A/N: Yes, I know that, given the level of technology possessed by the SGC, this situation is implausible. But the image of Rodney and John stranded alone with a baby when they have so little experience was too funny not to write. So stick your tongue in your cheek and read on.
~Sandy
Two Men and a Baby
Chapter 2
Best Laid Plans
Teyla watched in alarm as the train pulled out of the station with John, Rodney and Torren leaving her standing there holding a stuffed bunny. After a moment's shocked hesitation, she began running after the train easily dodging bystanders, but it was too fast and quickly outdistanced her. She uttered an Athosian curse under her breath and glanced about looking for an employee to assist her.
A man in uniform walked lazily back and forth at the far end of the platform. She hurried in that direction with relief. "The train that just left, you must stop it!"
He snorted. "Why?"
"My son is on board. He is with my friends but they are not skilled in the care of a small child."
"Sorry. Can't help you."
She balled her fists wanting to hit him though she realized in time that it wouldn't help her situation. "Then where is it headed?"
He looked at her disinterestedly. "It's an express. It doesn't stop until the other end of the route."
Keeping her temper with difficulty, she exhaled slowly. "I'm aware of that."
"Just wait for the next one. It'll be along in about fifteen minutes or so."
"I cannot. I have no money with which to purchase another ticket."
"Got a phone? Give 'em a call."
"As we had planned on staying together, we only brought one phone and I have it." She took it out and attempted to call the SGC but the "low battery" icon was flashing. "Apparently they did not adequately charge the device before we left. If I were to walk on the tracks in that direction, what is the name of the station where it will stop?"
"Oh, that'd be Mission Street but don't walk on the tracks. You'll get electrocuted. Take San Jose to Avalon. Take that to Rio Court, go past the hospital to Corona. Go down to Francis, take that to Marsalis and it goes to Mission."
"Thank you." Still clutching her son's toy, she took off running in the direction she'd seen the train headed.
When she was gone, another uniformed man came to stand beside him. "Why'd you do that?"
"Send her on a snipe hunt?" He chuckled. "Nothing ever happens on this job. We gotta make our own fun."
"You are goin' to hell, my friend."
Pulling a hand out of his pocket to check the time, the first man shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'll have plenty of company."
~~O~~
Rodney and John jumped from their seats watching as the train picked up speed and roared out of the station. By the time they'd located the emergency stop they were a good distance away from their starting point.
As they stepped off the train, Rodney hoisted the diaper bag onto his shoulder again. "And whose bright idea was it to get on an express?"
"Mine. Okay, so its five miles back to the station." He hitched Torren higher on his hip. "We can walk it easy."
"Can't we just get a cab? Oh! What about one of those street cars? Or we can wait for the next train."
John was shaking his head. "Don't wanna wait. Besides, we'll probably catch up to her coming the other way." He gestured for Rodney to open the diaper bag and reached inside to take out the baby carrier. Handing Torren to his friend, he slipped the straps over his shoulders like a backwards backpack adjusting it around his waist. Rodney lifted the boy high and lowered him into the contraption facing forward, buckling the straps and making sure he was secure. "Come on."
"Which way?"
Spinning in a circle, John pointed back the way they'd come.
When they stepped out into the sunshine again, Rodney glanced at the boy and saw him blinking in the brightness. Checking the pockets of the bag he finally located a bottle of sunscreen, a hat and a pair of sunglasses small enough for a baby. He poked John on the arm. "Sit."
"Thought you were in a hurry."
"I am but he, you know, doesn't have sunscreen or anything on. He'll get sunburned."
John sat down on a bench while Rodney rubbed the white cream over Torren's face, ears, neck and the upper part of his chest. John did his arms and legs making sure to go up under the edges of the short sleeved shirt, shorts and socks. Rodney stuck the hat on his head, slipping the elastic strap under his chin then put the glasses on his face. "There. Ready to go."
John didn't get up. "Rodney, how long has it been since he was last changed?"
"Uh, I don't know. You did it."
Glancing at his watch, John chewed the inside of his cheek. "Two hours."
"Think he needs it again?" At John's shrug, Rodney sighed. "We should check."
"Yeah." John waited. "Um, go ahead."
"Me? Why not you?"
