Lost abroad
Today the losties are going to… Tokyo. At this moment Selena is tied to a palm tree with an apple in her mouth, while the Lost people are dancing insanely breaking the canopies.
Voice: HEEEEEELLLLLPPP!
Charlie: (pulls bamboo and palm frond off the front of a tent) Who's there?
Voice: me
Charlie: me who?
Voice: Sayid
Charlie: no, you're supposed to say me Sayid
Sayid: shut up!
Charlie: it's be quiet on the island. Why were you in there?
Sayid: Sawyer was still a bit upset that I hurt him with bamboo.
Charlie: accidently whacked him on the head?
Sayid: nope
Charlie: purposely whacked him on the head?
Sayid: double nope
Charlie: then, what?
Sayid: I shoved it up his nails when he was tied to a tree.
Charlie: ouch.
Sayid: yeah
Random cleaner: ok Locke we've finished cleaning the wreckage and we're getting a new plane made now.
Locke: thanks
Random cleaner: don't mention it
Locke: no really I…
Random cleaner: ever
Selena: chrli hlp
Charlie: what? Hang on (pulls apple out of Selena's mouth)
Selena: I said Charlie help! Untie me!
Charlie: maybe I don't want to.
Selena: (growls)
Charlie: Ok! Ok!
Selena: this is gonna get worse before it gets better.
Boone: whooo let's go!
Selena: oh I forgot, the following people aren't coming: rose, Bernard, Sun, Jin Boone, Shannon, Goodwin, Frogurt, Ana, Alex, Desmond, Hurley and anyone else we don't include .
Everyone else: …whooo!
Rousseau: was my name on that list?
Selena: no
Rousseau: s**t
At the airport…
Sawyer: we've been here an hour and a half!
Announcer: please report…
Charlie: sawyer, listen to this loud song!
Sawyer: sure.
Announcer: …departure lounges 2 and 3
Charlie: let me guess, lets go for three?
Selena: yep.
Claire: GRRRR
Sawyer: (shouts) HEY CHARLIE, THIS SONG IS GREAT!
Charlie: youcan take the earphones out now.
Sawyer: WHAT?
Charlie: take them off!
Sawyer: WHAAATT?
Charlie: (rips earphones out)
Sawyer: ow!
In departure lounge 3…
Rousseau: (pointing her gun at Selena) I'm bored, I want to go capture, then torture someone.
Sayid: tortured by a girl (sniff)
Selena: dudette, chill!
Rousseau: no!
Selena: (rolling up imaginary sleeves)you wanna fight? I'll give you a fight come on then, put 'em up, put 'em up. I'm wearing you down!
Rousseau: (holding Selena's head) yeah, I'm exhausted (lets her go)
Charlie: huh, LOL
Kate: I'm bored without Ana, I wanna compare how many times we've kissed Sawyer… then fight… then win….hopefully.
Ana's voice in Kate's deranged mind: I'd win...I think…I don't know, I've gotta shoot someone. (hears a gunshot, a scream then a "get your fat ass back here Hurley" and finally a "DUDE")
Kate: hm, well I'm thirsty.
Claire: me too
Kate: too bad, Claire!
Selena: well (clears throat, dusts self off) that's enough strength for one day
Rousseau: ha ha ha, I think that's the first time I have laughed in ages.
Sawyer: I'MMMMMMMMM BORRRRRRRREEEEEDDDDDD!
Charlie: SHUT THE F*** UP SAWYER YOU B*******! (pants)
Sawyer: well some one's an angry munchkin aren't they?
Charlie: (stands face to… neck with Sawyer)
Sawyer: feeling small?
Jack: (in an alpha male accent). I ain't said nothing so far so I'm goings to say one thing…!
Carletta: (walks by in departure lounge 2 and looks and sees the losties) (hair stands on ends) ! (Pants) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Losties: hi Carletta, hello, what you doin' 'ere? etc.
Claire: go away!
Carletta: (faints)
Losties: oh dear… oh well.
Announcer: Tokyo is boarding now.
Sawyer: I can't be arsed to react to that so, ya know, lets go.
On the plane…
Rousseau: (tied up)I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, you I hate… You get the picture…
Selena: whoop whop, whop, whop, whop, whop.
Rousseau: whoop, whoop what?
Selena: dunno.
Rousseau: … and they call me the insane one
Charlie: come on dude just pull my finger. I swear I'm not gonna do anything
Claire: No Charlie… not again please!
Sawyer: no dude, we've been through, this you'll fart again and it smells like sausage casserole (tears up)… and we gotta wait another hour for the plane to land with that smell.
