in front of anyone else.
Emma eyes Robin suspiciously. "Why don't you look surprised at the news?"
"I...what?" Robin is caught off guard, not used to being analyzed by Emma's watchful eye. He's been caught. "Of course I'm surprised."
"Is it…" It's clear what Emma is about to ask that if he's the father, and clear from his reaction he has no idea whether he's allowed to answer. She stops, but it doesn't stop Mary Margaret from picking up the interrogation.
"Oh my god," Mary Margaret looks at the two of them and it is looking at David, hitting him. "I TOLD YOU, I KNEW IT!"
"Knew what?" Regina asked, frustrated, angry, and entirely sure what she "knew".
"I knew you two were together, I could tell you were feeling each other up under the table last month and –"
"Mary Margaret, give them a break. We don't know the first thing about this situation." He looks at Regina, adding, "and it's none of our business. I don't even know how you feel about this. I'm sorry, we've had a lot to drink."
He means Mary Margaret has, and he's not wrong. Ordinarily she'd have an ounce more tact.
Regina takes in a deep breath and looks at Robin, seeing if he's ok with her speaking. He nods slightly and she answers. "Well you might as well know now instead of speculating in private behind our backs. It is Robin's. It…wasn't anything serious between us, which is why we didn't tell you guys.
"But this is good news, isn't it? I mean, best case scenario, given the situation? I was worried it was Grahams. You can't get a better father than Robin. And you two are perfect for each other, you'll make a great family."
"We aren't going to be a family," Regina says, sighing. "We aren't together. It was not like that."
There's silence and Mary Margaret looks puzzled, her mouth drops and she's about to say something but then David is ushering her away. "oohhhkay we have a ton more guests who came a long way to see us and I think everyone needs their space." He turns to Regina and mouths "I'm sorry" before Ruby collides with Mary Margaret, holding her tight and wishing her a happy birthday for the sixth time that night.
Regina leans against the wall, taking a deep breath in. "Well, that went worse than I expected" she admitted, looking up at the ceiling.
"Regina, I am so sorry…" Emma started.
"No, it's ok it was bound to happen sooner or later. I, I'm going to keep it. If my body lets me. I guess you figured that."
"We both want this" Robin adds.
Emma nodded, looking at Robin and then back to Regina. Emma wasn't the only one who could read minds, Regina thought smugly.
"He knows about the diagnosis," Regina says, "That's uh, that's why we weren't…careful."
Emma nods her head, absorbing the information and what it meant that Regina trusted him without protection that quickly.
"If it gets far enough I'm going to have to tell Gold. And, I may be telling people that Robin and I are together. Or serious. So if people around the office ask-" The thought of telling her boss, the sneer that would go on his face as she told him, was not something she was looking forward to.
"Fuck Gold. I'll tell everyone you secretly married six months ago if you want me to. Fuck anyone who judges you about this."
Regina smiles "You don't have to do anything like that. I just don't want what to deal with the office rumors about me getting knocked up on a one night stand."
Emma laughs and her eyes fall to Robin, whose eyes haven't left Regina. "It clearly wasn't a one night stand."
"No, it happened…quite a few times." Regina concedes, color rising to her cheeks.
"That's not what I meant," Emma says, groaning. "God you two need to work it out. I'm going to go say hi to August."
"Emma?" Regina called.
"Hmm?"
"No telling anyone? Even Killian?"
"Jesus Christ, of course not. Good luck you two." But Emma is Emma, and she can't keep let the conversation end on a serious note. "I get to be the godmother, if you are doing that sort of thing. Not Mary Margaret, okay? Certainly not Ruby, and if you even consider Tina over me…"
"You're the godmother, I get it," Regina said with a smile, "if we even name godparents."
"Oh I don't care, I'm calling myself the godmother. I'm happy for you, Regina." She really was, more than anyone she knew how devastated Regina was hearing that she could never have kids. As she walked off, taking a swig of beer and grabbing August by the arm to say hi, Regina breathed a heavy sigh.
"You ok?" Robin has been mostly silent, but he hasn't left her side.
"You knew this was going to happen," Regina said. "I should have listened to you and just stayed home."
"Regina Mills, admitting that I'm right. Is there going to be an eclipse tonight?" that twinkle is in his eyes again, and he looks playful, happy.