"Because…" John told him with a layer of scorn, "…as you so kindly pointed out, I did it last time. It's your turn."
"But…Oh, alright." Turning his head and steeling himself for the worst, Rodney slid a finger up under the edge of the boy's shorts and into the diaper. With a big sigh of relief, he reached into the bag and took out the hand sanitizer. "He's dry."
"Great let's get…"
"What an adorable baby!"
The two men turned toward the voice and were faced with a group of six women between the ages of sixty-five and eighty, all smiling at them with daft expressions as John smiled and nodded. "Thank you, ladies. His name's Torren John."
The women cooed and fussed over Torren as if he was their own grandchild and the boy bore their attention with giggles and other happy sounds, grabbing their hands and screeching loudly. He sneezed looking surprised at the sound and the women laughed too.
Eventually they began to drift away. The last one, the oldest of the group, gave Rodney and John a radiant smile. "It so wonderful that you've adopted a child together. I'm sure your son will be very proud of you when he grows up." With a nod of her head, she caught up with her friends.
Watching them walk away, Rodney's forehead creased in confusion. "Um, did she just say…"
"Yeah."
They looked at each other and away, setting off again on their journey, automatically falling into step. They'd gone about four blocks when Rodney asked, "We brought a phone, right?"
"Yeah."
After a few more steps, the physicist, said, "Teyla has it, doesn't she?'
"Yeah."
Another pause then, "Don't know the number, do you?"
"No."
And that was the last thing they said to each other for at least an hour.
~~O~~
Teyla trotted along at a light jog, the fuzzy ears of the bunny bouncing against the small amount of her midriff showing below her sleeveless top from where she'd tucked it into the waistband of her pants. She came stumbling to a halt when a man wearing an all-white suit and a top hat, stepped into her path. He carried a white cane in one hand and a perfect white rose in the other.
"What…"
The man bowed. "Lovely lady, if you'll permit me." He handed her the rose and she took it automatically. "I couldn't help noticing that you seemed to be lost."
Giving him a smile, she nodded. "Yes. "
He removed his top hat and bowed. "My name is Ellery Murdock Wainwright IV. At your service." Replacing the hat, he extended his hand. When she put her smaller hand in his larger one, he brought it to his lips and kissed the knuckles. She'd seen the gesture in movies and television shows, but this was her first personal experience so she just smiled uncomfortably. He watched her with curiosity. "This is where you tell me your name."
"Teyla Emmagan."
He saw her blocking the sun with one hand while trying to see his face so he sat down on the nearest bench bringing their heads almost to the same height. And she appreciated the effort. "This is your first time in San Francisco?"
"Yes. I, my son and my friends were sightseeing when we became separated. I have to get to the Mission station." Her eyes darted around nervously. "I must go. They will be looking for me."
"That explains the stuffed rabbit." Ellery stood up again, gesturing for her to go ahead of him then fell into step with her. "I will accompany you and be your protector during your journey of discovery."
Teyla almost laughed at the man's way of speaking as well as the thought that she wouldn't be able to protect herself, but didn't. "Mr. Wainwright…"
"Please, call me Ellery."
"What is your…function in this place?" The displaced Pegasus native nodded at his clothing. "I have noticed that no others are dressed as you are."
He'd clasped his hands behind his back holding the cane as he walked, careful to keep a respectable distance between them. "Ah, that's because, in addition to being the protector of the fairer sex and their younglings, I am the King of San Francisco and must maintain my image."
"I was not aware that cities in your country had kings and queens." Teyla was puzzled when he laughed heartily.
"My dear Ms. Emmagan, this particular venue has many, many queens. But there is only one king."
While she puzzled that out, he led her through a small park. It was filled with animals that barked and ran around chasing each other and flying discs that Ellery had told her were called Frisbees. One landed at her feet and she picked it up looking to her companion for assistance. He mimed how to throw it and she did, smiling in delight when it sailed through the air and a medium-sized dog leapt into the air to catch it.
They emerged out the other side of the park and started down the sidewalk that led them past storefronts advertising a variety of items, most of which she'd never heard of before. As they stepped off the curb to cross at an alleyway, two men stepped into their path. One produced a knife and stuck it in Teyla's face.
"Gimme your money or I'll cut her!"
TBC