Charlie: embrace the pong sawyer, EMBRACE THE PONG.
Sawyer: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! No, no, no, no, no, nacho, no!
Kate: must… run… for… no…reason!
Charlie: run then. (to self) pfft… Tourists
Kate: (undoes her seatbelt and does god knows how many lengths of the plane) I'm doing… a good job…bye again.
Rousseau: Sayid.
Sayid: ahhhhhh…(clears throat) I-er I mean what?
Rousseau: I dunno, I just like it when I scare you
Sayid: yeah very funny
Rousseau: what
Sayid: nothing dear
Rousseau: dear? Are you OK?
Sayid: I may be having some sort of seizure.
Rousseau: oh… bye!
Sayid: b-b-bye(dies, then comes back to life)I'm alive!
Charlie: I can smell thatand it stinks
Claire: sawyer!
Sawyer: sorry… You did it!
Charlie: bitch
Sawyer: jerk
Charlie: shut up!
Sawyer: bitch
Charlie: jerk
Half an hour later…
Charlie: always look on the bright side of life!
Everyone else: (whistles the tune)
Selena: THIS IS NOT A PANTOMINE, WE ARE NOT CHILDREN!
Sawyer: oh my god I can't believe it, I never been this far away from…
Selena: SHUT UPPPPP!
Sawyer: (sniffs) you wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target, yeah you're right I talk and sing and flirt too much, I also listen too much. I could be a cold hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. So you think what you want about me, I'm not changing, I like me my friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article, what you see is what you get.
Selena: (hangs head and tears up)
Kate: (runs by) hehe movie… (comes back) references.
Charlie: Sawyer, I'm not sure even half of that was true and...
Sawyer: shhh its working.
Claire: pfft.
(25 Minutes later)
Pilot: we will shortly be landing so please sit down and fasten your seatbelts please.
Kate: ohhhwwww!
Jack: I'm rarely included so… you wanna hurt me...?
Sawyer: yeah I've already done one of those
Jack: damn it! Ok, ok I got one, I got one. Te amo, te amo, Kate says to me, I hear the joy in her voice Then we danced underneath the candelabra, she takes the lead. That's when I saw it in her eyes, it's NOT over. Then she said "Te amo "Then she put her hand around my waist I told her go, she cried "Te amo "I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go My soul is awry, without asking why I said, "Te amo, wish somebody'd tell me what she said "Don't it mean…(Gestures to Kate)
Kate: No jack j-just no!
Selena: NOT A PANTOMINE!
Claire: LOL!
Kate: I'm restless (kicks chair in front of her)
Sawyer: yeah I quite literally feel your pain.
Charlie: My ears are popping!
Sawyer: I'm going through worse, I now know how the floor feels from the wrath of Kate's feet.
Selena: We're heeerrrreeee!
Kate: finally! (Unfastens seatbelt and runs to the door, kicks it open and runs out)
Selena: no Kate wait! Oh, there she goes.
Kate: (falls flat on face but stands up unharmed and then runs after plane, then when she reaches it, she runs in circles) !
Sawyer: I think she ruptured my appendix… and dislocated my spine slightly to the left.
Charlie: LMFAO oh sorry that's cool guy talk sawyer, it means laughing my fu***** ass off
Sawyer: I know what it means!
Charlie: well someone's an angry conman aren't they?
Sawyer: pfffft!
Charlie: pfffft!
At the hotel…
Selena: I wasn't left behind! Yay! OK erm girls in room 67 floor 8 and boys in…
Jack: we're men
Selena: boys in room 18 floor 2
Claire: GRRRRR… again!
Charlie: Claire, guess what, I've got 2800 yens. Let's buy our own room together, PLEEEAASSEEE!
Claire: I would love to. BTW yens hehe lol
Charlie: what?
Claire: nothing.
Charlie: …OK
Claire: (smirks)
Charlie: what?
Claire: nothing!
In room 57 floor 7 (Charlie and Claire's room…)
Claire: I've always dreamed of going on holiday with that special someone.
Charlie: who's that then?
Claire: it's you Charlie
Charlie: oh, thanks and erm, me too
Claire: what shall I cook for dinner?
Charlie: there's a buffet, you don't have to cook. Are you OK?
Claire: (Claire tears up) best holiday ever.
Room 22…
Sawyer: It's mine!
Jack: no it ain't its mine ain't it!
Sayid: I shall have to take the dollar in a minute you two.
Sawyer: I hate sharing a room with the pansy that defeated me with a plant.