"Very funny. I'm going to head out for the night." Regina adds, pausing. "I… I'm going home and ordering a pizza. I owe you a couple of dinners, if you're interested in joining me."
Robin chuckles and waves his hand at the suggestion. "You don't owe me any dinners. You're carrying my baby for me, let's call us even." He pauses, but she doesn't smile at the joke, "But I am hungry, and just about done with this party." He adds quickly, before she can take his response as a rejection. "Pizza sounds good."
He spends the night at her apartment, that night. She insists nothing is wrong, but when they crawl into bed, she is immediately in his arms, hugging him much tighter than she ever has before. He's overwhelmed by what he feels for the person next to him, and not sure how or when to broach the subject of how he is clearly, thoroughly in love with her now, and never wants to let her go. For now he just enjoys it, enjoys being around her as much as she lets him.
Most nights ended like this in the wake of finding out she was pregnant, and while she found she needed it, it bothered her. He still has to call, still has to give her an excuse to invite him over or to let him invite her over, but once they are together they fall into a domestic routine with an almost frightening ease. Gradually her nausea subsides and she feels comfortable cooking again, so she calls and invites him to dinner "as a thank you". On another night, he calls up and invites her for some because he wants her opinion on paint colors for the spare bedrooms in his house.
During that month once they were alone together it felt to Regina like Robin practically spent every second by her side, hovering over her, tending to her as if she were some fragile piece of china, some bird with a broken wing, some sad, wounded child. And worse, she had let him act like that, she had soaked up every ounce comfort he had given her, hoping to squirrel it away to help her face what was going to come – telling her boss she would need time off for a baby as an unmarried woman, her family, dealing with letting her body grow bigger, wider, puffier…preparing for one of the biggest blessings she could ever hope for. All of those experiences, terrifying and new, exciting and agonizing – all awaited her, as soon as she would allow this pregnancy to become real.
The morning of the ultrasound comes, and Regina wakes up nauseous for the first time in over two weeks. She makes it to the bathroom to vomit, her eyes watering as she chokes up last night's dinner, wondering whether this was morning sickness back with a vengeance or the stress and anxiety of the morning's scan.
She's brushing her teeth when Robin comes up behind her, hugs her from behind. She smiles instinctively before spitting a mouthful of toothpaste.
"Good morning" she says.
"You okay? I was hoping the nausea was gone."
"I feel better. It might just be nerves."
Robin nodded. "I thought that might be it. Would it helped if I promised you everything was going to be just fine?"
She laughed. "No. Because you can't possibly know that."
He smiled. "No matter what I can promise you everything is going to be just fine. No matter the results of the scan. We'll get through it."
She nods. "I'm not even sure what I'm hoping for," she concedes with a sigh. "My life would be so much easier if…"
Robin says nothing, agrees with her arguments for why it will all be okay if it turns out there is no baby. Still, he knows she wants this baby, knows she is just trying to prepare herself for the possible disappointment.
Regina isn't too sure until she's facing the sonogram screen, watching a wiggling shape in front of her that now has defined legs and arms, facial features, hands and feet.
"Everything looks good with the baby. Nothing concerning. But we're going to do a blood test just to check for a few possible abnormalities." Regina's eyes never leave the screen in front of her, she just nods.
She finally turns to Robin, who has been holding her hand the whole time. "You're crying" she notes, causing the doctor and Robin to laugh.
"You're crying too, Regina."
She hadn't even noticed. He moves closer towards her and kisses her on the lips, a light, chaste little kiss that shouldn't make her heart soar, but emotions are running high at this moment, and it's only natural. As soon as he pulls away she has a hand on the back of his head and pulls him forward for another quick peck, smiling broadly.
"We get to talk about baby names, now. A couple for a girl and a couple for a boy." Robin is giddy, excited, and suddenly Regina feels the same, despite everything that is to come.
"You two are a beautiful couple," the doctor murmurs.
They don't correct him.
He leaves them in the office room then, so Regina can get changed and clean up all the jelly that's covered her stomach to aid the sonogram.
"So It sounds like it's time to tell my parents" Regina finally says as she puts on her shoes. "How do you feel about taking a trip with me to visit them? I think this is news they should hear in person."
"Anytime you want to go up and visit, I'm available."
She nods. "Next weekend too late notice?"
"Not at all."
