Karkat really did pity Dave, on so many levels. It had been the beginning of the end when he started to feel like Dave was more than just a one-dimensional asshole on the other end of a screen. Once he'd learned more about the asshole's life, pity had started to take its place beside irritation and grudging respect. That had just opened the floodgates to all these MOTHERFUCKING FEELINGS that kept coming up at the most odd and inappropriate of times.
Like now. John was probably no more than five minutes out, if that, and all he wanted to do was go over there and wipe the smirk off of Dave's face. With his mouth. Before marking up the human's pale vulnerable neck with his teeth, making a statement that John couldn't ignore.
See there. That? Inappropriate.
If Dave was pathetic, he was worse.
Instead he just shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, going over to plop down on the couch beside Dave.
A pale hand came over to grasp his grey one, and he squeezed, allowing the contact. It was hard, because being with Dave was easy, now. Well, not all the time - he still got angry of course - but he knew Dave's rhythms, and Dave knew him. Most of the time if they set each other off it was intentional. Safe, in its own special fucked-up way.
"I wish the mayor could be here for this," he said.
Dave brightened. "Yeah, dude, That'd be awesome. I bet John would love to meet the mayor, he's just amazing. Too bad - well."
It really wasn't too bad that the mayor couldn't go to college with them. He was probably at home in the basement working on can town. Going to college would mean having to leave a familiar space, leave the safety of Dolarosa's house, and that would probably have had some very bad results. He didn't even like to go grocery shopping for more cans. That was ok though. In his own special way the mayor was brilliant, and it didn't matter that the rest of the world wouldn't ever have a clue.
He squeezed Dave's hand again, thankful that the human got it. Well, more than anyone else at least. Karkat liked to think of himself as being closer to the mayor than anyone else, but it didn't really matter.
Dave had pulled out his phone with his other hand and was mashing at the screen impatiently. Karkat could feel the little tremors in the other's hand. It made him feel caught between annoyance and worry and pity, and none of those were emotions he wanted to examine too damn closely. He wished the mayor was here. He could tell the mayor anything. That dude was great at keeping secrets. Dude. Fuck. Dave was rubbing off on him.
All of a sudden there was a knock at the door, and Dave's hand was gone. Well it only made sense, seeing as that he'd jumped up and was turning around looking at the door. Magically waiting for it to open or some shit. Karkat got up as well, staring at the same spot on the door and feeling stupid as shit because when someone knocked on the door you answered it you didn't just expect it to open on its own.
Except, of course, if the person on the other side finally figured out they had a fucking key of their own and opened the door.
And there was the John human, all grown up. "Hi guys!" he said.
"Wow," Dave whispered under his breath. Karkat could feel his hand kinda fluttering next to his arm, like he wanted to take hold. He wouldn't, though. Dave wanted to play it cool. Dave wanted to act like the fucking coolkid he thought he'd been when he was still thirteen. Dave was going to fail hardcore, probably, which sent layers of pity and affection and annoyance through Karkat's bloodpusher. "Wow, he's here."
And he definitely was. Shorter than Dave by a couple inches, though still taller than Karkat himself. Dusky skin, blue eyes that shouldn't exist in reality behind nerdy glasses that pinged a thought Karkat immediately filed away for later. Right next to the thought about how different John's skin was from Dave's, and the thought about how it looked like John was pretty muscular for a nerd, and how John's fingers were long and slender. Right. John played piano. John had been working in construction over the summer. He knew all these things, he just hadn't expected what they'd mean.
"Hey, John," Karkat said, raising up a hand and waving. Dave was still freaking out mumbling to himself and so he elbowed the human, hissing, "Say hi, you rude fuck."
"Oh, yeah," Dave muttered, then spoke up. "Hey John, what's up man."
"I'm actually here! That's so awesome," John said, stepping inside finally and shutting the door after dropping his luggage to the side. Then he was over behind the futon, sharing a fist bump with Dave like they'd never left each other's side.
"So Karkat," he said, still looking at Dave.
"What?"
"Don't leave me hanging here."
"What?!"
"Fistbump!"
"What? But you just -" Karkat said, looking down at the fist that John had just raised up.
"Sheesh, Karkat, get with the program man," Dave said, grabbing Karkat's wrist and bumping his fist against John's.
"Right, whatever," Karkat murmured, feeling lost at sea as John and Dave shared a laugh about it while John came around to sit next to Dave on the futon and they started chatting up a storm. Karkat sat down too. He felt this weird sense of deja vu, like he was just observing their friendship from afar, like all the times they'd chatted it up online. They didn't need him.