Sayid: memories, sweet memories.
Selena: (knocks on the door) none of you are in your underwear are you?
Sawyer: do you want us to be?
Selena: NOT the answer!
Sayid: no we're fully dressed
(selena walks in but holds back)
Selena: alright, who let one loose?
Sawyer: not me…...Okay, it was me.
Selena: change and get into something baggy.
Sawyer: why?
Selena: we're going taiko drumming.
Sawyer: …..I'm sorry, why?
Selena: so we can embrace the Japanese culture. Tomorrow we're doing sushi making and eating, then karate, then we're going back to the island.
Sayid: sounds good!
Room 67 floor 8
Selena: (Selena walks in)get changed into baggy clothes, taiko drumming now blah, blah, blah.
Kate: hello to you too, Selena.
Selena: what?
Kate: I said hello Selena how are you?
Selena: don't get emotional; we're not Spanish!
Kate: (gets changed) let's go!
Selena: whoa that was fast, wait for Rousseau, me and Claire… where's Claire?
Kate: floor 7 room 57.
Selena: ugh!(gets changed and runs to the elevator, goes down a floor and tells Charlie and Claire to get changed and meet them by the hotel gates)
At the gates…
Claire: ready?
Charlie: let's go then
Selena: good you two, positive attitude, gold star(gestures to the rest) no star.
Charlie: ohhh the feet on the losties go step, step, step. step, step, step. step, step, step. ohhh the feet on the losties go step, step, step all day long.
Selena: too positive.
Claire: I liked it.
Charlie: I love you.
Claire: me too, but about you.
At the taiko drumming…
Teacher: Sawyer, too stiff.
Charlie: (smirks)
Teacher: midget man…
Charlie: (gestures to himself, she nods)
Teacher: perfect, everyone look how relaxed the midget is, letting the rhythm flow through him, which causes a shiver which brings a flick. Very good.
Sawyer: (smirks)
Charlie: shut your mouth!
Teacher: No talking!
Claire: I've got a headache…
Charlie: (low but understandable voice) it's the drums. Come on I'll take you outside for a moment or two, quickly though.
Claire: thanks Charlie.
Charlie: (does a desperate grunt.)
Later that night…
Claire: good night world.
Charlie: good night world.
Sawyer: good night world.
Rousseau: good night world.
Sayid: good night world.
Kate: good night world.
Selena: (snores)
Next morning 11 AM…
Selena: UP, UP, UP, UP, UP! GET UUPPPP!
(Everyone gets dressed and gets in the elevator, has breakfast and waits at the gates)
Selena: sushi time!
At the sushi place…
Claire: I don't like sushi.
Charlie: here, I've got some…
Claire: Pickle-nut-butter?
Charlie: in the cooler I hid behind the closet door
Claire: love you.
Charlie: me too, but about you.
Chef: knife, fish chopping board and… stylish headband in box by sink.
Sawyer: something smells fishy… (goes in the closet and discovers there are drugs, and skeletons and illegal items) huh guess it was the sushi after all.
Chef: chop slices… good, now prepare to eat like this… well done, now eat. Now do that all again without me…..well done. Session over… leave.
At Karate…
Sawyer: I'm tired.
Selena: too bad! Take part and I'll give you almost anything.
Sawyer: SUSHI!
Selena: OK, easy enough. After this I will get you sushi.
Sawyer: ha, ho, kick, punch, ha.
Charlie: kick, kick, punch, reset, kick, kick, punch!
Kate: ha ho heee-YA!
Instructor: excellent Kate, best I've ever seen! You will fight me now!
Kate: ha
Instructor: ho
Kate: HHEEEEEEEEEEEE
Instructor: YA!
(Kate wins)
Instructor: Excellent Kate - I see future for you in the arts.
Kate: thank you(bows)
On the plane…
Sawyer: OK so it's agreed?
Charlie: yep!
Charlie and Sawyer: NO farting, deal.
Claire: bubbles are blown up. Quick, get in them, remember when we land they will pop and you will fall slowly but painlessly out. OK, let's GO, GO, GO!
Sawyer: AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Rousseau: ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone else: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Charlie: ouch! Yeah, painlessly my bum.
Desmond: !
Charlie: erm Desmond?
Desmond: So… when's the next trip?
A/n: Hi, with wickedgal08s permission I have borrowed Carletta from the hilarious circle of trust, this chapter is a bit mashed up but I worked really hard on it, so don't judge too harshly please, I'm only ten but I can take some judgment, just cut down on the insults please. Thank U.
