Hale woke to the sound of dishes clanking, bacon sizzling and Holly humming, things that he hasn't woken to in weeks. Things that used to annoy him and now put a huge smile on his face. Sitting up and looking at the clock on his nightstand he froze. There, sat a box of tissues, a glass of water and a folded piece of paper with his name written in his mothers scratch. The scratch of which he would only see on old things, the card he'd get on graduation day will have a bare spot where her title and congrats would have been, his name never to be written the same as it was on the paper again.

He flipped the blanket off of his legs and slowly stood. Hale paced his room, readying himself for what was bound to be on that crisp white sheet, to read the last words he'd ever get from his mother. How was one to prepare for that?

So he walked from one corner to the other, back and forth, listening to the humming that has put him to sleep thousands of times. Trying to let the sound sooth him but it could only help so much. And soon enough Hale found the courage to sit and read the last words he'd ever get from Gail.

Dear Hale, my first born, my main man, my womb nugget.

Do you remember the first time I was put in the hospital? You couldn't have been older than six, the reality of the world just sinking in as you were just getting used to caring for a baby girl. An unspoken responsibility of watching out for her, to protect her from all evils, to teach her, and show her the world. The world you were just starting to see.

So to see me lying in a hospital bed, head wrapped and mom worried beyond your comprehension was a wake up call. It showed you how fast things could happen, bad and good, how unpredictable life was. You waited until mom took Lux out of the room, even if she was just an infant, to let your questions and worries fly.

That was the first time we really talked about the dangers of the job, the uncertainty of everyday, and the first time I promised you. The first real time I promised to come back to you everyday. I'd done it a million times before but you didn't understand the power of it until that moment.

If you're reading this it means I've let you down. It means I've broken the biggest promise I've ever given to you and I cant apologize enough. Writing this and knowing it's purpose, knowing I've brought this unbearable pain to you is tearing me apart.

I'm not sure what to say to help your sorrow, to wipe the sadness and paint a smile in its place. So I'll just tell you how happy you've made me.

Hale, you have made my dreams come true. You give me courage, and bravery, a place to always find happiness, and give me a fresh view of the world. You have made me so proud. So, so proud. I didn't know it was possible to be this proud of one person, no matter how big or little the accomplishment. I also thought your mother was the most I could love, but then you entered our lives and I found out just how wrong I was. It's indescribable and I longed for the day for you found out. I couldn't wait to help my main man figure out the ropes of parenthood in much the way I helped you figure out how to walk.

I don't think I've ever told you how much I admire you, and not just your stunning good looks (you're welcome btw). I admire your serenity in hard situations. I admire the ease of which you learn. I admire your open minded and yearn to learn all sides of every topic. I admire your compassion and the calming effect you bring to everyone around you.

I've been terrified of this day for a long time now, since the moment I met mom actually. And deciding to have you only made it worse. So I began writing to you, starting from when you were just a little bean. Firstwombnugget is filled with advice and stories, memories and encouragement, tips and sappy love, it's everything I thought you'd want to know if I wasn't around to tell you.

I could never express my love for you fully, it's impossible to even begin so I hope you felt even a sliver of it when I could. I will always protect you, I will always have your back, I will always love you, my boy.

Thank you Hale William Steven Peck for making me the mother I always wished to be.

-Mama