Then Dave looked over, his hand brushing against Karkat's leg. "Come on man, you're being awfully quiet over there."
"Yeah, I didn't know you were a functional mute," John said.
"Fuck man! Ableist much? Way to be a fucking asshole!" Karkat yelled back.
He stared dumbfounded as John collapsed into laughter, looking at him warm gaze, like he was overwhelmingly happy to see him. Not just Dave, him.
"That's what I'm talking about," John finally said. "There you are."
Karkat caught himself wanting to smile back.
"So what are your rants like in person? Are they as awesome as they are online? Man I remember when you used to troll me all day, and it was funny as hell."
And the smile was gone. "Ok, fuck you, fuckbert!" Karkat said. "I'll have you know I'm not going to spend all fucking day yelling up a storm just because you get your fucking rocks off to verbal violence you bulgeswilling freak! I'm a more mature person than that, so fuck you! You fucking fuckwad!" Shit. All that anger and John was just laughing up a storm again, and even Dave was cracking a smile. Fuuuuuuck.
And then Dave's smile wasn't just the human internally laughing at him, it was directed to him, and Karkat was pulled in all the right places inside. Had he been afraid that Dave would give him up once John was here? That he'd be left alone? Yeah probably. He'd admit that if the mayor asked, he supposed, even though the mayor knew fuckall about human fucking friendship emotions. And it was a stupid fucking fear anyway.
"As amusing as an afternoon of this would be," Dave said, "Maybe we could concentrate on catching up?"
"Yeah, ok," Karkat said.
"Wow, you agree with him pretty fast," John said. It felt like another attempt at a dig, but this one just glanced off.
Karkat just shrugged. "It is pretty cool to meet you." And it was, even if Egbert was turning out to have moments of Grade-A Douchiness. That wasn't news after all, but everyone had their moments. And he really didn't want to go down the road of hatemance any further in his mind, because he knew that would just lead to abject disappointment. "But yeah, I'm glad you're getting to room with us, and we'll be able to hang out more than we used to a while ago. And it'll be more than just angry dudes fighting our way through an imaginary world. Also you don't have to worry because I'm completely over -"
And fuck, there went his mouth again, racing ahead through stupidsville without permission.
"Over what?" John said.
"You know, that time when we were arguing, and I might've almost hit on you, in a totally non-flushed hatefilled way, and-"
And there, it just keeps on coming. It's like an all you can eat buffet, except that the buffet is of utter embarrassment. Embarrassment that he's doing to himself. Fuck.
"Dude," Dave said, probably freaking out about watching this trainwreck happen in person. Had he ever told the human about that little slip up with John? Shit. Fuck. Over all those conversations they'd had about John coming here? Fuck probably not.
"And you know that was a stupid teenage crush - moment - not even a moment - just fucking stupid and anyways I'm completely over it so - it's fine."
Fuck.
And now they were both staring at him like he was an alien being. Which he was. Technically. And if his blood color hadn't been obvious before it was now, because he was pretty sure he was blushing up a storm.
"Do you remember that?" Karkat asked, feeling himself dig even just a little deeper, but desperate for someone to say something.
"Uh," John said, "maybe? That was a long time ago, and I didn't really get the whole troll romance thing, plus we said a lot of stupid shit in those conversations that I didn't take seriously. I mean, it was all fun and games, right?"
"Oh. Ok. Uh, well, obviously it wasn't a big deal to you, not like it was - fuck. But that doesn't matter, because I'm obviously over it, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that."
"Oh, Ok," John said.
"Yeah dude, we can tell," Dave said. Karkat looked at the blond and swore he was mouthing the words 'shut up' at him, probably in capital letters, and the more Karkat thought about it the more he figured it was probably good advice. Fuck. Unfortunately, his mouth somewhat failed to get the memo.
"Yeah, well, we're all reminiscing here, aren't we? So I was just bringing up a memory, and letting John know I was just cool about it!"
"Karkat, man," Dave said, "Yeah, we're reminiscing but shit. You pull that out of your toolbox on the first round? That's the first thing you want to share with him?"
"I just wanted -"
"Wait," John said. "Wait, I think I kinda remember. Some sort of hate flirt, right? And you were pretty blunt about it, but I didn't really know what was going on, so I told you I wasn't a homosexual and I didn't really even get at the time that you were a troll -"
"Yeah! See that, exactly. That's the issue at hand, except it's not an issue. everything is non-issue, and we're all cool."
