Lost abroad

Today the losties are going to… Tokyo. At this moment Selena is tied to a palm tree with an apple in her mouth, while the Lost people are dancing insanely breaking the canopies.

Voice: HEEEEEELLLLLPPP!

Charlie: (pulls bamboo and palm frond off the front of a tent) Who's there?

Voice: me

Charlie: me who?

Voice: Sayid

Charlie: no, you're supposed to say me Sayid

Sayid: shut up!

Charlie: it's be quiet on the island. Why were you in there?

Sayid: Sawyer was still a bit upset that I hurt him with bamboo.

Charlie: accidently whacked him on the head?

Sayid: nope

Charlie: purposely whacked him on the head?

Sayid: double nope

Charlie: then, what?

Sayid: I shoved it up his nails when he was tied to a tree.

Charlie: ouch.

Sayid: yeah

Random cleaner: ok Locke we've finished cleaning the wreckage and we're getting a new plane made now.

Locke: thanks

Random cleaner: don't mention it

Locke: no really I…

Random cleaner: ever

Selena: chrli hlp

Charlie: what? Hang on (pulls apple out of Selena's mouth)

Selena: I said Charlie help! Untie me!

Charlie: maybe I don't want to.

Selena: (growls)

Charlie: Ok! Ok!

Selena: this is gonna get worse before it gets better.

Boone: whooo let's go!

Selena: oh I forgot, the following people aren't coming: rose, Bernard, Sun, Jin Boone, Shannon, Goodwin, Frogurt, Ana, Alex, Desmond, Hurley and anyone else we don't include .

Everyone else: …whooo!

Rousseau: was my name on that list?

Selena: no

Rousseau: s**t

At the airport…

Sawyer: we've been here an hour and a half!

Announcer: please report…

Charlie: sawyer, listen to this loud song!

Sawyer: sure.

Announcer: …departure lounges 2 and 3

Charlie: let me guess, lets go for three?

Selena: yep.

Claire: GRRRR

Sawyer: (shouts) HEY CHARLIE, THIS SONG IS GREAT!

Charlie: youcan take the earphones out now.

Sawyer: WHAT?

Charlie: take them off!

Sawyer: WHAAATT?

Charlie: (rips earphones out)

Sawyer: ow!

In departure lounge 3…

Rousseau: (pointing her gun at Selena) I'm bored, I want to go capture, then torture someone.

Sayid: tortured by a girl (sniff)

Selena: dudette, chill!

Rousseau: no!

Selena: (rolling up imaginary sleeves)you wanna fight? I'll give you a fight come on then, put 'em up, put 'em up. I'm wearing you down!

Rousseau: (holding Selena's head) yeah, I'm exhausted (lets her go)

Charlie: huh, LOL

Kate: I'm bored without Ana, I wanna compare how many times we've kissed Sawyer… then fight… then win….hopefully.

Ana's voice in Kate's deranged mind: I'd win...I think…I don't know, I've gotta shoot someone. (hears a gunshot, a scream then a "get your fat ass back here Hurley" and finally a "DUDE")

Kate: hm, well I'm thirsty.

Claire: me too

Kate: too bad, Claire!

Selena: well (clears throat, dusts self off) that's enough strength for one day

Rousseau: ha ha ha, I think that's the first time I have laughed in ages.

Sawyer: I'MMMMMMMMM BORRRRRRRREEEEEDDDDDD!

Charlie: SHUT THE F*** UP SAWYER YOU B*******! (pants)

Sawyer: well some one's an angry munchkin aren't they?

Charlie: (stands face to… neck with Sawyer)

Sawyer: feeling small?

Jack: (in an alpha male accent). I ain't said nothing so far so I'm goings to say one thing…!

Carletta: (walks by in departure lounge 2 and looks and sees the losties) (hair stands on ends) ! (Pants) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Losties: hi Carletta, hello, what you doin' 'ere? etc.

Claire: go away!

Carletta: (faints)

Losties: oh dear… oh well.

Announcer: Tokyo is boarding now.

Sawyer: I can't be arsed to react to that so, ya know, lets go.

On the plane…

Rousseau: (tied up)I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, you I hate… You get the picture…

Selena: whoop whop, whop, whop, whop, whop.

Rousseau: whoop, whoop what?

Selena: dunno.

Rousseau: … and they call me the insane one

Charlie: come on dude just pull my finger. I swear I'm not gonna do anything

Claire: No Charlie… not again please!

Sawyer: no dude, we've been through, this you'll fart again and it smells like sausage casserole (tears up)… and we gotta wait another hour for the plane to land with that smell.

