Now it's her turn. I write a chapter and she writes one. So it's back and forth!
And dragged away she was, lifted onto the horse like a neon pink sack of potatoes, Lizzy's mind lost in a dream realm between blissful fantasy and lackluster reality, eventually the clopping of hooves waking her from her pain induced slumber.
When the blonde opened her eyes, the first thing she could see was the white hide of the great stallion, the beasts feet pounding at the gravel as the roads turned from dirt to something more expensive like imported stone.
Tilting her head, Lizzy peers up at the knight, tempted to shove Sir Douchebag off and laugh as his stallion plowed on without him. Unfortunately, with an ache in her face, she wasn't feeling quite herself.
'After the mundane mailman realized that she had gotten her ass kicked in under three seconds, she believed it would be best to sit back and wait until the knights brought her to the luxurious castle belonging to the fair and glorious Princess Kenny.' The voice narrates, there one moment before disappearing with the breeze.
"Is this going to be an everyday thing?" Lizzy sneers in annoyance, glaring at the ground, not wanting to hear the eerie voice, especially not one that was condescending and rude.
"No, courier," the knight says after a moment, answering her question, "I do not plan on punching you in the face as a daily occurrence. I'd apologize, but the princess stated that you are not one who listens much to reason."
"So you think I'd listen if you punched me in the fucking face?" She scowls in anger, "What kind of shit logic is that, Douchebag?"
"You're here, aren't you?" He says with a shrug as the group slows as the large metal gates of the princess' castle open up, the knight bringing his horse to halt outside the palace gates and shoving Lizzy off with one quick push.
"Fuck! Ow!" She growls, landing on her side, holding it in pain before standing up, about to go apeshit on the knight, but they had already left back out the gates they had come in from. Probably off to assault other poor civilian elven folk. "Yeah, you better leave you tacky armor wearing bastard!"
Sitting up, the smiling face of a man glances down at her, causing her to wearily scoot away. He was short and rounded in the middle, childlike in demeanor.
'It was at this moment Lizzy would learn that Bradley, the royal servant of the Princess, as well as the main merchant of both berries and mint, would lead the pink clad woman to her future destiny—'
"Welcome, royal mail carrier, we have been waiting for your arrival!" He cheers, helping her up.
"Bradley?" She growls in confusion, seeing recognition in the man's eyes. "Fucking ace, I'm so drunk I'm like, a psychic now. Don't fucking touch me, cocklicker. I can get up myself." She slaps his hand away, brushing dirt from her parka, fixing her bag.
The man hesitates before ushering her into the castle, "You will soon be in the princess' presence, and so as a royal servant, I suggest that you change your outfit into something more presentable."
"Touch the parka and I'll cut your hand off," She snaps, shoving forward on her own, "Where's that tranny princess, I'm going to give 'em a piece of my damn mind, those knights are going to regret treating me like a pile of shit!"
Bradley yelps as she bolts forward, "Wait! The Grand Wizard is with the Princess for a war meeting! You can't go in!"
She laughs nastily, "Fuck that! The princess wanted me, I'm going to—"
Bradley's hands latch onto her parka, and soon the two are fighting and scrambling, trying to stop the other. Eventually, Lizzy uses the man's weight to her advantage and throws him into the door of the princess' room, the large mahogany doors slamming open as she laughs.
"Fatass, watch where you're going," She sneers, stepping over him as she walks into the room of men standing around the table, maps and charts put out on display.
At the head of the table stood a man in colour garbs, a tall wizards hat and staff in hand.
'The Grand Wizard Cartman…'
And beside him was a man wearing an orange parka over a purple dress, feeling masculine today, Kenny was free of his long mane of hair, preferring his shorter natural blond locks.
Everyone stops to look at the woman covered in dirt and dust.
'Her outfit had always been an eyesore and was often commented to be a replica of the princess' very own parka…'
"Hell no, I wore it first," she hisses under her breath, raising a hand into the air, "Kenny—"
'That's not how you address royalty.' the voice growls
"Royalty can kiss my ass," she rolls her eyes, "Tranny Princess, why am I here?"
The wizard Cartman scowls as he looks at Kenny, "This blonde bimbo is the royal courier? She's an idiot!"
"What did you just say?" She gawks, balling her fist.
Kenny peers at the woman, "Lizzy, right? The replacement for the mail falcon. Man oh man, do I have a royal task for you."
"Not happening," She barks out, "What we can talk about is how your knights cornered me, knocked me out with a punch, and then dragged my ass here!"
He smiles, "They're getting very good at their jobs. I should offer them a raise…"
"That's not what I—" she starts, before getting cut off.
"Lizzy, as of late the council and I have decided that it is time to find a man for this princess and extend the royal family." Kenny says seriously, "So you, as the glorified delivery woman of South Park, have been tasked with the mission of venturing out of the walls to find me the perfect man."
'The woman stood speechless, never once had she imagined that a lowly, unimportant person as herself would be beseeched such an honor such as selecting the future king of South Park.'
"That's not what I'm thinking at all, shut the fuck up!" She screws up her face, pointing at the princess, "You want me to do what? Find you a man? Do I look like a dating expert on wheels?! I deliver mail, not males! Find someone else!"
Gasps of shock pour out around the room as people look at the princess in shock at a peasant speaking in such a way to the honorable princess.
Kenny pauses a moment before buckling over in laughter at the comment, wiping away tears.
"What the fuck is wrong with this chick? We should totally just exile her and let me pick," Cartman scowls, glaring at the woman.
Kenny shakes his head, "Nah, this is great. She's got a sense of humor. Plus, I need someone who can weed off the weak and undesirable. If they can't put up with her, then they failed my first test." He gives a lopsided grin before looking at Lizzy, "As the princess, you are being given a royal order to scout the neighboring kingdoms in search of princes, noblemen, or any highly regarded hero's to present to me for marriage. I'd very much like princes. You will be given three months for this task, to which I expect you to return with a suitable partner. If you succeed, you will be paid in riches. If you fail…" his eyes narrow, the room suddenly become heavy with tension.
Lizzy finds herself taking a nervous step back, before Kenny smiles again, all heaviness in the room gone.
"Don't." The princess chuckles, "Knowing you won't fail, I wish you the best of luck." he nods at Bradley, "You can take her to the main chambers to gather her things as well as meet the others."
Bradley stands up, bowing his head, "Yes, your highness."
"Others?" Lizzy yelps as she's dragged out of the room, following after the pudgy blond.
'Lizzy would soon be introduced to three men hand selected by the princess. Men of valor, ambition, and determination. There, the woman would be able to pick her sole companion for the trip.'
"Wait, I get to pick a jackass to come with me? Like, a slave?" she beams, eyes widened in glee.
'More like a babysitter to make sure you do your job.'
"Oh fuck me."
"No thank you." Bradley says curtly.
The ominous voice breaks into laughter and Lizzy can only throw her hood on as anger and embarrassment burn on her face.