"Yeah, motherfucking peachy, man," Dave muttered.
Except, it wasn't cool. Or peachy. The look Dave shot him was full of reasons why things weren't cool, even muted behind those stupid shades. The shades that John had bought him when they were kids and he never stopped wearing except under very special circumstances and sleep. All of a sudden Karkat felt like a selfish prick.
"Except, and I mean," Dave said, "not that I'm one to talk about people expressing their feelings way too much, or like, being honest, but I got to wonder if maybe the fact that the first thing you had to say to him is that you're so over all these fucking black feeling with John - well, second, excuse me, the first was all up and yelling in his face - then maybe some of those feelings are unexplored? Maybe we should, I don't know, jam about it? Talk it out? Get to the bottom of the deep, dark, Karkat hate buck-"
"Shut your filthy mouth!" Karkat said. He found himself on his knees suddenly, hand over Dave's lips. There was pure heat in Dave's eyes now, and in other places too. Dave was a fucking idiot. What the fuck was he thinking. He knew how to press all the buttons, the greedy wanting-to-fill-every-quadrant motherfucker and John was right there. Right fucking there next to them on the couch.
For a moment Karkat's mind snapped, and he imagined just giving into it. Inviting John to a little hatefuck festivities. Why not, it was already perverted enough all the things he and Dave got into, what with quadrant flipping faster than a fucking roulette wheel sometimes. Why not invite another human into the mix, when they both wanted him.
He felt Dave's lips pull back and teeth press against his palm, biting down at his skin. He could see the situation playing out before him, and it was good, so motherfucking good, the best of all fantasies that he wouldn't ever share with anyone else -
But when he looked over at John, all he felt was pity for the uncertainty in his eyes.
That killed it. He fell back against the arm of the futon, curling up on himself and glaring at Dave. The glare was returned.
"Hey, uh, I think you're making Karkat a little uncomfortable there, Dave," John finally said.
"No shit sherlock," Karkat muttered.
"No way man," Dave said, reaching over and punching Karkat in the shin. "That would be so uncool. I just think it's good for a person to be open and honest about their feelings, right?"
Fucking asshole.
"I mean," the asshole continued, "Clearly you had these spady feelings for John, at least at one point - but I don't remember you ever bringing it up. Is this something you've been chewin on for the past few years, or -"
"Fuck no!"
"Well, it just seems like something you should know you can talk to me about. I mean, we talk about all these other feelins," Dave continued, looking over at John. "I mean, Karkat's been like my best bro since - well, I mean. You were my best bro for thirteen years here, and if you'd asked me Karkat, I coulda told you that there's no way that John could ever hate anyone. Sorry man. Total dead end, no can do on the U.S.S. Hatemance. Battleship sunk before it got out of port."
Karkat was watching John's face as Dave said that, and he wondered for a moment. He'd thought that the dork would have an easy face to read, but there was something there. Maybe he was just annoyed that Dave had brought up the fact that they hadn't spoken much the past few years. There were good reasons for that, but still. Weird.
"I know that," Karkat said. "John, I want to make it clear that I am not in hate with you. Ok?"
"No problem," John said. "And by the way Dave, I mean, I know it's been a few years and whatever, but - I mean I do get angry at people sometimes. Maybe hate is extreme, and I'm pretty sure it hasn't ever been anything but completely platonic, but -"
"See there, Kitkat? Maybe there's hope for you after all," Dave said.
"Shut up, Dave," Karkat said, punching him in the shoulder.
That just made Dave laugh. It wasn't an angry laugh, though. Somewhere in there, in all those words, the anger had siphoned away.
"No come on, man, it could totally be a thing. Karkat and John, riding off into the sunset on the deck of an oil tanker, sticks of dynamite in each hand ready to light em up and make your own special brand of fireworks when the lights go out -"
"Fuck you Dave. Seriously. We go down we're takin you with us."
"Yeah! Stop trying to put one over on us, Dave. You'd have to join us at the bottom of Karkat's deep, dark, seething - what was that word again?" John said.
"Fuck you John. Don't even go there."
"Man, Rose would probably have a lot to say about you using the word fuck so much," Dave said.
That sends a collective chill through all three of them, and suddenly Karkat was deeply, seriously, thankfully glad that Rose had been nowhere near them for this fucked up reunion conversation.
"By the way, John," Dave said after a moment, "I mean, I get you come from a kinda sheltered background and all, but - uh - about the whole 'I'm not a homosexual' thing - don't you think that's a little dated?"