Charlie: embrace the pong sawyer, EMBRACE THE PONG.

Sawyer: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! No, no, no, no, no, nacho, no!

Kate: must… run… for… no…reason!

Charlie: run then. (to self) pfft… Tourists

Kate: (undoes her seatbelt and does god knows how many lengths of the plane) I'm doing… a good job…bye again.

Rousseau: Sayid.

Sayid: ahhhhhh…(clears throat) I-er I mean what?

Rousseau: I dunno, I just like it when I scare you

Sayid: yeah very funny

Rousseau: what

Sayid: nothing dear

Rousseau: dear? Are you OK?

Sayid: I may be having some sort of seizure.

Rousseau: oh… bye!

Sayid: b-b-bye(dies, then comes back to life)I'm alive!

Charlie: I can smell thatand it stinks

Claire: sawyer!

Sawyer: sorry… You did it!

Charlie: bitch

Sawyer: jerk

Charlie: shut up!

Sawyer: bitch

Charlie: jerk

Half an hour later…

Charlie: always look on the bright side of life!

Everyone else: (whistles the tune)

Selena: THIS IS NOT A PANTOMINE, WE ARE NOT CHILDREN!

Sawyer: oh my god I can't believe it, I never been this far away from…

Selena: SHUT UPPPPP!

Sawyer: (sniffs) you wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target, yeah you're right I talk and sing and flirt too much, I also listen too much. I could be a cold hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. So you think what you want about me, I'm not changing, I like me my friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article, what you see is what you get.

Selena: (hangs head and tears up)

Kate: (runs by) hehe movie… (comes back) references.

Charlie: Sawyer, I'm not sure even half of that was true and...

Sawyer: shhh its working.

Claire: pfft.

(25 Minutes later)

Pilot: we will shortly be landing so please sit down and fasten your seatbelts please.

Kate: ohhhwwww!

Jack: I'm rarely included so… you wanna hurt me...?

Sawyer: yeah I've already done one of those

Jack: damn it! Ok, ok I got one, I got one. Te amo, te amo, Kate says to me, I hear the joy in her voice Then we danced underneath the candelabra, she takes the lead. That's when I saw it in her eyes, it's NOT over. Then she said "Te amo "Then she put her hand around my waist I told her go, she cried "Te amo "I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go My soul is awry, without asking why I said, "Te amo, wish somebody'd tell me what she said "Don't it mean…(Gestures to Kate)

Kate: No jack j-just no!

Selena: NOT A PANTOMINE!

Claire: LOL!

Kate: I'm restless (kicks chair in front of her)

Sawyer: yeah I quite literally feel your pain.

Charlie: My ears are popping!

Sawyer: I'm going through worse, I now know how the floor feels from the wrath of Kate's feet.

Selena: We're heeerrrreeee!

Kate: finally! (Unfastens seatbelt and runs to the door, kicks it open and runs out)

Selena: no Kate wait! Oh, there she goes.

Kate: (falls flat on face but stands up unharmed and then runs after plane, then when she reaches it, she runs in circles) !

Sawyer: I think she ruptured my appendix… and dislocated my spine slightly to the left.

Charlie: LMFAO oh sorry that's cool guy talk sawyer, it means laughing my fu***** ass off

Sawyer: I know what it means!

Charlie: well someone's an angry conman aren't they?

Sawyer: pfffft!

Charlie: pfffft!

At the hotel…

Selena: I wasn't left behind! Yay! OK erm girls in room 67 floor 8 and boys in…

Jack: we're men

Selena: boys in room 18 floor 2

Claire: GRRRRR… again!

Charlie: Claire, guess what, I've got 2800 yens. Let's buy our own room together, PLEEEAASSEEE!

Claire: I would love to. BTW yens hehe lol

Charlie: what?

Claire: nothing.

Charlie: …OK

Claire: (smirks)

Charlie: what?

Claire: nothing!

In room 57 floor 7 (Charlie and Claire's room…)

Claire: I've always dreamed of going on holiday with that special someone.

Charlie: who's that then?

Claire: it's you Charlie

Charlie: oh, thanks and erm, me too

Claire: what shall I cook for dinner?

Charlie: there's a buffet, you don't have to cook. Are you OK?

Claire: (Claire tears up) best holiday ever.

Room 22…

Sawyer: It's mine!

Jack: no it ain't its mine ain't it!

Sayid: I shall have to take the dollar in a minute you two.

Sawyer: I hate sharing a room with the pansy that defeated me with a plant.

Sayid: memories, sweet memories.

Selena: (knocks on the door) none of you are in your underwear are you?

Sawyer: do you want us to be?

Selena: NOT the answer!

Sayid: no we're fully dressed

(selena walks in but holds back)

Selena: alright, who let one loose?

Sawyer: not me…...Okay, it was me.

Selena: change and get into something baggy.

Sawyer: why?

Selena: we're going taiko drumming.

Sawyer: …..I'm sorry, why?

Selena: so we can embrace the Japanese culture. Tomorrow we're doing sushi making and eating, then karate, then we're going back to the island.

Sayid: sounds good!

Room 67 floor 8

Selena: (Selena walks in)get changed into baggy clothes, taiko drumming now blah, blah, blah.

Kate: hello to you too, Selena.

Selena: what?

Kate: I said hello Selena how are you?

Selena: don't get emotional; we're not Spanish!

Kate: (gets changed) let's go!

Selena: whoa that was fast, wait for Rousseau, me and Claire… where's Claire?

Kate: floor 7 room 57.

Selena: ugh!(gets changed and runs to the elevator, goes down a floor and tells Charlie and Claire to get changed and meet them by the hotel gates)

At the gates…

Claire: ready?

Charlie: let's go then

Selena: good you two, positive attitude, gold star(gestures to the rest) no star.

Charlie: ohhh the feet on the losties go step, step, step. step, step, step. step, step, step. ohhh the feet on the losties go step, step, step all day long.

Selena: too positive.

Claire: I liked it.

Charlie: I love you.

Claire: me too, but about you.

At the taiko drumming…

Teacher: Sawyer, too stiff.

Charlie: (smirks)

Teacher: midget man…

Charlie: (gestures to himself, she nods)

Teacher: perfect, everyone look how relaxed the midget is, letting the rhythm flow through him, which causes a shiver which brings a flick. Very good.

Sawyer: (smirks)

Charlie: shut your mouth!

Teacher: No talking!

Claire: I've got a headache…

Charlie: (low but understandable voice) it's the drums. Come on I'll take you outside for a moment or two, quickly though.

Claire: thanks Charlie.

Charlie: (does a desperate grunt.)

Later that night…

Claire: good night world.

Charlie: good night world.

Sawyer: good night world.

Rousseau: good night world.

Sayid: good night world.

Kate: good night world.

Selena: (snores)

Next morning 11 AM…

Selena: UP, UP, UP, UP, UP! GET UUPPPP!

(Everyone gets dressed and gets in the elevator, has breakfast and waits at the gates)

Selena: sushi time!

At the sushi place…

Claire: I don't like sushi.

Charlie: here, I've got some…

Claire: Pickle-nut-butter?

Charlie: in the cooler I hid behind the closet door

Claire: love you.

Charlie: me too, but about you.

Chef: knife, fish chopping board and… stylish headband in box by sink.

Sawyer: something smells fishy… (goes in the closet and discovers there are drugs, and skeletons and illegal items) huh guess it was the sushi after all.

Chef: chop slices… good, now prepare to eat like this… well done, now eat. Now do that all again without me…..well done. Session over… leave.

At Karate…

Sawyer: I'm tired.

Selena: too bad! Take part and I'll give you almost anything.

Sawyer: SUSHI!

Selena: OK, easy enough. After this I will get you sushi.

Sawyer: ha, ho, kick, punch, ha.

Charlie: kick, kick, punch, reset, kick, kick, punch!

Kate: ha ho heee-YA!

Instructor: excellent Kate, best I've ever seen! You will fight me now!

Kate: ha

Instructor: ho

Kate: HHEEEEEEEEEEEE

Instructor: YA!

(Kate wins)

Instructor: Excellent Kate - I see future for you in the arts.

Kate: thank you(bows)

On the plane…

Sawyer: OK so it's agreed?

Charlie: yep!

Charlie and Sawyer: NO farting, deal.

Claire: bubbles are blown up. Quick, get in them, remember when we land they will pop and you will fall slowly but painlessly out. OK, let's GO, GO, GO!

Sawyer: AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Rousseau: ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone else: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Charlie: ouch! Yeah, painlessly my bum.

Desmond: !

Charlie: erm Desmond?

Desmond: So… when's the next trip?

A/n: Hi, with wickedgal08s permission I have borrowed Carletta from the hilarious circle of trust, this chapter is a bit mashed up but I worked really hard on it, so don't judge too harshly please, I'm only ten but I can take some judgment, just cut down on the insults please. Thank U.